Whose constant care was to assuage
Internal woes and hostile rage,

And such as none throughout the realm
Was found so fit to guide the helm.
Within this empire (fate decreed)
There liv'd a discontented breed,
Who from the first their lives had pass'd
In looking for this Premier's last,
When haply did they hope to gain
The chief direction of the plain;
For long they nurs'd a secret cause,
On which they thought to build applause,
And feast upon the gusts of fame,
That waft abroad an empty name.
Sagacious Apes were they, 'tis true,
And all the tricks and antics knew,
Though wisely never dar'd to scan
The knowledge or the sense of man.
These sages long had form'd a rule
To favour every factious fool,
And raise to honour in the State
Each brute of turbulent debate,
If e'er they might, on future day,
The dazzling helm of power sway.
But chiefly was their honour stak'd
(A thing by monkies so much squeak'd)
To raise the Leopard from disgrace,
If not in royal shoes to place.

With wildest joy this chatt'ring brood
The downfal of their rival view'd,
And, summoning their clan together,
To try the temper of the weather,
They all agreed that place and pension
Might claim a monkey's best attention,
And therefore pass'd a vote, nem. con.
To egg their Sov'reign master on,
To grant them, with their warmest wishes,
Dominion o'er the loaves and fishes.
This settled, to the royal cave
The Apes arriv'd, their boon to crave;
Where sat the monarch of the plain,
Who view'd, amaz'd, the puggish train,

And cried, "Whence come ye, cavaliers,
What now has prick'd so high your ears?
For long it is since you have come
So sprightly to my royal dome."
"Illustrious Sire," (replied an Ape,
Resembling most the human shape;
Of finer stature than the others,
And courtlier, far, than all his brothers)-
"Illustrious Sire, we come to prove
Our patriot zeal and loyal love,
Both to partake your royal grief,
And offer, as we guess, relief;
Your Majesty, 't is true, has lost
A Statesman, to the nation's cost;
Yet let us not too tamely bend,
But rather strive the breach to mend;
For surely there must many be
Within your realms as wise as he,
And, did we court a boastful spirit,
E'en we might hope to claim that merit;
But to exalt ourselves, we own,
Is not the thing before the throne;
Or should Your Highness condescend,
We might, indeed, a point extend,

And boast how well your servants scrape
A catgut, or an elbow shake;

How skilfully we hop a dance,

Or swallow turtle and finance :

And though e'en this might gain your favour,
Our merit boasts a richer flavour;

We

ape mankind in all their measures,

Of graver cast as well as pleasures;
For (nearly as the bestial clan
Can imitate superior man)

We Apes as wise as they can prate,
And fill a council with debate ;
Conduct a war, or expedition,

Or make a peace, with your permission;

In fine, to save more explanation,

We've All the Talents' of your nation."

The Sov'reign heard, and with his head

Gave half-assent to what they said;

Yet thought it better than delay,
To grant them temporary sway,
Conjecturing, that half a score
Might do what one had done before;
But first exacted a condition,

That they should act with due submission,
And never dare attempt to douse

The vanquish'd Leopard from the noose.
This done, o'erjoy'd, the foppish bevy,
(Like modern Frenchmen at a levee,)
With cringing scrapes, and vows, and pranks,
Return'd His Majesty their thanks,

And whipp'd away to seize the plunder,
And fill th' unthinking beasts with wonder.
'T were tedious to retrace the road
This monkey ministry first trod;

"T would swell too much my trifling story,
To sing of all their matchless glory;
Of battles and negotiations;
Of conquests and capitulations;
Of taxes sav'd to subjects' pockets,
Or half a kingdom burnt by rockets;
Of skirmishes, and frigates taken,
Or how they nicely sav'd their bacon,
By turning a whole Senate out,
To bring within a "rabble rout."
But he who dares to soar so high,
Unless on epic wing he fly,
Will find but chaos and confusion,
Uncertainty, and frail delusion:
More humble subjects I embrace,
Nor dare revile the monkey race,
By tacking to my creeping rhyme
A fame so wondrously sublime;
I touch not what concerns their praise,
Or wreathes their puggish pates with bays,
I only sing a fact notorious,

Which none can stain with name of glorious:
The revolution or convulsion,

That caus'd the sapient tribe's expulsion.
You, Apes, yourselves alone must blame,

And not my muse, for want of fame;

FOR

For you alone your places lost,
And kept your pledges to your cost;
Who but yourselves (as authors own,
Both wise Linnæus and Buffon)
Could ever think, like crazy apes,
With Protean fraud to change their shapes,
And hope to shine by double-entendres,
Jackalls at once and leopards' panders?
Oh! had your pledge claim'd less attention,
Your place had still secur'd your pension!
And had you but preserv'd your places,
You had not now prolong'd your faces,
Nor, to complete your sad disasters,
Exasperated both your masters,

By joining, through a want of sense,
A feeble aid with bold defence.

Temple, March 24, 1807.

BLUE AND BUFF; OR, THE INS OUT.
[From the same, April 2.]

COME sportive Muse, with plume satiric,
Describe each lawless, bold empiric,

Who, with the Blue and Buffs sad crew,
Now stripp'd in buff, shall look so blue.
First paint L-d H-w-k, boisterous, rough,
Dealer in wholesale quackery stuff,

Who, far beyond fam'd Katterfelt,
Prescrib'd what ne'er was seen or felt;
Left law and reason in the lurch,

To mould the Senate, twist the Church;
But wandering once from Downing Street,
Great Buckingham's old dome to greet,
With grand Catholiconian pill,
Was lost-on Constitution Hill.

Next W-dh-m, metaphysic elf,
Who all things knows-except himself;
Three tedious hours who raves, and talks
Of all that in his cranium stalks;

B 6

Whose

Whose regular ideas fear

Militia much, more volunteer;
A wild inapplicable genius,
Scarce vers'd in policy's quæ genus ;
In syntax yet more scantly read,
Without one concord in his head.

Now, Muse, direct the shaft of wit,
Where little P-ty apes great Pitt,
This year in woe-begone oration,
To Britons paints a bankrupt nation;
Resources all dilapidate,

Taxation at extrèmest rate;

While next this little, great, small man,
Heigh presto pass! by one bold plan,
Restores you all to peace and plenty;
The deuce is in 't, won't this content you?
With necromantic rod of Moses,

(A twig cut from a bush of roses,)
To ease at once your every fear,
Turns bear to bull, and bull to bear.

Nor miss, dear Muse, to gild my tale,

The gallant E-l of L—d—e;
Who late to Paris post was sent, to
Become the dupe of Benevento;
"Hush'd to soft sleep like Baby Bunting,
While Nap the Great went out a-hunting.".
Or was it, say, thou bonny chiel,
Thy ardent love for Britain's weal,
That led thy steps a peep to take
At thy great territorial stake;
The purchase of thine assignâts,
Thy Corso-gallican contrâts,
At once th' opprobrium and solution

*

Of all thy love for revolution.

The Muse recoils, as something shock'd her,
To charge with harm the harmles; Doctor;

* It is desired that this may not be mistaken for a sapling from the Constitutional hedge; as it is evident that both the fence, and the land it incloses, must have been quite out of sight when the Noble Lord made his purchase.

When