IN vindication of modest merit, I wish to stand forward in defence of a monosyllable that does not seem to be treated with the consideration intrinsically its due. By this you will perceive that I do not mean to have many words with you I confine myself to one, and, without meaning a compliment, I hope it will prove a word to the wise! Perhaps in the whole range of lexicography there is no word of more real significance than the combination of five simple letters which forms itself into the syllable "crack!" Many may be longer, but what can be more sonorous than a crack? The demand for it is universal. It is the sole business of many men's lives to crack jokes; some think it no inconsiderable treat to crack walnuts; the ladies, dear creatures, in all the violent emotions of the mind, whether agitated by love or coquetry, mirth or rage, invariably crack fans; and cudgel-players, with all the good humour imaginable, crack heads!-Candour compels me to hint, that if wives were a little. more susceptible of a crack in their reputations, husbands would not be under such peculiar and frequent obligations to a crack in their wainscots! If a dashing female sport four in hand, she instantly becomes the crack; the members of the Whip Club are the crack; and, in short, we have crack soldiers, crack sailors, crack lawyers, crack physicians, and crack divines; nay, if it might be hazarded with safety, I could venture to produce half a dozen Ministers, high in office, who are more than suspected of being crackbrained!

The relatives of this necessary word are also en.titled to honourable mention. The fleets of our enemies have often acknowledged the superiority of the English

English crackers; and Bonaparte himself, as may be seen by his Spanish Manifestoes, is no contemptible proficient in the language of cracking!

Yours,

BOB BOUNCE.

DIALOGUE BETWEEN WILL AND JACK,

Will.

ON A LATE SIXPENNY PUBLICATION.

HA

[From the Morning Post, August 5.]

AVE you (Jack), Whitbread's pamphlet read?
Jack. Read it! you joke, not I,, indeed!

But I have heard 't is horrid stuff,

Of nonsense full, and sadly dull.

Will. I grant you, Jack, 't is dull enough, Yet still consider that the price

Ought not to make one over-nice:

It is but sixpence, and, in times like these,

Whether of good or bad, much is not to be had,

For such a sum, of print, or bread, or cheese.

Jack. Granted. Still if I purchase cheese and bread,

They quickly set at rest the craving,

And cure the aches, that hunger makes,
Within my rebel stomach and my head,
And I get something worth the having.
But why should you now take such pains,
To recommend this Whitbread's brains?
'T would better be, methinks, by half,
His brains instead, to buy a head,
That holds the brains of sheep or calf.

Will. Such Whitbread's is, by many I've been told.

Jack. 'Tis possible! But is it to be sold?

Will. Of that I cannot accurately know;

But politicians are state physicians,

And, liking fees, it may be so.

Jack. Yet tell me, Will, for I've heard said,

That this same Whitbread is in trade.

Will. You've heard no more than 's true, ay sure!

'Tis Sammy Whitbread, the great brewer.

Jacks

Jack. What, Sam, whose father drove a dray?
I'in quite surpris'd at what you say.
What he, who lives in Chiswell street,
Who is so famous for his porter,
That glorious substitute for water?
Well! I had thought him more discreet.
But what on earth made him endeavour
To write a book? Why, by his look,
At dancing jigs, or combing wigs,

I should have guess'd him quite as clever.
Will. Dear Jack, you 're very right:
He is a bad one at his pen;

And

yet, like many other men,

He was resolv'd to write;
But what is really worst of all,
He's so obscure, one can't be sure,
The which he wishes most to fall,
The bloody Corsican, whose aim
Is to extinguish freedom's flame
Or the brave Spaniards, who delight
For independency to fight;

Who, marshall'd, stand in virtue's sacred cause,
Who nobly arm to save, from an untimely grave,
Their country's rights, their liberties, and laws;
Who scorn a base usurper's frown,

And for their King preserve their crown.

Jack. Well, well, my friend, the secret 's out, There's now no longer room for doubt.

Thus, if I e'er my money spend

On what from this said brewer comes,
It shall not be on offal crumbs
Of borrow'd wit, from Fox or Pitt,
On that you safely may depend.

I thank you kindly for your information,
And ne'er will read a pamphlet or oration

From this said Sam, whose head is always dizzy ;
Perhaps from fumes of wine or brandy,
Or his own beer, which is more handy;
And yet, poor simpleton, he will be busy.
His wit, too, is like muddy ale,
Coarse, heavy, tasteless, flat, and stale;

Nor

Nor is his judgment sound or clear;
Thus, when I sixpence have to spare,
I'll take, friend Will, especial care,
To shun his books, and buy his beer.

SEA-SIDE ANECDOTES,

IN A LETTER FROM BROADSTAIRS.

YOUR London

[From the Oracle.]

abode I must try to amuse,

H. W.

By transmitting a sample of war'ring-place news. Between Ramsgate and Margate, I'm fix'd at Broadstairs, Like Garrick, 'twixt tragic and comical airs ;

Though if actors were now drawn between the two muses,
I'm afraid wags would say each fair damsel refuses;
And like the fam'd Mussulman 'twixt earth and æther,
That the poor fustian rogues appertain unto neither!
To this scenic digression I pray be forgiving,
And accept a brief sketch of our manner of living.-
First, the ladies all bathe, though ennui is the ton,
For their drap'ry, you know, is soon off and soon on;
With a cov'ring so slight there is no trouble in it,
They can undress and dress again all in a minute.-
Then they breakfast on chocolate, coffee, and tea,
As blooming as Venus just sprung from the sea;
Or should delicate appetites make them capricious,
They may pop down a prawn or a lobster delicious.
The rides then invite, and away trip the lasses
In barouches and chaises, on horses and asses.
After dinner they fill up the ev'ning with walking,
And bed-time arrives ere they 're tired with talking!
With respect to the beaux, they are nondescript elves;
Some make love to the ladies, and some to themselves ;
They make shift to pick up quite amusement enough-
They look in the glass, pick their teeth, and take snuff!
From the sea you may guess that fresh breezes prevail ;
Only hear the effects of a pretty brisk gale!
If a female abroad curiosity led,

Away went her petticoats over her head

(I'm

(I'm told, by the bye, that they once sported more,
But now, more than one is esteem'd a sad bore!)-
Such sights I beheld! but I will not reveal

What I know the fair owners all wish to conceal.
Poor little Miss Pudsey, who happen'd to fall,
Was tumbled and roll'd along just like a ball;
And had pouting-mouth'd Boreas repeated his whiffs,
He had certainly carried her over the cliffs!

She's a nice little morsel, just ripe, but not mellow,
And ten times too lovely for such a rough fellow.

I've been here a whole fortnight, and though you cry fie on
Such conduct, I have not yet seen Dandelion:

I am told that from Margate and Ramsgate the belles
Go to
Dandy to sport all their airs and their spells :
But I care not a fig for their spells nor their airs-
I am fully content with the belles of Broadstairs.
All lovely in form, and all prudent in carriage,
Some married, and some to be given in marriage,
Whom were you to see, to this truth you would yield,
'T would be highly absurd to go farther a-field;
Therefore, while I remain in the Island of Thanet,
You'll find me at Broadstairs more fix'd than a planet.
DICKY GOSSIP.

FASHIONABLE ARRIVALS.

[From the British Press.].

THE following list is selected from a series of the returns of the fashionable arrivals at one of the

most celebrated of our watering-places, during the present season:→→

t

Mr. and Mrs. Bull, Master and the two Miss Bulls, Mr. and Mrs. Cowdroy, Doctor and Miss Cowan, Major and three Miss Bullocks, Rev. Mr. Oxberry, Sir T. Metcalf, Rev. Mr. Hide, two Miss Skinners, Colonel and Miss Ram, Miss Julia Ram, Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom and family, Mr. A. Ramsay, the Chevalier de Mouton, Mr. and four Miss Trotters, Doctor Lamb, Captain Lambton, Mrs. Ewebank, Rev.

Mr.