Th' affair is banded pro and con,

Much breath is fpent, few conquefts won.
At length dame Hobb, to end the ftrife,
And madam Bloufe the parfon's wife,
In this with one confent agree,
That, fince th' effect was lunacy
If wak'd, it were by much the best,
Not to disturb him in the leaft:
Ev'n let him ramble if he pleafe;
Troth, 'tis a comical difeafe;

The worst is to himfelf: when cold And fhivering he returns, then fold The vagrant in your arms; he'll reft With pleasure on your glowing breaft. Madam approv'd of this advice, Iffued her orders in a trice; "That none henceforth profume to flir, "Or thwart th' unhappy wanderer." John, when his mafter's knock he heard, Scon in the dreffing-room appear'd, Archly he look'd, and flily leer'd. "What game?" fays Wild. "Pheasants and patridge in great store; "I with your ammunition last!" And then reveal'd how all had past. Next thought it proper to explain His plot, and how he laid his train: "The coaft is clear, fir, go in peace, "No dragon guards the golden fleece." Here, mufe, let fable night advance, Defcribe her state with elegance; Around her dark pavilion spread

"Oh! never more,

The clouds; with poppies crown her head; Note well her owls, and bats obfcene;

Call her an Æthiopian queen;

Or, if you think 'twill mend my tale,
Call her a widow with a veil;
O fpecters and hobgoblins tell,
Or fay 'twas midnight, 'tis as well.
Well then-'twas midnight, as was faid,
When Wild ftarts upright in his bed,
Leaps out, and, without more ado,
Takes in his room a turn or two;
Opening the door, soon out he stalks,
And to the next apartment walks;
Where on her back there lay poor Sue,
Alas: friend John, the dreamt of you.
Wak'd with the noife, her mafter known,
By moon-light and his brocade gown,
Frighted the dares not fcream, in bed
She finks, and down the pops her head;
The curtains gently drawn, he fprings
Between the theets, then clofely clings.
Now, mufe, relate what there he did:
Hold, impudence—it must be hid !→→
He did as any man would do
In fuch a cafe-did he not, Sue?
Then up into the garret flies,
Where Joan, and Dol, and Betty lies;
A leafh of laffes all together,
And in the dog-days-in hot weather;
Why, faith, 'twas hard-he did his beft,
And left to Providence the rest.
Content the paffive creatures lie,
For who in duty could deny?

Was non-refiftance ever thought
By modern cafuifts a fault?
Were not her orders ftrict and plain?
All ftruggling dangerous and vain?
Well, down our younker trips again;
Much wishing, as he reel'd along,
For fome rich cordial warm and ftrong.
In bed he quickly tumbled then,
Nor wak'd next morn till after ten.
Thus night by night he led his life,
Blefling all females but his wife;
Much work upon his hands there lay,
More bills were drawn than he could pay;
No lawyer drudg'd fo hard as he,
In Eafter Term or Hillary;
But lawyers labour for their fee:
Here no felf-intereft or gain,
The pleasure balances the pain.
So the great fultan walks among
His troop of laffes fair and youpg:
So the town-bull in Opentide,
His lowing lovers by his fide,
Revels at large in nature's right,
Curb'd by no law, but appetite;
Frifking his tail, he roves at pleasure,
And knows no itint, and keeps no measure.
But now the ninth revolving moon
(Alas! it came an age too foon;
Curfe on each hafty flecting night!)
Some odd difcoveries brought to light.
Strange tympanies the women feize,
An epidemical disease;

Madam herself with thefe might pafs
For a clean-fhap'd and taper lafs.

I was vain to hide th' apparent load,
For hoops were not then à la-mode;
Sue, being queftion'd, and hard prefs'd,
Blubbering the naked truth confefs'd:
"Were not your orders most severe,
"That none fhould ftop his night-career?
"And who durft wake him? troth not I;
"I was not then prepar'd to die."

"Well Sue, faid fhe, thou shalt have grace, But then this night I take thy place, "Thou mine, my night clothes on thy head, "Soon fhall he leave thee fafe in bed: "Lie ftill, and ftir not on thy life, "But do the penance of a wife; "Much pleasure haft thou had; at last "Fis proper for thy fins to faft."

This point agreed, to bed fhe went,
And Sue crept in, but ill-content:
Soon as th' accufton'd hour was come,
The younker fally'd from his room,
To Sue's apartment whipt away,
And like a lion feiz'd his prey;
She clafp'd him in her longing arms,
Sharp-fet, fhe feasted on his charms.
He did whate'er he could; but more
Was yet to do, encore, encore !
Fain would he now clope, fhe clafpt
Him fill, no bur e'er ftuck fo fast.
At length the morn with envious light
Difcover'd all in what fad plight

Lij

Poor man, he lay abafh'd, for fhame He could not fpcak, not ev'n one lame Excufe was left. She, with a grace That gave new beauties to her face; And with a kind obliging air (Always fucccfsful in the fair), Thus foon reliev'd him from despair. "Ah! generous youth, pardon a fault, "No foolish jealousy has taught; ""Tis your own crime, open as day, "To your conviction paves the way. "Oh! might this ftratagem regain "Your love! let me not plead in vain; Something to gratitude is due,

"Have I not given all to you?"

Tom ftar'd, look'd pale, then in great hafte Slipp'd on his gown; yet thus at last Spoke faintly, as amaz'd he flood, "I will, my dear, be very good."

THE HAPPY DISAPPOINTMENT:

A TALE.

IN days of yore, when belles and beaux
Left masquerades and puppet-fhows,
Deferted ombre and baffet,

At Jonathan's to fqueeze and fweat;
When fprightly rakes forfook champaign,
'The play-houfe, and the merry main,
Good mother Wyburn and the flews,
To fmoke with brokers, flink with Jews:
In fine, when all the world run mad
(A ftory not lefs true than fad);
Ned Smart, a virtuous youth, well known
To all this chafte and fober town,
Got every penny he could rally,

To try his fortune in 'Change-Alley:

In hafte to loll in coach and fix,

Bought bulls and bears, play'd twenty tricks,
Amongst his brother lunatics.

Transported at his first fuccefs,
A thoufand whims his fancy blefs,
With fcenes of future happiness.
How frail are all our joys below!
Mere dazzling meteors, flash and show!
Oh, fortune falfe decitful whore!
Caught in thy trap with thousands more,
He found his rhino funk and gone,
Himfelf a bankrupt, and undone.
Ned could not well digeft this change,
Forc'd in the world at large to range;
With Babel's monarch turn'd to graís,
Would it not break an heart of brass?
'Tis vain to fob and hang the lip;
One penny left, he buys a flip,
At once his life and cares to lofe,
Under his ear he fits the noofe.
An hook in an old wall he fpies,
To that the fatal rope he ties:
Like Curtius now, at one bold leap
He plung'd into the gaping deep;
Nor did he doubt in hell to find
Dealings more juft, and friends more kind.
As he began to twift and fprawl,

The leolen d fiones break from the wall;

Down drops the rake upon the spot,
And after him an earthen pot:
Reeling he rofe, and gaz'd around,
And faw the crock lie on the ground;
Surpris'd, amaz'd, at this odd fight,
Trembling, he broke it in a fright;
When, lo! at once came pouring forth
Ingots, and pearls, and gems of worth.
O'erjoy'd with fortune's kind bequest,
He took the birds, but left the neft;
And then, to fpý what might enfue,
Into a neighbouring wood withdrew;
Nor waited long. For foon he sees
A tall black man fculk through the trees;
He knew him by his fhuffling pace,
His thread-bare coat and hatchet face:
And who the devil fhould it be,
But fanctify'd Sir Timothy !
His uncle by his mother's fide,
His guardian, and his faithful guide.
This driveling knight, with pockets full,
And proud as any Great Mogul,
For his wife conduct had been made
Director of the jobbing trade :
And had moft piously drawn in
Poor Ned and all his nearest kin.
The greedy fools laid out their gold,
And bought the very stock he fold;
Thus the kind knave convey'd their pelf,
By bocus pocus, to himself;

And, to fecure the spoils he got,
Form'd this contrivance of the pot.
Here every night, and every morn,
Devout as any monk new fhorn,
The proftrate hypocrite implores
Juft heaven to bless his hidden stores;
But, when he faw dear mammon flown,
The plunder'd hive, the honey gone,
No jilted bully, no bilk'd hack,
No thief when beadles flay his back,
No lofing rook, no carted whore,
No failor when the billows roar,
With fuch a grace e'er curs'd and swore.
Then, as he por'd upon the ground,
And turn'd his haggard eyes around,
The halter at his feet he spy'd,
"And is this all that's left?" he cry'd:
"Am I thus paid for all my cares,

My lectures, repetitions, prayers?

" 'Tis well-there's fomething fav'd at least,
"Welcome, thou faithful, friendly guest;
"If I must hang, now all is loft,
"'Tis cheaper at another's coft;
"To do it at my own expence,
"Would be downright extravagance."
Thus comforted, without a tear,
He fix'd the noose beneath his ear,
To the next bough the rope he ty'd,
And most heroically dy'd.
Ned, who behind a fpreading tree,
Beheld this tragi-comedy,

With hearty curfes rung his knell,
And bid him thus his laft farewel
"Was it not, uncle, very kind,
"In me, to leave the rope behind?

JACK DIMPLE was a merry blade,
Young, amorous, witty, and well made;
Difcreet?-Hold, fir-nay, as I live,
My friend, you're too inquifitive:
Difcretion, all men must agree,
Is a moft fhining quality,

Which like leaf-gold makes a great show,
And thinly fpread fets off a beau.
But, fir, to put you out of pain,
Our younker had not half a grain,
A leaky blab, rafh, faithlefs, vain.
The victories his eyes had won,

As foon as e'er obtain'd, were known;
For trophies rear'd, the deed proclaim
Spoils hung on high expofe the danie,
And love is facrific'd to fame.
Such infolence the fex alarms,
The female world is up in arms;
Th' outrageous Bacchanals combine,
And brandifh'd tongues in concert join.
Unhappy youth! where wilt thou go
T'efcape fo terrible a foe?

Seek shelter on the Libyan fhore,
Where tigers and where lions roar?
Sleep on the borders of the Nile,
And truft the wily crocodile?
"Tis vain to fhun a woman's hate,
Heavy the blow, and fure as fate.
Phyllis appear'd among the crowd,
But not fo talkative and loud,
With filence and with care fuppreft
The glowing vengeance in her breast,
Refolv'd, by ftratagem and art,
To make the faucy villain fmart.
The cunning baggage had prepar'd,.
Pomatum, of the finest lard,

With strong aftringents mix'd the mefs,
Alom, and vitriol, Q. S.

Arfenic, and bole. But I want time
To turn all Quincy into rhyme,
'Twould make my diction too fublime.
Her grandame this receipt had taught,
Which Bendo from Grand Cairo brought,
An able ftyptic (as 'tis faid)
To fodder a crack'd maidenhead.
This ointment being duly made,
The jilt upon her toilet laid:
The fauntering cully foon appears,
As ufual, vows, protefls, and fwears;
Careless an opera tune he hums,
Plunders her patch-box, breaks her combs.
As up and down the monkey play'd,
His hand upon the box he laid,

The fatal box. Pleas'd with her wiles,
The treacherous l'andora fmiles.

"What's this?" cries Jack. "That box!" faid fhe "Pomatum; what elfe fhould it be?"

But here 'tis fit my reader knows

'Twas March, when bluftering Boreas blows,
Stern enemy to belles and beaux.
His lips were fore; rough, pointed, torn,
The coral briftled like a thorn.
Pleas'd with a cure fo à propos,
Nor jealous of fe fair a foe,

The healing ointment thick he spread,
And every gaping cranny fed.
His chops begin to glow and fhoot,
He ftrove to speak, but, oh! was mute,
Mute as a fish, all he could ftrain,
Were fome horse gutturals forc'd with pain.
He ftamps, he raves, he fobs, he fighs,
The tears ran trickling from his eyes;
He thought but could not speak a curse,
His lips were drawn into a purse.
Madam no longer could contain,
Triumphant joy bursts out amain;
She laughs, the fcreams, the house is rais'd,
Through all the street th' affair is blaz'd:
In fhoals now all the neighbours come,
Laugh out, and prefs into the room.
Sir Harry Taudry and his bride,
Mifs Tulip deck'd in all her pride;
Wife Madam Froth, and widow Babble,
Coquettes and prudes, a mighty rabble.
So great a concourfe ne'er was known
At Smithfield, when a monster's shown;
When bears dance jiggs with comely mien,
When witty Punch adorns the scene,
Or frolic Pug plays Harlequin.
In vain he ftrives to hide his head,
In vain he creeps behind the bed,
Ferreted thence, expos'd to view,
The crowd their clamorous fhouts renew:
A thousand taunts, a thousand jeers,
Stark dumb, the paffive creature hears.
No perjur'd villain nail'd on high,
And pelted in the pillory,

His face befmear'd, his eyes, his chops,
With rotten eggs and turnip-tops,
Was e'er fo maul'd. Phyllis, at last,
To pay him for offences paft,
With fneering malice in her face,

Thus fpoke, and gave the coup-de-grace:
"Lard! how demure, and how precife
"He looks! filence becomes the wife.
"Vile tongue its mafter to betray,
"But now the prifoner muft obey,
"I've lock'd the door, and keep the key.
"Learn hence, what angry woman can,
"When wrong'd by that falfe traitor man;
"Who boasts our favours, foon or late,
"The treacherous blab fhall feel our hate."
THE WISE BUILDER:

}

"The furniture's my chiefeft care," Reply'd the fage; "here's room to fpare, "Sweet fir, for I and you; "When this with faithful friends is fill'd, "An ampler palace I thall build;

"Fill then, this cot mult do."

Some bold plebeian foon shall rife, Stretch to the goal, and win the prize. For, fince the forming hand of old, Caft all mankind in the fame mold; Since no diftinguifh'd clan is bleft With finer porcelain than the rest; And fince in all the ruling mind Is of the fame celeftial kind; 'Tis education fhows the way Each latent beauty to display; Each happy genius brings to light, SConceal'd before in fhades of night:

A TALE.

TOM CAREFUL had a fon and heir,
Exact his fhape, genteel his air,
Adonis was not half fo fair.
But then, alas! his daughter Jane
Was but fo-fo, a little plain.
In mam's apartment, as one day
The little romp and hoyden play,
Their faces in the glafs they view'd,
Which then upon her toilet (tood;
Where, as Narciffus vain, the boy
Beheld each rifing charm with joy;
With partial eyes furvey'd himself,
But for his fifter, poor brown elf,
On her the feif-enamour'd chit
Was very lavifh of his wit.

She bore, ala! whate'er the could,
But 'twas too much for flesh and blood;
What female ever had the grace
To pardon fcandal on her face?
Difconfolate away the flies,
And at her daddy's feet the lies;
Sighs, fobs, and groans, calls to her aid,
And tears, that readily obey'd;
Then aggravates the vile offence,
Exerting all her cloquence:

The caufe th' indulgent father heard,
And culprit fummon'd foon appear'd;
Some tokens of remorfe he fhw'd,
And promis'd largely to be good.
As both the tender father prefs'd
With equal ardour to his breaft,

And fmiling kits'd, "Let there be peace,"
Said he ; "let broils and difcord cease:
"Each day, my children, thus employ
"The faithful mirror; you, my boy,
"Remember that no vice difgrace
"The gift of heaven, that beauteous face:
"And you, my girl, take special care
"Your want of beauty to repair
"By virtue, which alone is fair.”

MAHOMET ALI BEG:

OR, THE FAITHFUL MINISTER OF STATE, A LONG defcent, and noble blood, Is but a vain fantastic good, Unless with inbred virtues join'd, An honeft, brave, and generous mind. All that our ancestors have done, Nations reliev'd, and battles won; The trophies of each bloody field, Can only then true honour yield, When, like Argyll, we fcorn to owe, And pay that lutre they beftow; But, if, a mean degenerate race, Slothful we faint, and flack our pace, Lag in the glorious courfe of fame, Their great atchievements we difclaim.

So diamonds from the gloomy mine, Taught by the workman's hand to fhine, On Cloe's ivory bofom blaze,

Or

grace the crown with brilliant rays.
Merit obfcure fhall raife its head,
Though dark obftructing clouds o'erspread;,
Heroes, as yet unfung, fhall fight
For flaves opprefs'd, and injur'd right;
And able statesmen prop the throne,
To Battle-Abbey-Roll unknown.

Sha Abbas, with fupreme command,
In Perfia reign'd, and blefs'd the land;
A mighty prince, valiant and wife,
Expert, with fharp difcerning eyes,
To find true virtue in difguife.
Hunting (it seems) was his delight,
His joy by day, his dream by night:
The fport of all the brave and bold,
From Nimrod, who, in days of old,
Made men as well as beafts his prey,
To mightier George, whofe milder fway
Glad happy crowds with pride obey.
In queft of his fierce favage foes,
Before the fun the monarch rofe,
The grizly lion to engage,

By baying dogs provok'd to rage;

In the clofe thicket to explore,

And push from thence the bristled boar:

Or to purfue the flying deer,

While deep-mouth'd hounds the vallies cheer;
And echo from repeating hills
His heart with joy redoubled fills.

Under a rock's projecting shade,
A fhepherd boy his feat had made,
Happy as Craefus on his throne,
The riches of the world his own.
Content on mortals here below,
Is all that heaven can beftow.
His crook and fcrip were by him laid,
Upon his oaten pipe he play'd;
His flocks fecurely couch'd around,
And feem'd to litten to the found.
Returning from the chafe one day,
The king by chance had loft his way:
Nor guards, nor nobles, now attend;
But one young lord, his bofom friend.
Now tir'd with labour, fpent with heat,
They fought this pleafant cool retreat;
The boy leap'd active from his feat,
And, with a kind obliging grace,
Offer'd the king unknown his place.

* A record rubich contained the names of the chief men that came over with the Conqueror.

The Perfian monarch, who fo late,
Lord of the worid, ul'd all in state;
On cloth of gold and tiffue trod,
Whole nations trembling at his nod;
With diamonds and with rubies crown'd,
And girt with. fawning flaves around;
Behold him now: his canopy

Th' impending rock, each fhrub, each tree,
That grew upon its shaggy brow,
To their great prince obfervant bow;
Yield, as in duty bound, their aid,
And bless him with a friendly fhade,
On the bare flint, he fits alone,

And oh would kings this truth but own,
The fafer and the nobler throne!
But where do I digrefs? 'tis time
To check this arrogance of rhyme.
As the judicious monarch view'd
The ftripling's air nor beld nor rude,
With native modesty fubdued;
The blufh that glow'd in all its pride
Then trembled on his cheeks and dy'd,
He grew inquifitive to trace
What foul dwelt in that lovely cafe:
To every queftion, serious, gay,
The youth reply'd withour delay;
=His answers for the mofl part right,
And taking, if not appofite:
Unftudy'd, unaffe&ted fenfe,
Mix'd with his native diffidence.

1

The king was charm'd with fuch a prize,
And stood with wonder in his eyes;
Commits his treasure to the care

Of the young lord; bids him not spare
For coft, or pains, t'enrich his breast
With all the learning of the east.

He bow'd, obcy'd, well cloth'd, well fed,
And with his patron's children bred;
Still every day the youth improv'd,
By all admir'd, by all belov'd.

Now the first curling down began
To give the promise of a man;

To court he's call'd, employ'd, and train'd,
In lower pots, yet ftill he gain'd
By candeur, courtefy, and skill,
The fubjects love, the king's good will.
Employ'd in greater matters now,
No flatteries, no bribes, could bow
His ftubborn foul; true to his truft,
Firm, and inexorably just,
In judgment ripe, he foon became
A Walpole, or a Wallingham;
And, wakeful for the public peace,
No dragon guards the golden fleece
With half that vigilance and care.
His bufy eyes kenn'd every where;
In each dark scheme knew how to dive,
Though cunning Dervifes contrive
Their plots, difguis'd with fhams and lies,
And cloak'd with real perjuries.
Now high in rank the peer is plac'd,
And Ali Beg with titles grac'd;

No bounds his mafter's bounties know,
His fwelling coffers overflow,
And he is puzzled to bestow;

Perplex'd and ftudious to contrive
To whom, and how, not what to give;
His pious frauds conceal the name,
And fkreen the modet man from fhame.
Whoe'er would heavenly treasures raife,
Muft grant the boon, efcape the praite.
But his immenfe and endless gain
No private charities could drain:
On public works he fix'd his mind,
The zealous friend of human kind.
Convenient inns on each great road
At his own proper coils endow'd,
To weary caravans afford

Refreshment, both at bed and board.
From Thames, the Tiber, and the Rhine,
Nations remote with Ali dine;
In various tongues his bounty's bleft,
While with furprise the ftranger guest
Does here on unbought dainties feaft:
See ftately palaces arite,

And gilded domes invade the skies.
Say, mufe, what lords inhabit here?
Nor favourite eunuch, prince, nor peer?
The poor, the lame, the blind, the sick,
The ideot, and the lunatic.

He curb'd each river's fwelling pride,
O'er the reluctant murmuring tide
From bank to bank his bridges ftride.
A thousand gracious deeds were done,
Bury'd in filence and unknown.

At length, worn out with years and care,
Sha Abbas dy'd; left his young heir
Sha Sefi, unexperienc'd, raw,

By his ftern father kept in awe;
To the feraglio's walls confin'd,
Barr'd from the couverfe of mankind.
Strange jealoufy! a certain rule,
To breed a tyrant and a fool.
Still Ali was prime minifter,
But had not much his mafter's ear;
Walk'd on unfaithful, flippery ground,
Till an occafion could be found
To pick a quarrel; then, no doubt,
As is the mode at court-turn out.
Sha Sefi, among eunuchs bred,

With them convers'd, by them was led;
Beardlefs, half-men! in whofe falfe breafts,
Nor joy, nor love, nor friendship, retts.
There fpight and pining envy dwell,
And rage as in their native hell;
For, confcious of their own difgrace
Each excellence they would debafe,
And vent their fpleen on human race.
This Ali found. Strange fenfelefs lics
And inconfiftent calumnies

They buz into the monarch's ears,
And he believes all that he hears.

"Great prince," faid they, "Ali, your slave-
"Whom we acknowledge wife and brave-
"Yet pardon us-we can't but fee
"His boundless pride and vanity:
"His bridges triumph o'er each tide,

"In their own channels taught to glide..
"Each beggar, and each lazy drone,
"His fubject, more than yours, is grown: