MINISTERIAL RITREAT.

105

dern, shows, that whenever it has been attempted it has produced mutiny and revolt. Look to the conduct of the Janizaries of Constantinople, driven, according to recent accounts, into rebellion by the apprehension of a peace with Russia, and the consequent reduction in the value of their services. It was there→fore a noble stratagem, suggested by experience, to spread a report that His Royal Highness, the 'new Commander-in-Chief, meant to break up the command, and disband all his Guards. Men accustomed to live upon the plunder of the country, could ill brook the idea of returning home to earn a scanty livelihood from the spade and the plough, or perhaps to exchange their snug quarters for a dreary cell in a sprison, from which latter state their rank in the Senatorial army had hitherto protected them. Nothing could be better calculated to alienate the affections of the army from the new Commander-in-Chief than this manoeuvre. Indeed it might be expected that it would have produced a general Protest, a round-robin, against him; and for this stratagem, unsupported by a single fact or plausible cause, yet fearlessly and aufdaciously practised by his literary mercenaries, those cripples and impostors who infest our streets, and may be daily seen begging admittance into our coffeerooms and public-houses, his Little Excellency feels. the deepest gratitude, and considers himself under the highest obligation.

Having thus briefly enumerated the distinguished services performed by that description of force called the Velites, or light skirmishing troops, which generally constitute the van of the contending armies, who sometimes fight at the heads of the columns, and, when pressed, occasionally retire within them-it would be invidious, as well as ungrateful, were his Little Excellency to pass by the other divisions of his army without notice. To the Trained Bands, therefore,

F 5

fore, including the Household Troops, the Lords of the Drumsticks and Fiddlesticks, he professes eternal obligations. Nothing shall ever erase from his heart the memory of their faithful services. To his Gentlemen Bands of Placemen and Pensioners, those independent, generous, and disinterested patriots, he returns his sincerest thanks, with a solemn assurance, that should the new Commander-in-Chief remove them from their places, they shall find an ample one in his Little Excellency's great heart. His Little Excellency abounds with places, and has room enough for them all, and more, if they are to be rewarded according to their merits. His Little Excellency, however, not wishing to throw any impediment in the way of the public service, advises them to come to an understanding with the new Commander-in-Chief; and from the obligingness and condescension which they have uniformly evinced, and which constitute the peculiar traits of their character, he entertains the fullest persuasion that they have good sense, loyalty, patriotism, and independence enough to take the bint!

Done at Head Quarters, Downing Street, this 13th Jan. 1811.

(Signed)

His Little Excellency Don PEDRO Poucett. (Countersigned)

PRAISE-GOD BAREBONES, Secretary.

AN EPIGRAMMATIC COLLOQUY

BETWEEN TWO STATE LEECHES.

[From the Morning Herald, Jan. 16.]

FIRST LEECH.

HANK our stars that we leeches could not be brush'd off

TH

From the temples of foolish John Bull,

(However the lank, hungry Talents may scoff,) Till we'd suck'd all our bellies quite full!

SECOND

EPITAPH ON THE ADMINISTRATION.

SECOND LEECH.

Ay, brother; but since we 've not let them go snacks,
I'm afraid that some d- -'d blue and buff,
With his sharp attic salt* by well rubbing our backs,
Soon may make us disgorge the rich stuff!

307

NIM.

LINES

ON MONSIEUR LUCIEN BUONAPARTE'S MOTTO,

!

A

NON URO."

[From the Morning Post, Jan. 16.]

WAG, requested to translate
The motto on the coach of state
That sets all Wales into a wonder,

"It means," he said, and scratch'd his poll,
It means, I shine with what I stole;
My foolish brother burns his plunder."

"LUCEO

EPITAPH ON THE ADMINISTRATION.

A PARODY.

[From the Morning Chronicle, Jan. 18.]

Non torquate, genus, non te facundia, nou te restituet piętas.

ALL of these I needs must wail,

As men in doleful dumps';

For when their legs were smitten off,
They fought upon their stumps.

Here rest their heads in Power's and Honour's grave,
A band to Fortune and to Fame unknown:

Fair Science never smil'd on their conclave,

And Scorn and Weakness mark'd them for their own..

Large were their means, yet constant their defeat,
And France, deriding, mock'd their wild intentions ;

They gave to England, all they could-a debt;

They gain'd from England, all they wish'd-their Pensions.

*The customary application to empty these adhesive bloodsuckers.

F 6

Seek

Seek not (vain hope!) their merits to disclose,
Nor paint their faults to sadden their condition;
These let them try with trembling hope t' expose,
And those defend-on bench of Opposition.

AN APOSTROPHE,

IN SUPPORT OF THE CLAUSE WHICH GIVES FACETIOUSLY HER MAJESTY THE BUCK-HOUNDS.

W

[From the Morning Herald, Jan. 19.]

HAT's fair, and natural, we mean,
I vow to G―d," cries R-se;
"Give but his bucks unto the Q- -n,
The Pce shall have her does *."

NIM.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER.

MINISTERIAL CANZONETTE.

[From the British Press, Jan. 21.]

WHEN turn'd off their perches, the loud-cawing rooks
From the high trees of royalty sunk to their rest:
"Thank Heav'n! after all, or by hooks or by crooks,"
Master Pearce-all exclaim'd, " I have feather'd my nest.

"By melting or smelting, by life or by death,

I shall feed the young rooklings, myself, and my wife; And when brother Arden shall give up his breath,

What a fine field of wheat shall I pick in for life!

"Besides, that bold bird which can look at the sun,
Observe you his tatter'd condition, I beg:

To us small birds of prey it is matter of fun
To see how I leave him-confin'd by a leg.".

[From the same, Jan. 25.]

WANTED,

A NUMBER of good clever libellers.-Any dirty

fellow will answer, and the dirtier the better.He must be able to throw dirt without stint upon the Prince of Wales, and those "great boobies," those

booby boys with corals and bells," the Royal Dukes, his brothers.-Neither principle, character, honour, or loyalty, are at all requisite.-Fabricators of harmless falsehoods, commonly called "white lies," will not answer-they must be black, virulent, and vindictive!

An expert scavenger will find this advertisement worth his notice.-He will be required also, between hours, to shovel flummery down the throats of Mr. Perceval and his coadjutors.

Application to be made at The Cripple Office (not The Courier Office), nearly opposite to the office of The British Préss, in the Strand.

EPIGRAMS

ON THE RUMOURED APPOINTMENTS OF NEW MINISTERS. [From the Morning Post, Jan. 18.]

THE

PRESIDENT OF THE BOARD OF CONTROL.

HE maxim wisely says Learn self-command,
Ere ye attempt o'er other men to rule ;"

Then, Wh-tb-d, touch not the presiding wand,
Before to learn this task ye-go to school.

ANOTHER ON THE SAME.

* Fierce Lismahago of the tiger race,

Whence now for royalty thy love and zeal? Can he who urg'd one brother's downfal, grace, Wish for, support, or love the other's weal?

* Vide Mr. Stephen's admirable and characteristic speech descriptive of this amiable character.