1

de Nit o' de Batalla me be in Bed vid one ve

pretty Womans; begar, my Lore, de Taut o' de Occafione o' de Musketa, o' de Canno na, o' de Pika, de Bullet an de Sworda, begar So run in my Heada, dat begar me could do no tinga.

Lord. Ay, my Lord, I don't doubt of that, Your Lordships most humble Servant. [Exit. Lord. Gener. Begar now dis be one very pretty tinga: Me beata de Enemy like de Great Ge neralla, like de Man o' de Conducta, an begar becaufa me no born in Englanda, begar de Englishman laff at me. Odfoona, dey be de ftraingia Natioon in de Varld. [Exit.

The MILITANT COUPLE:

OR,

The Husband may thank himself.

Written by the late Duke of Buckingham.

In a Dialogue between Freeman and Bellair.

Freeman.

W

ELL! if these are the bleffed Effects of Marriage, the

Lord keep me and all good Christians, I say,

out

out of the pale of Matrimony: -But prithee, Bellair, is this their conftant Course of Life?

Bellair. Why really Yes. Only with this. difference, that what thou faw'ft yesterday, was nothing but meer Sport and Paftime to the terrible Tragedies I have feen.

Freeman. For my part, I can't comprehend how the Scene could poffibly be worse. Methinks Sir John and my Lady threw Whore and Rogue at one another very plentifully.

Bellair. Phaw, pfhaw, Custom and Use have made those Words fo familiar to them, that now they have loft all the poignancy of. their fignification. Alas! 'twas a meer Calm, if compared to what Tempeftuous Bluftering Weather I have feen in the Family.. Thou may'st as well think there runs as high a Sea in Chelsea Reach, as in the Bay of Biscay, as conclude from yesterday's Bickering what noble exploits are done among 'em, when both fides are Heroically inclin'd.

Freeman. I fubmit, fince there's no difputing against Matter of Fact. However, pray inform me, what can be worfe than what I beheld yesterday? Can any thing be more provoking, than for a Man to infult his Wife after that merciless rate; or more odious, than for a Woman to expose her Husband's Infirmities?

Bellair.

Bellair. Yes, I tell you, Blows are more provoking and odious. What fignifie a few foolish angry Words? they don't break Bones, nor give Black Eyes. Befides, as I told you before, this fort of Language is now become fo habitual to this worthy Couple, that it makes no manner of impreffion upon them. Mithridates, you know, by accuftoming himfelf to Poison, brought his Body to fuch a pitch at laft, that he could regale himself with Opium, and Feaft upon Ratsbane.

Freeman. So Hiftorians fay indeed. 'Tis true, with the generality of Constitutions, Blows go a great deal farther than Words, But, does Sir John bestow fuch Favours of ten upon my Lady?

Bellair. I have feen him deliver her over to the fecular Arm more than once. I remember, I Din'd there last Winter, by the fame token a Quarrel happen'd about dreffing of a Dish of Fish. Sir John (wore the Cook deferved to be Crucified for spoiling so noble a brace of Carp. My Lady justified him, faid the Sawce was of her own ordering, and rally'd Sir John very pleasantly upon the viciousness of his Palate.

Freeman. Why, this is neither better nor worse than what I have seen in most Families.

Bellair, This nettled Sir John wonderfully, who you must know values himself upon

the

the Orthodoxy of his Taft. After abundance of good-natur'd Compliments had past between 'em upon this Head, Yes Madam, fays he, I must own you are in the right: My Palate is very vicious, and I show'd it with a witness, when I married fuch à compofition of Pride, Malice, and Luft, as your Ladyship.

Freeman. Ah worthy Kt. that was spoke like a Heroe! But what reply did my Lady make to it?

Bellair. Atleaft, fays fhe, I have fomething more to plead for my felf than thou haft. I knew thee to be a worthlefs Sot, an empty, guzzling, fmoaking Wretch. But a Villain of an Uncle, whom I hope the Devil has rewarded for his pains, forced me to take thee for my Husband; otherwife I had fooner courted an Infection, and bedded a Leprofie, than fuffered my felf to be polluted with thy naufeous Embraces.

Freeman. The true Spirit of an Amazon, upon my word.

Bellair. I thought, 'twas now high time to interpose between the Knight and his Lady; So addreffing my felf to Sir John, I told him, that Women had their odd Fancies fometimes, which a wife Man ought to connive at: Then turning to my Lady, I represented to her the Duty of her Sex ; but finding that my Preaching up of Peace and Moderation rather

rather aggravated matters, than foften'd them, I refolved to fit ftill, and leave all to the over-ruling Wisdom of Providence.

Freeman. A very Chriftian Difpofition. But proceed.

Bellair. The Cloth was no fooner removed, but the War broke out with greater fury than ever. Sir John extreamly provok'd at fomething my Lady had faid to him, fwore and blufter'd like a Heroe in one of our Modern Tragedies. My Lady, on her fide, exercised her Lungs with equal Vigour, and was no lefs Obftreperous. At last the Knight, unable to contain himself any longer, ftruck off her Commode, which Courtefie her Ladyfhip immediately requited, by throwing Sir John's Periwigg upon the Fire.

Freeman. This was doing Business to some purpose.

Bellair. With that Sir John pushes my Lady against a fine new Pendulum-Clock, that stood in the Room, and broke the Olive Cafe all to pieces. My Lady foon rallied and beat back Sir John upon a huge Japan Looking-glafs, which was demolish'd in an Instant; to retaliate which Favour, the Knight finish'd all her China at three or four ftrokes of his Cane. But now they came to a closer Engagement, diftributing their Blows to one another with incredible Gallantry, while IFreeman.