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That never object pleasing in thine eye,
Ant. S. Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not.
Luc. Fie, brother! how the world is changed with you!
Ant. S. By Dromio ?
Adr. By thee; and this thou didst return from him,
Ant. S. Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman? What is the course and drift of your compact ?
Dro. S. I, sir? I never saw her till this time.
Ant. S. Villain, thou liest; for even her very words Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.
Dro. S. I never spake with her in all my life.
Ant. S. How can she thus then call us by our names, Unless it be by inspiration ?
Adr. How ill agrees it with your gravity,
Ant. S. To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme.
Luc. Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.
Dro. S. O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner. This is the fairy land;—0, spite of spites ! We talk with goblins, owls, and elvish sprites: If we obey them not, this will ensue, They'll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue.
Luc. Why prat'st thou to thyself, and answerest not? Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot!
Dro. S. I am transformed, master, am not I ?
No, I am an ape. Luc. If thou art changed to aught, 'tis to an ass.
Dro. S. 'Tis true; she rides me, and I long for grass. 'Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be, But I should know her as well as she knows me.
Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a fool, To put the finger in the eye and weep,
Whilst man, and master, laugh my woes to scorn.-
Ant. S. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell ?
Dro. S. Master, shall I be porter at the gate ?
SCENE I. The same.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus, An
GELO, and BALTHAZAR. Ant. E. Good seignior Angelo, you must excuse us all ; My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours. Say, that I lingered with you at your shop, To see the making of her carcanet, And that to-morrow you will bring it home. But here's a villain, that would face me down, He met me on the mart; and that I beat him, And charged him with a thousand marks in gold; And that I did deny my wife and house.Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
Dro. E. Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know;
Ant. E. I think, thou art an ass.
Marry, so it doth appear
Ant. E. You are sad, seignior Balthazar. 'Pray God,
our cheer May answer my good will, and your good welcome here. Bal. I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome
dear. Ant. E. O seignior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish, A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.
Bal. Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords. Ant. E. And welcome more common; for that's nothing
but words. Bal. Small cheer, and great welcome, makes a merry
feast. Ant. E. Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest. But though my cates be mean, take them in good part; Better cheer you may have, but not with better heart. But, soft; my door is locked. Go bid them let us in.
Dro. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Jen'! Dro. S. [Within.] Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb,
idiot, patch ! Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch. Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such
store, When one is one too many ? Go, get thee from the door. Dro. E. What patch is made our porter ? my master
stays in the street. Dro. S. Let him walk from whence he came, lest he
catch cold on's feet. Ant. E. Who talks within there? ho, open the door. Dro. S. Right, sir, I'll tell you when, an you'll tell me
· wherefore. Ant. E. Wherefore ? for my dinner; I have not dined
to-day. Dro. S. Nor to-day here you must not; come again,
when you may. Ant. E. What art thou, that keep’st me out from the
house I owe ? Dro. S. The porter for this time, sir, and my name is
Dromio. Dro. E. O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and
my name; The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame. If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name, or thy
name for an ass. Luce. [Within.] What a coil is there? Dromio, who
are those at the gate ?
Dro. E. Let my master in, Luce.
'Faith, no; he comes too late. And so tell your master. Dro. E.
O Lord, I must laugh.Have at you with a proverb.— Shall I set in my staff ? Luce. Have at you with another; that's,—When ? can
you tell ? Dro. S. If thy name be called Luce, Luce, thou hast
answered him well. Ant. E. Do you hear, you minion? You'll let us in, I
hope? Luce. I thought to have asked you. Dro. S.
And you said, no. Dro. E. So, come, help; well struck; there was blow
for blow. Ant. E. Thou baggage, let me in. Luce.
Can you tell for whose sake ? Dre. E. Master, knock the door hard. Luce.
Let him knock till it acho. Ant. E. You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door
. down. Luce. What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the
town? Adr. [Within.] Who is that at the door, that keeps all
this noise ? Dro. S. By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly
boys. Ant. E. Are you there, wife? you might have come
before. Adr. Your wife, sir knave! go, get you from the door. Dro. E. If you went in pain, master, this knave would
go sore. Ang. Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we would
fain have either. Bal. In debating which was best, we shall part with
neither. Dro. E. They stand at the door, master; bid them
welcome hither. Ant. E. There is something in the wind, that we cannot
get in. Dro. E. You would say so, master, if your garments
were thin. Your cake here is warm within ; you stand here in the cold. It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and
sold. Ant. E. Go, fetch me something, I'll break ope the gate.