who makes use of many words to no purpose, has not much to say for himself, therefore I shall come to the point at once, at once and immediately I shall come to the point. My client was in liquor, the liquor in him having served an ejectment upon his understanding, common sense was nonsuited, and he was a man beside himself, as Dr. Biblibus declares, in his Dissertation upon Bumpers, in the 139th folio volume of the Abridgment of the Statutes, page 1286, he says, that a drunken man is homo duplicans, or a double man, not only because he sees things double, but also because he is not as he should be, profecto ipse he, but is, as he should not be, defecto tipse he' The counsel on the other side rose up gracefully, playing with his ruffles prettily, and tossing the tyes of his wig about emphatically. He began with, My lud, and you gentlemen of the jury, I humbly do conceive I have the authority to declare, that I am counsel in this case for the defendant, therefore, my lud, I shall not flourish away in words; words are no more than fillagree work some people may think them an embellishment, but to me it is a matter of astonishment, how any one can be so impertinent, to the detriment of all rudiment. But, my lud, this is not to be looked at through the medium of right and wrong; for the law knows no medium, and right and wrong are but its shadows. Now, in the first place, they have called a kitchen my client's premises. Now, a kitchen is nobody's premises, a kitchen is not a warehouse nor a washhouse; a brewhouse nor a bakehouse; an outhouse nor an innhouse, nor a dwellinghouse, nor any house; no, my lud, 'tis absolutely and bona fide, neither more nor less than a kitchen; or as the law more classically expresses, a kitchen is, camera necessaria pro usus cookare, cum sauce pannis, scullero, dressero, coalholo, stovis, smoakjacko, pro roastandum, boilandum, fryandum, et plum puddings mixandum, pro turtle soupos, calves head hashibus, cum calipee et calipashibus. But we shall not avail ourselves of an alibi, but admit of the existence of a cook-maid; now, my lud, we shall take it upon a new ground, and beg a new trial, for as they have curtailed our name from plain Mary into Moll, I hope the court will not allow of mistakes, what would the law do, for when the law don't find mistakes, it is the business of the law to make them.' Therefore the Court allowed them the liberty of a new trial; for the law is our liberty, and it is happy for us that we have the liberty to go to law. THE ORPHAN BEGGAR BOY.' THE wild northern blast fiercely howls o'er the heath, Life's flowers are crush'd by the mildew of care, I sip but the poison of hateful despair, No hope can e'er solace the poor beggar boy. Fast falls the chill snow, and I shake with the cold, No father have I, no relation-no home. My mother no more her poor boy shall caress, No more her warm kiss on my cheeks shall be laid; Oh, Providence! grant me a happy release, Oh, take me, and soon, to thy realms of joy ; SPEECH OF CATALINE BEFORE THE ROMAN SENATE, ON HEARING HIS SENTENCE OF BANISHMENT. BANISHED from Rome! what's banished, but set free From daily contact of the things I loathe? Tried and convicted traitor !'-Who says this? Banished?—I thank you for't. It breaks my chain! this hour- I held some slack allegiance till But here I stand and scoff you :-here I fling Your Consul's merciful. For all this thanks. He dares not touch a hair of Cataline. Traitor!' I go-but I return. This-trial! Or make the infant's sinews strong as steel. This day's the birth of sorrows!-This hour's work Naked rebellion, with the torch and axe, Till Anarchy comes down on you like Night, THE HUMOURS OF A COUNTRY FAIR. YES, I own 'tis my delight, To see the laughter and the fright, As a Country Fair, Full of riot, fun, and noise, Peg, and whip, and humming tops, Spoken.] Here we are, all a-going to the fair in Mr. Creepey's cart-here we are! four-and-twenty of us at sixpence a-piece. I say, that's a good deal of money though, ar'n't it? Yes. How much is it? 4 times 5-no, 7 times 6-no that won't do; I say, how much is four-and-twenty at sixpence a-piece? I don't know: ask Mr. Doleful. Mr. Doleful, how much is four-and-twenty at sixpence each? I don't know, I was always dull in that line--but my son Tommy he can tell. Tommy, how much is twenty-four at sixpence each? Thirteen and fourpence. Ah, he is always right. Now then, here we go? and here we are! and Mrs. Piebrow in the same wehicle being riding hopposite the whole time, and I never saw you before I declare. Billy, what is French for hopposite? Wis a wee, Oh! here we are in the thick of the fair; look at the people, and the shows, and the music. O, I do so like it, ma'. Walk up, walk up, ladies and gentlemen; this is the only booth in the fair, where you will see a grand farcical, tragical, comical play, and a pantomine, for the small charge of only sixpence, entitled and called the Amiable Assassin or the Bloody Nose-to conclude with Harlequin Dogsmeat-man and Love in an Iceberg, or the Magic Barrow-the whole warrant ed to be acted in the short space of twenty-three minutes and a half, by any stop-watch in the world. Ladis and gentilhomme, if you sall walk up here, you sall see de greatest vonder as never vas, dere is no deception here; here is de vonderful pheasant woman from Timbuctoo; de price of to enter is three-pence for de full grown man, and only half a child: ladis and gentilhomme as sall sit in de seat of de front must a sittee down, not to hinder those behind of from to see; dere is no deception here, ladis and gentilhomme, she is all over feathers-dis is one of her quills, she moulted last a night. Yes, I own it's my delight &c. (ENCORE DIALOGUE.) Walk up, walk up, and see the wonderful Anarabaracabaradaliana, the great Physioner from Bengal in the Vest Hinjus; he possesses the most unparalleled, inestimable, and never-to-bematched medicines; and can cure any thing incident to humanity from a corn up to a consumption! we have a long list of cures performed by his grand eliptical, Asiatical, panticurical, nervous cordial, but will only read you three out of three thousand, the whole of which it would be tedious to read to youthis is one :- Sir, I was cut in half in a saw pit, cured with one bottle.' Sir, I was jammed to death in a linseed oil mill, cured with two bottles.' Now comes the most wonderful of all :- Sir, venturing too near the powder mills at Faversham, I was by a sudden explosion, blown into a million of atoms; by this unpleasant accident, I was rendered unfit for my business, (a banker's clerk,) but hearing of your grand eliptical, Asiatical, panticurical, nervous cordial, I was persuaded to make essay thereof, the first bottle united my strayed particles, the second animated my shattered frame, the third effected a radical cure, the fourth sent me home to Lombard-street, to count sovereigns, carry out bills of acceptance, and recount the wonderful effects of your grand elip. tical, Asiatical, panticurical, nervous cordial, that cures all diseases incident to humanity.'-Twenty-four ballads for a halfpenny, four-and-twenty for a harfpenny, consisting of the following: "Within a mile of Edinburgh;' 'Drops of Brandy;' 'Cast thine eyes my love around;' The Old Commodore 'Gin a body meet a body;' with 'London now is out of town ;' sung by me and my partner strike up Poll, and tip 'em the curl. (Sing first verse of London now, &c.') Yes, I own 'tis my, &c. Those in fairs who take delight, At a Country Fair: Boys by mamma's treacle fed, And think that that's your sort. Which quite completes the sport. Spoken.] Walk up, walk up, and see the great Shropshire giant -he is nine foot high; ladies and gentlemen, he is of such extraordinary dimensions, that he can place his left leg in Lankyshire, and his right leg in Shropshire; he grows three inches every year, and it is supposed by the Royal Feelersoffecal and Zufferodgeical Society, that he will never reach his full growth; I repeat it without repetition, he is nine foot high. I say, jack, how can that be, the whole caravan a'n't nine feet high? Why, he don't stand upright, he lies all along. Oh, he lies, do he; well, he a❜n't the only one in the caravan as do lie. Here is the wonderful Miss Biffin, without legs or arms, considered to be the wonder of the world; as cuts out watch-papers, and paints miniatures, said to be speaking likenesses, and writes and plays, and does it all with her mouth: she is supposed to be a perfect loosus nat-ture-abus-she dresses her own hair, and cleans herown teeth, and does it all with her own mouth. Pho! Pho! how can she do that? She does, I tell you; she couldn't do it without a mouth, could she? I don't believe it. I tell you I see her do it myself; I'll tell you how she does it—she has the toothbrush fastened up tight before her, and she wiggle waggles herself backwards and forwards, in this way. Hot gingerbread |