But still, as wilder blew the wind, "Oh! haste thee, haste!" the lady cries, The boat had left a stormy land, When, oh! too strong for human hand, And still they row'd amidst the roar Lord Ullin reach'd that fatal shore, His wrath was changed to wailing. For sore dismay'd, through storm and shade, One lovely arm was stretch'd for aid, And one was round her lover. "Come back! come back!" he cried in grief, And I'll forgive your Highland chief, My daughter!-oh my daughter!" 'Twas vain! the loud waves lash'd the shore, Return or aid preventing: The waters wild went o'er his child And he was left lamenting. SIR TOBY AND THE BREWER. SIR TOBY BUMPER is a worthy member of society, and a good companion; he tells many laughable stories, but perhaps the following is one of the most whimsical : When Sir Toby was a young man, a friend of his who resided in Staffordshire, and followed the profession of a surgeon, wrote to him at his house in London, to procure him a subject for dissection, as he was much in want of one. The surgeon meant it merely as a joke, but Sir Toby, instead of considering the affair in its true light, literally applied to the men who make a livelihood of such kind of traffic, commonly called resurrection men; after he had settled about the price, which was to be two guineas, one of the men informed him that he had a pretty subject in his eye, a brewer by trade, and as fine a muscular man as you'd meet in a thousand-but the worst of it was, at that time he was living, though from the nature of his disorder, in all probability he could not exist above a fortnight longer. The brewer, however, disappointed both parties, and recovered. Two years had elapsed, and Sir Toby thought no more of the business, when one morning, about three o'clock, he was alarmed by a violent knocking at the door; equipped in his night-gown and slippers, he went to inquire the occasion, when a fellow entered with a large sack, and threw it down in the passage, with the salutation of there he is! I've got him!' 'Got who!' exclaimed the Baronet. 'Why, the brewer, to be sure, master.' 'D-n the brewer!' said Sir Toby, what am I to do with him at this hour?' 'Have you got ever a hamper in the house, master ?' 'Why, yes, I believe you may find one in the cellar.' A hamper was procured, and the brewer was deposited, bent nearly double by the pressure. 'Now master,' said the fellow, 'a bargain's a bargain-pay me two guineas, and I'll carry him to the inn.'-The money was paid, and the man marched off with his load. The poor brewer was directed to the surgeon in Staffordshire, and sent the next day to his place of residence. The ser Sir Toby had no time to advise his friend of his new visitor, and it happened on his arrival the surgeon was out. vants naturally supposing the hamper contained wine, or something equally pleasant to the palate, made bold to cut the cord, in order to satisfy their curiosity, when up sprung the brewer, who from his pressed situation, received elasticity sufficient to throw himself upright in the hamper; the room was immediately deserted with the greatest precipitation; a general alarm was given, and the town was up in arms. The servants were certain there was a man in a basket, but whether alive or dead they could not positively say. One country fellow, however, thought of an expedient to reduce the matter to a certainty. He first peeped through the key-hole, and was convinced he saw a man sitting in the hamper-he then through a small opening of the door, presented a loaded blunderbuss, and discharged the contents in so effectual a manner, that Sir Toby's subject was totally spoiled, and unfit to make the conspicuous figure intended in the Staffordshire Museum THE SPECTACLES. ROBIN, who to the plough was bred, To read with glasses 'cross their nose, If he could furnish folk that need With glasses that could make 'em read? The other op'd the Bible book. The drawer contain'd of glasses plenty, Buy crutches for to stump about?" A QUACK DOCTOR AND his mountebank associate were haranguing the populace from a stage near the market-cross of a country town, in order to sell their quack medicines; he said-Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Puff Stuff, the physician to the great and mighty Kow Kann, Emperor of all the Chinas; I was converted to christianity during the embassy of the late Lord Macartney, and left that there country and came to this here, which may be reckoned the greatest blessing that ever happened to Europe, for I've brought with me the following unparalleled, inestimable, and never to be matched medicines; the first is called the Great Parry Mandyron Rapskianum, from Wandy Whang Whang-one drop of which, poured into any of your gums, if you should have the misfortune to lose your teeth, will cause a new set to sprout out like mushrooms from a hot-bed; and if any lady should happen to be troubled with that unpleasant and redundant exuberance, called a beard, it will remove it in three applications, and with greater ease than Packwood's razor strops. I'm also very celebrated in the cure of the eyes; the late Emperor of China had the misfortune to lose his eyes by a catarach. I very dexterously took out the eyes of his Majesty, and after anointing the sockets with a particular glutinous happlication, I placed in two eyes from the head of a living lion, which not only restored his majesty's wision, but made him dreadful to all his enemies and beholders. beg leave to say, that I have eyes from different hanimals, and to suit all your different faces and professions. This here bottle which I holds in my hand, is called the grand elliptical, asiatical, panticurial, nervous cordial, which cures all diseases incident to humanity. I don't like to talk of myself, Ladies and Gentlemen, because the man who talks of himself is a Hegotist, but this I will venture to say of myself, that I am not only the greatest physician and philosopher of the age, but the greatest genius that ever illuminated mankind-but you know I don't like to talk of myself: you should only read one or two of my lists of cures, out of the many thousands I have by me; if you knew the benefits so many people have received from my grand elliptical, asiatical, panticurial nervous cordial, that cures all diseases incident to humanity, none of you would be such fools as to be sick I'll just read one or two. [Reads several letters.]-Sir, I was jammed to a jelly in a linseed oil mill; cured with one bottle.-Sir, I was boiled to death in a soap manufactory; cured with one bottle.-Sir, I was cut in half in a saw-pit; cured with half a bottle.-Now comes the most wonderful of all. Sir, Venturing too near the Powder Mill at Faversham, I was by a sudden explosion, blown into a million of atoms; by this unpleasant accident I was rendered unfit for by business (a banker's clerk,)—but hearing of your grand elliptical, asiatical, panticurial nervous cordial, I was persuaded to make essay thereof; the first bottle united my strayed particles, the second animated my shattered frame, the third effected a radical cure, the fourth sent me home to Lombard-street to count guineas, make out bills for acceptance, and recount the wondeful effects of your grand elliptical, asiatical, panticurial nervous cordial, that cures all diseases incident to humanity. ALONZO THE BRAVE. A favourite Recitation. A WARRIOR So bold, and a virgin so bright, They gazed on each other with tender delight, "And ah!" said the youth, "since to-morrow I go To fight in a far distant land; Your tears for my absence soon ceasing to flow, On a wealthier suitor your hand." "Oh, hush these suspicions!" fair Imogine said, "So hurtful to you and to me; For if you be living, or if you be dead, I swear by the virgin that none in your stead, "And if for another my heart should decide, Forgetting Alonzo the brave; God grant that to punish my falsehood and pride, To Palestine hasten'd the warrior so bold, But scarce had a twelvemonth elaps'd-when behold! His treasure, his presents, his spacious.domain, He dazzled her eyes, he bewildered her brain- And now had the marriage been blest by the priest, The tables they groan'd with the weight of the feast, Nor yet had the laughter and merriment ceased, When the bell of the castle toll'd-One. 'Twas then with amazement, fair Imogine found A stranger was plac'd by her side; His air was terrific, he utter'd no sound, He spoke not, he mov'd not, he look'd not around, But earnestly gazed on the bride. |