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Rose. A dozen, sir, and they are richly worth a crown. Bul. Come, Ruose; I sold fifty strake of barley today in half this time; but you will higgle and higgle for a penny more than the commodity is worth. Rose. What's that to you, oaf I can make as much out of a groat as you can out of fourpence, I’m sure— The gentleman bids fair, and when I meet with a chapman, I know how to make the best of him—And so, sir, I say for a crown-piece the bargain's yours. Plume. Here's a guinea, my dear! Rose. I can't change your money, sir. Plume. Indeed, indeed, but you can—my lodging is hard by, chicken and we'll make change there. [Goes off, she follows him. Kite So, sir, as I was telling you, I have seen one of these hussars eat up a ravelin for his breakfast, and afterwards pick his teeth with a palisado. Bul. Ay, you soldiers see very strange things; but pray, sir, what is a ravelin Kite. Why, 'tis like a modern minced pie, but the crust is confounded hard, and the plums are somewhat hard of digestion. Bul. Then your palisado, pray what may he be 2– Come, Ruose, pray ha’ done. Kite. Your palisado is a pretty sort of bodkin, about the thickness of my leg. Bul. That's a fib, I believe. [Aside.]—Eh! where's Ruose Ruose, Ruose 'Sflesh where's Ruose gone * Kite. She's gone with the captain. Bul. The captain wauns ! there's no pressing o . Women, sure. Kite. But there is, sure. Bus. If the captain should press Ruose, I should be ruined—Which way went she Oh! the devil take your ravelins and palisadoes : [Exit. - Kite You shall be better acquainted with them, honest Bullock, or I shall miss of my aim.
Wor, Why, thou art the most useful fellow in nature to your captain; admirable in your way I find. Kite. Yes, sir, I understand my business, I will say it. Wor. How came you so qualified ? Kite. You must know, sir, I was born a gipsey, and bred among that crew till I was ten years old; there I learned canting and lying: I was bought from my mother Cleopatra by a certain nobleman for three pistoles; there I learned impudence and pimping: I was turned off for wearing my lord's linen, and drinking my lady’s ratafia, and turned bailiff's follower; there I learned bullying and swearing: I at last gotinto the army; and there I learned whoring and drinking: so that if your worship pleases to cast up the whole sum, viz. canting, lying, impudence, pimping, bullying, swearing, whoring, drinking, and a halberd, you will find the sum total amount to a Recruiting Serieant. J Wor And pray what induced you to turn soldier * Kite. Hunger and ambition. But here comes Justice Balance.
Enter BALANCE and BULLock.
Bal. Here you, serjeant, where's your captain * here's a poor foolish fellow comes clamouring to me with a complaint that your captain has pressed his sister.—Do you know any thing of this matter, Worthv . #or. Ha! has ha " I know his sister is gone with Plume to his lodging, to sell him some chickens.
Bal. Is that all 2 the fellow's a fool.
Bul. I know that, an’t like your worship; but if
your worship pleases to grant me a warrant to bring her before your worship, for fear of the worst. Bal. Thou'rt mad, fellow; thy sister's safe enough. Kite. I hope so too. [Aside. Wor. Hast thou no more sense, fellow, than to believe that the captain can list women : Bul. I know not whether they list them, or what they do with them, but I’m sure they carry as many women as men with them out of the country. Bal. But how came you not to go along with your sister? Bul. Lord, sir, I thought no more of her going than I do of the day I shall die: but this gentleman here, not suspecting any hurt neither, I believe—You thought no harm, friend, did you? Kite, Lack-a-day, sir, not I I shall marry her to-morrow. Bal. I begin to smell powder.—Well, friend, but what did that gentleman with you ? Bul. Why, sir, he entertained me with a fine story of a great sea-fight between the Hungarians, I think it was, and the wild Irish. - Kite. And so, sir, while we were in the heat of battle—the captain carried off the baggage. Bal. Serjeant, go along with this fellow to your ca; tain, give him my humble service, and desire him to discharge the wench, though he has listed her. But, Ay, and if she ben’t free for that, he shall have other man in her place. Kit Come honest friend, you shall go to my quarters in tead of the captain's. [Aside. [Ereunt Kite and BUL.ock. Bal. We must get this mad captain his complement of men, and send him packing, else he’ll overrun the country. - ** You see, sir, how little he values your daughe ter's disdain, - -
only that I believe
Bal. I like him the better : I was just such another fellow at his age: But how goes your affair with Melinda 2
Wor, Very slowly. My mistress has got a captain too, but such a captain —as I live, yonder he comes |
Bal. Who, that bluff fellow in the sash? I don't know him.
Wor. But I engage he knows you and every body at first sight: his impudence were a prodigy, were not his ignorance proportionable; he has the most universal acquaintance of any man living, for he won’t be alone, and nobody will keep him company twice: then he's a Caesar among the women, veni, widi, vici, that's all. If he has but talked with the maid, he swears he has lain with the mistress ; but the most surprising part of his character is his memory, which is the most prodigious and the most trifling in the world.
Bal. I have known another acquire so much by travel as to tell you the names of most places in Europe, with their distances of miles, leagues, or hours, as punctually as a post-boy; but for any thing else as ignorant as the horse that carries the mail.
Wor. This is your man, sir; add but the traveller's privilege of lying, and even that he abuses: this is the picture, behold the life.
Brazen. Mr Worthy, I'm your servant, and so forth —Harkye, my dear!
Wor. Whispering, sir, before company is not manners, and when nobody's by 'tis foolish,
Brazen. Company's mort de ma vie I beg the gentleman’s pardon—who is he?
Wor. Ask him.
Brazen. So I will.—My dear! I am your servant, and so forth—Your name, my dear?
Bal. Very laconic, sir, Brazen. Laconic a very good name truly. I have known several of the Laconics abroad. Poor Jack Laconic! he was killed at the battle of Landen. I remember that he had a blue ribband in his hat that very day, and after he fell, we found a piece of meat’s tongue in his pocket. Bal. Pray, sir, did the French attack us, or we them, at Landen P Brazen. The French attack us! No, sir, we attacked them on the I have reason to remember the time, for I had two-and-twenty horses killed under me that day. Wor. Then, sir, you must have rid mighty hard. Bal. Or perhaps, sir, like my countrymen, you rid upon half a dozen horses at once. Brazen. What do ye mean, gentlemen I tell you they were killed, all torn to pieces by cannon-shot, except six I staked to death upon the enemy’s cheweaux de frise. Bal. Noble captain may I crave your name 3 Brazen. Brazen, at your service. Bal. Oh, Brazen a very good name. I have known several of the Brazens abroad. Wor. Do you know one Captain Plume, sir? Brazen. Is he anything related to Frank Plume inNorthamptonshire?—Honest Frank many, many a dry bottle have we cracked hand to fist. You must have known his brother Charles, that was concerned in the India company; he married the daughter of Old Tonguepad, the master in Chancery, a very “pretty woman, only she squinted a little; she died in child-bed of her first child, but the child survived: 'twas a daughter, but whither it was called Margaret or Margery, upon my soul, I can't remember. [Looking on his Watch..] But, gentlemen, i must meet a lady, a twenty thousand pounder, presently, upon the