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Kite, Any thing for your satisfaction, madamHere is pen and ink.
(MELINDA writes, Lucy holds the Paper. Lucy. Let me see it, madam; 'tis the same-the very same-But I'll secure one copy for my own affairs.
[Aside. Mel. This is demonstration.
Kite. 'Tis so, madam-the word demonstration comes from Dæmon, the father of lies.
Mel. Well, doctor, I'm convinced : and now, pray, what account can you give of my future happiness?
Kite. Before the sun has made one course round this earthly globe, your fortune will be fixed for happiness or misery. Mel. What! so near the crisis of my
fate? Kite. Let me see--About the hour of ten tolmor. row morning you will be saluted by a gentleman who will come to take his leave of you, being designed for travel; his intention of going abroad is sudden, and the occasion a woman. Your fortune and his are like the bullet and the barrel, one runs plump into the other-In short, if the gentleman travels, he will die abroad, and if he does, you will die before he comes home.
Mel. What sort of a man is he?
Kite. Madam, he's a fine gentleman, and a lover; that is, a man of very good sense, and a very great fool.
Mel. How is that possible, doctor?
-A woman's reason is the best for a man's being a fool.
Mel. Ten o'clock, you say?
Kite. Ten- about the hour of tea-drinking throughout the kingdom.
Mel. Here, doctor. [Gives Money.] Lucy, have you any questions to ask?
Lucy. Oh, madam! a thousand.
for I expect more company this minute; besides, I must discharge the gentleman under the table.
Lucy. O, pray, sir, discharge us first !
[Exeunt MELINDA and Lucy.
Enter WORTHY and PLUME. Kite. Mr Worthy, you were pleased to wish me joy to-day ; I hope to be able to return the compliment to-morrow.
Wor. I'll make it the best compliment to you that ever I made in my life, if you do; but I must be a traveller, you say
Kitc. No further than the Chops of the Channel, I presume, sir.
Plume. That we have concerted already. [Knocking hard.] Heyday! you don't profess midwifery, doctor? Kite. Away to your ambuscade.
[Escunt WORTHY and PLUME.
Enter BRAZEN. Brazen. Your servant, my
dear? Kite. Yes, my dear! but mine is a peaceable spirit, and hates gunpowder. Thus I fortify myself: [Draws a Circle round him.] and now, captain, have a care how you force
lines. Brazen. Lines ! what dost talk of lipes! you have something like a fishing-rod there, indeed; but I come to be acquainted with you, man-what's your name,
Brazen. Conundrum ? rat me! I knew a famous doctor in London of your name.Where 'were you born ?
ay or no?
Kite. I was born in Algebra.
Brazen. Algebra ! 'tis no country in Christendom, I'm sure, unless it be some place in the Highlands of Scotland. Kite. Right-I told you
I was bewitched. Brazen. So am I, my dear! I am going to be married I have had two letters from a lady of fortune, that loves me to madness, fits, cholic, spleen, and vapours shall I marry her in four-and-twenty hours, Kite. Certainly. Brazen. Gadso, ay
Kite, -Or no—but I must have the year and the day of the month when these letters were dated :
Brazen. Why, you old bitch ! did you ever hear of love letters dated with the year and day of the month?
you think billetdoux are like bank bills ?
Kite. They are not so good, my dear-but if they bear no date, I must examine the contents.
Brazen. Contents! that you shall, old boy! here they be both.
Kite. Only the last you received, if you please. [Takes the Leiter.] Now, sir, if you please to let me consult my books for a minute, I'll send this letter enclosed to you with the determination of the stars upon it to your lodgings.
Brazen. With all my heart-I must give him (Puts his Hands in his pockets.] Algebra ! I fancy, doctor, 'tis hard to calculate the place of your nativity
- Here—[Gives him Money.] And if I succeed, l’il build a watch-tower on the top of the highest mountain in Wales, for the study of astrology, and the benefit of the Conundrums.
Enter PLUME and WORTHY.
Wor. O doctor! that letter's worth a million;
let me see it: and now I have it, I'm afraid to open it.
Plume. Pho! let me see it. [Opening the Letter.] If she be a jilt--Damn her, she is one there's her name at the bottom on't.
Wor. How! then I'll travel in good earnestBy all my hopes, 'tis Lucy's hand.
Plume. Lucy's !
Wor. Certainly—'tis no more like Melinda's cha. racter, than black is to white.
Plume. Then 'tis certainly Lucy's contrivance to draw in Brazen for a husband-But are you sure 'tis not Melinda's hand ?
Wor. You shall see; where's the bit of paper I gave you just now that the devil wrote Melinda
? Kite. Here, sir.
Plume. 'Tis plain they are not the same; and is this the malicious name that was subscribed to the letter which made Mr Balance send his daughter into the country?
Wor. The very same: the other fragments I shewed you just now.
Plume. But 'twas barbarous to conceal this so long, and to continue me so many hours in the pernicious heresy of believing that angelic creature could change. Poor Sylvia !
Wor. Rich Sylvia, you mean, and poor captain ; ha! ha! ha!-Come, come, friend, Melinda is true, and shall be mine ; Sylvia is constant, and may
Plunie No, she's above my hopes but for her sake, I'll recant my opinion of her sex.
By some the sex is blamedwithout design,
And, wanting merit to create esteem,
ACT THE FIFTH.
JUSTICE BALANCE's House.
Enter BALANCE and SCALE.
Scale. I say, 'tis not to be borne, Mr Balance. • Bal. Lookye, Mr Scale, for my own part I shall be very tender in what regards the officers of the army-I only speak in reference to Captain Plume for the other spark I know nothing of. : Scale. Nor can I hear of any body that does-Oh! here they come. Enter Sylvia, BULLOCK, Rose, PRISONERS, and
Const. May it pleasyour worships, we took them in the very act, re infecta, sir-The gentleman, indeed, behaved himself like a gentleman, for he drew