of having his mouth and eyes battered up with beef a-la-mode; and at last the master cook found it necessary to send the licens'd wickler to the watch-house in his own defence.

The licens'd wickler in reply, asked the master cook-"Pray didn't I pay for every thing I called for?"-" I believe you might,” replied the master cook." Very well then!" rejoined the licens❜d wickler-and the Magistrate ordered him to find sureties for his better behaviour in future.

Herald.

TO THE LAURISTINUS.

WRITTEN IN WINTER.

HAIL! to thee, ever-blushing lauristine,

That from the heavy snow-flakes still are peering;
With verdant leaves, that like the holly shine,
But thine are thornless, gentle, and endearing;
And thy white blossoms wreathe stern winter's brow,
Like glittering stars that in the dark skies glow.

The rose and myrtle are Love's darling flowers,

And well their charms become his transient smiling;
Shedding soft perfume o'er his painted bowers,

And every sense enchanting and beguiling,
Till some light storm of adverse fortune sweep
The glittering beauties to the o'erwhelming deep.

But thou are Friendship's flower: thy steady form
Pourtrays the purer smile of faithful duty;
Scared by no tempest, withered by no storm,

The day of clouds is cheered by thy mild beauty;
Thou bloomest amid the wintry waste of life,
Like to a guardian friend, or meek and constant wife.
Literary Chronicle.

DARKNESS BROUGHT TO LIGHT;

OR THE

SECRETS OF DRURY DIVULGED!!!
Theatre Royal.

On Monday, the 14th of March, 1824,

Will be presented a New Comedy, (founded on Wycherley) written by the Author of "Giovanni in London," revised by Reynolds, and corrected by Mr. Ebsworth, called,

DAMN IT, HOW WE NICK 'EM!

Old See-'em-out, Mr. Munden.
Slyboots, Mr. Archer.

Old Calm, Mr. Dowton. Everlasting, Mr. Gattie.

Mr. Elliston!

Bashful, Mr. Harley.

Young See-'em-out (a youth of eighteen)

Peter Pompous (author of a tragedy)
Robert Ramble (a strolling actor)
Charles Cataract (a horse dealer)

Selina Rosebud, Miss Cubitt.

Mr. Elliston!!

Mr. Elliston!!!

Mr. Elliston!!!!

Betsy Boisterous, Mrs. Bunn.

After which (751st time) the celebrated Spectacle of the

CATARACT OF THE GANGES.
(The Characters as before.)

N.B. The Free List (and Salaries?) suspended.

The Public is respectfully informed, that during the run of the celebrated Aquatic Spectacle, which has been pronounced by the New River Company to surpass any thing of the kind ever produced, the Box Office will be opened from four o'clock every morning till six in the evening. "Spring for ever smiling."

Mr. LISTON

Will, on Thursday next, commence the sixteenth part of his fourteenth engagement.

The young American Roscius is also engaged, and will shortly appear in a New Tragedy, to be called

YANKEE DOODLE!!!

In which Mr. Kean will sustain a principal character-the scenes in which Mr. K. is engaged to be under his own direction! For the dramatic part of the Tragedy, Mr. Bunn!

Stage Manager,

For the melo-dramatic ditto ditto

Mr. Wallack!!

The serious Pantomimic Scenes under

the direction of

Mr. Barrymore!!!

Ballet incidental to the Piece,

Mr. Oscar Byrne!!!!

The Combats Messrs. Blanchard, Paulo, Noodle, & Doodle !!!!! invented by S

The New Music selected by T. Cooke, Horn, and Reeve!!!!!! The Dresses by Mr. Mercer. Decorations and Ornaments, Messrs. Braham and Stephens.

The Gauntlets, by Mrs. Glover. The Swords, by some Blades engaged expressly for the purpose.-(N. B. They will be drawn by celebrated Artists.)

A new Aquatic and Spiritual Farce, called

BRANDY AND WATER,

In which Mr. Elliston will sustain the principal character, supported by the Comic Strength of the Company.

The Tragedy of

KING LEAR

Will shortly be revived, with appropriate Songs, Duets, &c. selected from the poems of Moncrieff, O'Keeffe, Tom Dibdin, and other Classical Writers.

King Lear, (with I'm the Lad for a bit of a Bobbery) Mr. Kean, who with unprecedented willingness has kindly offered to sing this and the affecting ballad of Tally hi! ho! the Grinder, in the course of the piece.

Edgar, (with Vat a charming Boy Ipe!) Mr. Wallack. Cordelia, (with My face is my fortune, Sir, she said,) Mrs. W.West.

Several new Scenes will be introduced, amongst which a Land Storm will be represented and embodied.-The Winds cracking their cheeks, Grieve.-The "Drowning the Cocks," by that celebrated machinist, M. Cabanel. The "Weak and Despised Old Man," (will be embodied) by Mr. Elliston.-The Spout, by the Manager's Uncle.-" Rumbling the Belly full," by the Choristers and Corps de Ballet, who will be fined by Mr. W. in the morning to give greater effect to their wind instruments at night.

It is with unfeigned regret that Mr. Elliston announces, that the astounding Melo-drama of Lodoiska is unavoidably postponed, in consequence of the regretted indisposition of the inte resting piebald pony Argus. The Proprietor, sympathising with the disappointment of an enlightened Public, submits the fal

lowing Bulletin from the Medical Attendant of the amiable quadruped, as a voucher for his veracity :

Sir,-From the state of my unfortunate patient's health, I do not think he can appear before an admiring Public until next week; his nerves have been shaken by his scenic duties, as it has been necessary to wrap him up in blankets the moment he quitted the stage each night. I shall have the pleasure of examining the rest of the stud and Mr. Winston in the course of the day. Yours respectfully, Το

Sir,

SOLANDER SLOP, M. D.

Theatrical Intelligence.

Mr. Arnold has been much piqued (query, peaked) by the desertion of one of his forces.

Mr. Macready has left town for his health, the atmosphere about Drury being too keen for him.

Mr. Young is inventing a machine to force the Public to remain in the theatre whilst he plays first tragedy; the instrument is called a puffer, but it is thought that it won't answer.

Mr. Sinclair has a principal character in the new Opera of Humbugging. Mr. Duruset, however, has claimed the part, on the ground of having had possession of that line many years.

Mr. Mathews will shortly commence, às usual, to laugh on one side of his mouth, and hopes public desertion will not force him to laugh on the wrong side.

Mr. Bartley intends preparing a Lecture on Greece (and fat), and will lean to the popular side of the question.

On dit Mr. W. of Drury, is going to open a Riding School, to practise at the side scenes; those who wish for a horse with wings, will now have an opportunity of meeting with a Pegasus. Mr. Elliston has declared his intention of managing the drops in future himself.

EPIGRAM

ON MISS TENANT, A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY.
A neat little freehold I have in my eye,
Which (if I were younger) to purchase, I'd try;
But no one must dare o'er its beauties to range,
Till the name of the sweet little Tenant he change;
He then will enjoy a most choice little wife,
And her title convey'd, he'll be tenant for life.

Original.

THE WAY TO CURE THE EVIL,

AND INCREASE THE COMPLAINT.

JAMES BEEDER, a working gardener in the service of Mr. Jenks, in the New-road, was brought to the police office, upon a warrant by the officers of St. James's parish, to compel him to provide for the maintenance of his illegitimate child.-Lucy Lordon, a very fine-looking young woman, the mother of the child, attended with the infant in her arms. The Magistrate asked him what he could afford to pay? He said he could not afford to pay any thing out of his wages, which were only 10s. a week. The Magistrate said he could scarcely credit that. Beeder repeated that this statement was true; but, said he, "Your Worship, I can settle the matter without all this bother; the young woman is a very good young woman, and bears a good character, and I will marry her;" and at the same time taking the girl by the hand, he asked her, "What do you say, Lucy, will you have me?" The young woman blushed with more modesty than might be expected; and holding down her head while her countenance brightened with joy, she faintly replied, "I will with all my heart, James." Beeder then said, "I will make you as happy as I can; but dang it, girl, why didn't you come to me, and we could settle the thing before, instead of staying away from me, and bringing me here?" He then closely examined the child, and said, "I know, Jack (the child's name), you are mine, for you are the very image of me." The Magis