quarters were ridiculous enough. Lady Racket was discoursing about a new novel; Sir Wetherby Justle was holding forth on horse-racing; a new Member was affecting the ministerial tone, and laying down the law to a deaf Dowager who had the best of it, for she was paying attention to an antiquated Exquisite the whole time. Mrs. Marvellous told me that Lady T- was ruined, and she owed her butler only one thousand guineas. 'Lady Longtick has made a good thing of it, to-night," whispered Lady R-'s maiden aunt to a young Guardsman; "her dress-maker will now have a chance of being paid," continued she. "A complete hoax! the majority was certain," broke upon my ear from another quarter."A love match, upon my honour," observed an Insipid, lolling on the arm of a couch." A maiden speech," observed the Member to a gouty Bishop.-" Not an hohour in the world," echoed from a neigh bouring card-table; whilst Count Mainville was talking politics, and Sir Harry was saying the most gallant things imaginable to the Lincolnshire Heiress. Lady Lovemore passed by at this moment convulsed with rage, but bridling her temper as well as she could. She had not only lost at cards, but perceived a happy rival in the affections of the Colonel, to whom he was paying the warmest assiduities, and her rival had smiled contempt. Lady Racket even seemed to enjoy the defeat of Lady Lovemore: "I fear that your Ladyship is not well," said Lady R. to her in an assumed tone of pity and kindness. "A sick headache which distracts me," answered Lady L. and flounced away unattended by a beau, which circumstance was observed with different remarks and comments from half a dozen different quarters at once. How little charity one female has for another, thought I and at cards this quality exists not. I now perceived Sir Herbert, who had been looking over his wife's play, and must have been giving her some unwelcome hints. "Did I play ill in trumping?" sweetly and softly uttered she in a silvery tone. "Not at all," replied he, in a sharp tone: "if you wished to lose, you could not play better." She gently raised up her shoulders and heaving a sigh, said, "My dear, I am sorry for it." "Its always the same," exclaimed he, and broke unkindly away from her. What a pity that a few hearts and clubs, ill painted upon the surface of a card, should occasion such contending passions, should sow such dissentions, and embitter the hours of so many rational beings!--that a card played out of place or without judgment, should mar the domestic felicity of an otherwise happy couple! and that Lady Maxton should persevere in playing without any abatement of ill fortune abroad, or of dryness and blame at home. I now perceived a number of the beau monde going to their carriages, and upon striking my repeater, found that it was four o'clock. Thus were four hours consumed, when I retired to rest; but the countenances at the loo-table were before my eyes in my dream, and I longed to be able to give a little advice to the fair creatures in question. THE HERMIT IN LONDON. PROFESSOR OF SIGNS, OR TWO WAYS OF TELLING A STORY. King James VI. on removing to London, was waited upon by the Spanish Ambassador, a man of erudition, but who had a crotchet in his head that every country should have a professor of Signs, to teach him and the like of him to understand one another. The ambassador was lamenting one day, before the King, this great desideratum throughout all Europe, when the King, who was a queerish sort of man, says to him, "Why, I have a Professor of Signs in the northernmost College in my dominious, viz. at Aberdeen; but it is a vast way off, perhaps 600 miles."-" Were it 10,000 leagues off I shall see him," says the Ambassador, "and am determined to set out in two or three days." The King saw he'd committed himself, and writes, or causes to be written, to the University of Aberdeen, stating the case, and desiring the Professors to put him off some way, or make the best of him. The Ambassador arrives, is received with great solemnity; but soon began to enquire which of them had the honor to be Professor of Signs? and being told that the Professor was absent in the Highlands, and would not return nobody could say when, says the Ambassador, "I will wait his return though it were twelve months." Seeing that this would not do, and that they had him to entertain at a great expense all the while, they contrived a stratagem. There was one Geordy, a butcher, blind of an eye, a droll fellow, with much wit and roguery about him. He is got, told the story, and instructcd to be a Professor of Signs, but not to speak on pain of death! Geordy undertakes it. The Ambassador is now told that the Professor of Signs would be home next day, at which he rejoiced greatly. Geordy is gowned, wigged and placed in a chair of state in a room of the College, all the Professors and the Ambassador being in an adjoining room. The Ambassador is now shown into Geordy's room, and left to converse with him as well as he could, the whole of the Professors waiting the issue with fear and trembling. The Ambassador holds up one of his fingers to Geordy; Geordy holds up two of his; the Ambassador holds up three; Geordy clinches his fist and looks stern. The Ambassador then takes an orange from his pocket, and holds it up; Geordy takes a piece of a barley cake from his pocket, and holds that up. After which the Ambassador bows to him and retires to the other Professors, who anxiously inquire his opinion of their brother. "He is a perfect miracle," says the Ambassador, "I would not give him for the wealth of the Indies!"- Well," says the Professors, “to descend to particulars." "Why, says the Ambassador, "I first held up one finger, denoting that there was one God, he held up two, signifying that these are the Father and Son; I held up three, meaning the Father, Son and Holy Ghost; he clenched his fist, to say that these three were one. I then took out an orange, sig. nifying the goodness of God, who gives his creatures not only the necessaries but the luxuries of life; upon which the wonderful man presented a piece of bread, showing that it was the staff of life, and preferable to every luxury. The Professors were very glad that matters had turned out so well; so having got quit of the Ambassador, they, next got Geordy, to hear his version of the signs. "Well Geordy, how have you come on, and what think you of your man ?" "The rascal," said Geordy," "what did he do first, think ye?" "He held up one finger, as much as to say you have but one eye! Then I held up two, meaning that my one eye was perhaps as good as both his. Then the fellow held up three of his fingers, to say that there were but three eyes between us; and then I was so mad at the scoundrel that I steeked my neive and was to come a whack on the side of his head, and would a done it too, but for your sakes. Then the rascal did not stop with his provocation here; but forsooth takes out an orange, as much as to say, your beggarly cold country cannot produce that! I showed him a whang of a bear bannock, meaning that I did not care a farthing for him, nor his trash neither, as lang's I ha' this! But by a' that's guid (concluded Geordy,) I'm angry yet that I did na' thrash the hide of the scoundrel!" THE ART OF PRINTING. It will probably be recollected, that Mr. George Clymer of this city, went to Europe some time ago with his "Columbian Printing Press," in order to exhibit in that part of the world his new invention. He presented one of them to the Emperor of Russia. The emperor directed his minister of the interior to have it examined. The minister committed the task to four eminent printers at St. Petersburg, of as many different nations, viz. a Russian, a German, a Frenchman and an Englishman. On a thorough inspection and trial of the machine, the report from these four individuals was so decided as to its superiority over all printing presses heretofore in use, that the emperor, to mark his sense of so ingenious and useful improvement in this great art, presented Mr. Clymer with the sum of six thousand rubles. We have derived this fact through a source which renders it unquestionable, and take great pleasure in giving it to the public as an evidence at once of American ingenuity, and of the munificence of the Emperor Alexander. [Democratic Press. EXTRAORDINARY LONGEVITY. There now lives near Lake Champlain, a man at the age of 133. He is a German by birth; was one of the life guard when Queen Anne was crowned in 1702, and was then 18 years old. He remained a soldier until the close of the French war, and was then in this country. He is perfectly straight, walks spry, has a full head of hair, only in part gray, can see and hear pretty well, and is as little childish as most men at 80. He has quite a military appearance, and is proud of his temperate mode of Kving, haying always abstained from the fell destroyer, ardent spirits. What is most remarkable of all, he has had several wives, and his young105 when she was born!! The above is est child is only 28 years old! making him communicated by a missionary, who visited the old man alluded to. [Bost. Rec. ANECDOTE OF HAMILTON. At the siege of Yorktown, Col. HAMILTON was ordered by the Marquis de la Fayette to take command of a detachment of troops, to take by storm a British redoubt, and to put to the sword his captives, in retaliation for the slaughter at New-London a short time before: Col. Hamilon made an assault on the redoubt and took it, but be spared the lives of all who cried for quarter. When asked why he had not put all his cap"The Ameritives to the sword, he replied, cans know how to fight, but not how to mur der!" EPIGRAM. Whilst FANCY kiss'd her infant care, |