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AN

ANTIDOTE, &c.

CHAP. I. Introduction. The behaviour of a fine Lady, and a Country Squire's mode of salutation to a fine Gentleman. A book-keeper's mistake, and a short dialogue in consequence. Matters accommodated, and Mrs. Placid and her daughter Rachael admitted into the stage-coach, the scene of action for each person concerned in the narrative. A criticism upon new plays, and fashionable publications. Mrs. Placid astonished by an observation dropped by Miss Finakin on the subject of Misery,

THE narrator of any history or adventure is usually expected to give some account of himself; for who will credit his tale, unless they have a good opinion of his veracity? or respect his judgment, without some evidence of his understanding? What a disadvantage then do I labour under, who have nothing to say of myself worthy the attention of my reader! My history, like that of many others, after fifty years' residence in this miserable world, may be comprised in almost as few lines as those of the Antediluvian patriarchs. I was born on a small paternal estate, married rather young, lived tolerably happy for twenty years in domestic life, and was left a widower, without son or daughter to cheer me in my declining years. I am still a man of retirement, and living independent of the world,

B

2

THE STAGE COACH.

seek my happiness in my books, my garden, and the society of a small circle of neighbours and acquaintances. As to my opinions, they may be collected from the observations I shall occasionally make; and as to my character, the most distinguishing trait I am aware of, is an extreme taciturnity. In the following scenes, therefore, I shall rather be a spectator than a performer; and if the reader receives any instruction or amusement, it will be derived from the other parties.

Twice in the year I usually visit the metropolis, to receive some rents and dividends, and to inquire after the health of a few old acquaintances. In my journies, I often meet with amusing occurrences; but, till my last return, never thought any of sufficient interest to commit to paper.

I

It was a fine morning in September, just five o'clock, when I entered the spacious room of the White-Horse-Cellar, Piccadilly, to wait the readiness of a stage-coach, in which I had the day before taken a place, in order to be conveyed about ninety miles to my own habitation. had not sat long, before an hackney-coach drove up, from which alighted a smart-looking young officer, handing out a lady equally smart in her appearance; who, lightly tripping into the inn, was almost instantly in the apartment with myself. A nearer survey, convinced me that the lady, whom, at the first glance, I supposed about seventeen, had arrived beyond thirty,

THE PARTY FORMED.

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though the marks of maturity were judiciously concealed by a juvenile dress, and artificial colouring. The fair lady, without regarding my presence, threw herself into a chair, and exclaimed, "Heavens ! that we should be so horridly early! Dear George, desire the coach-man to hasten, or I shall absolutely fall asleep in this hideous place, and all the powers on earth will not be able to awaken me!" "A new misery! A new misery!" replied the youth, upon my honour, set that down." "Who talks of misery ?" vociferated a coarse voice close to the door, " who talks of misery in a fine September morn ing, any where but in London ?" Immediately entered a jolly middle-aged man, in boots and buskins, with a whip in one hand. The other being unoccupied, he presented to the young officer, and with a most tremendous smack, and a hearty shake, "Good morrow, captain," said he, "it does me good to see you."

The young soldier looked as though he was not much pleased with this salutation; and, for myself, I congratulated my choice of a plain brown, which secured me from all observation. The coach-man now made his appearance, and received a few hard words from the squire for his delay, it being a quarter of an hour after the fixed time for our departure. He said all was ready, but there had been a little mistake about booking place; and, pointing to a youth who had enter

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