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[PICARDY and his Tail, after much severe suffering, with which we are sure all Christian souls must sympathize, bear away the Gander.

SHEPHERD.

This is dreadfu'. It gets waur and waur.

TICKLER.

"Deeper and deeper still!"

NORTH.

We must have the Snuggery incensed and fumigated. Here, James, burn this lavender-Tickler, sprinkle this musk

SHEPHERD.

Oh! that bawdrons there-bockin' within the fender-were but a civet!

TICKLER.

I always carry in my bosom a camphor-bag to allay my passions-there it kindles into a flame.

NORTH.

How providential Shepherd's Ambrosial Fumigating Pastiles!

SHEPHERD.

Alas! alas! a' won't do! The dead sea o' smell neither ebbs nor flows -but keeps thickening in stagnant stench.

[Enter AMBROSE, MON. CADET, King Pepin, Sir DAVID GAM, TAPPITOWRIE, and the PECH, with Pitch-Pine-Torches.

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I seem to breathe, already, in a purer atmosphere.

Unplug.

SHEPHERD.

(The General Assembly unplugs.)

NORTH.

Bring in a couple of casks of Glenlivet-knock in the heads-and in a few minutes the Snuggery will be as sweet as a Still

SHEPHERD.

Amang the bonnie bloomin' heather!

(The casks are brought in-and the purification is magical.)

TICKLER.

Now, North-a song. Theodore Hook himself is not a more brilliant improvisatore than Christopher North. I give the theme-The Glasgow Gander.

Tune and measure?

NORTH.

TICKLER.

Take Lockhart's noble song, "O the Broad Swords of Old Scotland-and oh the Scottish Broad Swords!"

[NORTH rises-and leaning on the crutch-after clearing his throat with a caulker-is thus inspired.

THE GANDER OF GLASGOW.

I SING of the Gander we've got from the West,

Who alive was each peaceable passenger's pest,

And who now is so loathsome and rank when he's dress'd

Oh! the great Gander of Glasgow

Oh! the great Goose of the West!

In what bed of nettles he first saw the light,

Is a point that is hid in the darkness of night,

And we'll leave it to those who such Chronicles write,

As that of the Gander of Glasgow,

The great gabbling Goose of the West,

Of this I know nothing:-nor can I surmise
How or where he grew up to such hideous size,-
For I ne'er heard his name till he first got the prize
As the wonderful Gander of Glasgow,

The king of the Geese of the West.

But henceforth behold him in Glasgow's fair town,
Full fraught with the thoughts of his well-fed renown,―
His head held on high, and his rump drooping down,
The great prize Gander of Glasgow-
The pride of the Geese of the West.

The old Roman Gander that guarded the state,
Was not more absurdly majestic in gait,

Than once was the gander that lies on that plate,-
The great hirpling Gander of Glasgow,
The great cackling Goose of the West.

There was surely in Nature no sight so absurd
As the aspect of this most preposterous bird :—
And surely no gabble was ever yet heard

Like that of the Gander of Glasgow,

The great gabbling Goose of the West.

With pinions half-folded his course see him steer!
Oh! if any one sight more grotesque could appear
Than the Gander in front, 'twas the Gander in rear-
The rear of the Gander of Glasgow,
The rump of the Goose of the West!

This ponderous creature of mud and of mire,
Always look'd as he'd set the Guse-dubs upon fire;
So absurd in his pride, and so fierce in his ire,
Was the great hissing Gander of Glasgow,
The preposterous Goose of the West!

Full many a bout had the BUBBLY and he,

For their trades were so like they could never agree, And their gabbling and gobbling 'twas fearful to see, Alarming the Gorbals of Glasgow,

The peace of the Queen of the West.

The Damsels of Glasgow were stricken with fear,
And fled in dismay when the Gander was near,-
And his LEDA herself must have hated the leer
Of the odious Gander of Glasgow,
The ill-favour'd Goose of the West!

Then, vain as he was, how he shew'd his poor spite
To each bird of a nobler and loftier flight,
Whose region of glory lay far out of sight

Of the blear-eyed Gander of Glasgow,-
The great gaping Goose of the West.

Have you e'er seen a dunce whose unfortunate lot
Is to rail at the laurels of Southey or Scott?
You almost might swear that a hint he had got
From the envious Gander of Glasgow,—
The pitiful Goose of the West!

And whenever you hear such a dunce's abuse,
The cause is the same, and the same the excuse;

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"He's only a Gander, the son of a Goose,
"Like him of the Gorbals of Glasgow,-
"The foul-feeding Goose of the West."

Thus liv'd the great Gander ;-but this could not last,
And a gloom o'er the Guse-dubs at length there was cast,
For his days they were number'd-the sentence was pass'd,
That silenc'd the Gander of Glasgow,

The ill-fated Goose of the West!

For the Agent of AMBROSE, who liv'd in the place,
Had his eye on the bird, as the chief of his race,-
And resolv'd that his carcass THE NOCTES should grace,
For the glory of Geese and of Glasgow,
The much-boasted Queen of the West!

"Twould offend against taste, and might shock the humane,
To tell how the Gander was put out of pain;
And the plucking and basting we need not explain,
Of the ribs of the Gander of Glasgow-

The great greasy Goose of the West.

He had not been placed on the spit very long,
When Ambrose suspected that something was wrong,—
For he ne'er smelt a Goose so confoundedly strong
As the nauseous Gander of Glasgow,
The rank-smelling Goose of the West!

And now he's cut up, and his breast is laid bare,
Oh! what foulness, and rankness, and rottenness there!
'Twould sicken the patron of Burke and of Hare
To look on the Gander of Glasgow,
The hideous Goose of the West!

Now with conduct and carcass so much of a piece,

What are we to think of this foulest of Geese,

But that some Glasgow Whig must have taken a lease
Of the name of " The Gander of Glasgow,"
The King of the Geese of the West!

'Tis hard to believe, in this sceptical age,

In migration of souls, like the Samian sage;

But the soul of some Whig, in corruption's last stage,
Must have dwelt in the Gander of Glasgow,

The unfortunate Goose of the West!

SHEPHERD.

Haw! haw! haw! was that really, sir, an extemporawneous imprompty?

NORTH.

Sung on the spur of the instant, I assure you, James. Indeed, how could it be otherwise? For Ambrose had provided for me an after-piece, which he thought would be " The Agreeable Surprise"

TICKLER.

To follow "The Cock of the North," a mellow dram in three caulkers

No that unwutty, Tickler.

SHEPHERD.

NORTH.

Nor could my prophetic soul anticipate the Gander. But next Noctes, I promise you a more regular and finished performance.

Some epigrams.

TICKLER,

NORTH.

And epitaphs, Tickler; epithalamia and epicedia-different kinds of com

position-though old Pirie of the Morning Chronicle thought them one and the same

TICKLER.

And sung commonly at christenings.

NORTH.

But now, gentlemen, we must be toddling

SHEPHERD.

"Roun' as a neep we'll gang toddlin' hame."

Hoo sweet the Snuggery! Nae noxious air can lang pollute its pure privacy, ventilated, at a' seasons, wi' the breath o' humanest merriment.

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[NORTH bounds over the circular like a Stag-of-Ten.

SHEPHERD (holding up his hands.)

Wonnerfu' auld man!

[TICKLER leaps upon the SHEPHERD's shoulders, and the scene shifts to the street.

BIRTHS, MARRIAGES, AND DEATHS.

BIRTHS.

June 29, 1830. At Sydney, the lady of Lieut.Col. James Allan, of the 57th Regiment, of a daughter.

Aug. 9, At Kandy, Ceylon, the lady of Colonel Lindsay, 78th Highlanders, of a son.

Oct. 12. At Alexandria, Lady Georgina Wolff,

of a son.

14. At Haringay House, Middlesex, the lady of Sir Francis A. Mackenzie of Gairloch, Bart., of a son and heir.

25. At Trinity, near Edinburgh, the lady of Captain R. A. Waugh, of a daughter.

29. At Naples, the lady of Archibald Dunbar, Esq. of Northfield, of a daughter.

31. At 4, Henderson Row, Mrs J. R. Prentice, of a son.

Nov. 3. At 4, Montgomery Street, Mrs James Hewat, of a daughter.

-At 35, London Street, Mrs L. Mackintosh, of a daughter.

4. At 15, St Andrew's Square, Mrs G. Wilson, of a son.

5. At Coldstream, Mrs George Gillies, of a daughter.

7. At Camberwell Grove, Surrey, the lady of Captain Nairne, of the General Kyd, East Indiaof a son.

man,

9. At Restalrig House, the lady of Sir Joseph Radcliffe, Bart., of a son.

-At 37, Melville Street, the lady of Captain Philip Maughan, of a son.

Nov. 9. At New York, Mrs Bushe, (late Miss Noel,) of a daughter.

10. At Ramsay Piace, Mrs Alexander Schultze, of a son.

-At Bellevue Crescent, the lady of William Crawfurd, Esq. of Cartsburn, of a daughter.

-At Bonehill, Staffordshire, Lady Jane Peel, of a daughter.

11. At Swinton, Lancashire, the lady of John B. Barton, Esq. of Saxby, of a daughter.

12. At Melrose, Mrs Clarkson, of a daughter. - At 6, Moray Place, Mrs John Learmonth, of

a son.

17. At Rome, the lady of James Grant, Esq., M.D., of a son.

-At 100, Lauriston Place, Mrs Neilson, of a

son.

19. At Smith Place, Leith Walk, Mrs Miller, of a daughter.

21. At the Manse of Whitehill, Mrs Lind, of a son.

-At 15, Charlotte Street, the lady of James Hope, jun., Esq., W.S., of a son, who only lived, a few hours.

23. At Edinburgh, Mrs Hope Johnstone of Annandale, of a son.

-At Glendevon, Mrs C. Aytoun, of a son. 24. At Craigside, Mrs Robert Alexander, of a daughter.

25. At Ayr, Mrs Wm. Cowan, jun., of a son. 26. At 5, George's Place, Mrs W. B. M'Kean, of a daughter.

- At Tulloch Castle, the Hon. Mrs Davidson, of a daughter.

27. At Warriston Crescent, Mrs Rennie, of a daughter.

28. At Montrose, Mrs Smart of Cononsyth, of a

son.

29. At 34, Clark Street, Mrs John Binny, of a daughter.

At Inverlochy, Mrs Col. Gordon, of a son. 30. At Wick, Mrs Shiells, of a son.

Dec. 1. At Rothsay, the lady of Lieut.-General Sir John Hope, G.C.H., of a daughter.

2. At Charlotte Square, the lady of the Right Hon. the Lord Justice Clerk, of a son.

3. At Edinburgh, Mrs Wemyss of Wemyss Hall, of a daughter.

-At 12, Scotland Street, Mrs Liddle, of a son. - At 5, Albyn Place, Mrs Bowie, of a daughter. 9. At the Distillery Park, Haddington, the lady of Archibald Dunlop, Esq., of a daughter.

- At Biggar Park, the lady of George Gillespie, Esq., of a son.

10. At Edinburgh, the lady of William Pitt Dundas, Esq., advocate, of a daughter.

- At 79, Great King Street, the lady of Robert Wigham, Esq., of a daughter.

-At Fintray House, the Hon. Lady Forbes, of a daughter.

Ät 9, Ainslie Place, Mrs Ivory, of a son. 11. At 11, Ainslie Place, the lady of Mr G. Mackillop, late of Calcutta, of a daughter.

13. At the Manse of Drymen, Mrs Lochore, of

a son.

At Ruchlaw House, the lady of John Buchan Sydserff, Esq., of Ruchlaw, of a daughter.

14. At 32, Regent Terrace, the lady of Captain George M'Donald, 92d Highlanders, of a son. 15. At Dundee, Mrs Symers, of a daughter. -At Langley Park, the Right Hon. Lady Anne Cruikshank, of a son..

17. At Leamington, the lady of Lieut.-Colonel Graham, jun., of Mossknow, of a daughter. -At Greenbank Cottage, near Irvine, the lady of Lieut.-Colonel Shaw, of a daughter.

15. At Belle Vue, Haddington, Mrs William Bogue, of a son.

19. At 21, Charlotte Square, the lady of James Whitshed Hawkins, Esq., of a daughter.

-At Thornhill, near Falkirk, Mrs Macfarlane, of a son.

20. At Greenock, Mrs David Glassford, of a

son.

- At Moffat House, Mrs Jardine, of a daughter. 22. At Bonnington, Mrs Thomas Haig, of a

son.

At 32, Howard Place, Mrs William Napier, of a daughter.

25. At Great Wellington Street, Leith, Mrs George Bell, of a daughter.

24. At Edmonston, Mrs Lawson of Cairnmuir, of a son.

- At the Royal Barracks, Dublin, the lady of Capt. W. P. Bayly, 92d Highlanders, of a son. 25. Mrs Welsh, 60, Northumberland Street, of a daughter.

Mrs Mackenzie, 5, Forth Street, of a son. At Roberton Manse, Mrs Nivison, of a son. 27. At 46, Northumberland Street, Mrs John Dundas, of a daughter.

28. At Buchanan Street, Glasgow, Mrs Lawrence Robertson, of a son.

29. At Scoonie Manse, Mrs Brewster, of a daugh

ter.

Jan. 1. At Clifton, Bristol, the lady of P. F. Aiken, Esq. of a daughter.

3. At Ballyshear, Mrs Macdonald, of a daughter. 5. At Barcaldine, the lady of Duncan Campbell, Esq. of Barcaldine, of a son.

At Dunfermline, Mrs Warren, of a son.

7. At 31, India Street, Mrs W. H. Cockburn, of a daughter.

9. At Torwoodlee, Mrs George Pringle, of a son 10. The lady of Major General Munro of Poyntzfield, of a son.

11. At 18, Hill Street, Mrs Dr Gairdner of a daughter.

At Garnkirk, Mrs Sprot, of a son. 13. At 20, Annandale Street, Mrs Drysdale, of a daughter.

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