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rule the roast which their creature by harangues and inflammatory pla. merely turns; they wind up the jack, cards, and by the nimious use of and round he goes; when about to the diligence of the law (arrestment go down, another wrench on the of a voter for debt, a most mean wheel, and away he flies reasoning in expedient,) he had nearly succeeda circle; or in this age of improve- ed in securing a majority of votes ment, especially in the mechanical in Cupar. The mob there was in arts, our friend revolves by his own his favour, and he and his deputies smoke, which, like a good and grate- (how dignified they!) received with ful boy, he in turn consumes. delight its acclamations, leaving the
Thus, and hence, when by the other party and their friends to be chances and changes in the political hooted and pelted without offering world, the Whigs found such a man any protection.
The affair was not as Mr Jeffrey-Lord Advocate-and very serious, and little or no mischief had him to send to Parliament, done; but it so happened that the his genius, glorious through their inob of Forfar, incredible as it may gloom, seemed to be the only light now appear, were against his lordin heaven, and they called on the ship; and though the affair there stars at his sight not only to bide was as little serious as at Cupar, their diminished heads, but to retire and little or no mischief done there from the contest, and from their own either, except that his lordship" was dim nooks afar not to venture even rubbed,” an express was sent off inso much as to twinkle towards the stanter to Perth for a troop of draluminary that flamed unapproachably goons, whose clanking hoofs, ere over the whole region.
rosy-fingered morn tipt with fire the Perhaps, then, we are not going steeple of that ancient burgh, distoo far in saying that liberty was not turbed many a dream, and awoke the the distinguishing feature of our late burgesses from their ideal worlds of Election. To a lover of liberty like bliss. We shall see, by and by, that the Lord Advocate, the want of that his lordship’s military ardour is of feature must have 'disfigured its the nature of an intermittent fever whole face, and given it the look of -and excited by alarms only on one a diseased wanton who had lost her side of the House. nose. Yet his lordship, a few months By the vote of a non-existence before, had an opportunity of seeing the Lord Advocate got into Parliaa borough or two even more uncome- ment-and by a vote that was a nonly; nor do we think that his own con- existence he may be said to have duct at Forfar was such as to kindle carried the second reading of the a smile on the countenance of that Reform Bill. The glorious Unit was flirting fair. It was acknowledged a cipher. on all hands," that the feather he How sarcastically Mr Croker cut added to his cap in Fife, whatever his Lordship up for that undaunt. might have been thought of it in that ed deception, after his having had kingdom, possessed, if a peculiar, the injudicious, or rather infatuated not a very pure, lustre on this side audacity to accuse all the members of the Frith. His friends could only legally and honourably returned for be silent with regard to his availing boroughs, of occupying seats they had himself of the vote of Dundee, which no right to there, and of speaking and still stood disfranchised, to get him- of being about to vote unconstitutionself illegally thrust into the House. ally on the Great Question! They were He had bimself been counsel for in his Lordship’s haughty eyes -in. Colonel Ogilvy, and had given his terlopers; then what was he who had opinion that Dundee had no right to practised a political cheat upon a send a delegate to vote at the elec- political cheat, and was sitting there tion, an opinion which was after- at the moment, not on a sound vote wards at once confirmed by the of a rotten borough, but bolstered up House of Commons. But worthless by the fag-end of a dead borough, as every one knew the vote to be, it that had once been the rottenest of was grasped at even by a high-minded the rotten, but had since ceased to man; while he and his adherents set have any vote at all ? A ludicrous every engine to work to raise the sight it must have been to see those popular feeling in his favour, and, stalwart knights, Lord J. Russel and
Mr Kennedy, running, open-mouth- at, is to the blockheads and blacked, to the aid of the fallen champion. guards then and there congregated, But the unsparing Ex-Secretary unknown even unto this day. Suf. drove off the ineffectual rescue, and ficient to set
afloat “ that windy susthe Ex-Reviewer, by his silence, sig- piration of forced breath,” was the nified submission.
knowledge of the mere fact that the A man cannot be, like a bird, at “ holy sugh” was in utterance from all places at once; and this want of the lips of the Man of the People. ubiquity on our part must be our ex. Though we have called the mob cuse for not attempting Chronicles by their proper names of blockheads of the High Street and the Canon- and blackguards, we are far from gate on the day of the Edinburgh meaning you to believe that all Whigs Election. His Lordship's speech was and Radicals assembled there answer—for him at least who speaks in ed to that description. Nay, far from general so admirably-a poor—an it, indeed. There were, of course, impotent one, and, as might perhaps besides Edinburgh Tories, always have been expected, very peevish. peaceable, many hundreds of obscure Birr it had none-nor fushion. It people of unsuspected worth—some had all the inflammatory symp- hundred of respectable, and half a toms, without any of the convulsive dozen distinguished persons-among strength, of a brain-fever. Did we the latter, with the fine face and head not dislike exaggeration, we might of the Solicitor between, a brace of say that it reminded us of delirium members of the late Parliament, tremens. The Tories, as is the use blooming from the bed of ber sudden and wont of gentlemen on all occa- dissolution. The dense, foul, and şions, listened mildly to its vapid, or, black mud of the mob was sprinkled at least, airy nothings, and gave the studded-with countenances of the speaker not a moment's interrup- “ finer clay.” A few flowers, (how tion, even while prating his way poetical !) both bright and bold, were through some paragraphs that might blushing among the binweeds—here have been thought somewhat insults and there a lily or a rose-(how more ing to the Elective Body, and through poetical still!)-among the wretched others not free from the expression of ragweeds that were scattered midst something of the same feeling towards gaunt and ghastly Scotch thistles, the party who were his opponents. Of ahungered as the hemlocks by their Mr Dundas his Lordship spoke court- side, which, again, looked so shabeously—as it is his nature to. do; by, that no gentlemanly dog would yet in bis niggard compliments there have condescended to honour them was a tinge of hauteur that was far en passant by the uplifting of his from being impressive. But the thorough-bred leg. An English radi. Whigs—and the Whiglings ! How cal mob is often a fine, jolly-looking they did crow! Their eyes seemed fellow. A Scotch radical mob always absolutely leaping out of their heads painful to look on, from the inhuman from the mere force of want of ex- length of his cheek-bones, and the unpression. During the whole speech, earthly length of his jaws. When you all their mouths stood wide open- hear im-and, what is more trying, and ever and anon, as they drank see him-shout, you know not how and devoured the manna, those chil- to behave; for the sight and the sound dren of Israel bolted out in return --to say nothing of the smell—is at small hurried hurrahs, that, though once so ludicrous, so loathsome, and feeble in their individual capacity, so frightful, that you are lost between formed at times a passable enough merriment, disgust, and terror, and cheer-which being taken up from a unable to determine whether you batch of blockheads on the balcony, shall laugh,puke, or faint-such is the was mouthed to a blotch of black puzzling power of that most unholy guards below, and so, like a sort of triple alliance. lumbering electricity, the rational Pray, will you be so considerate and patriotic noise pursued its path as to tell us how it happens, that on down the High Street, and died away no occasion whatever does a large in the distance among the general collection of people, assembled to jakes. Of course, what they were petition for any thing, ever dream of hooting, and howling, and hurraing bebaying themselves in such a way
as might induce those who have in cies of life, and with what would their hands the thing petitioned for, even seem to be the habitual practice with right and power to bestow or of some of its worst brutalities. Such withhold it, for a few minutes to be beastly bawling, to say the least of so silly as to believe it possible that it, was neither witty nor wise ; and, the petitioners may, in some mea- had we had any doubts about it besure, deserve the boon? It might before, would, we fear, have forced us unreasonable to expect a composed to feel that such a body of self-apand demure demeanour from the pe- pointed electors were fitter to run up titioners, few of them probably being a beer than a Reform bill—to carry Quakers; but why not-on such an down coals in silence to a cellar, occasion as this, for example—should than to carry by acclamation a memthey not attempt to treat us, if not ber to Parliament. Many mobs there with a little common sense, at least are, which we know must be of deswith some small share of common peradoes “all compact ;” but we decency? Of the seventeen thou- were hardly prepared to find this sand inhabitants of Edinburgh who one falling so unexceptionably under had petitioned the Town Council to that appropriate description. That elect the Lord Advocate, as the per- so many ruffians should have been son in their humble judgment best enemies of the magistracy it is easy qualified to represent them in Par- to understand, but puzzling even to liament, a few thousands, let us sup- conjecture how they should have pose, of about the average merit of been such friends of the Lord Advothe whole, were present at “ the cate. Perhaps they wished to curry place where merchants most do con- favour with the highest law-officer gregate.” They surely should not of the crown; but, if so, their lungs have all hissed like geese, and brayed have lost their labour; for though like asses at every intimation, how- his lordship did certainly address ever indistinctly conveyed to them, them in language not usual with such of a vote having been given in fa- a dignitary, "imploring" and "bevour of Mr Dundas. That the can- seeching” them as “ friends” to bedidate should be elected unanimous- have after the fashion of human crealy was a very unreasonable expec- tures, and that he would order away tation in a world of sin and sorrow, these nasty soldiers, that extreme or, in other words, of whiggery and urbanity cannot be expected in the Toryism. It was really too bad” nature of things long to survive the not to allow one single vote to poor day of election; so that some of them Mr Dundas, if it had been but for may yet curse the change of his courthe look of the thing; and then tesy into what to them will then apthey should have reflected that the pear cruelty even beyond the law, finest racehorse-Priam himself, or when, at the instance of his Majesty's Riddlesworth—is never seen to less Advocate, they stand quivering at advantage than when walking over the bar, uncertain, during the dreary the course. Besides, since they had length of a trial, curious from its proved that they could not only circumstantial evidence, whether read but write—witness so many their doom shall be transportation thousand signatures - they should for life, or simply to be carried to have assumed some shew of still the usual place of execution, and higher mental cultivation, had it only there, between the hours of eight been to justify the Schoolmaster and and nine of the morning, on Wednesthe Lord Chancellor. Instead of that day the — of April, (1832,) to be why, they furnished the enemies of hanged by the neck till you are dead, popular education with arguments and the Lord have mercy on your against it, to which it became impossi- soul!"-a prayer in which one crible to turn a deaf ear; and forced all, minal would one day or other have who, like us, are its friends, to con- stood much in need, had he not been fess, in disgust, that a tolerable know- prevented, by our chief magistrate's ledge of letters-yea, even of the strength and intrepidity, from throwwhole twenty-four-may be found ing the right honourable the Lord united in great masses even of the re- Provost over the North Bridge. The formers, if not of the reformed, with ruffian had hold of his lordship an intolerable ignorance of the decen- for that especial purpose; but as much falls out between the cup and violence and bloodshed-for the perthe lip, so does much between the petration of such deeds, from such curb-stone and the parapet. “If ! motives, has always, in the opinion of go over the ledge, you go with me," the high-minded Edinburgh Whigs, said, grimly, the unterrified Tartar been held to be alien from the characwhom the battled butcher had caught; ter of our middle classes. How bitand the cowardly miscreant, extrica- terly-justly or not we are not now ting himself from the powerful grasp saying--they abused the late Lord of a brave man, replunged, with hall- Advocate Rae, but for saying somethrottled execrations, into the dense thing to that effect in the House of mob of electors yelling for blood. Commons! From the rabble alone,
The announcement of the election therefore, must it have been that they of Mr Dundas had roused the rabble feared danger to the persons and proto madness, and they had striven to perties of the citizens from the elec. storm the Hall, that they might mur- tion of Mr Dundas. Indeed, had it been der him and his supporters. If that from that class which includes those were not their intention in their fu who, by the new bill, would as L.10 rious onset against its doors, will any a-year householders become themone of themselves, or of Mr Jeffrey's Belves electors, that they apprehendother friends, please to inform used the commission of robbery and what they were intending, when murder, they might have communihundreds of the ragged and raging cated their fears to the Council as regiment were beaten back from the potent but not as very heroic argu. assault by a score of batons ? Were ments in favour of a friend of that they wishing simply to get a sight of measure. They must have meant Mr Jeffrey, whose person was as yet then the rabble the whole rabble known but to such of them as had -and nothing but the rabble; and ever figured as prisoners at the even then their argument was as bar," panels,” whom his ingenum insulting as it was foolish; for ity and eloquence might have been it is the duty of good citizens to instrumental in helping to escape the enlighten the heads and to strengthen hulks or the gallows ?
the hands of their civic rulers, against Hang-dog-looking blackguards most all criminal intentions and acts of —but not all of them-were; the only the rabble-and, above all, is it their persons among them, that seemed at duty to do so, in those cases where all respectable-some hundred or so the rabble in their ignorance have of shabby-genteel young Whigs ex- been exasperated by the conduct of cepted, who, we believe, had no those very good citizens themselves harm in them, in either will or pow- conduct which in itself they seem to er, and had got hustled in among the think needs no justification-by their gang-being manifestly adorned for speeches, their placards, their newsthe occasion by those wretches who papers, their agents, and their agencome up to the unsuspecting passer- cies, against another part of the citiby, and besitatingly mutter some- zens not so good, we shall suppose, thing offensive about old clothes. and not so wise by far, but still vestThese in the brilliancy of their ap- ed with undisputed authority, and pointments were the elite of the with certain powers and privileges corps—but the shirtless led the van as yet constitutional, and which they in the cast-off pantaloons and boots were about, as they ought, constituof valets and butlers, that they tionally to exercise. Let us hope that might not bring disgrace on the great these gentlemen did not know, precause by too glaring a want of stock- viously to the hour of their election, ings.
what a murderous mob was on their The high-minded Whigs will thank side. And yet, without including all us now for these distinctive traits of the vicious vagabonds in Edinburgh, our description. Yet most culpable how could the petition for Reform were they in priding themselves, be- have borne thirty thousand signafore the day of election, on having tures ? All the male adults—incluwith them the mob as well as the ding those in their dotage-do not people. They never could allude amount to that number and how surely to the people, in their fore- many thousands are there who, soonwarnings to the Town Council of er than have signed that petition, would have put their hands into the the spot, part and parcel of the yet fire? Of the seventeen thousand uncut steak, already almost broiling subscribers, again, in support of the in the sun, so hot his “ perpendicular Lord Advocate's claims, some thou• height” in the meridian hour of the sands must have formed sad, sorry, dog.days. Disturb him then, and and scoundrel sets. Such admirers the scientific warn you that you are of honour, virtue, and chastity, as a dead man. Fell then is the poison hailed Caroline for their Diana, and, in his punctum labeis. Your little with Denman, declared that Queen finger, we shall suppose, is in posof the Liberals pure as the unsunned session of the “ stang.” Look at it snow in the mountain hollow. now, and but for its manual position
Suppose a bee-hive upset-or ra- you would swear 'twas Tom Thumb. ther—for we must not calumniate The whole hand-erewhile so dex. the most peaceable and industrious terous in its muscularity-is now of all the working orders—a wasp's swollen into a blue-puff about as big or hornet's nest dug up from the as a pigeon. The inflammation exdust, or blown to rags on a tree. tends rapidly to elbow-shoulderThere's a ferment! Into a motley neck — back of the head-headglobe of insect-life explodes, as from spine-rump; and 'tis all over with a small centre, the thunder-shower- you ere vespers. Whereas, contrary swarm of stings. Each yellow wretch to all rational but ignorant expectaseems a dragon, and each dragon a tion, the thunder-shower-swarm of devil. What a raging round-robin wasps keeps humming so harmlessly torments the sultry air! We defy you over your head, that by and by you to fix on the ringleader, for they are suspect them to be absolute sirens all ringleaders. Yet, strange to say, in disguise — the masquerade beit is all a hum. Whig naturalists, comes most musical—without being, we know, have said, that in this state like Philomela's strain, most melanof objectless excitement, three thou- choly; and falling asleep under the sand wasps (a populous nest) are very hornets' tree, through “ dream less to be dreaded than one intru- and vision do you sink” away among der, who, intent on jam or jelly on the Silent People in Fairy-Land; the breakfast-table, comes, in his ena- till, without a single sting on your mourment, with ferocious insolence sun-bronzed face or fingers, with a in at the window, which has been start you awake in the midst of your left
open for the sweet entrance of nuptials with the fairy queen, back the breath of incense-breathing morn, into this noisy world, a perfect bapreluding its approach by a rustle in chelor, at the tingle-tingle-ting of the lattice-loving tree, as if the house the dinner-bell, or the sound, maywere his own, and in a sudden change hap, of the great gong, that in India of passion, foul ravisher ! curls him- used sublimely to give forth the self
up in an agony of hatelike love dull monotony of its dismal thunder on Lavinia's lip-no more “a rose through clouds of Mahratta-Horse without a thorn"-rankest poison in- hanging or rolling along the open terfused there, alas ! with the medi. bases of the wooded mountains-and cinal balm one drop of which might how large the leaf of those gorgeous turn bale into bliss, death into life, Oriental trees ! and earth into heaven. We have also Now we believe our Whig natuheard the same Whig naturalist say, ralist was pretty much in the right that the aforesaid thunder-shower- of it in these his anecdotical notices swarm of wasps is not so dangerous of wasps and hornets; but he fell as one single enormous ring'd rob- pretty much into the wrong of it, ber, rushing right, on hissing wings, when he began, from certain facts in into a butcher's shop, and then with the natural history of those winged fierce feet traversing a round of beef, insects, to utter certain falsehoods till suddenly you see him settle down as facts in the political history of on a tid-bit, in fiercest instinct pier- these unwinged ones, called Whigs cing the bloody prey with his pro- and Radicals—to wit, that a mob of boscis, clinging to the red ooze as if them will not hurt á hair of your he would incorporate himself with head, if you but let them alonethat sole relic of an incomparable whereas, ten to one that a single cow from Colonsay, and become, on blackguard, if you but look at him,