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the lineal descendants of King Lud comes the crutch on the deafest leading on the whole power of Cock, side of his empty knowledge-box; neydom, from the floating scum of and though the blow be somewhat scamps to the settled dregs
broken by the ear, it almost, at one
and the same time, communicates “ The black, infernal, cold, tartarean dregs,
and takes away the desired inforAdverse to life"
mation. Others, again, though armed all will soon be upon us, their ranks against us with dag and daggerswelled by Tory trimmers, those sword and spear-shield and buckavowed traitors who will also act as ler-pistol, musket, rifle, carabine, spies, divulge our camp, and by se and blunderbuss-horrent with all cret paths shew approaches to our the points of war - keep stealing position. But, after all, 'tis impreg- from bush to bush-like hungry wild nable; and, whatever be the issue of beasts in thickets-awatch for the the war, this is certain sure—that moment when within shot our back as soon as these our old friends are is turned, to nail us from afar; for taken prisoners, which they will be these are the pale sons of fear-and some hour or other by a charge of bite their lips and thumbs at us in the cavalry that comes and goes like cruelty of cowardice, which, were the lightning, we shall have infinite we dead and cold, would fain lap satisfaction in putting them to death our coagulated heart's-blood. And, with the most exquisite tortures, last of all, lo! those who hate us in sight of both armies enjoying with such a perfect hatred, that at a truce for sake of the spectacle. the very thought of us their black bile 'Twill be a delightful holiday. There boils—at the sight of us their livers you will see them—their ears and quiver like a shrivelled hemlock-leaf noses having first of course been cut —and the wretched Whigs—if such off or slit-hanging with their heads compact be not sworn already on downwards on a-- -But we must other grounds — would sell their not anticipate. Suffice it to say, that souls to Satan, so that we were but they shall be gibbeted in a style that -dead. Sincerity, thou first of would please Tiberius, were the old virtues !” for thy sake, we almost gentleman alive; for the invention love them that hate us—for in that, of a new pain surely shews the same if in nothing else, sincere are their genius, and deserves the same re- souls as Venetian glass-like it, too, ward, as the invention of a new plea- clearly seen through—and like it at
the touch of their own poison, see Pleasant, indeed, it is, far beyond how they fall into shivers ! our feeble powers of expression, to
We are doomed to be in perpetual think of the variety of hostile feel- opposition. Long, long ago, when ings of which we shall be the object. “her auld cloak was new," Maga Variety is, if not the soul, certainly was the most ministerial of monththe solace of life. Some will despise lies—she basked in the smiles of us, and we shall feel flattered by their Premiers-lauded was she by First contempt. True that 'twill be all Lords of the Treasury; and Majesty pretence—but we shall not the less itself shook its royal sides, to the enjoy the folly because steeped in genuine doric of Sir A. Barnard, falsehood-for there is both preserve one of the brightest and bravest of and pickle in lye. Others will seek men, reading aloud to Great George's to humble us into the worm-holes of ear the Noctes Ambrosianæ. Loyal the earth, by assuming ignorance, not is she still, though the times are only of our attributes, but of our be- changed; and renewing her oath of ing; and we think we see the ninny, fealty, she lays our crutch and knout with such hauteur curling on his lip at the foot of the throne. Let our as you might suppose Byron's to king but say the word—and both have shewn, had Byron become a shall flourish. On that crutch the Bauldy, and discovered that bis egg House of Hanover shall yet leanwas rotten, and hear him asking for Blackwood is the bold Bruns“ Christopher North ? Ab! who is wicker who rejoices in the name of he, pray? I never heard of him be- William. And as for the other infore;" —when click from behind strument, let his Majesty but give us
the sign manual — and his enemies common nature of man. Princes, shall have the knout-the whole indeed !- they were, in Cobbett's knout-and nothing but the knout. eyes, but cutpurses of the empire.
The chief of those enemies, we Yet some few Englishmen may percannot help considering his Majes. haps agree with us in thinking that ty's present Ministers. They seem a professed enemy of royalty is a to think themselves secure in their better subject than a sneaking one seats — but why so much sky be- who insinuates his scorn of the sons tween breech and saddle? Of that of his king into a hypocritical restyle of horsemanship we may say, proof of their reviler. “This will never do.” The First Lord Has the nation forgotten the ruof the Treasury is like the tailor ri. mours circulated by the Whigs on ding to Brentford. Soon will they, the death of the late King—that there one and all, be saddle-sick-and with were reasons why a Regency might philanthropic alacrity shall we run be of advantage to the kingdom ? to stop their unruly Rozinantes, and Strange notions had they then of the even to assist them to dismount. modern Alfred-but they were not,
Our Sailor-King may possibly think like Cobbett of old,“professed enethem loyal ; but his unsuspecting mies of royalty," and therefore, spirit will erelong discover its mis- " though they had no great objectake. What is bred in the bone will tions to the substance" of those rushew itself in the flesh; and by and mours, they circulated them silently, by his present adulators will shew and with uplifted eyes and shrughim the same reverential love with ging shoulders—the language which which they smoothed the deathbed traitors love. And as for his Maof his brother, which fell like light jesty's family-did not the "Leading and like balm on the grey locks of Journal of Europe," the hand-organ his old sire's head, and on the sight- now and foot-ally of the Ministry, inless orbs of his eyes that rolled in sult and shame them on their birth, vain in search of one sun-ray to and threaten them, if they dared to cheer or sense or soul. Their cha- shew their faces either on high or racter of that sire we dare not re- open places, to brand Illegitimate peat; but without danger, or, we on their forehead? And has not the hope, offence, we may remind bis same slave, at the bidding of his Majesty, that the Lord High Chan- master's beck—for a freedman he cellor of England, and his less famous will never be who is basely in love friend," the Attorney," have said that with bonds—has not the same slave he is the brother of Nero. “The of many masters shouted forth his Advocate, too-he whom the Edin- pride on the elevation to an earldom burgh mob always designate by the of the very person whose high tasimple circumlocution of the Right lents, stainless honour, and many Honourable Francis Jeffrey, Lord accomplishments, half a year ago, Advocate of Scotland,” once read this could not save him, in a private staloyal lesson to Cobbett—which both tion, from being dragged before the parties perhaps have now forgotten, public by this infamous hireling, and but which is embalmed in the Blue held up to the scorn of the counand Yellow :"Is it too much to say try, because he was the son of the that the zealous advocate of the King ? Bourbons, and of all their connex- Yes-we are doomed to be in perions, might have been expected to petual opposition. That budget of speak of the sons of his sovereign in itself doth make Antis of us all. As terms of less contempt and acrimony? Pandora's box contained all evilsHis observations on the Dukes of 80 did it all blunders. And what York and CLARENCE, though we had will the same blockheads be about, no great.objections to their substance, does the nation suppose, when they are certainly too much in the style have settled—if ever that be the of the professed enemies of royalty.” Question of Reform ? The Bill, and The critic on Cobbett l: ad no great the whole Bill, perhaps we are to objections to the substance of the have; but is it indeed true that we observations. And what was it? are to have nothing but the Bill ? Such brutal abuse as left the Dukes On such provender the people will of York and Clarence hardly the starve. Yet, what other good shall
we get from the Incapables, who bit the nether end of our Article in know not even how to offer the na- comparative repose, just like that tion a pinch of snuff, or a quid of gentleman walking his tit into the tobacco ? These are, in some sort, nearest market town. the loathsome luxuries of life. But All persons who are now of opini. wait till the Imbeciles attempt to lay on that Parliament needs but little rea tax on Necessaries-and then their form, and all who are averse to such measures will stink in the nostrils of reform as his Majesty and his Ministhe whole nation. In Scotland-un- sters now propose giving us, are set less it be very severe indeed-the down by that reforming Ministry, tax will be little productive; and if and their unreformed adherents, as it be very severe indeed-why there enemies of the King, the country, will be a Rebellion after a Revolu- and the constitution. Now, the tion, Reform on the back of Reform, Three Bills are not yet three months out will turn the Whigs, in the To- old-they are not so much as stirks ries; the justly obnoxious tax-the -mere calves; and let us hear how reverse of a poll one-will be taken some of their chief eulogists used to off in the midst of the most extraor- express themselves on the subject dinary vociferations, and the country of Parliamentary Reform, before will be saved.
these abortions baa'd. Let us begin The Ready-Reckoner has other and end, for the present, with one figures to sum up—and other ciphers of the most eminent and able of to set down-besides those that ap- them all-the Lord Advocate. Sepear upon the Bills of Reform. But venteen tho usand signatures lately not a single soul among all the Whigs bore attestation to his character as has encountered Cocker but Joseph a consistent, steady, and enlightened Hume; he is not a flaming mini- Friend of Reform. As the proof of ster; and many an error of omission the pudding lies in the eating of it, and commission drops from his pen 80 does the proof of bis Lordship's as he summeth up the “tottle of the politics lie in the reading of them; whole.” But we must have another and, therefore, without questioning Budget. The old bag is burst past the knowledge of the Deacons of the mending, nor will the only Sadler in Tailors, Dyers, and Bonnet-makers, the House stitch up the gaping let us see if its accuracy be as cor. wound. Worse still, the contents rect as its range is extensive; and have been all scattered on the floor ascertain, from chapter and verse, -the winds of Derision have waft. whether or no their faith, which is ed, and the besom of Destruction that of the Bill, the whole Bill, and has swept them clean away-and nothing but the Bill, coincide with the abortive Budget evaporated in the faith of Mr Jeffrey, as for upsteam and smoke.
wards of twenty years it was elaboSo much for the Headpiece-now rately and periodically expounded in for the Body-and by and by-the the celebrated Blue and Yellow, the Tail of our Article. If either article far-famed Edinburgh Review. or animal have a good headpiece, We shall not weary the Deacons he may be easy about his body, and by any lengthened analysis of the almost indifferent about his tail. Yet first two articles-able both-that by all three are essential to a perfect implication discussed the subject of article or animal, for every produc- Parliamentary Reform in that Jourtion, either of Nature or of Art, nal. We refer the Deacons to them, should, like an epic poem, have a in two early numbers of the work beginning, a middle, and an end. with which they are so familiar, unThat our Article has had a begin- der the titles of " Memoires de Bailning, nobody will deny-now let us ly" and “Filangieri on Legislation." rush in medias res—and pulling up at In the first of these two excellent the eighth page, as on the successful articles-written by Mr Brougham completion of a trotting-match, for-but which Mr Jeffrey, in a subsethat distance, at the rate of three mi- quent article, makes his own, by nutes to the mile, you might suppose giving us, with complete acquiesthat prince of sportsmen, Mr Os- cence in all its doctrines, a very ele. baldestone, on Miss Turner, Rattler, gant abridgement—the highest, and or Tom Thumb, we shall then exhi- we believe the justest, panegyric is
pronounced on the British constitu- point of fact, that our Parliament, as tion as it then existed, now exists, it is now constituted, does actually and we fear, ere a few months elapse, possess the requisites which we have will exist no more. Here is that ele- just now specified, and does actually gant abridgement
perform the functions on which its “ On a former occasion we endea- substantial value depends ? In spite voured to shew, that the most per- of placemen and pensioners, and fect representative legislature must purchasers of boroughs, and nomibe that which united in itself the nees of lords, the House of Commons greatest proportion of the effective unquestionably contains a sufficient aristocracy of the country, or con- number and variety of persons to retained the greatest proportion of the present all the different opinions, and individuals who actually swayed the maintain all the different views of opinions of the people, by means of policy, which exist in the country at their birth, wealth, talents, or popu- large. There is no sentiment so demolar qualities. In this way, it was at- cratical-no accusation so uncourttempted to be shewn, that the nation ly-no interest so local—but it finds was ultimately governed by the same there a voice to support and assist individuals who, in their separate it.”. capacities, could have directed the Now, we ask the Deacons what sentiments of a very large majority; they say to that panegyric on Parliaand that this was the only way in ment? Might they not imagine that which the opinions and wishes of the this was not the logic of Francis Jefpeople could be practically repre- frey--but of Christopher North ? sented. Now, upon this footing alone, Had these been the opinions of the as it is evident that rank, fortune, and Lord Advocate too—then there is no official situation, are among the most saying but that the Seventeen might powerful of the means by which men have elected his lordship instead of are enabled individually to influence Mr Dundas. But, Deacons ! do you the opinions and conduct of those call this backing the Bill ? Deacons ! around them, so it follows that those do you persist in praising the con qualifications should have their duesistency of his Lordship's “political share in returning members of the literature ?” Deacons ! if this be legislature; and that the government Parliament, what need of Reform ? could not otherwise be either stable Deacons! if this be not Parliament, or respectable. The real power of when did it lose its virtues ? Deaevery country is vested in what we cons ! if such never were its virtues, have called its effective aristocracy; why so indiscriminate in your euloand that country is the happiest, in gies on the “ political literature" of which the aristocracy is most nume- the Man of the People ? rous and most diversified as to the In the article on Filangieri on Lesources of its influence; that govern- gislation, we find opinions equally ment the most suitable, secure, and enlightened, and equally panegyrical beneficial, which is exercised most on the constitution of our of late so directly by the mediation of this much abused Parliament—that conaristocracy. In a country where stitution of Parliament which so disrank, wealth, and office, constitute satisfies our Deacons. Thus the Rethe chief sources of influence over viewer saith—“ If we think more individuals, it is proper that rank, lightly than others of some celebrawealth, and office, should make the ted parts of our constitution, we are greatest number of its legislators." not less persuaded than they are of
Such is (was) Mr Brougham's and its intrinsic durability. We look less Mr Jeffrey's Idea of a Perfect Com- to the letter of the law than the real monwealth ; and it was, they thought, spirit and form of the
general system. realized in the British constitution. The whole British Constitution has Mr Jeffrey says-"Now, without pre- undergone a mighty change in the last tending to justify the irregularities century: it has settled, to use the which certainly subsist in our sys- builder's phrase ; it has shifted its tem of representation, and without centre of gravity; and the political arguing on the probable effects of theorems of past times are no longer these irregularities, we would mere applicable to it. Maximus novator ly ask, Whether it can be denied, in tempus. The hand of the great Re
former has passed over the fabric.". “ in the recent numbers of his Politi. There is one Deacon in particular cal Register to spread abroad a general who will feel the beauty of the build- discontent and disrespect for the coner's phrase,“ it has settled;" and who stitution, usages, principles, and prowill understand the danger, as well ceedings, of Parliament! to commuas the folly of tampering with an edi- nicate a very exaggerated and unfair fice“ which has shifted its centre of impression of the evils, abuses, and gravity.” Who ever denied it was inconveniences which arise from the founded on a rock? Why then touch present system of government,” &c. it at all? Or, Deacon! if thou dost, Mr Jeffrey was particularly shocked must it not be with a gentle hand, with the following, passage about “ for there is a spirit in the stones ;" Parliament, which he quotes with and methinks we hear those at the much horror. “I see not the least corners pleading trumpet-tongued room to suppose that any insinuaagainst“ the deep damnation of their tions, however foul, can sink the taking off.” All the Eleven Deacons, character of the House in the opinion and all the Eleven Thousand Signa- of the country. No, the House is tures, know who was Filangieri. The not to be affected by insinuations Editor of the Edinburgh Review fear of any sort. Its character has long ed him for that he was a reformer; been such as to set all insinuations and shewed, somewhat scornfully, at defiance. I venture to assert, that certain strong reasons why no re- its character is far beyond the reach former should on an edifice “ that of detraction.” “
“ After this,” quoth had settled” lay his sacrilegious Mr Jeffrey, we need not quote hands.
any of his sneers at the honourable But perhaps the Eleven Deacons, and House.” “Still less,” he adds, the Seventeen Thousand Signatures it be necessary to retail any of his have forgot all they ever knew—were good old democratic sayings, as to it little or much-about Jean Sylvian the inadequacy of the representa, Bailly and Gaetano Filangieri—and tion,” &c. All this was very wicked are more at home on William Cobbett. in Mr Cobbett, and we agree with Mr He has all along been a sad fellow Jeffrey that such sneers were too -and Mr Jeffrey once on a time intolerable to be retailed. But what gave him such a dressing, that the thinks Mr Jeffrey of the following Edinburgh Deacons of those days sneers—not from Mr Cobbett—but thought he never could survive it, but from a steam-engine called the Times, would give up together the Political now in the service of that governRegister and the Ghost ? But Wil- ment of which the Lord Advocate liam Cobbett lived on, and so did is one of the stanchest friends and Francis Jeffrey; and by some of those most faithful servants ?
“ That enestrange chances and changes that my is now the usurper of the peohappen with all men, the Lord Ad. ple's franchises--the cutpurses of vocate now not only holds the very the people's money—the robber of self-same political principles for the public treasury under the forms which he formerly strove to extin. of the law-of law enacted by the guish the fretful Peter Porcupine, plunderer himself to favour his own after having first plucked out, as he extortion-his own systematic consupposed, all his quills, but vehe- version of the fruits of other men's mently striveth he with tongue, tooth, industry to selfish or criminal uses. and nail, to make them the law of When night after night borough-nothe land and the constitution of the minees rise to infest the proceedings state. Were the Deacons aware of of the House of Commons with arthis when they were concocting their guments to justify their intrusion petitions in panegyric of the uniform into it, and their continuance there, consistency of the “political litera- thus impudently maintaining wbat ture” of their unchangeable man? the lawyers call' an adverse pos
Why so fiercely raged then Mr session,' in spite of judgment against Jeffrey against Mr Cobbett; yea, even them, we really feel inclined to ask as if he were seeking to devour him why the rightful owners of the House like a roaring lion ? Verily, because should be insulted by the presence —to use the words of the Great Un- of such unwelcome inmates? It is, changeable-Mr Cobbett had striven beyond question, a piece of the broad