-Within a week, perhaps a day,
You'll see the part you have to play.
The man I had, whom you have seen,
Might still beneath this roof have been,
But he by coughing was worn down
To a poor gasping skeleton,
And 'twere not fit I should endure
One in my house I could not cure
He would not prove a tempting sign
To spread the fame of ANODYNE:
But in the time he here remain'd,
He had a little fortune gain'd.
-Your knowledge, which I well can trace,
Is far above a servant's place,
And would a higher station grace.
The pleasing manners you possess,
Your winning speech and nice address,
Might call to your ambitious view,
An higher state than you pursue;
Though still your savings you might waste,
Before you're suited to your taste.
-Such aid as your's I long have wanted,
And if my warm proposal's granted,
You must at once grow wond'rous dull,
Or soon your pocket will be full :
Here, in one year, you will get more
Than with your noble lords in four.
Nay, on the honour of a friend,
Who no deception can intend,
You'll greatly err, if you decline
Such an official place as mine.
-I'll teach you how to cup and bleed;
These operations you will need ;
The pulses' movements you shall know,
When they are either high or low :
While other symptoms of disease
I can communicate with ease.
All this, if I the truth discern,
Your ready mind will quickly learn.
Besides 'tis right to let you know
You'll have no nauseous work to do;
For the old woman spreads the blisters,
Rolls up
the pills and stirs the clysters.
While 'tis my hand alone composes
The patients' necessary doses,
And your chief care is to dispense
These med'cines with your eloquence.
-But I have sick folk to attend,
So while away an hour, my
And as I trust you'll stay and dine, We'll close our bargain o'er our wine."
T often happens as we range
Through life, an unexpected change, With sudden stroke may pain destroy And turn our thoughts from grief to joy: Or as some shock cuts off relief May turn a flow of joy to grief. Thus our days' varying system bears Th' alternate play of hopes and fears: Nay, when more pleasant views provoke, May turn our gravity to joke. Besides, as in the Drama's art, The scene displays the varying part, So apt are we to play the fool, We serve for our own ridicule : And when sly Fortune's pleas'd to vary Our progress with some strange vagary, We oft become such merry elves To burst with laughter at ourselves.
Thus as QUE GENUS pac'd the room,
Reflecting on the time to come,
And all the heap of promis'd good
By ANODYNE to be bestow'd;
That he was to be cramm'd with wealth,
And turn all sickness into health;
His fancy, tickled at the thought,
He set each serious wish at nought,
And laugh'd till his sides seem'd to crack,
To think he should become a Quack.
But when he had indulg'd the joke
Which this idea might provoke,
He thought more gravely of the case
And vow'd to take the proffer'd place:
At all events, he could but try
This self-same scheme of quackery:
At least some knowledge he should gain,
And knowledge never comes in vain.
Indeed, what harm, if he succeed in
The arts of cupping and of bleeding?
The lancet's power to command
Might be of use in any hand,
And e'en in any hand might save
A forlorn suff'rer from the grave;
While he might well instructed be
In principles of Pharmacy.
He also felt that application
Might fit him for a better station;
That in some distant country town,
He might a Galen's title own:
Where, if his fortune did not vary,
He might strut an Apothecary.
Thus between gravity and smile Conceit play'd its full part the while, Though not without a view to gains Which might reward his present pains: Indeed he knew the means that made 'em, For he had for Sir Jeffery paid 'em : As while for potion, pill and plaister A golden fee awaits the master; He found it was a useful plan, With lesser coin, to fee the man,
Who had the means to lift the latch
That did the secret wish dispatch;
And could th' impatience set to rest
Of the more eager, grumbling guest.
-Thus, with lively hope high-season'd,
QUE GENUS walk'd about and reason'd;
And, in his Pericranium fast,
This grave opinion fix'd at last :
If not in honour, yet in purse,
He might go further and fare worse,-
But if no other good were done,
There might be sure a world of fun.
Patients that morning had been plenty,
Not less it seems than five-and-twenty;
This the old woman smiling stated,
And told him that the dinner waited.
The table shew'd a plenteous treat
Of fish and fowl and sav'ry meat,
But poor QUE GENUS scarce could eat.
For, though prepar'd for any diet,
His hunger soon repos'd in quiet.
The Doctor fed, but talk'd the while,
Of gastric juice and flowing bile;
Of kidneys and o'ergrowing liver,
As of sore eyes now cur'd for ever;
What his fam'd Nostrum had perform'd,
And how it had the bowels storm'd
Of guttling Gourmand with such force,
That it a passage made of course,
Which three great Doctors tried in vain,
With all their boasted skill to gain.
Besides our hero did not know
How cookery went on below,
And he might think, poor dainty sinner,
That the same hands had dress'd the dinner,
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