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It use' to soun' like de mornin' breeze,
What say, marster? Yo' say you knows 8-
A BUMMER'S PHILOSOPHY. Livin' ain't by no means larky,
'Taint the thing it ought to be; Suthin’s everlastino Crooked-.
Gettin' crookeder, 'pears to me; Seems like it would be refreshin'
To be lyin' in the morgue;
Be a small boy's yaller dorg.
Mules and other animiles ;
They don't have no corns nor biles;
Hats and boots and clo's complete, They don't throw away no breeches
'Cos they're tored across the seat. They all gets a livin' somehow
'Thout the cops a askin' why, They don't go to Blackwell's Island
If they takes it on the sly;
Can a feller? No, indeed!
See how quick he goes to seed.
But what goes agin' the law;
But it's got some kind o' flaw.
Pleasure mostly smells o' sin, Nothin' turns out up to sample
Thank you, friend, I'll take some gin, If a feller likes his bev'ridge
How d’you make him out to blame? Men don't make theirselves, that's certain
Thank you !--James, I'll take the same.
Wot's the use to blackguard liquor
It's the natural human drink,
That there settles it, I think.
People – Thank you !-James, the same-
'Cos he's sort o' woss iss name;
Changed mos' every way, says I-
Them's my sen’imen's. Off? Goo’-by!
DADDY HAGUE AND AUNTY PIGGIN.
To render this monologue thoroughly effective, it requires a good mimio, who is able to impersonate the two characters.
This was a conversation that passed between an oldfashioned couple, and which I happened to be witness to. It was amusing to me, and probably may be so to others. Aunty Piggin was peeling potatoes at the door, when Daddy Hague happened to come along.
DADDY—" Well, aunty, bard at it, I see."
When I was a gal, the young women-for we didn't have ladies in them days —they was all women, and we larned how to do women's work when we was young, and I can't leave it off now. But the gals, in these days--ah, dear!"
DADDY—“Aye, aye. The gals in these days ain't what they used to was, when you and I was young."
AUNTY—“Ah, daddy! we shan't never see any more sich days—when there was dancin' and fiddlin' on Saturday nights, and there were two fellers to every gal.”
DADDY_" Aye, aunty, and sich gals as they was, tue ! There was Hepsy Fling, that lived down to Pleasant Valley, with her uncle ; fine fat gal; weigbed four hundred and fifty, and big round as a hogshead. I recollect how all the fellers used to be arter her.”
AUNTY_“I s'pose, daddy, you han't forgot there was other gals in them times, tue."
DADDY_"He, he. No; I han't forgot, aunty. There was one that ain't far off me now-he, he, he! I think I ought to remember her, for you gin the heartache to Squire Billin's son."
AUNTY—“Now, daddy, how you talk; you ought to be ashamed, you old rogue. Katy, Katy. Bring daddy a mug of cider.”
DADDY_" Yes, and I 'member how Joe Docks was lovesick arter you, tue.”
AUNTY_"Oh, go along daddy, due hold your tongue ! Katy, bring daddy some pie with his cider.”
DADDY_" Yes, and they say the passon cast an eye on
AUNTY—“Now, daddy, due hush. Katy, bring one of the new chairs out of the best room for daddy to set on while he eats his pie."
DADDY—“This is better livin', aunty, than we had in the old Revolutionary War.”
AUNTY.—“Ave, daddy, I 'member the time when Gineral Washington took Bergine.”
DADDY_“Ho, aunty, you are a leetle out there."
AUNTY—“No, I'm sure I ain't; for Bergine was took and all his army; and I 'member what great rejoicin' there was."
DADDY—“Yes, aunty, but I 'members it, tue, and I know it was in the fall of the year; and I wan't fur off at the time. Now, aunty, you can't tell me nothin' abo* that, 'case it was Gineral Gates that took Bergine.”
AUNTY_“I tell you, daddy, it wan't no such thing
was Washington that took Bergine; and didn't it end the war when Bergine was took? No, no, Daddy, you are obscrupulous wild when you talk so."
DADDY—“Why, aunty, I hope you don't take me for a fool, do you ?"
AUNTY_“Daddy Hague, you needn't git into a passion about it. Lor', souls! you are as short as pie-crust !”
DADDY_"Nobody's in a passion only yourself, Aunty Piggin, and you are old enough to know better than to talk so.”
AUNTY « And is it you to tell me of my age! I'm not so old but that there's others that's older. If the hen's gray, the rooster's bald; and it's not for Ralph Hague to tell me about the war. And maybe you hain't forgot the haystack, and somebody that run under it and hid himself when the reg'lars was in sight. So you got sich a good memory, maybe you can 'member that."
DADDY—“Why, aunty, I didn't spose you 'membered so much about the war, because, when I'm talkin' to you, I forgets you was alive in them days. Now, if you was like old Misses Marvin, with her gray head and rheumatiz, I shouldn't forgit how long you lived. But you look young enough to be her darghter."
AUNTY_“Katy, bring daddy another mug of cider.”
DADDY_" You han't altered a bit since you was a gal; that city gentleman that seed you at church axed what young widder that was.”
AUNTY_" Katy, bring daddy another piece of pie. Daddy, why don't you set up for a revolutionary hero, and get the pension ?"
DADDY_" Abem! very true, aunty, you are right; our company never looked after their pensions."
AUNTY “What was your company, daddy ?"