had a large pair of bellows with a long flender muzzle of ivory this he conveyed eight inches up the anus, and drawing in the wind he affirmed he could make the guts as lank as a dried bladder. But when the disease was more stubborn and violent, he let in the muzzle while the bellows were full of wind, which he discharged into the body of the patient; then withdrew the inftrument to re plenish it, clapping his thumb ftrongly against the orifice of the fundament; and this being repeated three or four times, the adventitious wind would rufh out, bringing the noxious along with it (like water put into a pump) and the patient recover. I faw him try both experiments upon a dog, but could not discern any effect from the former. After the latter the animal was ready to burst, and made fo violent a difcharge, as was very offenfive to me and my companions. The dog died on the spot, and we left the doctor endeavouring to recover him by the fame operation.

I vifited many other apartments, but shall not trouble my reader with all the curiofities I obferved, being studi ous of brevity.

I had hitherto feen only one fide of the academy, the other being appropriated to the advancers of fpeculative learning, of whom I fhall fay fomething when I have mentioned one illuftrious perfon more, who is called among them the univerfal artist. He told us, he had been thirty years employing his thoughts for the improvement of human life. He had two large rooms full of wonderful curiofities, and fifty men at work. Some were condenfing air into a dry tangible fubftance by extracting the nitre, and letting the aqueous or fluid particles percolate; others foftening marble for pillows and pin-cufhions; others petrifying the hoofs of a living horfe to preferve them from foundering. The artift himself was at that time bufy upon two great defigns; the first, to fow land with chaff, wherein he affirmed the true feminal virtue to be contained, as he demonftrated by feveral experiments, which I was not skilful enough to comprehend. The other was by a certain compofition of gums, minerals and vegetables, outwardly applied to prevent the growth of wool upon two young lambs; and he hoped in VOL. IV.

P

a rea

a reasonable time to propagate the breed of naked fheep all over the kingdom.

We croffed a walk to the other part of the academy, where as I have already faid the projectors in fpeculative learning refided.

feet

The first profeffor I faw was in a very large room with forty pupils about him. After falutation obferving me to look carnestly upon a frame, which took up the greatest part of both the length and breadth of the room, he said perhaps I might wonder to fee him employed in a project for improving fpeculative knowledge by practical and mechanical operations. But the world would foon be fenfible of its usefulness; and he flattered himself, that a more noble exalted thought never fprang in any other man's head. Every one knew, how laborious the ufual method is of attaining to arts and fciences; whereas by his contrivance the most ignorant person at a reasonable charge and with a little bodily labour might write books in philofophy, poetry, politics, law, mathematics, and theology, without the leaft affiftance from genius or ftudy. He then led me to the frame, about the fides whereof all his pupils ftood in ranks: It was twenty Square, placed in the middle of the room. The fuperficies was compofed of feveral bits of wood about the bigness of a dye, but fome larger than others. They were all linked together by flender wires. Thefe bits of wood were covered on every fquare with paper pasted on them; and on thefe papers were written all the words of their language, in their several moods, tenfes, and declenfions; but without any order. The profeffor then defired me to obferve; for he was going to fet his engine at work. The pupils at his command took each of them hold of an iron handle, whereof there were forty fixed round the edges of the frame; and giving them a sudden turn, the whole difpofition of the words was intirely changed. He then commanded fix and thirty of the lads to read the feveral lines foftly, as they appeared upon the frame; and where they found three or four words together, that might make part of a fentence, they dictated to the four remaining boys, who were fcribes. This work was repeated three or four times, and at every turn, the engine was fo contrived, that

the

the words fhifted into new places, as the square bits of wood moved upside down.

Six hours a-day the young ftudents were employed in this labour, and the profeffor fhewed me feveral volumes in large folio already collected of broken fentences, which he intended to piece together, and out of those rich ma terials to give the world a compleat body of all arts and faiences; which however might be ftill improved and much expedited, if the public would raife a fund for making and employing five hundred fuch frames in La gado, and oblige the managers to contribute in common their feveral collections.

He affured me, that this invention had employed all bis thoughts from his youth: that he had emptied the whole vocabulary into his frame, and made the strictelt computation of the general proportion there is in books between the numbers of particles, nouns, and verbs, and other parts of fpeech *,

I made my humblest acknowledgment to this illuftrious perfon for his great communicativeness; and promifed, if ever I had the good fortune to return to my native country, that I would do him juftice, as the fole inventor of this wonderful machine; the form and contrivance of which I defired leave to delineate upon paper, as in the figure here annexed. I told him, although it were the custom of our learned in Europe to steal inventions from each other, who had thereby at least this advantage, that it became a controverfy which was the right owner; yet I would take fuch caution, that he should have the ho nour entire without a rival.

We next went to the fchool of languages, where three profeffors fat in confultation upon improving that of their own country.

* The project for a more eafy and expeditious method of ́ writing a treatise in any science, by a wooden engine, is entertainingly fatirical; and is aimed at thofe authors who, instead of receiving materials from their own thoughts and obfervations, collect from dictionaries and common-place books, an irregular variety, without order, use, or design:

The first project was to fhorten difcourfe by cutting poly fyllables into one, and leaving out verbs and participles; becaufe in reality all things imaginable are but nouns *.

The other project was a scheme for entirely abolishing all words whatsoever; and this was urged as a great advantage in point of health, as well as brevity. For it is plain, that every word we fpeak, is in fome degree a diminution of our lungs by corrofion; and confequently contributes to the shortening of our lives. An expedient was therefore offered, that fince words are only names for things, it would be more convenient for all men to carry about them fuch things as were neceffary to express the particular bufinefs they are to difcourfe on. And this invention would certainly have taken place, to the great eafe as well as health of the subject, if the women in conjunction with the vulgar and illiterate had not threatened to raise a rebellion, unless they might be allowed the li berty to fpeak with their tongues, after the manner of their forefathers; such constant irreconcileable enemies to fcience are the common people. However, many of the moft learned and wife adhere to the new fcheme of expreffing themfelves by things, which hath only this inconvenience attending it, that if a man's business be very great and of various kinds, he must be obliged in propor tion to carry a greater bundle of things upon his back, unless he can afford one or two ftrong fervants to attend him. I have often beheld two of thofe fages almost finking under the weight of their packs, like pedlars among us; who, when they met in the streets, would lay down their loads, open their facks, and hold conversation for án hour together; then put up their implements, help each other to refume their burthens, and take their leave.

This project is pointed at the pernicious cuftom of contracting the English language, the dialect of which is naturally harfh, and that harshness is ftill increafed by improper contractions. As Swift was fcrupulously exact in the pronunciation of his own tongue, not the least improper expreffion ever escaped his cenfure. And I remember to have feen in manufcript a dictionary of hard words, compofed by him for the ufe of his female fenate. Orrery.

But

But for fhort converfations a man may carry implements in his pockets and under his arms enough to fupply him; and in his house he cannot be at a lofs. Therefore the room, where company meet who practise this art, is full of all things ready at hand requifite to furnish matter for this kind of artificial converfe.

Another great advantage propofed by this invention was, that it would ferve as an univerfal language to be understood in all civilized nations, whofe goods and utenfils are generally of the fame kind, or nearly refembling, fo that their ufes might eafily be comprehended. And thus ambaffadors would be qualified to treat with foreign princes, or minifters of ftate, to whose tongues they were utter ftrangers.

I was at the mathematical fchool, where the master taught his pupils after a method fcarce imaginable to us in Europe. The propofition and demonftration were fairly written on a thin wafer, with ink composed of a cephalic tincture. This the ftudent was to fwallow upon a fafting ftomach, and for three days following eat nothing but bread and water. As the wafer digefted, the tincture mounted to his brain, bearing the propofition along with." it. But the fuccefs hath not hitherto been anfwerable, partly by fome error in the quantum or compofition, and partly by the perverfeness of lads to whom this bolus is fo naufeous, that they generally fteal afide and dif charge it upwards, before it can operate; neither have they been yet perfuaded to use fo long an abstinence as the prefcription requirés.

CHAP. VI.

A further account of the academy. The author propofes Jome improvements, which are honourably received.

N the fchool of political projectors I was but ill entertained; the profeffors appearing in my judgment wholly out of their fenfes; which is a fcene that never

fails

* This chapter is full of severity and fatire. Sometimes it is exerted against the legislative power; fometimes against par