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press; or the more serious nonsense furnished to the English reader from the German school of novelists. But there are few evils from which some good may not be extracted. My time, it is true, was lost; my mind left empty of all useful information; an aversion to serious studies was acquired, as well as a sickly sensibility, which entailed on me much ignorance and misery; yet, by the reading of novels, I was cured of my dread of ghosts, and imbibed a hatred of religious persecution; which latter feeling has taken such deep root in my heart, as to operate now almost as an instinct. One of my German romances produced in my mind an unconquerable scepticism in regard to all supernatural appearances of ghosts and demons, which neither the experience of John Wesley nor the writings of Sir Walter Scott have been able to eradicate. And the gifted MATURIN'S Romance of the Albigenses threw such light on the policy of the Church of Rome, and excited in my mind such powerful sympathy for the persecuted, that I have ever since cordially hated all coercion of conscience, or rather coercion for conscience' sake; for conscience cannot be forced.

This passion for novel reading, which converted my life into a kind of dream, full of joys and sorrows, and vain aspirations, marked the transition

INFIDEL WRITINGS.

45

state of my mind. Reason, so far as I had called it into exercise on some subjects of my religionsuch as Transubstantiation and Penance-had given her verdict against them; or, at all events, hinted doubts that left me open to conviction. In this state of mind, I met with some works of the French philosophers, especially those of that "selftorturing sophist," Rousseau; for whose crude speculations I was prepared by the milder scepticism of Marmontel. Other writers of the same class followed. Their reasoning gratified the understanding, and their eloquence delighted the imagination. They appealed to my judgment; they treated me as a rational creature-as a man; and I felt the proud response of new-born energies agitating my bosom. I soon began to regard Christianity as the offspring of ignorance, and the parent of persecution-as the foe of freedom, and the enemy of human improvement.

While the French philosophy was, like a powerful chemical agent, rapidly dissolving my religious principles, it happened that the Rev. Mr. D. lent me Fleury's Ecclesiastical History. And there, to my astonishment, I found all that my infidel teachers had asserted abundantly confirmed by the testimony of a Roman Catholic historian, recommended by my own Parish Priest. I had read short histories of the church

before, such as Gahan's, but I could never have discovered from these cautious and flattering compilations, that the Church of Rome was any thing but a most immaculate virgin. I now learned from the reluctant admissions of one of her own reverend sons, that she was ambitious, cruel, persecuting, and licentious.

"Les beaux jours de l'Eglise sont passes!"* was an ominous ejaculation to break from the lips of the writer, when he came to contemplate Christianity on the throne of the Cæsars. I was disgusted with the intrigues, the quarrels, and the persecuting wars, in which the clergy were perpetually engaged. I saw their sacerdotal robes foully spotted with the flesh, and deeply dyed in innocent blood: and I said, “Can this religion-so irrational and so cruel-be from Heaven? Is it an emanation from infinite benevolence? Go, seek an answer in the dungeons of the Inquisition and the valleys of Piedmont !"

The Priest soon discovered that Fleury was a dangerous author for me; and so he deprived me of him, stating, that my time would be more usefully occupied reading something else. I was once spending the evening with Father D. and his Curate. The conversation turned on " Cap

*The happy days of the church are passed!"

THE ALTERNATIVE.

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tain Rock in London," a twopenny publication which came out weekly. The Curate denounced it in the strongest terms. "It was, said he, such trash that sapped the foundations of Christianity in France, and led to the French Revolution."

He did not know that this circumstance was to me its highest recommendation. I had always identified Christianity with Romanism. They were never separated in my mind, even in imagination. I had, indeed, read of various religious bodies which the Papacy persecuted; but I never thought they were any thing but what they were called by Dr. Doyle, "vile heretics." Therefore, my only alternative was, Romanism or Infidelity. I saw no Scriptural or rational ground between them, where I might find rest for the sole of my foot.

Reason, then, called for the renunciation of Christianity under the name of Catholicism. But though the passage over the narrow Rubicon that separated credulity from scepticism was but a step, and a short one, yet I trembled at the thought of taking it. I shrunk from the cheerless waste, and frigid atmosphere of infidelity, and unwilling to leave even the tottering edifice of superstition, I lingered on the threshold, and cast a look of reviving fondness on the household gods which I had loved and trusted so long.

Wishing, if possible, to regain that peace of mind in the bosom of the church which had been frequently disturbed and ultimately destroyed→→ like a tender plant which perishes by repeated removals-I was induced to try confession once more. I was determined freely to avow all my doubts and distress. I resembled a person, who, when forced by circumstances to bid a last farewell to all that once was dear, summons up all the energy of his mind to suppress resentment; and, prepared for a great sacrifice, veils the past in oblivion, and yields to the impulsive influence of returning tenderness, hoping that his overtures of reconciliation may be accepted and reciprocated; and, then, failing in this dernier resort, desperately takes the irrecoverable step.

It is a general opinion among the Roman Catholics, as you are aware, that the friars are more holy, and have generally more power with God, than the secular clergy. I had heard some of these gentlemen, as they came round on their annual itinerating circuits, preaching charity sermons, and collecting money and corn; and never did I hear discourses more calculated to arouse the feelings and terrify the conscience. They moved heaven, earth, and hell, apparently with a view to operate on the purses and the barns of their hearers, and sometimes with great

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