That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us, isguised like Herne, with huge horns on his head. Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come, And in this shape: When you have brought an Page my daughter, and my little son, Mrs. Ford. And till he tell the truth, Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound And burn him with their tapers. Mrs. Page. The truth being known, We'll all present ourselves; dis-horn the spirit, Ford. The children must Be practised well to this, or they'll ne'er do't. Sim. Marry, Sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff from master Slender. Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed, and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new: Go, knock and call; he'll speak like an Anthropophaginian* unto thee: Knock, I say. Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as stay, Sir, till she come down: I come to speak with her, indeed. Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: I'll cali.-Bully knight! Bully Sir John! speak from thy lungs military: Art thou there? it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls. Fal. [above.] How now, mine host? Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat woman: Let her descend, bully, let her descend; my chambers are honourable: Fye! privacy? fye! Enter FALSTAFF. Ful. There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with me; but she's gone, Sim. Pray you, Sir, was't not the wise woman of Brentford? Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell; What would you with her? Sim. My master, Sir, my master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go thorough the streets, to know, Sir, whether one Nym, Sir, that be Eva. I will teach the children their beguiled him of a chain, had the chain, or no. viours; and I will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the knight with my taber. Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go buy them vizards. Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies, Finely attired in a robe of white. Page. That silk will I go buy ;—and in that time Shall master Slender steal my Nan away, [Aside. And marry her at Eton.-Go, send to Falstaff straight. Ford. Nay, I'll to him again in name of He'll tell me all his purpose: Sure, he'll come. And tricking for our fairies. Era. Let us about it: It is admirable pleasures, and fery honest knaveries. [Exeunt PAGE, FORD, and EVANS. Though twenty thousand worthier come to SCENE V.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Host. What would'st thou have, boor? what, thick-skin? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap. Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. ened him of it. Sim. I would, I could have spoken with the woman herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him. Fal. What are they? let us know. Sim. I may not conceal them, Sir. Sim. Why, Sir, they were nothing but about mistress Anne Page; to know, if it were my master's fortune to have her, or no. Fal. "Tis, 'tis his fortune. Sim. What, Sir? Ful. To have her,-or no: Go; say, the woman told me so. Sim. May I be so bold to say so, Sir? Fal. Ay, Sir Tike; who more bold? Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad with these tidings. [Exit SIMPLE. Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John: Was there a wise woman with thee? Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one, that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning. Enter BARDOlph. Bard. Out, alas, Sir! cozenage! meer cozenage! Host. Where be my horses? speak well of them varletto. Bard. Run away with the cozeners: for so soon as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from behind one of them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs, and away, like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses. Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, A cunning wom n, a fortune-teller. Scholar like. A connibal. villain: do not say, they be fled; Germans are | And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee honest men. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS. Era. Where is mine host? Era. Have a care of your entertainments: Enter Doctor CAIUS. Caius. Vere is mine Host de Jarterre. Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and doubtful dilemma. Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tella me, dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Jarmany: by my trot, dere is no duke, dat the court is know to come; I tell you for good vill: adieu. [Exit. Host. Hue and cry, villain, go:-assist me, knight; I am undone:-fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone ! A hundred pound in gold, more than your loss. you With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page; Hath a great scene: the image of the jest. Her mother, even strong against that match, [Exeunt Host and BARDOLPH. Fal. I would, all the world might be cozened; for I have been cozen'd and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transformed and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant, they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself at Prime-To ro. Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent. Enter Mrs. QUICKLY. Now! whence come you? Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam the other, and so they shall be both bestowed! I have suffered more for their sakes, more, than the villanous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear. Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them; mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her. Ful.What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow, and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, deliver'd me, the knave constable had set me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch. Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed. Fal. Come up into my chamber. [Exeunt. SCENE VI.-Another Room in the Garter Inn. Enter FENTON and Host. Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy, I will give over all. [purpose, Fent. Yet here me speak: Assist me in my A game at cards. rests: Her father means she shall be all in white; The better to denote her to the doctor, With ribbands pendant, flaring 'bout her head; Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me: And here it rests,-that you'll procure the vicar Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar: Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest. ACT V. [Exeunt. SCENE 1.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter FALSTAFF and Mrs. QUICKLY. Fal. Pr'ythee, no more prattling ;-go.I'll hold : This is the third time; I hope, good luck lies in odd numbers. Away, go; they say, there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.-Away. Quick. I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. * In the letter. Fantastically. Keep to time. Fal. Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince. [Exit Mrs. QUICKLY. Enter FORD. How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall see wonders. Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, Sir, as you told me you had appointed? Mrs. Ford. We'll betray him finely. Mrs. Page. Against such lewdsters, and their lechery, Those that betray them do no treachery. Mrs. Ford. The hour draws on; To the oak, to the oak! [Exeunt. SCENE IV.-Windsor Park. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS, and Fairies. ber your parts: be pold, I pray you; follow me Eva. Trib, trib, fairies; come; and rememinto the pit; and when I give the watch-'ords, do as I pid you; Come, come; trib, trib. [Exeunt. Enter FALSTAFF disguised, with a buck's head on. Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, like a poor old man: but I came from her, master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave, Ford her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you. He beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, master Brook, 1 fear not Goliath with a weaver's Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle. the minute draws on: Now, the hot-blooded I am in haste; go along with me; I'll tell you gods assist me:-Remember, Jove, thou wast all, master Brook. Since I plucked geese, a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy horns. played truant, and whipped top, I knew not-O powerful love! that, in some respects, what it was to be beaten, till lately. Follow makes a beast a man; in some other, a man a me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave beast.-You were also, Jupiter, a swan, for Ford: on whom to-night I will be revenged, the love of Leda;-0, omnipotent love! how and I will deliver his wife into your hand. near the god drew to the complexion of a Follow: Strange things in hand, master Brook! goose?-A fault done first in the form of a follow. [Exeunt. beast;-O Jove, a beastly fault! and then anSCENE II.-Windsor Park. other fault in the semblance of a fowl; think Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. on't, Jove; a foul fault.-When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am Page. Come, come; we'll couch i' the castle- here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, ditch, till we see the light of our fairies.-i' the forest: send ine a cool rut-time, Jove, or Remember, son Slender, my daughter. who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? my doe? Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we have a nay-word, how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry, mum; she cries, budget; and by that we know one another. Enter Mrs. FORD and Mrs. PAGE. Mrs. Ford. Sir John? art thou there, my deer? my male deer? Shal. That's good too: But what needs either Fal. My doe with the black scut?-Let the your mum, or her budget? the white will de-sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of cipher her well enough.-It hath struck ten Green Sleeves; hail kissing-comfits, and snow o'clock. eringoes; let there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here. [Embracing her. Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let's away; follow me. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-The Street in Windsor. Enter Mrs. PAGE, Mrs. FORD, and Dr. CAIUS. Mrs. Page. Master doctor, my daughter is in green when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and despatch it quickly: Go before into the park; we two must go together. Caius. I know vat I have to do; Adieu. Mrs. Page. Fare you well, Sir. [Exit CAIUS.] My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little chiding, than a great deal of heart-break. Mrs. Ford. Where is Nan now, and her troop of fairies? and the Welsh devil, Hugh? Mrs. Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once display to the night. Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mrs. Page. If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be mocked. Watch-word Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart. Fal. Divide me like a bribe-buck, each a haunch; I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and woodman? ha! Speak I like Herne the hunter? my horns I bequeath your husbands. Am I a Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome! [Noise within. Mrs. Page. Alas! what noise? Mrs. Ford. Heaven forgive our sins! Fal. What should this be? Mrs. Ford. Mrs. Page. Away, away. [They run off. Fal. I think, the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me thus. Quick. About, about; Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out: With juice of balm, and every precious flower: Like sapphire, pearl, and rich embroidery, And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be, Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy! lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! Pist. Vile worm, thou wast o'er-look'd even in thy birth. Quick. With trial-fire touch me his fingerend: If he be chaste, the flame will back descend, Pist. A trial, come. Era. Come, will this wood take fire? sire! Mrs. Page. I pray you, come; hold up the jest no higher : Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives? [yokes* See you these, husband? do not these fair Become the forest better than the town? Ford. Now, Sir, who's a cuckold now ?— Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, master Brook: And, master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money; which must be paid to master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, master Brook. Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet. I will never take you or my love again, but I will always count you my deer. Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass. Ford. Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are extant. Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three fairies: and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the or four times in the thought, they were not sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, be made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill emthat they were fairies. See now, how wit may ployment. Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you. Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Eva. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you. Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in good English. Ful. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'er-reaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? Shall I have a coxcomb of frize?t 'tis time I were choked with a piece of toasted cheese. Eva. Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is all putter. Fal. Seese and putter! Have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking, through the realm. Mrs. Page. Why, Sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that * Horns which Falstaff had. A fool's cap of Welsh materials. ever the devil could have made you our delight? Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax? Mrs. Puge. A puffed man? Page. Old cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails? Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan? Puge. And as poor as Job? Ford. And as wicked as his wife? Mrs. Page. Good George, be not angry: I knew of your purpose; turned my daughter into green; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married. Enter CAIUS. Caius. Vere is mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened; I ha' married un garçon, a boy; un gar, I am cozened. Eva. And given to fornications, and to ta-paisan, by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page: by verns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles and prabbles? Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel; ignorance itself is plummet o'er me: use me as you will. Ford. Marry, Sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that money will be a biting affliction. Mrs. Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make amends: Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends. Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven at last. Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: Tell her, master Slender hath married her daughter. Mrs. Page. Doctors doubt that: If Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by this, doctor Caius' wife. [Aside. Enter SLENDER. Slen. Whoo, ho! ho! father Page. Puge. Son! how now? how now, son? have you despatched? Slen. Despatched-I'll make the best in Gloucestershire know on't; would I were hanged, la, else. Page. Of what, son? Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy: If it had not been i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir, and 'tis a post-master's boy. Page. Upon my life then you took the wrong. Slen. What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl: If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, would not have had him. Page. Why, this is your own folly: Did not I tell you, how you should know my daughter by her garments? Slen. I went to her in white, and cried mum, and she cried budget, as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a postmaster's boy. Eva. Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see but marry boys? Page. O, I am vexed at heart: What shall I do? Mrs. Page. Why, did you take her in green? I'll raise all Windsor. Caius. Ay, be gar, and 'tis a boy be gar, [Exit CAIUS. Ford. This is strange: Who hath got the right Anne? Page. My heart misgives me: Here comes master Fenton. give thee joy! What cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd. Fal. When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chas'd. Era. I will dance and eat plums at your wedding. Mrs. Page. Well, I will muse no further:- Heaven give you many, many merry days! Ford. Let it be so:-Sir John, [Exeunt. |