Reft, fpirit! reft; for gentle was thy courfe; Of the keen darts thy matchlefs fatire threw. Nor o'er thy various talents drop a tear; But weep to think I fhall behold no more A loft companion, and a friend fincere. OCCASIONED VERSES BY THE DUTCHESS OF DEVONSHIRE'S BEAUTIFUL LINES ON THE DEATH OF MR. HARE BY THE REV. JOHN GRIFFIN. WHILE o'er his facred afhes thoufauds mourn, And Devon's noble Mufe enfhrines his urn; Can Hare lie fenfelefs? 'Bove you ambient skies, IMPROMPTUS. ON COLONEL HENDERSON'S EXTINGUISHING, WITH HIS THE gallant Colonel flew with speed, ON ON THE SAME. OR your noble exploit with your chapeau de bras, You've a right, my dear Colonel, by gallantry's law, PUNCTUM SALIENS. TO MISS ***** ON HER LATE HAPPY DELIVERANCE FROM THE TOO OFTEN FATAL EFFECTS OF A SPARK, BY THE PRESSING APPLICATION OF THE CHAPEAU. Lo [From the fame.] O! in a luckless hour, a flame, Had near deftruction dealt ; OLD SLYBOOTS. THE BIRTH, PARENTAGE AND EDUCATION, LAST DYING SPEECH AND CONFESSION, OF THE SOLAR HYPOTHESIS. I [From the British Prefs.] AM of Heathen extraction, begotten by the vain and idolatrous imagination of Pythagoras, a famous Greek philofopher, and was born of his prolific brain; but my form being contrary to nature, I was educated in private, notwithstanding my father taught in public the Ptolemaic fyftem of aftronomy, and during his life was introduced only to a few of his most intimate acquaintance. After my father's deceafe I was ushered into the world as the mirror of aftronomy; but I foon got into difrepute, and lay in obfcurity upwards of a thousand years, until Copernicus, a renowned Pruffian philofopher, revived and again introduced me to the world; yet he grew afhamed, 322 THE BIRTH, &c. of the SOLAR HYPOTHESIS, and forfook me. Galileo, a celebrated Italian philofopher, afterwards introduced me to his learned friends, fome of whom patronized and countenanced me; but Galileo fuffered perfecution for my fake, and publicly renounced me. Laft of all, the great Sir Ifaac Newton efpoufed me, and exerted all his abilities and learning to dignify and embellish my form with a fumptuous and elegant garb, and the followers of Sir Ifaac Newton abfolutely deified me: this is an honour I never expected. But I have enjoyed great felicity, having outfhone all my competitors in fplendour and admiration, and ever fince I have been invefted with the imperial diadem, my fubjects, the learned philofophers, have endeavoured to outvie each other in elucidation, illumination, and abject adulation. But alas! alas! how uncertain and fhort-lived are earthly power and grandeur; for I am conftrained to acknowledge and confefs, I have held up falfe and unnatural principles, and that I have deceived all those philofophers who vainly and foolishly pinned their faith upon my fplendid and delufive equipage. A modern magician having detected and publicly expofed my frauds and impofitions, I can no longer fit on my throne with fafety, nor carry on my deceptions with impunity, therefore I am refolved to lay violent hands on myfelf; for I cannot endure the thoughts of being publicly degraded and executed. Yet as fome compenfation is due to my friends for the honours they have conferred upon me, for their confolation I make this public confeffion, that I am a fpurious, vile, and wicked impoftor; that I ought to have been degraded and executed before all the people; and I folemnly declare this to be my laft dying fpeech and confeffion. Done at our Court in Greenwich Park, the 21ft day of June 1804. SOLAR HYPOTHESIS; STATE MR. EDITOR, STATE COACH. [From the Morning Chronicle.] SINCE the papers have informed us that the State Coach has got a new driver, it becomes us to look well to his qualifications; and of thefe, I confefs, I have my doubts. I have long travelled in this machine, through all manner of roads, and in all kinds of weather; and I flatter myself I know what belongs to a skilful driver. The prefent gentleman of the whip, however, is by no means a new hand: to my knowledge, and to my fad experience, he drove the fame machine about eighteen years, and in fuch a way, that two years ago it would have broke down, had he not pretended to quarrel with fome Irish outfide paffengers, and left his employment in a huff. How he contrived to jockey his fucceffor (a quiet fort of man, but who knew little of his business), I know not. Some fay he offered to take into the concern the partners in the Oppofition coaches; but he had no fooner, by whatever means, got the reins into his hands, than he drove his firft stage, although not one half of the horses were changed. As foon as he made a stop, he put in fuch cattle as another man would fcarcely venture to carry eggs to market with; and with them he ftill keeps fpurring and whipping through thick and thin, although a majority of the pasfengers who admired this machine will not take a place in it. To the paffengers who are obliged to go with him he is barely civil, and threatens to raise the fares to a moft exorbitant rate, under pretence of "perfons and property" being better protected by his, than any other mode of conveyance. To his infules, indeed, who engage to go the whole length of the journey, he is fomewhat more complaifant; but even fome of them are afhamed to be feen in the coach, and often get down and walk when they come to any up-hill work. With P 6 the the outfides he keeps no meafures, infifting upon five per cent. on all their baggage; and fome fay, he intends in a fhort time to take ten. Add to this, that the roads are as dirty as ever; and, to increafe the perplexity of his paffengers, he will never fhew them the way-bill, fo they can never tell where to ftop, nor how far they have to go. And the poor miferable cattle, whom nothing can make to draw even, kick up fuch a duft, that the paffengers are half blind, and very much out of humour that this man fhould have the fole management of the coach. Be fo kind, Sir, as to infert this, that it may meet the eye of the worthy proprietor, and perhaps we may obtain fome redrefs. All we want is good horfes and a Sober, Steady driver. I am, Sir, Yours, July 5. A PASSENGER ADVERTISEMENT EXTRAORDINARY. [From the Oracle.] WANTED, for immediate fervice, a bold dashing dog, who can blot out the records of England, and affert, without a blufh-like the doers of the Morning Chronicle-that this country has never been able to fight France fingle-handed. He must reprefent our Edwards and our Henries as mere heroes of romance, and the battles of Poitiers, of Creffy, of Agincourt, with all the other brilliant exploits of our forefathers, as amufing fictions!-The title long enjoyed by our Kings, and inferibed on our coin, to perpetuate the memory of an English coronation at Paris, may be called a lying legend; and, with regard to events of a later date, the fucceffes of a Marlborough, or even thofe of a ftill later date, the triumphs over the French fleets and armies, in every quarter of the globe, during the adminiftration of a Pitt, in the years 1759 and 1760, they may be afcribed to our allies, and not o our own individual exertions. AR |