to be badgered. I certainly did in-DENT with the Manager to exhibit in this mongrel play both on land and water; and the learned concur in thinking, that though the stage be a fort of new found land for my fpecies, I fwim in the water fimilis puppi; and i-cod 1 have been the faving of Reynolds's New-foundling.

But to be Sirius. I would rather leave Bannister's tail, and have a canif-ter tied to my own, than be dogg'd by a pack of distempered critics who follow me to pick up jokes like album græcum. Blood and hounds! it moves my collar, and makes me turn and Spit.

I would not willingly raife a hand or lift a leg against any man. But if Pompey or Cæfar themselves bring me into a fcrape, I will make them hang their ears. Sir, I am a true Brute-on, and akin to the Bulls, and can smell a rat as well as another. If therefore people will be too familiar, or país their rubs on me, I fhall mange to fend them off with a flea in their ear.

Here I make a paws. Excufe bad fpelling in this rough fcratch, which with me is always a faving claws. Yours,

Drury Lane Theatre.

CARLO.

P.S. There is no truth in the report of the other house having fent a female of my own fort during the performance, to make me bitch my part.

TO CARLO.

[From the fame.]

When a man's fervant fhall play the cur with him, look
it
you,
hard: one that I brought up of a puppy; one
goes
that I faved from drowning, when three or four of his
blind brothers and fifters went to it!" SHAKSPEARE.

HARKEE! Mr. Carlo-I thought to have done you a fervice, by taking all your pun-ifhment into my own hands but because you have leaped into prefer

ment,

ment, your language is curfed Snappish, and fmells of the kennel; that let me tell you. As to your fpelling, I don't mind it; you fpell, perhaps, as well as fome of your new brethren, who turn over the leaves of books only to make dogs-ears. But notwithstanding your great acting both by land and water, I'd have you to know that you are but in the elements. You feem not to be afraid of finking, and yet I have known as promifing performers as you fink; but you, like them, perhaps may fuppofe you have an old proverb on your fide and in truth, when fuch as you get an ill name, it is haul up with you.

Your mafter is, no doubt, very proud of you, and now fplits the affections of his friends into "love me, love my dog;" but let him take care how he throws all the crufts to you; the critics may make a Snap at you yet; and then you will go howling like one of your fort that has loft his tail.

You affect to be mighty great, indeed; but I remember when you ufed to run into the New River, after a ftick or a bunch of carrots-and fince you provoke me, I'll tell the manager to his face, that he had better attend a little more to your caft of parts. You fancy, forfooth, that you are as great in one piece as in another; but you know what you did on Defdemona's bed the other night, when they thought you was getting by heart the bucket and child. That was but a forry trick; and though you reckoned it a good dyeing fcene, I am fure it was a counter-pain to any pleasure your other performance gives.

I don't care much for what you faid to me; I am not fcratched by it; but your refpect for the audience is very doubtful: although they are ready to cry their eyes out, to fee you on the brink of faving a bundle of rags from an untimely end; yet you no fooner come out of the water, than you shake your head at them!

Is

Is that manners? Go to the d-l, and Shake yourself," if you know no better. Depend upon it, this may in time ftop your Car-rear as well as your Cara-ván; and I hope the next time your mafter whelps a farce, he will take better care of the breed.

And now, Sir, if you learnt at Newfoundland to fifh for compliments, you fee I am determined not to fwallow the bait; and I fufpect that many of your present warm admirers, that are clapping and ftroking your fhaggy theatricals, will foon grow as indifferent as you, and as cold as a dog's nofe. So I have done with you, and fay, "Throw farces to the dogs, I'l none of them.”

DOG-BERRY..

TO DOG-BERRY.

[From the fame ]

"I'd rather be a Dog, and bay the moon,
Than fuch a Raw-man.”- -JULIUS CESAR.

SIR,

So you begin to fnart and grow Crabb-ed because I

dared to break a Launce with you. I fee you are now at a fore pinch, having nothing left but fcraps and rub-bitch to throw at me. But I am no follower of yours, and I defpife all your ignawble infinewations. I fuppofe you thought I would be as pliable as a Doct-or Court fpaniel; but you will find me as stiff as an oak or a beetch. Rather than low to you, I wow I would hang myself.

If I chose to take the law of you, I think I could lay you on your back. If not by civil procefs, I certainly could do it by the canine law. Counsellor Hairfkin would make my cafe his own. Mingo and I would-but let that pafs. Judge Nares would foon Smell you out, and Sir Gnash would mafticate you. With Judge Heath I fhould know my ground ftill

VOL. VIII.

better.

better. I fhould defire no pack jury, but I own I am partial to the tales.

As for fome of my young relations having been drowned, the more fhame for those that drowned them, leaving me nothing but a poft Tobit. If any of their bodies fall into your hands, Mr. Dog-bury, I may prog-nafty-cat, that, like other fextons, you will make nafty cats prog of them. You would hang me too if you could; but I hope I fhall be always independent.

The ftory which you affert fo fturdily about Defdemona's bed is all a bite. I firained hard to conceal it, because, if I know any thing of the Moors, it is a black bufinefs. But, whoever was concerned in it, thereby hangs No tail. I was not on but under the bed the whole time, as the Jordan can teftify; and all your counterpanes cannot counter-vallance that: if fo, bring your evidence and produce what you found, or (as the lawyers call it) the cur-pifs delicti. But in this bufinefs I am quite unfpotted. As for their beds, I care not a ftraw for them, and I would as foon fleep in a manger.

With regard to Chloe, I have nothing to be ashamed of upon that score, having behaved to her like a jointtail-man; which I have no doubt she will be proud to acknowledge.

I beg you to confider that I have a character to lose, and poffibly foon may have two, as I understand the manager is of opinion, by my manner of fhaking my head, that I may do for Lord Burleigh. For I have always kept good company, and am as good a judge of horfe-flesh as any jockey of them all.

Yours,

CARLO.

(5)

CAT verfus DOG.

[From the Times.]

"Thrice the brindled CAT hath mew'd,"

SHAKSPEARE'S Macbeth. "The CAT will mew." SHAKSPEARE'S Hamlet.

SIR,

To THOMAS HARRIS, Esq.

OF COVENT GARDEN THEATRE.

PERHAPS I ought to apologize for troubling you,

but I felt more difpofed to apply to you than to the prefent tragic Manager, the fight of whofe awful whifkers difcompofes me. Befides, you have, upon many occafionз, fhewn an impartial patronage to performers of every defcription, whether biped or quadruped. But I will not now enter on the Catalogue of your virtues.

I am led to this from my love of the drama, and my prefent wants; and likewife from hearing of the great fondness the Public have shewn for CARLO, of whom I cannot fay, that "I have not one word to throw at a dog," having had for fome time a firefide intimacy with him, in which we agreed, like dog and cat." "He is a very dog to the community," and I am grown quite "dog-weary" of hearing of his fame.

Should you defire any thing beyond my perfonal recommendations, I may fafely affert that my family is moft ancient and most refpectable. You have often heard of my great ancestors CATO and CATullus, and of the unhappy CATiline, to whose fad catastrophe I will, not now advert. The CATacombs in Egypt, and the CATaracts in various parts of the world, the CATti, the CATtili, the CATizi, the Caryeuchlani of Britain, &c. &c. atteft our ancient greatnefs, when we were in the lap of profperity, and poffeffed abundantly the milk of human kindness. In modern times, I might remind you of the Catalonians, and of the CAT

D 2

holics