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banity. That,' said Sparkle, is the most popular man at this moment in London.? What!—is it—' 'Oh dear, no -a very different character: the gentleman is Sir Daisy Dumbell: nature has given him, as you observe, a most prepossessing exterior, which he has employed to the best advantage, without ungratefully endeavouring to spoil it, by too much attention to the inside. He is a parvenu, who has raised himself to rank and distinction, and is even reported to be in the new batch of peers.' You speak in enigmas, said Pen; is his genius so surpassing, that it has forced its way without the toil of cultivation ? No he is no genius, and has not even cultivated his dulness: he possessed, however, from the cradle, an intuitive insight into the universal passion of mankind, and from being the darling of the nursery, has become the idol of the world.' Has the universal passion been decided upon, then ?' asked Pen, smiling. Not by philosophers, perhaps,' returned Tom, but by a much wiser class of persons-men of the world; and they have ascertained that flattery, in some shape or other, is the key to every man's heart, from the peer to the peasant.' Then he is a sycophant, like Pliant, with whom we dined to-day.' As unlike as the Doctor there and myself. He has listened himself into the favour of mankind and womankind.' Listened himself!' Even so he listens to the phi. losopher and the pedant with an earnestness of attention, and with a countenance of such intelligence, that at one and the same moment he convinces them of his own powers, and his admiration of their superiority. He never exceeds a well-introduced ejaculation of perfect assent, or a monosyllable, expressive of entire conviction. With the statesman, a shrug and a nod are all that is required; and I know an instance of one of our most popular speakers, who, after an hour's audience with this incomparable actor, declared he was the best-informed man in the three kingdoms, although he literally had never opened his lips between the first salutation and certain cordial expressions on his departure. With the soldier he may do any thing, for he listens with apparent delight to the history of a campaign he knows by heart; the anecdote-monger he can twist round his finger, by an assenting laugh or groan at tales that he has told himself, or heard by anticipation from twenty other different sources;-the lawyer he will attend without a yawn, or even a vacancy of countenance, on the most dry and intricate cause; his hostess, through the whole gossip of the neighbourhood, with the gaze of new wonder, at each slip ;-the widow's list of her grievances, with a scarcely suppressed tear, and of a miss debutante, of her lovers and her conquests, with the

most sympathetic interest. He will look condolence with a discarded minister, and smile congratulations towards his successor: he will never blink an eye, through the most tedious tragedy or poem that ever was rehearsed to a suffering victim, or even laugh but where the author expects it, in the most vivacious comedy. In short, he is the common friend of mankind; I might say the common sewer, for he is the depository of all the grievances of all mankind, who are sure of his sympathy, and certain of never being thwarted in their resolutions and plans, upon which they consult him. As he puts every man in good humour with himself, so he is esteemed in turn by every man, in the point of view most in favour with his own notions. He is by turns, or rather altogether, for there is no detraction on any part,-the most learned, scientific,-handsome,- well-bred,-dis

cerning,-intelligent,-kind-hearted,-benevolent man in the world; by which, under each separate designation, he is considered inferior only to his immediate panegyrist,-to whom his own modesty, after the example of the heroes of Greece, constantly assigns the first place."

"Pen was very much amused with the account of this popular character; and hsving contrived to overhear part of the conversation, which was passing between the dowager, and this gentleman, he found him, with an expression of countenance which would have done honour to the philanthropist, about to burst open the prisonhouse of oppressed virtue, or suffering he roism,-listening to a tale of says he,' and says she,' and a long account of a Marlbro' breed of puppy dogs, which he rarely, but at well calculated intervals, interrupted with Admirably retorted!'—

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Charmingly !' until the old lady arriving at a climax, was ready to kiss her auditor, for the look of inquiry, which seemed to express disappointment that there was no more to be heard!

"Pen was too much disgusted, even to repeat the laugh which Sparkle's mode of illustrating the character had called forth. They proceeded onwards, Tom speaking and making some odd remark or observation to, or upon, every one they encountered. You know every body,' said Pen.

Yes,' answered Sparkle, and every body knows me—you understand,' continued he, with a sigh, which sigh was not lost upon our hero, and added not a little to the interest which his new acquaintance had awakened in him; for he suspected, that, with all his vivacity, and all the admiration which his ready wit attracted, he was not a happy man. Tom, however, gave him no time to follow up the reflection: 'I may in return observe,' said he, you seem to know nobody.'No,' an swered Pen, I'm a stranger in London; and ever since I have been here, my object

that

has been rather to avoid than seek society.' That's a bad plan; you can't read a bet ter book, than that which this great town opens to you.'Nor a more dangerous one, I suspect,' returned Pen. "Nay, for the matter of that, you may read as you run; so that you may run when you've read too much.'Is that so easy? I mean to try, some fime day,' answered Sparkle, half seriously, and half jocosely; 'shall I introduce you to some people-?' 'Not at present,' replied Pen, when turning his eyes towards an opening door, he saw, to his great surprise, his friend Modely. Good heavens !' said he to his companion, if there isn't Modely the book seller.' To be sure-he's every where; he is the Mæcenus of literature,-is he not in his element? By the bye he is talking to Lady Bab Cento about you-or me. No, I'm sure you are the subject. What! -have I detected an author in my Tyro!' "Pen then, as usual, informed him of every thing that had passed between Modely and himself, and was proceeding in his eulogium, when Sparkle interrupted him. You were observing, not five minutes ago, that you had not an acquaintance in the room.' 'I spoke the simple truth, with the exception of our host, and Modely, who has entered since.' And his name is-Legion,' said Tom. How?' I will bet you the profits of your next poem. You had better bet what it may be worth.' You stole that, my friend; but- Like the gipsies,-have disfigured it, to make it pass for my own,' cried Pen, laughing. Stolen again and from the same shop,' retorted Tom: but I am now ready to make a large bet, and therefore, offer to stake, to the amount of your next offering, that, before ten minutes are passed, you will be acquainted with half the room.'

"Pen stared and was in the act of demanding an explanation of his words, when Modely, pushing his way towards our hero, and holding a hand of Lady Bab Cento, bowed to him and expressed her Ladyship's most anxious desire to become acquainted with Mr Pen Owen !'

"He was so astonished at the abruptness of the introduction, that the laugh which had spread from Sparkle's eye, and just reached his lips, was arrested, and finally checked by the flow of eloquent and refined panegyric, bestowed by Lady Bab upon our hero. Before he could sufficiently collect himself to return a properly arranged acknowledgment for so unexpected an honour, he was completely sepa. rated from his companion Sparkle, by the intervention of male and female intruders, who approached him amid shrugs, and whispered intimations,-evidently referring to himself.

"Three antiquated dowagers succeeded VOL. XI.

each other in their desire to be introduced to Mr Pen Owen, whilst a beautiful, but slatternly girl, with a roll of paper in her hand, declared she had been long most earnestly waiting for an opportunity of being personally known' to our hero.

"Before Lady Bab, to whom more deference appeared to be paid,-as Pen afterwards understood, because her rooms were larger, and her accommodations more appropriate, than those of her rivals,-was quite shut out from the object of her immediate worship, she had slipped a card into his hand,--which, if he put a wrong interpretation upon for a moment, did not the less shock and surprise him,-when he really ascertained its purport.

"When the ladies had satisfied their anxious desire of sounding Mr Pen Owen, they were succeeded by a crowd of gentlemen, who, if they were more decorous in obedience to certain laws, the breach of which are attended with some hazard,—— were certainly not less warm in their expressions of regard, in acknowledging the honour conferred upon them-by being made known to Mr Pen Owen.

"Three brilliant stars of British growth, four continental, and one Maltese cross, were of the number of his professing admirers; and Pen, unconscious of what he felt, or what he ought to feel,—whether it was a sort of practical hoax, of which he had read some account in the newspapers, -or that his confinement, by order of the House, having got wind, had raised him into a seeming patriot, as in the instance of Buckthorn, he could not divine. The idea of being selected as a poet,---or that genius, real or usurped, was the order of the day, among would-be critics and amateur danglers on the muses, was too remote, and out of the range of his calculations, to be entertained for a moment. He kept, therefore, retiring, and bowing, and smiling, receiving cards in all directions, and of all dimensions, till he had fairly backed himself to the chair into which Tom Sparkle had thrown himself in a convulsion of laughter, he neither attempted, nor could have succeeded, in checking.

"Pen seized him by the arm, and entreated him to rise and afford him some insight into the scene which had been passing around him.

For Heaven's sake, sir, tell me what I am to think of all this ?---Stand off, gentlemen.---Mr Sparkle, is this intended as an insult or a farce or is it' 'Hush, hush,' whispered Sparkle, bow away your worshippers, and then sit down quietly, whilst I edify you with all necessary circumstances connected with your apotheosis.'

"Pen, after some labour, and much difficulty, made good his retreat, having ab stained from fixing upon any individual to answer for the impertinence, which he 4 M

could not still avoid conceiving had been, in some shape or other, intended against

him.

"And now, my dear sir,' throwing himself in a state of exhaustion into the next chair, for pity's sake let me know why I am thus selected as an object of ridicule or impertinence, and how I may set about obtaining some satisfaction? Why, my good Mr Owen, you have been crowned in the Capitol !—the laurel wreath was woven by your panegyrist Modely, and has been placed on your head by her most blue majesty Lady Bab Cento, the paragon of patronesses, the very pink of Della Cruscan critics. To be noticed by her ladyship --to be of her select parties to be in her train, is to be seated in the saddle of Pegasus, and installed in the temple of fame. Grub-Street,--no longer Grub-Street,-is a well-furnished, well-appointed hotel, at the west end of the town, and no man who can spell, and write his name at the foot of a title-page, need now want a dinner or a patron. Wire-wove paper, and hot-pressed sheets, like a forcing house, can make the rankest weed blossom like an exotic, and what is wanting in vigour, is made up in mawkish morality, or in unintelligible mysticism. The trade, I assure you, is now carried on by well-bred gentlemen, and by all classes of most decent and wellmannered personages, in clean linen and purple clothing, and if any one of them fail as an author, he is sure of being entered as A CRITIC. Not a few of our modern writers have risen from a state of condemnation to the elevated rank of literary patrons. The race of needy bards is extinct, and the scandal of neglected genius cannot certainly be charged upon the present age. To profess one's self an author is a passport to half the dinner-tables, and all the conversazzionis in town; to be a successful author, is to be a rich man; to be patronized by Modely, is to secure a niche among the worthies of Britain.' The devil! has he made me his butt?' Far from it his opinion has given you fame before you had earned it; yet he is seldom out in his man: I pin my faith upon him, in this instance at least. But is it to be endured, that without seeking or professing-You should attain at once what others profess and seek for!-faith, I see no great hardship in all this :---why, you seem to be as much ashamed of the character of a poet, as if you had lived in the antiquated period of the Drydens and Otways, et hoc genus omne! The recollection of such names makes me blush at our degeneracy.' Nay, reserve your blushes for those who neglected such men, and rather hail the period when, if indiscriminating vanity, as suming the form of enthusiasm, in its pa'tronage of literature and the arts, commit many egregious blunders, and crown with false meed the abortions of mediocrity, true

genius, and the aspirings of genuine wit, can no longer lie hid or be obscured---* 'Well,' observed Pen, rendered somewhat calmer, and more reconciled to his new honours, by the good-humoured arguments of Sparkle, I must make the most of my fame, before my trash has stamped my demerits; but what am I to think of this same Lady Bab Cento, who sat next me for two hours to-day, at dinner, and never condescended to ascertain whether I were a blockhead or a wit ? Your name wasn't up, and that of your rival, who so engrossed her attention, was. He had written a copy of verses, which have been handed about for this week past, in manuscript, but if she had met even him yesterday, you might have stood your ground against him.' As how ?' As thus; it was only just before her ladyship dressed for dinner, that Sir William Troufler informed her that Lord Ombre had said they were the lines of s man of genius.' And is Lord Ombre's judgment the great criterion of excellence?' For the last three weeks, indisputably.' You talk too oracularly for me,' smiled Pen. I speak more truth than oracles usually do,' retorted Tom; for nothing reigns in this good town beyond the limits of a month. Public opinion would stagnate, and stink in our very nostrils, if the changeful eddies of fashion did not agitate it at periodical intervals. Am I to infer, then, that the rage for his lordship's poetry will be as short-lived?' demanded Pen. No, that may live some time longer by a rapid supply of novelty, or the more politic threat of smothering his muse.'

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Smothering! what can you mean?' His lordship's occasional threat to favour the world with no more of his poetical rhapsodies.' The morals of the world, at least, would not be injured, were he to keep his word.' 'Tis that perhaps which induces him to break it from time to time,' retorted Tom; for he professes to hold our goodly world in no great esteem, and its morality in less. How revolting to our best feelings!' exclaimed Pen: this perversion of genius bestowed by Heaven-For that Heaven's sake,' interrupted Sparkle, reserve your criticism for a fitter occasion; at present it is rank heresy; and if you are heard, which you appear resolved to be, you will assuredly be banished from the circle, to which you have just been raised by acclamation."

But what,' continued Pen, in a more subdued tone, what must be the consequence of such a man holding the rank of patron?' He a patron! you mistake the matter altogether. He couldn't eat without a patron of his own.' A British peer need a patron!" Oh dear, no, only a British poet. Letters, you know, acknowledge no titles, they form a republic of their own---' And-like all republics, are Venal, you would say, and say