door against you; that a mop stood across the entry and tripped you up; that your sleeve stuck against the key, or button of the lock.

When your master and lady are talking together in their bed-chamber, and you have some suspicion that you or your fellow-servants are concerned in what they say, listen at the door, for the public good of all the servants, and join all to take proper measures for preventing any innovations that may hurt the community.

Be not proud in prosperity: you have heard that fortune turns on a wheel; if you have a good place, you are at the top of the wheel. Remember how often you have been stripped, and kicked out of doors, your wages all taken up before-hand, and spent in translated red-heeled shoes, second-hand toupees, and repaired laced ruffles, beside a swinging debt to the ale-wife and the brandy-shop. The neighbouring tapster, who before would beckon you over to a savoury bit of ox-cheek in the morning, give it you gratis, and only score you up for the liquor, immediately after you were packed off in disgrace, carried a petition to your master, to be paid out of your wages, whereof not a farthing was due, and then pursued you with bailiffs into every blind cellar. Remember how soon you grew shabby, threadbare, and out at heels; was forced to borrow an old livery coat, to make your appearance while you were looking for a place; and sneak to every house where you had an old acquaintance, to steal you a scrap to keep life and soul together; and, upon the whole, were in the lowest station of human life, which, as the old ballad says, is that of a skipkennel turned out of place; I say, remember all this now in your flourishing condition. Pay your contributions duly to your late brothers the cadets, who are left to the wide world; take one of them as your

dependent, to send on your lady's messages, when you have a mind to go to the ale-house; slip him out privately, now and then, a slice of bread, and a bit of cold meat; your master can afford it; and if he be not yet put upon establishment for a lodging, let him lie in the stable, or the coach-house, or under the back-stairs, and recommend him to all the gentlemen who frequent your house, as an excellent

servant.

To grow old in the office of a footman, is the highest of all indignities; therefore, when you find years coming on, without hopes of a place at court, a command in the army, a succession to the stewardship, an employment in the revenue (which two last you cannot obtain without reading and writing), or running away with your master's niece or daughter, I directly advise you to go upon the road, which is the only post of honour left you; there you will meet many of your old comrades, and live a short life and a merry one, and make a figure at your exit, wherein I will give you some instructions.

The last advice I give you relates to your behaviour when you are going to be hanged; which, either for robbing your master, for house-breaking, or going upon the highway, or, in a drunken quarrel, by killing the first man you meet, may very probably be your lot, and is owing to one of these three qualities; either a love of good fellowship, a generosity of mind, or too much vivacity of spirits. Your good behaviour on this article will concern your whole community. Deny the fact with all solemnity of imprecations: a hundred of your brethren, if they can be admitted, will attend about the bar, and be ready, upon demand, to give you a character before the court. Let nothing prevail on you to confess, but the promise of a pardon for discovering your comrades: but I suppose all this to

be in vain; for if you escape now, your fate will be the same another day. Get a speech to be written by the best author of Newgate; some of your kind wenches will provide you with a Holland shirt and white cap, crowned with a crimson or black ribbon : take leave cheerfully of all your friends in Newgate: mount the cart with courage; fall on your knees; lift up your eyes; hold a book in your hands, although you cannot read a word; deny the fact at the gallows; kiss and forgive the hangman, and so farewell you shall be buried in pomp, at the charge of the fraternity: the surgeon shall not touch a limb you; and fame shall continue until a succesyour sor of equal renown succeeds in your place.

of

CHAPTER IV.

DIRECTIONS TO THE COACHMAN.

You are strictly bound to nothing but to step into the box, and carry your master or lady.

Let your horses be so well trained, that when you attend your lady at a visit, they will wait until you slip into a neighbouring ale-house to take a pot with a friend.

When you are in no humour to drive, tell your master that the horses have got a cold, that they want shoeing, that rain does them hurt, and roughens their coat, and rots the harness. This may likewise be applied to the groom.

If your master dines with a country friend, drink as much as you can get; because it is allowed that

a good coachman never drives so well as when he is drunk; and then shew your skill by driving to an inch by a precipice, and say you never drive so well as when drunk.

If you find any gentleman fond of one of your horses, and willing to give you a consideration beside the price, persuade your master to sell him, because he is so vicious that you cannot undertake to drive him, and is foundered, into the bargain.

Get a blackguard boy to watch your coach at the church-door on Sundays, that you and your brothercoachmen may be merry together at the ale-house, while your master and lady are at church.

Take care that your wheels be good, and get a new set bought as often as you can, whether you are allowed the old as your perquisite or not: in one case it will turn to your honest profit, and in the other it will be a just punishment on your master's covetousness; and, probably, the coach-maker will you too.

consider

CHAPTER V.

DIRECTIONS TO THE GROOM.

You are the servant upon whom the care of your master's honour in all journeys entirely depends; your breast is the sole repository of it. If he travels the country, and lodges at inns, every dram of brandy, every pot of ale extraordinary that you drink, raises his character; and, therefore, his reputation ought to be dear to you; and I hope you will not stint yourself in either. The smith, the saddler's

journeyman, the cook at the inn, the ostler, and the boot-catcher, ought all, by your means, to partake of your master's generosity: thus his fame will reach from one county to another; and what is a gallon of ale, or a pint of brandy, in his worship's pocket? And although he should be in the number of those who value their credit less than their purse, yet your care of the former ought to be so much the greater. His horse wanted two removes ; your horse wanted nails; his allowance of oats and beans was greater than the journey required; a third may be retrenched, and turned into ale or brandy; and thus his honour may be preserved by your discretion, and less expense to him; or, he travels with no other servant, the matter is easily made up in the bill, between you and the tapster.

Therefore, as soon as you alight at the inn, deliver your horses to the stable-boy, and let him gallop them to the next pond; then call for a pot of ale, for it is very fit that a Christian should drink before a beast. Leave your master to the care of the servants in the inn, and your horses to those in the stable; thus both he and they are left in the properest hands; but you are to provide for yourself; therefore get your supper, drink freely, and go to bed without troubling your master, who is in better hands than yours. The ostler is an honest fellow, and loves horses in his heart, and would not wrong the dumb creatures for the world. Be tender of your master, and order the servants not to wake him too early. Get your breakfast before he is up, that he may not wait for you; make the ostler tell him the roads are very good, and the miles short; but advise him to stay a little longer, till the weather clears up, for he is afraid there will be rain, and he will be time enough after dinner.