and raw I was sure enough, from the constant thrashings and coltings I received from those who were bigger and stronger than myself; but nothing lasts forever-as they discovered that whenever they found blows I could find back, they got tired of it, and left me and my brogue alone. We sailed for the Toolong fleet.'

'What fleet?' inquired I.

Why, the Toolong fleet, so called, I thought, because they remained too long in harbour, bad luck to them; and then we were off Cape See-see (devil a bit could we see of them except their mast-heads) for I don't know how many months. But I forgot to say that I got into another scrape just before we left harbor. It was my watch when they piped to dinner, and I took the liberty to run below, as my messmates had a knack of forgetting absent friends. Well, the captain came on board, and there were no side boys, no side ropes, and no officers to receive him. He came on deck foaming with rage, for his dignity was hurt, and he inquired who was the midshipman of the watch. "Mr. O'Brien," said they all. "Devil a bit," replied I; "it was my forenoon watch." "Who relieved you, sir ?" said the first lieutenant. "Devil a soul, sir," replied I, "for they were all too busy with their pork and beef." "Then why did you leave the deck without relief?" "Because, sir, my stomach would have had but little relief if I had remained.' The captain, who stood by, said, “Do you see those crosstrees, sir?” "Is it those little bits of wood that you mane, on the top there, captain?" Yes, sir; now just go up there, and stay until I call you down. You must be brought to your senses, young man, or you'll have but little prospect in the service." idea that I'll have plenty of prospect when I get up there,” replied I, "but it's all to please you." So up I went, as I have many a time since, and as you often will, Peter, just to enjoy the fresh air and your own pleasant thoughts all at one and the same time.

66

"I've an

'At last I became much more used to the manners and customs of say-going people, and by the time that I had been fourteen months off Cape See-see, I was considered a very genteel young midshipman, and my messmates, (that is, all that I could thrash, which didn't leave out many,) had a very great respect for me.

The first time that I put my foot on shore was at Minorca, and then I put my foot into it, (as we say,) for I was nearly killed for a heretic, and only saved by proving myself a true Catholic, which proves that religion is a great comfort in distress, as Father M'Grath used to say. Several of us went on shore, and having dined upon a roast turkey, stuffed with plum pudding, (for every thing else was cooked in oil, and we could not eat it,) and having drunk as much wine as would float a jolly boat, we ordered donkeys, to take a little equestrian exercise. Some went off tail an end, some with their hind quarters uppermost, and then the riders went off instead of the donkeys; some wouldn't go off at all; as for mine he would go-and where the devil do you think he went? Why, into the church where all the people were at mass: the poor brute was dying with thirst,

and smelt water. As soon as he was in, notwithstanding all my tugging and hawling, he ran his nose into the holy water fount, and drank it all up. Although I thought, that seeing how few Christians have any religion, that you could not expect much from a donkey, yet I was very much shocked at the sacrilege, and fearful of the consequences. Nor was it without reason, for the people in the church were quite horrified, as well they might be, for the brute drank as much holy water as would have purified the whole town of Port Mahon, suburbs and all to boot. They rose up from their knees and seized me, crying upon all the saints in the calendar. Although I knew what they meant, not a word of their lingo could I speak to plead for my life, and I was almost torn to pieces before the priests came up. Perceiving the danger I was in, I wiped my finger across the wet nose of the donkey, crossed myself, and then went down on my knees to the priests, crying out culpa mea, as all good Catholics do-though 'twas no fault of mine, as I said before, for I tried all I could, and tugged at the brute till my strength was gone. The priests perceived by the manner in which I crossed myself that I was a good Catholic, and guessed that it was all a mistake of the donkey's. They ordered the crowd to be quiet, and sent for an interpreter, when I explained the whole story. They gave me absolution for what the donkey had done, and after that, as it was very rare to meet an English officer who was a good Christian, I was in great favor during my stay at Minorca, and was living in plenty, paying for nothing, and as happy as a cricket. So the jackass proved a very good friend, and to reward him I hired him every day, and galloped him all over the island. But at last it occured to me that I had broken my leave, for I was so happy on shore that I quite forgot that I had only permission for twenty-four hours, and I should not have remembered it so soon, had it not been for a party of marines, headed by a serjeant, who took me by the collar and dragged me off my donkey. I was taken on board, and put under an arrest for my misconduct. Now, Peter, I don't know any thing more agreeable than being put under an arrest. Nothing to do all day but eat and drink, and please yourself, only forbid to appear on the quarter deck, the only place that a midshipman wishes to avoid. Whether it was to punish me more severely, or whether he forgot all about me, I can't tell, but it was nearly two months before I was sent for in the cabin, and the captain with a most terrible frown, said that he trusted that my punishment would be a warning to me, and that now I might return to my duty. "Plase your honor," said I, “I don't think that I've been punished enough yet." "I am glad to find that you are so penitent, but you are forgiven, so take care that you do not oblige me to put you again in confinement." So as there was no persuading him, I was obliged to return to my duty again; but I made a resolution that I would get into another scrape again as soon as I dared

Sail on the starboard-bow,' cried the look-out man.

'Very well,' replied the master; Mr. O'Brien-where's Mr. O'Brien ?'

'Is it me you mane, sir?' said O'Brien, walking up to the master, for he had sat down so long in the topsail-halyard rack, that he was wedged in and could not get out immediately.

'Yes, sir; go forward, and see what that vessel is.'

Aye, aye, sir,' said O'Brien; and Mr. Simple,' continued the master, 'go down and bring me up my night-glass.'

'Yes, sir,' replied I. I had no idea of a night-glass and as I observed that about this time his servant brought him up a glass of grog, I thought it very lucky that I knew what he meant.Take care that you don't break it, Mr. Simple.' 'O then, I'm all right.' thought I; he means the tumbler, so down I went, called up the gunroom steward, and desired him to give me a glass of grog for Mr. Doball. The steward tumbled out in his shirt, mixed the grog, and gave it to me, and I carried it up very carefully to the quarter-deck.

6

During my absence, the master had called the captain, and in pursuance of his orders, O'Brien had called the first lieutenant, and when I came up the lader they were both on deck. As I came up the ladder I heard the master say, 'I have sent young Simple down for my nightglass, but he is so long, that I suppose he has made some mistake. He's but half a fool.' That I deny,' replied Mr. Falcon, the first lieutenant, just as I put my foot on the quarter-deck. He's no fool.' 'Perhaps not,' replied the master. O, here he is. What made you so long, Mr. Simple-where is my night-glass?' 'Here it is, sir,' replied I, handing him the tumbler of grog; 'I told the steward to make it stiff.' The captain and the first lieutenant burst out into a laugh-for Mr. Doball was known to be very fond of grog; the former walked aft to conceal his mirth; but the latter remained. Mr. Doball was in a great rage. Did not I say that the boy was half a fool,' cried he, to the first lieutenant. 'At all events,

I'll not allow that he has proved himself so in this instance,' replied Mr. Falcon, for he has hit the right nail on the head.' Then the first lieutenant joined the captain, and they both went off laughing. Put it on the capstan, sir,' said Mr. Doball to me, in an angry voice: I'll punish you by-and-bye.' I was very much astonished, I hardly knew whether I had done right or wrong; at all events, thought I to myself, I did for the best; so I put it on the capstan and walked to my own side of the deck. The captain and first lieutenant then went below, and O'Brien came aft. 'What vessel is it?' said I. To the best of my belief, it's one of your bathing machines going home with despatches,' replied he.

A bathing machine,' said I; 'why I thought that they were hauled up on the beach.'

That's the Brighton sort; but these are made not to go up at all.' 'What then?'

spaking It's one

Why, to go down, to be sure; and remarkably well they answer their purpose. I won't puzzle you any more, my Peter, I'm helligorically, which I believe means telling a hell of a lie. of your ten-gun brigs, to the best of my knowledge.'

I then told O'Brien what had occurred, and how the master was

angry with me. O'Brien laughed very heartily, and told me never to mind, but to keep in the lee-scuppers and watch him. ‘A glass of grog is a bait that he'll play round till he gorges. When you see it to his lips, go up to him boldly, and ask his pardon if you offended him, and then if he's a good Christian, as I believe him to be, he'll not refuse.'

I thought this was very good advice, and I waited under the bulwark on the lee side. I observed that the master made shorter and shorter turns every time, till at last he stopped at the capstan and looked at the grog. He waited about half a minute, and then he took up the tumbler, and drank about half of it. It was very strong, and he stopped to take breath. I thought this was the right time, and I went up to him. The tumbler was again to his lips, and before he saw me, I said, 'I hope, sir, you'll forgive me; I never heard of a night telescope, and knowing that you had walked so long, I thought you were tired, and wanted something to drink, to refresh you.' Well, Mr. Simple,' said he, after he had finished the glass, with a deep sigh, as you meant kindly, I shall let you off this time; but recollect, that whenever you bring me a glass of grog again, it must not be in the presence of the captain or first lieutenant.' I promised him very faithfully, aud went away quite delighted with my having made my peace with him, and more so that the first lieutenant had said that I was no fool for what I had done.

At last our watch was over, and about two bells I was relieved by the midshipman of the next watch. It is very unfair not to relieve in time, but if I say a word, I am certain to be thrashed the next day upon some pretence or another. On the other hand, the midshipman whom I relieve is also much bigger than I am, and if I am not up before one bell, I am cut down and thrashed by him; so that between the two, I keep much more than my share of the watch, except when the master sends me to bed before it is over.

The next morning I was on deck at seven bells, to see the hammocks stowed, when I was witness to Mr. Falcon, the first lieutenant, having recourse to one of his remedies to cure a mizen-top-boy of smoking, a practice to which he has a great aversion. He never interferes with the men smoking in the galley, or chewing tobacco; but he prevents the boys, that is, lads under twenty or thereabouts, from indulging in the habit too early. The first lieutenant smelt the tobacco as the boy passed him on the quarter deck. 'Why, Neill, you have been smoking,' said the first lieutenant. 'I thought you were aware that I did not permit such lads as you to use tobacco.'

'If you please, sir,' replied the mizen-top-man, touching his hat, 'I'se got worms, and they say that smoking be good for them.' 'Good for them!' said the first lieutenant; 'yes, very good for them, but very bad for you. Why, my good fellow, they'll thrive upon tobacco until they grow as large as conger eels. I wonder that you are not dead by this time. Heat is what the worms are fond of;

Now I'll cure you.

but cold-cold will kill them. Quarter-master, come here. Walk this boy up and down the weather gangway, and every time you get forward abreast of the main-tack block, put his mouth to windward, squeeze him sharp by the nape of the neck until he opens his mouth wide, and then keep him and let the cold air blow down his throat, while you count ten; then walk him aft, and when you are forward again, proceed as before.-Cold kills worms, my poor boy, not tobacco-I wonder that you are not dead by this time.'

The quarter-master, who liked the joke, as did all the seamen, seized hold of the lad, and as soon as they arrived forward, gave him such a squeeze of the neck as to force him to open his mouth, if it was only to cry with pain. The wind was very fresh, and blew into his mouth so strong, that it actually whistled while he was forced to keep it open; and thus he was obliged to walk up and down, cooling his inside, for nearly two hours, when the first lieutenant sent for him, and told him that he thought all the worms must be dead by that time; but if they were not, the lad was not to apply his own remedies, but come to him for another dose. However, the boy was of the same opinion as the first lieutenant, and never complained of worms again.

A few nights afterwards, when we had the middle watch, O'Brien proceeded with his story. 'Where was it that I left off?'

'You left off at the time that you were taken out of confinement.' 'So I did sure enough; and it was with no good will that I went to my duty. However, as there was no help for it, I walked up and down the deck as before, with my hands in my pockets, thinking of old Ireland and my great ancestor Brien Borru. And so I went on behaving myself like a real gentleman, and getting into no more scrapes, until the fleet put into the Cove of Cork, and I found myself within a few miles of my father's house. You may suppose that the anchor had hardly kissed the mud, before I went to the first lieutenant, and asked leave to go on shore. Now the first lieutenent was not in the sweetest of tempers, seeing as how the captain had been hauling him over the coals for not carrying on the duty according to his satisfaction. So he answered me very gruffly, that I should not leave the ship. "O bother?" said I to myself, "this will never do." So up I walked to the captain, and touching my hat, reminded him that I had a father and mother, and a pretty sprinkling of brothers and sisters, who were dying to see me, and that I hoped that he would give me leave." "Ax the first lieutenant," said he, turning away. "I have, sir," replied I, " and he says that the devil a bit shall I put my foot on shore." Then you have misbehaved yourself," said the captain. "Not a bit of it, Captain Willis," replied 1; "it's the first lieutenant who has misbehaved." "How sir; ;" answered he, in an angry tone. "Why, sir, didn't he misbehave just now, in not carrying on the duty according to your will and pleasure? and didn't you sarve him out just as he deserved-and isn't he sulky because you did-and arn't that the reason why I'm not