her hands, pressed it to her bosom, and promised faithfully that she would pursue the plan I had adopted in it; casting up her delinquencies at the end of the year to see what might be amended.

Alas! the pinnacle of happiness is but a sorry resting-place, from which the chief occupation of mankind is to push one another headlong! Of my own case I have particular reason to complain, for I was precipitated from the midst of my burning, palpitating existence, by the veriest blockhead in life. He came upon us like the simoom, devastating every green spot in his progress, and leaving our hearts a blank. In short, he was a spark of quality, who drove four bloods, and cut his own coats. His visage was dangerously dissipated and cadaverous, his figure as taper as a fishing-rod, and his manner had a je ne scais quoi of languid impertinence which was a great deal too overwhelming. Altogether, he was a gallant whose incursion would have caused me very considerable uneasiness, had I not felt secure that my mistress was already won.

I shall never forget the bustle which was occasioned by the arrival of this worthy. He was some sort of connexion of the lady-mother, thought himself privileged to come without invitation, and declared his intention of remaining till he was tired. He ordered the servants about, and gave directions for his accommodation precisely as if he had been at home, and scarcely deigned to tender his fore-finger to the ladies, till he had made himself perfectly comfortable. When I was introduced from the back-ground, from which I had been scowling with indignation and amazement, he regarded my common-place appearance with careless contempt; made me a bow as cold as if it had come from Lapland, and, in return, received one from the North Pole. I considered that he was usurping all my rights in the estab lishment; perfect freedom with Betty and Barbara were a violation of my private property, and I even grudged him his jokes with the ladymother. We were foes from first sight,

Lady Betty saw how the spirit was working within me, and hastened to prevent its effervescence. She gave me one of her overpowering looks; and besought me to assist her in being civil to him; for, in truth, the attentions of common politeness had already completely exhausted her. I was quite charmed with the vexation she felt at his intrusion, and loved her a thousand times better because she detested him. His visit, indeed, had such an effect upon her, that, before the day was over, she complained to me, in confidence, of being seriously unwell.

From this time, the whole tenor of our amusements was revolutionized. Lady Betty's illness was not fancied; she was too weak to ride her donkey, too qualmish to go inside the barouche, which was turned out every day to keep the bloods in wind, and nothing agreed with her delicate health but being mounted on the box beside Lord S. The evenings passed off as heavily as the mornings. Lady Barbara used to ask me to take the usual stroll with her, and Lady Betty, being afraid to venture upon the damp grass, was again left to

the mercy of Lord S- to whom walking was a low-lifed amusement, for which he had no taste. The lady-mother, as usual, had her sleeping fits; and when we returned, we invariably found things in disorder. The candles had not been lighted, the tea-things had not been brought in, and Lord Shad turned sulky with his bottle, and was sitting quietly with Lady Betty. I felt for her more than I can express, and could not, for the life of me, conceive where she picked up patience to be civil to him. She even affected to be delighted with his conversation, and her good breeding was beyond all praise.

house.

With such an example of endurance before me, and the pacific promises which I had made, I could not avoid wearing a benevolent aspect. Indeed, though the enemy had effectually cut off the direct communication of sentiment between us, I was not altogether without my triumphs and secret satisfactions. The general outline which I have given, was occasionally intersected with little episodes which were quite charming. For instance, Lady Betty used constantly to employ me upon errands to her mother, who was usually absent in her private room, manufacturing caudle and flannel petticoats for the workWhen I returned, she would despatch me to her sister, who was requiring my advice upon her drawing, in the study; and thus Lord S could not fail to observe the familiar terms we were upon, and that we perfectly understood each other. What gave me more pleasure than all was, that he must see I had no fears of leaving my liege lady alone with him, which must have galled him to the quick. When she had no other means of showing her devotion to me, she would produce the lilac pocket-book, and pursue the work of amendment which I had suggested to her; indeed, this was done with a regularity which, when I considered her former hair-brained character, I knew could only be sustained by the most ardent attachment.-My pride and my passion increased daily.

At last, by a happy reverse of fortune, I was led to look for the termination of my trials. Lord Swas a personage of too great importance to the nation to be permitted to enjoy his own peace and quiet, and his bilious visage was required to countenance mighty concerns in other parts. His dressing case was packed up, and the barouche was ordered to the door, but poor Lady Betty was still doomed to be a sufferer: she was, somehow or other, hampered with an engagement to ride with him as far as the village, in order to pay a visit for her mother to the charity-school, and I saw her borne off, the most bewitching example of patience and resignation. I did not offer to accompany them, for I thought it would have looked like jealousy, but engaged, in answer to a sweetly whispered invitation, to meet her in her walk back.

When I returned to the drawing-room, Barbara and the ladymother were absent on their usual occupations, and I sat down for a moment of happy reflection on the delights which awaited me; my heart was tingling with anticipation, and every thought was poetry.

A scrap of paper lay upon the table, and was presently enriched with a sonnet on each side, which I had the vanity to think were quite good enough to be transferred to Lady Betty's most beloved and lilac pocket-book. I raised my eyes, and, lo! in the bustle of parting with Lord S-, she had forgotten to deposit it in her desk. What an agreeable surprise it would be for her to find how I had been employed! How fondly would she thank me for such a delicate mode of showing my attention! The sonnets were written in my best hand, and I was about to close the book, when I was struck with the extreme beauty of Lady Betty's caligraphy. Might I venture to peruse a page or so, and enjoy the luxury of knowing her private thoughts of me? Nay, was it not evidently a sweet little finesse to teach me the secrets of her heart, and should I not mortify her exeedingly if I neglected to take advantage of it? This reflection was quite sufficient, and I commenced the chronicle of her innocent cogitations forthwith. It began with noting the day of the month on which I had presented the gift, and stated, prettily, the plan of improvement which I had suggested. The very first memorandum contained her reasons for loving her dear M. I pressed the book to my lips, and proceeded to

REASON THE FIRST.-A good temper is better in a companion than a great wit. If dear M- is deficient in the latter, it is not his

fault, and his excellence in the former makes ample amends.' How! As much as to say I am a good-natured fool. Was there no other construction? No error of the press? None. The context assured me that I was not mistaken.

REASON THE SECOND. Personal beauty is not requisite in a husband, and if he is a little mistaken in his estimate of himself in this respect, it will make him happy, and save me the trouble of laboring for that end.'

Conceited and ill-favored! My head began to swim.

'REASON THE THIRD.- I have been told that very passionate attachments between married people are productive of much disquietude and jealousy. The temperate regard, therefore, which I feel for dear M- argues well for the serenity of our lives-Heigh-ho!'

'Furies!

'REASON THE FOURTH.-I have sometimes doubted whether this temperate regard be really love, but, as pity is next a-kin to love, and I pity him on so many points, I think I cannot be mistaken.'

Pity!

REASON THE FIFTH.-I pity him because it is necessary that I should place him on the shelf during Lord S-'s visit for fear Sshould be discouraged by appearances, and not make the declaration which I have so long been expecting.'

Place me upon the shelf!!

REASON THE SIXTH.-I pity him, because, if S-- really comes forward, I shall be obliged to submit poor dear M

cation of a dismissal.'

!!!

to the mortifi

REASON THE SEVENTH.-I pity him, because he is so extremely kind and obliging in quitting the room whenever his presence becomes troublesome.'

!!!!

6

REASON THE EIGHTH.-I pity him, because his great confidence in my affection makes him appear so ridiculous, and because S————— laughs at him.'

!!!!!

REASON THE NINTH.-I pity him, because, if I do ultimately marry him, S will tell every body that it is only because I could not obtain the barouche and four-Heigh-heigh-ho!'

! ! ! ! ! !

REASON THE TENTH.-I pity him because he has so kindly consented to meet me in my return from the charity school, without once suspecting that I go to give Sa last opportunity. He is really a very good young man-Ah well-a-day ! '

And ah, well-a-day ! ! ! ! ! ! ! &c. &c.-Let no man henceforth endeavor to enjoy the luxury of his mistress's secret thoughts.

I closed the book, and walked to the window. The river flowed temptingly beneath. Would it be best to drown myself or shoot myself? Or would it be best to take horses after the barouche, and shoot Lord S ? I was puzzled with the alternatives. It was absolutely necessary that somebody should be put to death, but my confusion was too great to decide upon the victim.

At this critical juncture of my fate, when I was wavering between the gallows and a grave where four roads meet,' Lady Barbara came dancing in to request my assistance upon a drawing. She was petrified at my suicidal appearance, and, indeed, seemed in doubt whether the act of immolation had not been already effected. Her fears rushed in crimson to her cheeks, as she inquired the cause of my disorder; and her beauty and the interesting concern she expressed, cast an entire new light upon me. I would be revenged on Lady Betty in a manner far more cutting than either drowning or shooting. Barbara was the prettiest by far-Barbara was the best by infinity. Sweet, simple, gentle Barbara! How generously had she sacrificed her feelings, and given me up to her sister! How happy was I to have it in my power to reward her for it! She now should be the partner of my declining years, the soother of my cares, the mother of my children; and as for Lady Betty, I renounced her. I found that my heart had all along been Barbara's, and I congratulated myself upon being brought to my senses.

The business was soon opened, and we were all eloquence and blushes. Lexpressed my warm admiration of her self-denial and affection for her sister; hinted at my knowledge of her sentiments for myself; explained every particular of my passion, prospects, and genealogy, fixed upon our place of residence, and allotted her pin-money. It was now Barbara's turn. 6 She was confused-she was distressed -she feared-she hoped-she knew not what to say.' She paused

for composure, and I waited in an ecstasy-Why,' I exclaimed, why will you hesitate, my own, my gentle Barbara? Let me not lose one delicious word of this heavenly confession.' Barbara regained her courage. Indeed, then-indeed, and indeed-I have been engaged to my cousin for more than three years!'

This was a stroke upon which I had never once calculated, and my astonishment was awful. Barbara then was not in love with me after all, and the concern which I had felt for her blighted affections was altogether erroneous! I had made the proposal to be revenged on Lady Betty, and my disappointment had completely turned the tables upon me. Instead of bringing her to shame, I was ashamed of myself, and my mortification made me feel as though she had heaped a new injury upon me. What I said upon the occasion, I cannot precisely remember, and if I could, I doubt whether my reader would be able to make head or tail of it. I concluded, however, with my compliments to the lady-mother, and an urgent necessity to decamp. Barbara knew not whether she ought to laugh or to cry. I gave her no time to recover herself, for Betty would be home presently, and it was material to be off before they had an opportunity of comparing notes. In three minutes I was mounted on my horse, and again ruminating on the various advantages of hanging, drowning and shooting.

I thought I had got clear off; but at the end of the lawn I was fated to encounter the bewitching smile of Lady Betty, on her return to the village. Her words were brimming with tenderness, and her delight to be rid of that odious. Lord S was beyond measure. It had quite restored her health, she was able to recommence her rides, and would order the donkey to be got ready immediately.

So then, it appeared that the drive to the charity-school had not answered the purpose after all, and I was to be the locum tenens of Lady Betty's affections till the arrival of a new acquaintance. I know not whether my constitution is different from that of other people. A pretty face is certainly a terrible criterion of a man's resolution; but for the honor of manhood, I contrived for once to be superior to its fascinations. To adhere strictly to truth, I must confess, however, humiliating the confession may be, that this dignified behavior was very naturally sustained by the transactions with Lady Barbara, for the con sequence of whose communications there was no answering. I declined the donkey ride, looked a most explanatory look of reproach, and declared my necessity of returning to town. Lady Betty was amazed -remonstrated-entreated-looked like an angel-and finally put her handkerchief to her eyes. There was no standing this. said I, I go, because it is proper to quit whenever my presence' becomes troublesome-I will not oblige you to put me on the shelf— Iwill not be too encroaching upon your temperate regard-Heigh— heigh-ho!' With that I plunged my spurs into my steed, and vanishedat full gallop.

I go,'

It was long before I heard anything more of Oakenshade or its