is, to find this Ragamuffin pretending, that he neither knows my Name, nor the Place where our Family has refided, with unfpeakable Luftre, ever fince the Conqueft. You fee, Mr. Fog, that this Zany takes the Liberty to call me

Timothy Rag of Scrub-Fair, Efq; whereas there is fcarce a Child in England, of five Years old, who does not know, that my proper Apellation is

Timothy Scrub, of Rag-Fair, Efq;

and that my polemical Writings have rais'd my Reputation to the higheft Degree of Glory that was ever acquir'd by the Pen. Whoever has dipp'd into thofe Divine Treatifes with which I have lately honour'd the World, will find fufficient Matter for Speculation in them, to employ the Remainder of his Life.

Let him, therefore, fling away all his other Books, and, when he has bound my Works together in a Volume, he may much more juftly cry out than a certain Prieft * lately did,

Unicus eft nobis Bibliotheca Liber.

As I take you, Mr. Fog, to be a good-natur'd Man, I am apprehenfive, that you will endeavour to perfuade me to forgive Ulrick's Offence, fince every Body knows this Puppy cannot help blundering; but,' Sir, give me Leave to inform you, that in the Cafe before us (tho' I know the Blockhead never wrote ten Lines in his Life without a Blunder) he has made a wilful and premeditated Mistake. 'Tis abfolutely im

* We were lately inform'd by the News-Papers, that a certain Clergyman had bound up all the B-p of L's Paftoral Letters together, and put the Latin Verfe above-mentioned upon the Outside of his Book. The English of it is,

This fingle Book is all my Library.

་

impoffible he should forget my Name, fince, to tell you the Truth of the Matter, it is his own. The Fellow is neither more nor less than my Natural Brother, tho' he has been Fool enough, for fome Years paft, to do every thing in his Power, to make the World believe, he is of another Family; but this is impoffible to be done; there is fomething in the Generation of the Scrubs which is born with them, which cleaves to them all their Lives, and which diftinguishes them from the reft of humane Race. Ulrick's very Rhetorick, in his laft Epiftle, plainly difcovers the Family he is defcended from; for who, but a Scrub, would talk of bidding Folks kifs his A-fe, give his Adverfaries the Lie in direct Terms, and call them Zanies, Toadeaters, &c. Thefe Flowers of Rhetorick are, in a Manner, peculiar to our Houfe. All Ulrick's Attempts to conceal his Family have been hitherto un◄ fuccefsful: Ulrick has laid out an Hundred Pounds upon a Sute of Cloths, yet as foon as ever he appear'd in them, all the World cry'd out, Did you ever fee fuch a SCRUB? He has often mix'd himself with Gentlemen of Fashion, but never fail'd to hear fome of the Company ask, How came this Scrub among us? He has attempted to make Speeches, and talk Love to Women, but the SCRUB was ftill vifible in every Word and every Action. In fhort, he is a SCRUB in his Appearance, a SCRUB in his Converfation, a SCRUB in his Principles, and a SCRUB all over. The Fellow's pretending he had forgot my Name, was in order to make the World believe he was no way related to me; but I am in Hopes that the Correction I have given him in this Epistle, will have the fame Effect upon him that an odd Accident had upon the Son of an honeft Farmer of my Acquaintance.

This young Coxcomb, by the Care dulgent Father, was fent to Cambridge.

of his inThe chief

Thing he learn'd at the University was, to forget all his poor Relations, and that he had ever done a Day's Work himself. The firft Time he went down to fee his Father was in the Season of Haymaking, in which he had often formerly born a Part, but now only looking upon the Hay-makers, and fpurning with his Foot a Pitch-fork which lay upon the Ground, he ask'd his Father, what was the Name of that Country Inftrument? The old Fellow ftared him in the Face, and asked him if be could not tell the Name of it? His hopeful Son anfwer'd, No; but had no fooner fpoke the Word, than happening to tread on the Prongs of the Fork, the other End flew up and hit him a confounded Slap on the Chops. The Smart of the Blow made the Booby inftantly forget his Affectation, and roar out, Gd d- mn the Pitch-Fork.

Mr. FoG,

I have feen and approved fome of your Lucubrations, I permit you to render your Writings immortal, by inferting this Epiftle among them.

Given from my Garret in I am yours (as you deferve)
RAG-FAIR, this 8th
Day of Auguft, in the
Year of our Lord 1731.

TIMOTHY SCRUB

SATUR

W

SATURDAY Aug. 21, 1731.

HENI confider the univerfal Popularity which follows our moft excellent Minifters, I am fully perfuaded, that it is as much owing to the Writings of their Friends, as to their own wife and difinterested Conduct in the Management of Publick Affairs.

Plutarch has left us a Comparison of Demofthenes and Cicero, and were I capable of it, I wou'd attempt the fame Thing of those two much greater Orators, Osborn and Walfingham.

The two firft were of different Countries, and lived distant in Time from each other: The two laft were Countrymen and Cotemporaries. The two first had many Friends:

The two

laft had ONE. The two firft lived at a Time when Corruption first began to infinuate itself into their different Commonwealths, and to make Attempts upon publick Spirit:

The two laft when publick Spirit was openly call'd Sedition. The two first made an honourable Figure in their Country: The two laft made a Kind of a fcurvy Figure in theirs.

But, if we fhould compare the two great Men laft named in Refpect to each other, we might, with Juftice, obferve, that they were equally wife, equally boneft; yet they feem to have taken a different Turn in their Studies. Walfingham's Orations are made up chiefly of Declamation; he delighted but little in Matter, or Argument, having

applied

applied all his Parts, both natural and acquired, to Altercation; and tho' Osborn feems to have gone much deeper in the Knowledge of Politicks, yet his greateft Admirers allow'd that he yielded to the other in the Science of SCOLDING. It has been obferv'd, by certain Criticks, that fome of Walsingham's Orations, as, for Example, thofe of the more moderate Sort, fhould be pronounced, accompanied with Action, rather than read; that they wou'd found beft from a Tub, and to do them Juftice, they ought to be Snuffled thro' the Nose. The Difcourfes of

Osborn are of a more familiar Kind, and feem to be of the fame Pitch of Good Senfe with what may be heard every Day, as often as fome half-drunk Mechanick is difpofed to fettle the Nation. — Both thefe great Men seem to be Followers of Jack, who was the youngest Brother of Peter and of Martin, and Founder of a certain Sect, whofe Difciples all run mad with Contradiction. But there was this Difference between them, that as Walsingham was always contradicting others, Osborn was eternally contradicting himself.

If the Writings of thefe Gentlemen appear fo fingular, I take it to be owing to the following Reafon, that the Age we live in has made greater Improvements in Politicks than in any other Science whatsoever. If Machiavel, Richlieu, or Mazarine, were to revive again, and to live in our Nation, they wou'd wonder at their own Ignorance, and, when they fhould compare the Writings of the aforefaid Gentlemen, as well as of all the Reft who have lately write on the fame Side, with the Maxims which they left the World, they would be forced to confefs, that they understood Nothing of the Art of Government.

The long uneafy Situation of our Affairs has not only produc'd private Murmurs, but has broke into open Complaints. The numerous Treaties that

VOL. II.

Y

have