At least from fair five hundred pounds a year:

Heaven guard my mother's honour and my land!

K. John. A good blunt fellow. Why, being younger born,

Doth he lay claim to thine inheritance?

Bast. I know not why, except to get the land.
But once he slander'd me with bastardy :
But whe'er I be as true begot or no,
That still I lay upon my mother's head,
But that I am as well begot, my liege,
Fair fall the bones that took the pains for me!
Compare our faces and be judge yourself.
If old Sir Robert did beget us both

And were our father, and this son like him,
O old Sir Robert, father, on my knee

I give heaven thanks I was not like to thee!

K. John. Why, what a madcap hath heaven lent us here!
Eli. He hath a trick of Coeur-de-lion's face;

The accent of his tongue affecteth him.
Do you not read some tokens of my son
In the large composition of this man?

K. John. Mine eye hath well examined his parts
And finds them perfect Richard. Sirrah, speak,
What doth move you to claim your brother's land?
Bast. Because he hath a half-face, like my father.
With that half-face would he have all my land:
A half-fac'd groat five hundred pound a year!
Rob. My gracious liege, when that my father lived,
Your brother did employ my father much,

Bast. Well, sir, by this you cannot get my land:
Your tale must be how he employ'd my mother.
Rob. And once dispatch'd him in an embassy
To Germany, there with the Emperor

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To treat of high affairs touching that time.
The advantage of his absence took the King

And in the mean time sojourn'd at my father's;
Where how he did prevail I shame to speak,
But truth is truth: large lengths of seas and shores
Between my father and my mother lay,
As I have heard my father speak himself,
When this same lusty gentleman was got.
Upon his death-bed he by will bequeath'd
His lands to me, and took it on his death
That this my mother's son was none of his;
And if he were, he came into the world

75 whe'er whether.

92 half-face. The profile face on coins was called a half-face.

110

Full fourteen weeks before the course of time.
Then, good my liege, let me have what is mine,
My father's land, as was my father's will.

K. John. Sirrah, your brother is legitimate;
Your father's wife did after wedlock bear him,
And if she did play false, the fault was hers;
Which fault lies on the hazards of all husbands
That marry wives. Tell me, how if my brother,
Who, as you say, took pains to get this son,
Had of your father claim'd this son for his?
In sooth, good friend, your father might have kept
This calf bred from his cow from all the world;
In sooth he might; then, if he were my brother's,
My brother might not claim him; nor your father,
Being none of his, refuse him: this concludes;
My mother's son did get your father's heir;
Your father's heir must have your father's land.

Rob. Shall then my father's will be of no force

To dispossess that child which is not his?

Bast. Of no more force to dispossess me, sir,

Than was his will to get me, as I think.

Eli. Whether hadst thou rather be a Faulconbridge And like thy brother, to enjoy thy land,

Or the reputed son of Coeur-de-lion,

Lord of thy presence and no land beside?

Bast. Madam, an if my brother had my shape,

And I had his, Sir Robert's his, like him;
And if my legs were two such riding-rods,

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My arms such eel-skins stuff'd, my face so thin
That in mine ear I durst not stick a rose

Lest men should say, Look, where three-farthings goes!
And, to his shape, were heir to all this land,

Would I might never stir from off this place,

I would give it every foot to have this face;

I would not be Sir Nob in any case.

Eli. I like thee well: wilt thou forsake thy fortune, Bequeath thy land to him and follow me?

I am a soldier, and now bound to France.

Bast. Brother, take you my land, I'll take my Your face hath got five hundred pound a year, Yet sell your face for five pence and 't is dear. Madam, I'll follow you unto the death.

chance.

Eli. Nay, I would have you go before me thither.

150

139 Sir Robert's his. It would seem that for the sake of rhythm S. did not hesitate to write what we nowadays should speak as Sir Roberts's.

143 three-farthings. Elizabeth coined three-farthing pieces, which had a rose on them. 147 Nob Bob, Robert. =

Bast. Our country manners give our betters way.
K. John. What is thy name?

Bast. Philip, my liege, so is my name begun;

Philip, good old Sir Robert's wife's eldest son.

K. John. From henceforth bear his name whose form thou

bear'st:

Kneel thou down Philip, but arise more great,

Arise Sir Richard and Plantagenet.

Bast. Brother by the mother's side, give me your hand:

My father gave me honour, yours gave land.

Now blessed be the hour, by night or day,
When I was got, Sir Robert was away!
Eli. The very spirit of Plantagenet!

I am thy grandam, Richard; call me so.

Bast. Madam, by chance but not by truth; what though? Something about, a little from the right,

In at the window, or else o'er the hatch:

Who dares not stir by day must walk by night,

And have is have, however men do catch:

Near or far off, well won is still well shot,

And I am I, howe'er I was begot.

K. John. Go, Faulconbridge: now hast thou thy desire; A landless knight makes thee a landed squire.

Come, madam, and come, Richard, we must speed

For France, for France, for it is more than need.

Bast. Brother, adieu: good fortune come to thee!
For thou wast got i' th' way of honesty.

A foot of honour better than I was;
But many a many foot of land the worse.
Well, now can I make any Joan a lady.
"Good den, Sir Richard!

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[Exeunt all but Bastard.

"God-a-mercy, fellow!"
And if his name be George, I'll call him Peter;
For new-made honour doth forget men's names;
"T is too respective and too sociable

For your conversion. Now your traveller,
He and his toothpick at my worship's mess,
And when my knightly stomach is suffic'd,
Why then I suck my teeth and catechise
My picked man of countries: "My dear sir,"
Thus, leaning on mine elbow, I begin,

"I shall beseech you " that is question now;

171 the hatch

in New England. 154 any Joan

188 respective

sociable.

190

the lower half of a divided door, such as are now in many old houses

any common girl: so used from the commonness of the name. respectful; that is, to remember men's names is too respectful and

toothpick. The travelled man used a toothpick, in S.'s day; the homely Englishman sucked his teeth.

And then comes answer like an Absey book:
"O sir," says answer, "at your best command;
At your employment; at your service, sir:

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No, sir," says question, "I, sweet sir, at yours:
And so, ere answer knows what question would,
Saving in dialogue of compliment,

And talking of the Alps and Apennines,
The Pyrenean and the river Po,

It draws toward supper in conclusion so.
But this is worshipful society

And fits the mounting spirit like myself,
For he is but a bastard to the time
That doth not smack of observation;
And so am I, whether I smack or no;
And not alone in habit and device,
Exterior form, outward accoutrement,
But from the inward motion to deliver
Sweet, sweet, sweet poison for the age's tooth :
Which, though I will not practise to deceive,
Yet, to avoid deceit, I mean to learn;
For it shall strew the footsteps of my rising.
But who comes in such haste in riding-robes?
What woman-post is this? hath she no husband
That will take pains to blow a horn before her?

Enter LADY FAULCONBRIDGE and JAMES GURNEY.

O me! it is my mother. How now, good lady!
What brings you here to court so hastily?

Lady F. Where is that slave, thy brother? where is he,

That holds in chase mine honour up and down?

Bast. My brother Robert? old Sir Robert's son?

Colbrand the giant, that same mighty man?

Is it Sir Robert's son that you seek so?

Lady F. Sir Robert's son! Ay, thou unreverend boy,
Sir Robert's son: why scorn'st thou at Sir Robert?
He is Sir Robert's son, and so art thou.

Bast. James Gurney, wilt thou give us leave awhile?
Gur. Good leave, good Philip.

Bast.

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[Exit Gurney.

Philip sparrow: James, There's toys abroad: anon I'll tell thee more. Madam, I was not old Sir Robert's son: Sir Robert might have eat his part in me Upon Good-Friday and ne'er broke his fast: Sir Robert could do well: marry, to confess,

196 Absey book A, B, C book.

231 Philip! sparrow. The sparrow was called Philip, from its note phip! phip! The Bastard remembers that he is now Richard and Ilantagenet.

Could he get me? Sir Robert could not do it:
We know his handiwork: therefore, good mother,
To whom am I beholding for these limbs?
Sir Robert never holp to make this leg.

Lady F. Hast thou conspired with thy brother too,
That for thine own gain shouldst defend mine honour?
What means this scorn, thou most untoward knave?

Bast. Knight, knight, good mother, Basilisco-like.
What! I am dubb'd! I have it on my shoulder.
But, mother, I am not Sir Robert's son;

I have disclaim'd Sir Robert and my land;
Legitimation, name and all is gone :

Then, good my mother, let me know my father;
Some proper man, I hope: who was it, mother?

Lady F. Hast thou denied thyself a Faulconbridge?
Bast. As faithfully as I deny the Devil.

Lady F. King Richard Coeur-de-lion was thy father:
By long and vehement suit I was seduc'd
To make room for him in my husband's bed:
Heaven lay not my transgression to my charge!
Thou art the issue of my dear offence,

Which was so strongly urg'd past my defence.
Bast. Now, by this light, were I to get again,
Madam, I would not wish a better father.
Some sins do bear their privilege on earth,
And so doth yours; your fault was not your folly :
Needs must you lay your heart at his dispose,
Subjected tribute to commanding love,
Against whose fury and unmatched force
The aweless lion could not wage the fight,
Nor keep his princely heart from Richard's hand.
He that perforce robs lions of their hearts
May easily win a woman's. Ay, my mother,
With all my heart I thank thee for my father!
Who lives and dares but say thou didst not well
When I was got, I'll send his soul to hell.
Come, lady, I will show thee to my kin;

And they shall say, when Richard me begot,
If thou hadst said him nay, it had been sin:
Who
says it was, he lies; I say 't was not.

240 holp helped: the Old English form.

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270

[Exeunt.

244 Basilisco-like. Basilisco, a personage in a dull play of S.'s day, insists much upon his knighthood.

robs lions of their hearts: alluding to the story that Richard thrust his hand down the throat and tore out the heart of a lion, to which he was exposed by the Duke of Austria.