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And being lodged in fuch hands, it may be at difcretion let out by the day, to feveral great orators in both houses; from whence it is to be hoped much profit and gain will accrue to our fociety.

Dedications and Panegyrics.

Now of what neceffity the foregoing project may prove, will appear from this fingle confideration, that nothing is of equal confequence to the fuccefs of our works as fpeed and difpatch. Great pity it is, that folid brains are not, like other folid bodies, conftantly endowed with a velocity in finking proportionable to their heaviness: for it is with the flowers of the Bathos as with those of nature, which, if the careful gardener brings not haftily to market in the morning, muft unprofitably perish and wither before night. And of all our productions none is fo fhort-lived as the dedication and panegyric, which are often but the praife of a day, and become by the next utterly ufelefs, improper, indecent, and falfe. This is the more to be lamented, inasmuch as these two are the forts whereon in a manner depends that profit, which muft ftill be remembered to be the main end of our writers and speakers.

We fhall therefore employ this chapter in fhewing the quickest method of compofing them after which we will teach a fhort way to epic poetry. And thefe being confeffedly the works of moft importance and difficulty, it is prefumed we may leave the reft to each author's own learning or practice.

First of Panegyric. Every man is honourable, who is fo by law, cuftom, or title. The public are better judges of what is honourable than private men. The virtues of great men, like thofe of plants, are inherent in them, whether they are exerted or not; and the more strongly inherent, the lefs they are exerted; as a man is the more rich, the lefs he fpends. All great minifters, without either private or œconomical virtue, are virtuous by their posts, liberal and generous upon the public money, provident upon public fupplies, juft by paying public intereft, courageous and magnanimous by the fleets and armies, magnificent upon the public expences, and prudent by public fuccefs. They have by their office a right to a fhare of the public ftock of virtues; befides, they are by prefcription immemorial invested in all the celebrated virtues of their predeceffors in the

fame ftations, especially those of their own ancestors.

As to what are commonly called the colours of honourable and dishonourable, they are various in different countries: in this, they are blue, green, and red.

But, forafmuch as the duty we owe to the public doth often require that we should put fome things in a ftrong light, and throw a fhade over others, I fhall explain the method of turning a vicious man into a hero.

The first and chief rule is the golden rule of transformation; which confilts in converting vices into their bordering virtues. A man who is a spendthrift, and will not pay a juft debt, may have his injustice transformed into liberality; cowardice may be metamorphofed into prudence; intemperance into good-nature and good-fellowhip; corruption into patriotism; and lewdnefs into tendernefs and facility.

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The fecond is the rule of contraries. is certain the less a man is endued with any virtue, the more need he has to have it plentifully beftowed, efpecially thofe good qualities of which the world generally believes he has none at all: for who will thank a man for giving him that which he

has?

The reverse of thefe precepts will ferve for fatire; wherein we are ever to remark, that whofo lofeth his place, or becomes out of favour with the government, hath forfeited his fhare in public praife and honour. Therefore the truly public-fpirited writer ought in duty to ftrip him whom the government hath ftripped; which is the real poetical justice of this age. For a full collection of topics and epithets to be ufed in the praife and difpraife of ministerial and unminifterial perfons, I refer to our rhetorical cabinet; concluding with an earneft exhortation to all my brethren, to cbferve the precepts here laid down; the neglect of which has colt fome of them their ears in a pillory.

A Recipe to make an Epic Poem. An epic poem, the critics agree, is the greatest work human nature is capable of. They have already laid down many mechanical rules for compofitions of this fort, but at the fame time they cut off almost all undertakers from the poffibility of ever performing them; for the first qualification they unanimously require in a poet, is a genius. I fhall here endeavour (for the benefit of my countrymen) to make it

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manifeft,

manifeft, that epic poems may be made without a genius, nay, without learning or much reading. This must neceffarily be of great ufe to all thofe who confefs they never read, and of whom the world is convinced they never learn. Moliere obferves of making a dinner, that any man can do it with money; and if a profeffed cook cannot do without it, he has his art for nothing the fame may be faid of making a poem; it is eafily brought about by him that has a genius, but the kill lies in doing it without one. In purfuance of this end, I fhall present the reader with a plain and fure recipe, by which any author in the Bathos may be qualified for this grand performance.

To make an Epic Poem.

For the Fable. Take out of any old poem, hiftory-book, romance, or legend (for inftance, Geoffry of Monmouth, or Don Belianis of Greece) thofe parts of ftory which afford moft fcope for long defcriptions: put thefe pieces together, and throw all the adventures you fancy into one tale. Then take a hero, whom you may chufe for the found of his name, and put him in the midst of these adventures: there let him work for twelve books; at the end of which you may take him out, ready prepared to conquer or to marry; it being neceffary that the conclusion of an epic poem be fortunate.

To make an Episode. Take any remaining adventure of your former collection, in which you could no way involve your hero; or any unfortunate accident that was too good to be thrown away; and it will be of ufe, applied to any other perfon, who may be loft and evaporate in the courfe of the work, without the leaft damage to the compofition.

For the Moral and Allegory. Thefe you may extract out of the fable afterwards, at your leifure: be fure you ftrain them fufficiently.

For the Manners. For those of the hero, take all the best qualities you can find in the most celebrated heroes of antiquity: if they will not be reduced to a confiftency, lay them all on a heap upon him. But be fure they are qualities which your patron would be thought to have; and to prevent any mistake which the world may be fubject to, felect from the alphabet thofe capital letters that compofe his name, and set them at the head of a dedication or poem. However, do not obferve the exact quantity of thefe virtues, it not being determined

whether or no it be neceffary for the hero of a poem to be an honeft man. For the under-characters, gather them from Homer. and Virgil, and change the names as occafion ferves.

For the Machines. Take of deities, male and female, as many as you can use: feparate them into two equal parts, and keep Jupiter in the middle: let Juno put him in a ferment, and Venus mollify him. Remember on all occafions to make use of volatile Mercury. If you have need of devils, draw them out of Milton's Paradise, and extract your fpirits from Taffo. The use of thefe machines is evident: fince no epic poem can poffibly fubfift without them, the wifeft way is to referve them for your greatest neceffities. When you cannot extricate your hero by any human means, or yourself by your own wit, feek relief from heaven, and the gods will do your bufinefs very readily. This is according to the direct prefcription of Horace, in his Art of Poetry:

Nec deus interfit, nifi dignus vindice noduse Inciderit.

That is to fay, "A poet should never call "upon the gods for their affiftance, but "when he is in great perplexity."

For the Defcriptions. For a tempeft. Take Eurus, Zephyr, Auster, and Boreas, and caft them together in one verfe: add to these of rain, lightning, and thunder (the loudeft you can) quantum fufficit; mix your clouds and billows well together till they foam, and thicken your defcription here and there with a quickfand. Brew your tempeft well in your head, before you fet it a-blowing.

For a battle. Pick a large quantity of images and defcriptions from Homer's Iliad, with a spice or two of Virgil; and if there remain any overplus, you may lay them by for a skirmish. Seafon it well with fimiles, and it will make an excellent battle.

For a burning town. If fuch a defcription be neceffary (because it is certain there is one in Virgil) old Troy is ready burnt to your hands: but if you fear that would be thought borrowed, a chapter or two of the Theory of the Conflagration, well circumftanced and done into verfe, will be a good fuccedaneum.

As for fimilies and metaphors, they may be found all over the creation; the most ignorant may gather them: but the diffi

culty

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No fooner was I elected into my office, but I laid afide the powdered gallantries of my youth, and became a new man. I confidered myfelf as in fome wife of ecclefiaftical dignity; fince by wearing a band, which is no fmall part of the ornament of our clergy, I might not unworthily be deemed, as it were, a fhred of the linen vestment of Aaron.

Thou may't conceive, O reader, with what concern I perceived the eyes of the congregation fixed upon me, when I first took my place at the feet of the priest. When I raifed the pfalm, how did my voice quaver for fear! and when I arrayed the shoulders of the minifter with the furplice, how did my joints tremble under me! I faid within myself, "Remember, Paul, "thou ftandelt before men of high worfhip; the wife Mr. Juftice Freeman, the "grave Mr. Juftice Tonfon, the good Lady Jones, and the two virtuous gen"tlewomen her daughters; nay, the great Sir Thomas Truby, Knight and Baronet, and my young mafter the Efquire, "who fhall one day be lord of this ma"nor." Notwithstanding which, it was my good hap to acquit myself to the good liking of the whole congregation; but the Lord forbid I should glory therein.

"

I was determined to reform the manifold corruptions and abufes which had crept into the church.

First, I was especially fevere in whipping forth dogs from the temple, all except ing the lap-dog of the good widow Howard, a fober dog which yelped not, nor was there offence in his mouth.

Secondly, I did even proceed to morofenefs, though fore against my heart, unto poor babes, in tearing from them the halfeaten apples which they privily munched at church. But verily it pitied me; for I remember the days of my youth.

Thirdly, With the fweat of my own hands I did make plain and fmooth the dogs-ears throughout our great Bible.

Fourthly, The pews and benches, which were formerly fwept but once in three years, I caufed every Saturday to be fwept with a befom, and trimmed.

Fifthly, and lastly, I caufed the furplice to be neatly darned, washed, and laid in

fresh lavender (yea, and fometimes to be fprinkled with rofe-water); and I had great laud and praife from all the neighbouring clergy, forafmuch as no parith kept the minister in cleaner linen.

Shoes did I make (and, if intreated, mend) with good approbation. Faces alfo did I fhave; and I clipped the hair. Chirurgery alfo I practifed in the worming of dogs; but to bleed adventured I not, except the poor. Upon this my two-fold profeflion, there paffed among men a merry tale, delectable enough to be rehearsed: How that, being overtaken with liquor one Saturday evening, I thaved the priest with Spanish blacking for fhoes inftead of a washball, and with lamp-black powdered his perriwig. But these were fayings of men delighting in their own conceits more than in the truth: for it is well known, that great was my care and fkill in thefe my crafts; yea, I once had the honour of trimming Sir Thomas himself, without fetching blood. Furthermore, I was fought unto to geld the Lady Frances her spaniel, which was wont to go aftray: he was called Toby, that is to fay, Tobias. And, thirdly, I was entrusted with a gorgeous pair of fhoes of the faid lady, to fet an heel-piece thereon; and I received fuch praise therefore, that it was faid all over the parish, I fhould be recommended unto the king to mend fhoes for his majefty: whom God preferve! Amen.

Ibid.

§ 36. Cruelty to Animals. Montaigne thinks it fome reflection upon human nature itfelf, that few people take delight in feeing beafts carefs or play together, bnt almost every one is pleafed to fee them lacerate and worry one another. I am forry this temper is become almost a diftinguishing character of our own nation, from the obfervation which is made by foreigners of our beloved paftimes, bearbaiting, cock-fighting, and the like. We fhould find it hard to vindicate the destroying of any thing that has life, merely out of wantonnefs: yet in this principle our children are bred up; and one of the firit pleafures we allow them, is the licence of inflicting pain upon poor animals: almost as foon as we are fenfible what life is ourfelves, we make it our sport to take it from other creatures. I cannot but believe a very good ufe might be made of the fancy which children have for birds and infects. Mr. Locke takes notice of a mother who permitted

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permitted them to her children, but rewarded or punished them as they treated them well or ill. This was no other than entering them betimes into a daily exercife of humanity, and improving their very diverfion to a virtue.

I fancy, too, fome advantage might be taken of the common notion, that 'tis ominous or unlucky to deftroy fome forts of birds, as fwallows and martins. This opinion might poffibly arife from the confidence thefe birds feem to put in us by building under our roofs; fo that this is a kind of violation of the laws of hofpitality to murder them. As for Robin red-breafts in particular, it is not improbable they owe their fecurity to the old ballad of " The children in the wood." However it be, I don't know, I fay, why this prejudice, well improved and carried as far as it would go, might not be made to conduce to the preservation of many innocent creatures, which are now expofed to all the wantonnefs of an ignorant barbarity.

There are other animals that have the misfortune, for no manner of reason, to be treated as common enemies, wherever found. The conceit that a cat has nine lives has coft at leaft nine lives in ten of the whole race of them: fcarce a boy in the ftreets but has in this point outdone Hercules himself, who was famous for killing a monfter that had but three lives. Whether the unaccountable animofity againft this useful domeftic may be any cause of the general perfecution of owls (who are a fort of feathered cats) or whether it be only an unreasonable pique the moderns have taken to a ferious countenance, I fhall not determine: though I am inclined to believe the former; fince I obferve the fole reafon alledged for the deftruction of frogs is because they are like toads. Yet, amidit all the misfortunes of thefe unfriended creatures, 'tis fome happiness that we have not yet taken a fancy to eat them: for fhould our countrymen refine upon the French never fo little, 'tis not to be conceived to what unheard-of torments, owls, cats, and frogs may be yet referved.

When we grow up to men, we have ancther fucceflion of fanguinary fports; in particular, hunting. I dare not attack a diverfion which has fuch authority and cuftom to fupport it; but must have leave to be of opinion, that the agitation of that exercife, with the example and number of the chafers, not a little contributes to refift

thofe checks, which compaffion would naturally fuggeft in behalf of the animal purfued. Nor fhall I fay, with Monfieur Fleury, that this fport is a remain of the Gothic barbarity; but I muft animadvert upon a certain cuftom yet in use with us, and barbarous enough to be derived from the Goths, or even the Scythians: I mean that favage compliment our huntsmen pafs upon ladies of quality, who are present at the death of a ftag, when they put the knife in their hands to cut the throat of a helpless, trembling, and weeping creature.

Queftuque cruentus,
Atque imploranti fimilis.-

But if our sports are deftructive, our gluttony is more fo, and in a more inhuman manner. Lobsters roafted alive, pigs whipped to death, fowls fewed up, are teftimonies of our outrageous luxury. Thofe who (as Seneca expreffes it) divide their lives betwixt an anxious confcience, and a naufeated stomach, have a just reward of their gluttony in the diseases it brings with it: for human favages, like other wild beafts, find fnares and poifon in the provifions of life, and are allured by their appetite to their deftruction. I know nothing more fhocking, or horrid, than the profpect of one of their kitchens covered with blood, and filled with the cries of the creatures expiring in tortures. It gives one an image of a giant's den in a romance, beftrewed with the fcattered heads and mangled limbs of those who were flain by his cruelty. Pope.

$37. Paftoral Comedy.

I have not attempted any thing of a paftoral comedy, because I think the taste of our age will not relish a poem of that fort. People feek for what they call wit, on all fubjects, and in all places; not confidering that nature loves truth fo well, that it hardly ever admits of flourishing. Conceit is to nature what paint is to beauty; it is not only needlefs, but impairs what it would improve. There is a certain majeity in fimplicity, which is far above all the quaintnefs of wit: infomuch that the critics have excluded wit from the loftieft poetry, as well as the loweft, and forbid it to the epic no less than the pastoral. fhould certainly displease all those who are charmed with Guarini and Bonarelli, and imitate Taffo not only in the fimplicity of his thoughts, but in that of the fable too.

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If furprifing difcoveries fhould have place in the ftory of a paftoral comedy, I believe it would be more agreeable to probability to make them the effects of chance than of defign; intrigue not being very confiftent with that innocence, which ought to conftitute a fhepherd's character. There is nothing in all the Aminta (as I remember) but happens by mere accident; unless it be the meeting of Aminta with Sylvia at the fountain, which is the contrivance of Daphne; and even that is the most fimple in the world: the contrary is obfervable in Pastor Fido, where Corisca is so perfect a mistress of intrigue, that the plot could not have been brought to pafs without her. I am inclined to think the paftoral comedy has another disadvantage, as to the manners its general defign is to make us in love with the innocence of a rural life, fo that to introduce fhepherds of a vicious character, muft in fome measure debafe it; and hence it may come to país, that even the virtuous characters will not fhine fo much, for want of being oppofed to their contraries.

$ 38. Dogs.

Pope.

Plutarch, relating how the Athenians were obliged to abandon Athens in the time of Themistocles, steps back again out of the way of his hiftory, purely to defcribe the lamentable cries and howlings of the poor dogs they left behind. He makes mention of one, that followed his mafter across the fea to Salamis, where he died, and was honoured with a tomb by the Athenians, who gave the name of The Dog's Grave to that part of the island where he was buried. This refpect to a dog, in the most polite people in the world, is very obfervable. A modern inftance of gratitude to a dog (though we have but few fuch) is, that the chief order of Denmark (now injuriously called the order of the Elephant) was inftituted in memory of the fidelity of a dog, named Wild-brat, to one of their kings, who had been deferted by his fubjects: he gave his order this motto, or to this effect (which still remains) "Wild-brat was faithful." Sir William Trumbull has told me a ftory, which he heard from one that was prefent: King Charles I. being with fome of his court during his troubles, a difcourfe arofe what fort of dogs deferved pre-eminence, and it being on all hands agreed to belong either to the spaniel or grey-hound, the king gave his opinion on the part of the grey

hound, because (faid he) it has all the goodnature of the osher without the fawning. A good piece of fatire upon his courtiers, with which I will conclude my discourse of dogs. Call me a cynic, or what you please, in revenge for all this impertinence, I will be contented; provided you will but believe me, when I fay a bold word for a Chriftian, that, of all dogs, you will find none more faithful than, Yours, &c. Ibid.

$39. Lady Mary Wortley Montague.

The more I examine my own mind, the more romantic I find myself. Methinks it is a noble spirit of contradiction to fate and fortune, not to give up thofe that are fnatched from us: but to follow them the more, the farther they are removed from the fense of it. Sure, flattery never travelled fo far as three thousand miles; it is now only for truth, which overtakes all things, to reach you at this distance. 'Tis a generous piece of popery, that pursues even those who are to be eternally abfent into another world: whether you think it right or wrong, you'll own the very extravagance a fort of piety. I can't be fatisfied with firewing flowers over you, and barely honouring you as a thing loft; but must confider you as a glorious though remote being, and be fending addreffes after you. You have carried away so much of me, that what remains is daily languishing and dying over my acquaintance here; and, I believe, in three or four months more I fhall think Aurat Bazar as good a place as Covent-Garden. You may imagine this is raillery; but I am really fo far gone, as to take pleasure in reveries of this kind. Let them fay I am romantic; fo is every one faid to be, that either admires a fine thing, or does one. On my conscience, as the world goes, 'tis hardly worth any body's while to do one for the honour of it: glory, the only pay of generous actions, is now as ill paid as other juft debts; and neither Mrs. Macfarland, for immolating her lover, nor you, for conftancy to your lord, muft ever hope to be compared to Lucretia or Portia.

I write this in fome anger; for having, fince you went, frequented those people moft, who feemed moft in your favour, I heard nothing that concerned you talked of fo often, as that you went away in a black full-bottomed wig; which I did but affert to be a bob, and was answered," Love is blind." I am perfuaded your wig had

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