Ned Tes. For a lady !—nay, Sir, “ Ærumnosa, et Miserarium compos, Mulier :"-by which Plautus means, mother, that a Woman is, to the full, as much up to Misery as a Man. Sen. You have interrupted me, Mr Edward; I was going on to say-for a lady who enjoys the admiration of one sex, and the envy of the other. Mrs Tes. There!-there!-Mr Testy. Tes. O yes, Mrs Testy,-there is Mr Sensitive, as you say; and there is his politeness; but where is his sincerity?— Well, Sensitive, we seem, then, to have pretty well prepared our briefs in this grand Calamity-Cause of ours,-save a few miscellaneous items, to be added at our leisure :-I can't tell how long a time you will require to hearten yourself for the next consultation; all I can say is, that as you are Mind, you know, you must govern, of course; and you will find Body at your service, whenever you may be pleased to call for it. DIALOGUE THE TWELFTH. MISERIES MISCELLANEOUS. Testy, Senior and Junior.-Sensitive. YOUR Testy. OUR servant, Sensitive ;—I am glad to see you wound up to another meeting; when we last parted, your weights seemed to be quite down, I thought. Since that time, we have both been equally busy, I reckon, in gleaning up such little odd tortures, of all sorts, as we had left behind at our general harvest. For my own share, I have cocked up a tolerable stock of 'em. Sen. Mr Testy, I am yours:—would I could add that I am my own!- but, to say the truth, the cruel necessity of retracing my footsteps through so many galling journies of life, in quest of missing Miseries, or stray Groans, has well nigh overwhelmed me; nor do I feel myself much enlivened by the prospect immediately before me, of counting over my collections. Tes. Cheer up, Sensitive!-remember our rivals!—we are now within sight of the goal; and winning horses, like you and me, should scorn to complain of being a little out of wind in the race. Sen. I stand prepared, Sir: my motto, during my last search, has been "Stat casus renovare omnes, omnemque reverti Per Trojam, et rursus caput objectare periclis." To which I now add; "Quanquam animus meminisse horret, luctuque refugit, Incipiam." GROAN 1. (S.) Labouring in vain to do up a parcel, with scanty, weak, bursting paper; and thin, short, rotten string. 2. (T.) Drudging, late at night, for the twentieth time, over long rows of figures, in a vain attempt to reconcile sundry totals, differing by a single farthing. Ned Tes. Aye-that Misery is as old as Horace: "Infelix operis summâ, quia ponere totum 3. (T.) Receiving at a shop a quantity of thin sixpences, in change, and striving to pick up the separate pieces against the rim, or ridge of the counterbut with such cruelly short nails, and in such violent haste, that you barely raise the edge of the coin, so as to cut and gall the quick of your fingers, from which every piece in its turn drops flat every time. 4. (S.) Hearing that your lottery-ticket is drawn a blank, just as you have snugly tiled in your castles in the air. 5. (S.) After the first, or prelusive squall of a fractious brat, which you had taken in your arms, to please its mother-the horrible pause during which you perceive that it is collecting breath to burst out with a fresh and recruited scream, that is to thrill through your marrow;—yet you know that, strange to say, if you throttle it, the law will throttle 6. (S.) you! The necessity of sending a verbal message of the utmost consequence, by an ass, who, you plainly perceive, will forget (or rather has already forgotten) every word you have been saying. 7. (S.) Being placed, and held, under the harrow, by a doting mother, who, first makes you look over, and praise, separately, an huge port-folio of Miss' or Master's early school drawings; and then, sentences you to hear the urchin repeat all Gay's fables. Tes. Yes-and there is another specimen. of this sort of lopyn, quite as delightful to witness: |