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Tes. O, in a quarter of an hour, at latest; -I made up my mind to guing, full two hours ago;
and don't remember that I ever loitered so long after I had resolved upon a journey, in all my life :-good bye to you.
Sen. Stay, Sir,-one word more, if you please : how do you intend to travel ?
Tes. Hum--that's a cutting question, Sensitive; how ?--why, in more ways than one; and among others, I believe, if you must have it, in-in-in Stage-coaches-confound the scoundrels that first thought of them!
Sen. The very point to which I was leading;-so, alas! must I.-Well then; at our next meeting, we will first dispose of the more gentlemanly vexations of the roadthose which will overtake us on horse-back, and in our own carriages—and next, as to these periodical nests of vulgarity, in which disgust is let out by the mile,-these Stagecoaches,-we will, afterwards, abuse them by themselves, considering them as the very climax and pinnacle of locomotive griefs.
Tes. Well, well-as you please :- I leave
the arrangement of our plagues to you ;as to the plagues themselves, I am secure enough of my full share-and so I hope you
I have no“ more last words," for I can't stay to hear them.
DIALOGUE THE SIXTH.
MISERIES OF TRAVELLING.
Testy, Senior and Junior.-Sensitive.
Testy. So! here we are at last
, with a private house over our heads, and the free use of our own feet again, for a twelvemonth at least, I hope - bidding a long adieu to Bedlam, in the shape of an inn--flying fields and trees, under the fine name of prospects—wild beasts with saddles clapped on their backs, and so called Horses—and a travelling trap for a sitting room !-I shall really almost think, for a day or two to come, that there is some pleasure in being at home. Sen. Why, as in the one case
Miseries come to you, while, in the other, you go to.
them, you are so far right, at least, as you prefer the least troublesome mode of being unhappy :-for myself, however, I confess I do not find my feelings quite so accomodating. At home, to be sure, we are ;--yet what is home, but a torment divided into three shares; one consisting of the recollected Miseries of the last journey—another of the anticipated horrors of the next-and a third, of the stationary stumbling-blocks peculiar to itself.
Tes. Well, Sensitive, I must repeat my old confession, that you are a more dextrous grumbler, where Mind is most concerned, than myself; for my part, if my journey, when it is over, would let Body alone, I think I could manage my spiritual, part tolerably well;—but here am I, you see, with a sort of traveller's lumbago upon me, from sitting ten or twelve hours on a stretch, (or rather with no stretch at all) doubled up in a box of about two feet and a half square, day after day, and week after week. I verily believe all the bones in my body have shifted places within the last month; and I don't find that the rheumatism which I caught in my last damp
bed but one, seems to have shuffled them into their old quarters—and still less, the kick of a horse, which, no later than yesterday, took me across the ribs, by way of welcome, at my own door! I have a long account, too, to settle with my Eyes, which were never worth a halfpenny, and don't seem much mended by a hot sun, which took advantage of my bava ing left my green spectacles at one of the inns, to stare in upon me all day long, at one window or another, at ever twist of the road.
-But come! what are you thinking of ? It is high time to begin ;-you have not served your memorandum-book as I did my glasses, it's to be hoped ?
Sen. Alas! but I have and I have also lost many links of the sad chain of mischances which you seem to have been relating, by endeavouring in vain to recollect where I left it :-but it matters not; my memory, which never fails me in a bad cause, will serve as well; nay, so deep is the impression which my late Travels have left upon my imagination, that I would undertake to record them faithfully at a deferred conference, an hundred years hence.As you appear to have a