periors; that I was a sad abettor of idleness and impertinence, that I was an utter enemy to all discipline and regularity; in short, that I ought never to be tolerated in the place of which I had possessed myself. 6 "Even my Patrons, the Members of the Club, began to cool in their good opinion of me. The King of Clubs,' like many other Kings, began to think of sacrificing his Favourite, in order to conciliate popular favour; my spirits subsided, and I began to be of opinion that the Members were all cracked, and that I should be cracked too, in a short time. I believe I owed my safety to a fortuitous circumstance, to which I never look back without exultation, Mr. Oakley, my most formidable enemy, dared to introduce a Tea-pot into the Club-Room. The Members retreated from his flag with disgust; and, though I never could get rid of the vile little intruder, yet a proposal for exiling me, and substituting chocolate, was negatived by a large majority. "I kept my place, therefore, and although I continued to meet with my quantum suff. of disapprobation from many with whose stomachs I disagreed, I did not cease from being the nectar of the Club, and the inspiration of the writings of 'The Etonian.' The fame of me was diffused far and wide, and the brightest ornaments of Mater Etona became anxious to have a hand in my composition. They were perpetually sending presents of ingredients, and my limited circumference was frequently unable to contain their liberality. One poured in a stream of Good Sense; another gave me a sparkling fountain of Wit; a third dropped from his hand the sugar of Urbanity; a fourth scattered on my surface the flowers of Parnassus. The disposition to jollity, which I had upon my first appearance betrayed, was gradually refined. I became as quiet and civil a Punch-bowl as ever was concocted. Even Ladies ventured to sip from me, and Exquisites pronounced me tolerable. The playful Fancy, which dictated the March to Moscow,' was derived from my influence-the pen which wrote Godiva,' was dipped in my liquid. When I am accused of misdemeanors, and riot, and disaffection, I answer by holding up a list of my friends!-You shall know me by the company I keep! 46 Yet why do I complain of hostility or censure? I never had reason to do so: my greatest friends, it is true, mixed up something of condemnation with their praises; but I need not fret on this account, since my bitterest enemies united something of approbation with their sarcasms. It has been my peculiar lot to please and to displease everybody. One considered me lukewarm, but there was sometimes a mellowness in my taste which pleased him; another thought me insipid, but there was sometimes a little acid in my beverage which redeemed me from total neglect ; a third complained that too much of me scnt him to sleep, but still be came to me, because he found a little of me was enlivening; a fourth swore I was death to the the senses, but yet he had an affection for me, because I gave life the feelings. “The incidents of my short life have been few, but among those whom they immediately concerned, they of course excited great interest. Wherever The Etonian' made his appearance 'The King of Clubs' led the way with the Punch-bowl in his arms; I was tasted by the Literati, who read every thing, and the illiterate, who read nothing at all. Many a glutton in literature smacked his lips at my approach, and many a boarding-school belle relinquished the unbroached Tears of Sensibility' for the more inviting flavour of the streams of his Majesty's Punchbowl. "These glorious days, however, are fleeting swiftly away! Once more will my orb be replenished, • Be ready, Gods, with all your thunder- Dash it to pieces!' before a less partial hand shall do it for me, and tell you what candour will say bye-and-bye of the Punchbowl. "It had many failings, but it had some virtues to counterbalance them; it promoted a fashion of levity, an indifference to rebuke, and an appearance of improprieties which never in reality existed. Many persons have assumed the dress of sanctity where sanctity was not, but few, like 'The King of Clubs,' have taken to intoxication in print, in order to appear to the world worse than they actually were. But, on the other hand, the Punchbowl gave life and vivacity to 'The Etonian,' which had never been found in the shop of Mr. Twining. It had the grace of novelty, which is no small recommendation where youth is to be the judge; and it afforded an opportunity of talking a great deal of nonsense, which could not have been talked half so well round a copper kettle or a silver urn. It was always warming, often exhilarating,-seldom, I hope, intoxicating,-never, I am sure, unwholesome."" Before this dreadful consummation shall take place, let me, as far as possible, provide for the probable contingency. I know that when my protector, 'The King of Clubs,' shall have vacated his throne, a crowd of petty calumniators will arise, to hide my good qualities and exaggerate my failings. Let me then draw my own character The composition, from whatever pen it proceeded, was received with great approbation; and as the Punch and its Biography were coming to an end together, the Club prepared to adjourn. Previous to their separation, however, Mr. COURTENAY rose and spoke to the following purpose:— MR. COURTENAY TO HIS CONTRIBUTORS. "Gentlemen,-As this is almost the last time I shall have the honour of addressing you in my capacity of President of your sittings, I wish to make one request of you and all our other Contributors. The curiosity of the Public is much excited respecting the names of our writers, and I, for one, am very unwilling to disappoint a Public which has been so very kind to us-I therefore hope that all those who have favoured us with their support, will let me know as soon as possible whether to all or to any of their articles they will allow me to attach their names in our Tenth and last Number."—( Hear! hear! hear!) (Signed) RICHARD HODGSON, Secretary. The Country Curate. -Tenui censu, sine crimine notum, Et properare loco, et cessare, et quærere, et uti.-HOR. IT was with feelings of the most unmixed delight that on my way to the North I contemplated spending one evening with my old friend Charles Torrens. I call him my friend, although he is six or seven years my senior; because his manners and his habits have always nearly resembled those of a boy, and have seemed more suitable to my age than to his. Some years ago, partly in consequence of his own imprudence, the poor fellow was in very low circumstances; but he has now, by one of those sudden freaks of fortune, which nobody knows how to account for, become sleek and fat, and well-to-do in the world: with a noble patron, a pretty wife, and the next presentation to a living of a thousand a year. I arrived at the village of about sun-set, and enquired for the house of Mr. Torrens. Of the children to whom I applied, no one seemed to understand me at all; at least one of them, a cuter lad than his companions, scratched his head for half a minute, and exclaimed, "Oh! why, sure, you mean Master Charles, our Curate! Gracious! to think of calling him Mr. Torrens!"-I afterwards learned that this hopeful disciple had the office of looking to the Curate's night-lines. However, he led me to the house, giggling all the way at the formality of “Mr. Torrens." I was prepared by this to find my old acquaintance as warm, and as wild, and as childish as ever. His residence was a red brick dwelling-house, which you would call a house by right, and a cottage by courtesy; it seemed to possess, like the owner, all requisites for hospitality and kindness, and to want, like him, all pretensions to decoration and show. "This is as it should be!" I said to myself; "I shall sleep soundly beneath such a roof as this ;" and so I threw up the latch of the garden-gate, and went in. Charles was in the kitchengarden behind the house, looking at his strawberry-beds. I walked round to meet him. I will not describe the pleasure with which we shook hands; my readers well know what it is to meet a dear and cherished friend after a long absence. I know not which was the happier of the two. 66 Well," he said," here I am, you see, settled in a snug competency, with a dry roof over my head, and a little bit of turf around me. I have had some knowledge of Fortune's slippery ways, and I thank my stars that I have pretty well got out of her reach. Charles Torrens can never be miserable while there's good fishing every hour in the day in his Lordship's ponds, and good venison every Sunday in the year in his Lordship's diningroom. Here you see me settled, as it were, in my otium cum dignitate, without a wish beyond the welfare of my wife, and the ripening of my melons; and what gives my enjoyments their greatest zest, Peregrine, is, that though the road to them was rather a hilly one, I kept out of the gutters as well as I could. What is it Horace says, Peregrine? 66 Neque majorem feci ratione malâ rem, that is, I did not grow rich like a rascal, and I sha'nt grow poor like a fool!-though (thanks to my uncle, the Nabob,) I can afford to give a young friend a bed and a breakfast, without pinching myself and my servants the next week!-But bless me! how I am letting my tongue run on :-I havn't introduced you to Margaret yet," and so saying, he took my arm, and hurried me into his drawing-room. His Bride was a very pleasing woman,-a lover might well call her a beautiful one; she seemed about oneand-twenty, and possessed every requisite to confer happiness upon a husband of my friend's wandering habits; she had sufficient good nature to let him wander abroad, but she had, at the same time, sufficient attractions to keep him at home; her forbearance never scolded him for his stay at another's hearth, but her good sense always took care to make his own agreeable to him. A clever wife would have piqued him, a silly wife would have bored him; Margaret was the Aurea mediocritas," and I could see that he was sincerely attached to her. The next morning I walked into his library, and was nta little amused by the heterogeneous treasures which it presented. Paley seemed somewhat surprised to find himself on the same shelf with "The Complete Angler," and Blair, in his decent vestment of calf-skin, was looking with consummate contempt upon the Morocco coat of his next neighbour, Colonel Thornton. A fowling-piece, fishing-rod, and powder-horn, were the principal decorations of the room. On the table was a portfolio containing a variety of manuscripts, unfinished Sermons, Stanzas, complete in all but the rhymes; Bills, Receipts, and Recipes for the diseases of Horses. Among them I found a little Memorandum Book for 1818; it contained a sketch of his way of life previous to his accession of fortune. I transcribed four days of it, and hope he will thank me for putting them in print. Monday, 10 o'clock.-Breakfast. Mem. My clerk tells me admirable coffee may be made with burnt crusts of bread-an ingenious plan and a frugal!-am engaged to eat my mutton with the Vicar of the next parish, so that I have leisure to speculate for to-morrow.-12 o'clock. Rode over to my aunt Picquet's. N.B. A plaguy old woman, but has excellent cherry-brandy, and all the fruits of Alcinous in her garden. Managed to oblige her by conveying home some fine pines in a basket.-5 o'clock. Dinner. -Old Decker, his wife, and young Decker of Brasennose.-Mem. Young Decker a great fool, but takes good care of the cellar. On my return sent my pines to the Hall (know Sir Harry's have failed this year), and received, per bearer, an invitation to join in the eating to-morrow. "Tuesday-After breakfast a water-excursion with the Hon. F. Goree; the poor little fellow very ingeniously fell out of the boat. I contrived to catch him by the collar in time to prevent him from spoiling his curls; but he was quite outrageous because I ruined his neckcloth. Eh bien! I lose nothing, for I never compassed a dinner with the Countess yet.-7 o'clock. Dinner at the Hall. A large party. Began my manoeuvres very badly, by correcting a mistake of the old Gentleman's about "Hannibal the Roman General;" recovered my ground, unconsciously, by a lucky dispute I had with his opponent in Politics. A good dinner. Hinted how much I preferred a saddle of mutton cold. Praised the wine and drank it with equal avidity. In the evening played the flute, joined in a catch, and took a beating at chess from her Ladyship with all imaginable complacency. Have certainly made great progress at the Hall. Must dance with the Baronet's daughter at the ball on Thursday. "Wednesday.-Wet morning. Nothing to be done. Cold Saddle, with compliments, sent over from the Hall. Pocketed the affront, and dined on the Mutton. 66 Thursday. My mare has sprained her shoulder. How am I to get to the Rooms to-night?-1 o'clock. Walked out. Met young Lawson. Hinted Rosinante's calamity, and secured a seat in the curricle.-10 o'clock. The curricle called. L. nearly lodged me in a ditch. Au reste, a pleasant drive.-Mem. To dine with him at six to-morrow, and he is to take me in the evening to a quadrille at the Landrishes'. The Rooms very full. Certainly intended to dance with the Baronet's Beauty. Made a villanous mistake, and stood up with Caroline Berry. My Roxana avoided me all the rest of the evening. How stupid! Have certainly ruined myself at the Hall!" This sort of life must have been very annoying to such a man as Charles Torrens; however, he has now freed himself from it. "Good-bye," he said, as we shook hands, and parted; "You'll come to us again, Perry,—I was a harum-scarum dog when you knew me last; but if the river of life is rough, there is nothing like an affectionate wife to steady the Boat!" |