LEARNED DISSERTATION O N DUMPLIN G; Its Antiquity, Dignity, &c. T HE Dumpling-eaters are a Race fprung partly from the old Epicurean, and partly from the Peripatetick Sect; they were first brought into Britain by Julius Cæfar; and finding it a Land of Plenty, they wifely refolved never to go home again. Their Doctrines are amphibious, and compofed Party per Pale of the two Sects before-mentioned; from the Peripateticks they derive their Principle of Walking, as a proper Method to digeft a Meal, or create an Appetite; from the Epicureans they maintain, that all Pleafures are comprehended in good Eating and Drinking And fo readily were their Opinions embraced, that every Day produced many Profelytes; and their Numbers have from Age to Age increafed prodigiously, infomuch that our whole Ifland is overrun with them at prefent: Eating and Drinking being fo customary among us, that we feem to have entirely forgot and laid afide the old Fashion of fafting: Inftead of having Wine fold at the Apothecaries Shops, as formerly, every Street has Two : or Three Taverns in it, left thefe Dumpling-eaters fhould faint by the Way; nay, fo zealous are they in the Cause of Bacchus, that One of the chief among them has made a Vow never to fay his Prayers till he has a Tavern of his own in every Street in London, and in every Market-town in England. What may we then in Time expect? fince by infenfible Degrees their Society is become fo numerous and formidable, that they are without Number. Other Bodies have their Meetings; but where can the Dumpling-eaters affemble? What Place large enough to contain them? The Bank, India, and South-Sea Companies have their General Courts, the Free-Mafons and the Gormogons their Chapters; nay, our Friends the Quakers have their Yearly Meetings. Who would imagine any of thefe fhould be Dumpling-eaters? But thus it is, the Dumpling-eating Doctrine has fo far prevailed among them, that they eat not only Dumplings, but Puddings; and those in no fmall Quantities. The Dumpling is indeed of more antient Inftitution, and of foreign Origin; but alas! what were thofe Dumplings? Nothing but a few Lentils fodden together, moistened and cemented with a little feethed Fat, not much unlike our Grit or Oatmeal Pudding; yet were they of fuch Efteem among the ancient Romans, that a Statue was erected to Fulvius Agricola, the first Inventor of thefe Lentil Dumplings. How unlike the Gratitude fhewn by the Publick to our modern Projectors! The Romans, tho' our Conquerors, found themfelves much outdone in Dumplings by our Forefathers; the Roman Dumplings being no more to compare to thofe made by the Britons, than a Stone-dumpling is to a Marrow-pudding; though indeed indeed the British Dumpling, at that Time, was little better than what we call a Stone-dumpling, nothing else but Flour and Water: But every Generation growing wiser and wifer, the Project was improved, and Dumpling grew to be Pudding. One Projector found Milk better than Water; another introduced Butter; fome added Marrow, others Plumbs; and fome found out the Ufe of Sugar; fo that, to speak Truth, we know not where to fix the Genealogy or Chronology of any of thefe Pudding Projectors, to the Reproach of our Hiftorians, who eat fo much Pudding, yet have been fo ungrateful to the Firft Profeffors of this moft noble Science, as not to find them a Place in Hiftory. The Invention of Eggs was merely accidental, Two or three of which having cafually rolled from off a Shelf into a Pudding, which a good Wife was making, fhe found herself under a Neceffity either of throwing away her Pudding, or letting the Eggs remain; but concluding from the innocent Quality of the Eggs that they would do no Hurt, if they did no Good, fhe wifely jumbled them all together, after having carefully picked out the Shells; the Confequence is easily imagined, the Pudding became a Pudding of Puddings; and the Ufe of Eggs from thence took its Date. The Woman was fent for to Court to make Puddings for King John, who then fwayed the Sceptre; and gained fuch Favour, that fhe was the making of her whole Family. I cannot conclude this Paragraph without owning I received this important Part of the Hiftory of Pudding from old Mr. Laurence of Wilfden-Green, the greatest Antiquary of the present Age. From that Time the English became fo famous for Puddings, that they are called Pudding-eaters all over the World to this Day. At her Demife her Son was taken into Favour, and made, the King's chief Cook; and fo great was his Fame for Puddings, that he was called Jack Pudding all over the Kingdom, though in Truth his real Name was John Brand, as by the Records of the Kitchen you will find. This John Brand, or Jack Pudding, call him which you pleafe, the French have it Jean Boudin, for his Fame had reached France, whofe King would have given the World to have had our Jack for his Pudding-maker. This Jack Pudding, I fay, became yet a greater Favourite than his Mother, infomuch that he had the King's Ear as well as his Mouth at Command; for the King, you must know, was a mighty Lover of Pudding; and Jack fitted him to a Hair. He knew how to make the most of a Pudding; no Pudding came amifs to him; he would make a Pudding out of a Flint-ftone, comparatively speaking. It is needless to enumerate the many Sorts of Pudding he made, fuch as Plain Pudding, Plumb Pudding, Marrow Pudding, Oatmeal Pudding, Carrot Pudding, Saucefage Pudding, Bread Pudding, Flower Pudding, Suet Pudding, and in fhort every Pudding but Quaking Pudding, which was folely invented by and took its Name from our good Friends of the Bull and Mouth before-mentioned, notwithstanding the many Pretenders to that Projection. But what raised our Hero in the Esteem of this Pudding-eating Monarch, was his fecond Edition of Pudding, he being the firft that ever invented the Art of broiling Puddings, which he did to fuch Perfection, and fo much to the King's liking (who had a mortal Averfion to cold Pudding) that he thereupon inftituted him Knight of the Gridiron, and gave him a Gridiron of Gold, the Enfign of that Order, which he always wore as a Mark of his Sovereign's Favour. In short, Jack Pudding, or Sir John, grew to be all in all with good King John; he did did nothing without him, they were Finger and Glove; and if we may believe Tradition, our very good Friend had no fmall Hand in the Magna Charta. If fo, how much are all Englishmen indebted to him? In what Repute ought the Order of the Gridiron to be, which was inftituted to do Honour to this wonderful Man? But alas! how foon is Merit forgot? How impudently do the Vulgar turn the most ferious Things into Ridicule, and mock the most solemn Trophies of Honour? for now every Fool at a Fair, or Zany at a Mountebank's Stage, is called Jack Pudding, has a Gridiron at his Back, and a great Pair of Spectacles at his Buttocks, to ridicule the most noble Order of the Gridiron; which Spec-tacles are a moft ungrateful Reflection on the Memory of that great Man, whofe indefatigable Application to his Business, and deep Study in that occult Science, rendered him purblind; to remedy which Misfortune, he had always a Squire followed him, bearing a huge Pair of Spectacles to faddle his Honour's Nofe, and fupply, his much-lamented Defect of Sight: But whether fuch an Unhappiness deferves not rather Pity than Ridicule, I leave to the Determination of all good Chriftians. I cannot but fay, it raifes my Indignation, when I fee thefe Paunchgutted Fellows ufurping the Title and Atchievements of my dear Sir John, whofe Memory I fo much ve nerate, nor can I always contain myself. I remem ber to my Coft, I once carried my Refentment a littlefarther than ordinary in furiously affaulting one of thofe Rafcals. I tore the Gridiron from his Back, and the Spectacles from his A-e; for which I was apprehended, carried to Pye-powder Court, and by that tremendous Bench fentenced to moft fevere Pains and Penalties. This has indeed a little tamed me, infomuch that I keep my Fingers to myfelf, but at the fame Time C 5. let |