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DON JUAN.

Our euphony-there was Strongenoff, and Strokonoff,
Meknop, Serge Lwdw, Arseniew of modern Greece,
And Tschitsshakoff, and Roguenoff, and Chokenoff,
And others of twelve consonants apiece:

And more might be found out, if I could poke enough
Into gazettes; but Fame, (capricious strumpet!)
It seems, has got an ear as well as trumpet,

XVI.

And cannot tune those discords of narration,
Which may be names at Moscow, into rhyme.
Yet there were several worth commemoration,
As e'er was virgin of a nuptia chime;

Soft words too, fitted for the peroration

Of Londonderry, drawling against time,

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XXIII.

The Russians, having built two batteries on
An isle near Ismail, had two ends in view;
The first was to bombard it, and knock down
The public buildings, and the private too,
No matter what poor souls might be undone.

The city's shape suggested this, 't is true;
Form'd like an amphitheatre, each dwelling
Presented a fine mark to throw a shell in.
XXIV.

The second object was to profit by

The moment of the general consternation,
To attack the Turk's flotilla, which lay nigh,
Extremely tranquil, anchor'd at its station
But a third motive was as probably

To frighten them into capitulation;

Ending in "ischskin," "ousckin," "iffskchy," "ouski," A phantasy which sometimes seizes warriors,

Of whom we can insert but Rousamouski,

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Unless they are game as bull-dogs and fox-terriers ;

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A habit rather blameable, which is

That of despising those we combat with,
Common in many cases, was in this

The cause of killing Tchitchitzkoff and Smith,
One of the valorous "Smiths" whom we shall miss
Out of those nineteen who late rhymed to "pith;"
But 't is a name so spread o'er "Sir" and "Madam
That one would think the FIRST who bore it " ADAM

XXVI.

The Russian batteries were incomplete,

Because they were constructed in a hurry.

Thus, the same cause which makes a verse want feet,
And throws a cloud o'er Longman and John Muray
When the sale of new books is not so fleet

As they who print them think is necessary,
May likewise put off for a time what story
Sometimes calls "murder," and at others "glory."

XXVII.

Whether it was their engineers' stupidity,

Their haste, or waste, I neither know nor care
Or some contractor's personal cupidity,
Saving his soul by cheating in the ware
Of homicide; but there was no solidity
In the new batteries erected there;
They either miss'd, or they were never miss'd,
And added greatly to the missing list.

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This being the case, may show us what fame is: For out of three "preux chevaliers," how Many of common readers give a guess

That such existed? (and they may live now
For aught we know.) Renown's all hit or miss;
There's fortune even in fame, we must allow,
'T is true the Memoirs of the Prince de Ligne
Have half withdrawn from him oblivion's skreen.
XXXIV.

But here are men who fought in gallant actions
As gallantly as ever heroes fought,
But buried in the heap of such transactions→→→→

Their names are seldom found, nor often sought.
Thus even good fame may suffer sad contractions,
And is extinguish'd sooner than she ought:
Of all our modern battles, I will bet
You can't repeat nine names from each gazette.

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"Let there be light!" said God, " and there was "Let there be blood!" says man, and there's a st The fiat of this spoil'd child of the night

(For day ne'er saw his merits) could decree More evil in an hour, than thirty bright

Summers could renovate, though they should be Lovely as those which ripen'd Eden's fruitFor war cuts up not only branch but root.

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Our friends the Turks, who with loud "Allas" now
Began to signalize the Russ retreat,
Were damnably mistaken; few are slow

In thinking that their enemy is beat,
(Or beaten, if you insist on grammar, though
I never think about it in a heat :)
But here I say the Turks were much mistaken,
Who, hating hogs, yet wish'd to save their bacon.

XLIII.

For, on the sixteenth, at full gallop drew

In sight two horsemen, who were deem'd Cossac For some time, till they came in nearer view.

They had but little baggage at their backs, For there were but three shirts between the two; But on they rode upon two Ukraine hacks, Till, in approaching, were at length descried In this plain pair, Suwarrow and his guide.

XLIV.

"Great joy to London now!" says some great fool, When London had a grand illumination, Which, to that battle-conjuror, John Bull,

Is of all dreams the first hallucination; So that the streets of colour'd lamps are full,

That sage (said John) surrenders at discretion His purse, his soul, his sense, and even his nonsense To gratify, like a huge moth, this one sense.

XLV.

all-famous oath

'Tis strange that he should further "damn his eyes,"
For they are damn'd: that once
Is to the devil now no further prize,
Since John has lately lost the use of both
Debt he calls wealth, and taxes, paradise;

And famine, with her gaunt and bony growth, Which stares him in the face, he won't examine, Or swears that Ceres hath begotten Famine.

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The whole camp rung with joy; you would have thought Whereon, immediately at his request,
That they were going to a marriage-feast
(This metaphor, I think, holds good as aught,
Since there is discord after both at least,)
There was not now a luggage-boy but sought
Danger and spoil with ardour much increased;
And why? because a little, odd, old man,
Stript to his shirt, was come to lead the ven.

L.

But so it was; and every preparation
Was made with all alacrity; the first
Detachment of three columns took its station,
And waited but the signal's voice to burst
Пpon the foe: the second's ordination

Was also in three columns, with a thirst
For glory gaping o'er a sea of slaughter:
The third, in columns two, attack'd by water.

LI.

New batteries were erected; and was held
A general council, in which unanimity,
That stranger to most councils, here prevail'd,
As sometimes happens in a great extremity ;

And, every difficulty being expell'd,

Glory began to dawn with due sublimity,
While Suvaroff, determined to obtain it,
Was teaching his recruits to use the bayonet.'

LII.

It is an actual fact, that he, commander-
In-chief, in proper person deign'd to drill
The awkward squad, and could afford to squander
His time, a corporal's duties to fulfil:
Just as you'd break a sucking salamander

To swallow flame, and never take it ill;
He show'd them how to mount a ladder (which
Was not like Jacob's) or to cross a ditch.
LIII.

Also he dress'd up, for the nonce, fascines

Like men, with turbans, scimitars, and dirks,
And made them charge with bayonets these machines,
By way of lesson against actual Turks.
And, when well practised in these mimic scenes,
He judged them proper to assail the works;

At which your wise men sneer'd, in phrases witty:-
He made no answer; but he took the city.

They brought him and his comrades to headquarters;
Their dress was Moslem, but you might have guess'd
That these were merely masquerading Tartars,
And that beneath each Turkish-fashioned vest
Lurk'd Christianity; who sometimes barters
Her inward grace for outward show, and makes
It difficult to shun some strange mistakes.

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"You served at Widin ?" "Yes." "You led the attack?"
"I did."-"What next?"-"I really hardly know."
"You were the first i' the breach ?"-"I was not slack,
At least, to follow those who might be so.”—
"What follow'd ?"-" A shot laid me on my back

And I became a prisoner to the foe."-
"You shall have vengeance, for the town surrounded
Is twice as strong as that where you were wounded.

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LXXVIII.

Nothing. The work of glory still went on,
In preparations for a cannonade
As terrible as that of Ilion,

If Homer had found mortars ready made; But now, instead of slaying Priam's son, We only can but talk of escalade,

Bombs, drums, guns, bastions, batteries, bayonets, bullets, flard words which stick in the soft Muses' gullets.

LXXIX.

Oh, thou eternal Homer! who couldst charm
All ears, though long-all ages, though so short,
By merely wielding with poetic arm

Arms to which men will never more resort,
Unless gunpowder should be found to harm

Much less than is the hope of every court, Which now is leagued young Freedom to annoy ;But they will not find Liberty & Troy:

LXXX.

Oh, thou eternal Homer! I have now

To paint a siege, wherein more men were slain, With deadlier engines and a speedier blow,

Than in thy Greek gazette of that campaign; And yet, like all men else, I must allow,

To vie with thee would be about as vain As for a brook to cope with ocean's flood; But still we moderns equal you in bloodLXXXI.

If not in poetry, at least in fact:

And fact is truth, the grand desideratum! Of which, howe'er the Muse describes each act, There should be, ne'ertheless, a slight substratum. But now the town is going to be attack'd;

Great deeds are doing-how shall I relate 'em? Souls of immortal generals! Phoebus watches To colour up his rays from your despatches.

LXXXII.

Oh, ye great bulletins of Buonaparte!

Oh, ye less grand long lists of kill'd and wounded! Shade of Leonidas! who fought so hearty,

When my poor Greece was once, as now, surrounded!
Oh, Caesar's Commentaries! now impart ye,
Shadows of glory! (lest I be confounded)

A portion of your fading twilight hues,
So beautiful, so fleeting to the Muse.

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LXXXIII.

When I call fading" martial immortality,
I mean, that every age and every year,
And almost every day, in sad reality,

Some sucking hero is compell'd to rear,
Who, when we come to sum up the totality
Of deeds to human happiness most dear,
Turns out to be a butcher in great business,
Afflicting young folks with a sort of dizziness.
LXXXIV.

Medals, ranks, ribands, lace, embroidery, scarlet, Are things immortal to immortal man,

As purple to the Babylonian harlot :

An uniform to boys is like a fan

To women; there is scarce a crimson varlet,
But deems himself the first in glory's van.
But glory's glory; and if you would find
What that is ask the pig who sees the wind!

LXXXV.

At least he fees it, and some say he sees,

Because he runs before it like a pig; Or, if that simple sentence should displease, Say that he scuds before it like a brig, A schooner, er-but it is time to ease

This canto, ere my Muse perceives fatigue. The next shall ring a peal to shake all people, Like a bob-major from a village-steeple.

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