"So George came up and heard them talking about it, 66 'Why, his own, the one his father gave him." "Gave who?" "Why, George Washington." "Oh!" "So George came up and he said, 'Father, I can not tell a lie, I "Who could n't tell a lie?" 66 'Why, George Washington. He said, 'Father, I can not tell a lie. It was "His father could n't?" 66 Why, no; George could n't." "Oh! George? oh, yes!" "It was I cut down your apple-tree; I did-" "His father did?" "No, no; it was George said this." "Said he cut his father?" "No, no, no; said he cut down his apple-tree." "George's apple-tree?" "No, no; his father's." "Oh!" "He said "His father said?" "No, no, no; George said. 'Father, I can not tell a lie, I did it with my little hatchet.' And his father said: 'Noble boy, I would rather lose a thousand trees than have you tell a lie.'" "George did?" "No, his father said that." "Said he'd rather have a thousand apple-trees?" “No, no, no; said he'd rather lose a thousand appletrees than "Said he'd rather George would?" "No, said he'd rather he would than have him lie." "Oh! George would rather have his father lie?" We are patient and we love children, but, if Mrs. Caruthers had n't come and got her prodigy at that critical juncture, we don't believe all Burlington could have pulled us out of the snarl. And as Clarence Alencon de Marchemont Caruthers pattered down the stairs we heard him telling his ma about a boy who had a father named George, and he told him to cut down an apple-tree, and he said he'd rather tell a thousand lies than cut down one apple-tree. Burlington Hawkeye. CCVI. THE JESTER CONDEMNED TO Death. ONE of the kings of Scanderoon, A royal jester, Had in his train a gross buffoon, The court with tricks inopportune, It needs some sense to play the fool, Occurred not to our jackanapes, And quite as many kicks and tweaks, Some sin, at last, beyond all measure, Of his serene and raging highness; Or had intruded on the shyness Of the seraglio, or let fly An epigram at royalty, None know. His sin was an occult one, Exclaim'd, "'T is time to stop that breath; But, such is my indulgence still, "Thy royal will be done; 't is just," Has deigned to leave the choice to me, -Horace Smith. CCVII.-How DENNIS TOOK THE PLEDGE. A LIMERICK Irishman, named Dennis, addicted to strong drink, was often urged by his friends to sign the pledge, but with no avail, until one day they read to him from a newspaper an account of a man who had become so thoroughly saturated with alcohol that, on attempting to blow out a candle, his breath ignited, and he was. instantly blown to atoms. Dennis's face showed mingled horror and contrition, and his friends thought the long-desired moment of repentance was at hand. "Bring me the book, boys; bring me the book! Troth, his breath took fire, did it? Sure I'll niver die that death, anyhow;" said Dennis, with the most solemn countenance imaginable. "Hear me now, boys, hear me now: I, Dennis Finnegan, knowin' my great weakness, deeply sinsible of my past sins, an' the great danger I've been in, hereby take me solemn oath that, so long as I live, under no provocation whatever, will I blow out a candil agin." CHARGE TO THE JURY. A JUDGE of one of the inferior courts of Illinois, in a "certain suit before his court pending," instructed the jury in the "case" as follows: "If the jury believe, from the evidence, that the plaintiff and the defendant were partners in the grocery, and that plaintiff bought out the defendant, and gave him his note for the interest, and the defendant paid the note by delivering to the plaintiff a cow which he warranted not breachy,' and the warranty was broken by reason of the breachiness of the cow, and the plaintiff drove the cow back and tendered her to defendant, but the defendant refused to receive her, and the plaintiff took her home again, and put a heavy yoke or poke upon her to prevent her from jumping the fences, and the cow, in undertaking to jump a fence, by reason of the poke or yoke, broke her neck and died; and, if the jury further believe that the defendant's interest in the grocery was not worth any thing, and the defendant's note was worthless, and the cow good for nothing, either for milk or beef, or for 'green hide,' then the jury must find out for themselves how they will decide the case, for the Court, if she understands herself, and she thinks she do,' do n't know how such a case should be decided." THE first time that I began to sneeze, a friend told me to bathe my feet in hot water and go to bed; I did so. Shortly after, a friend told me to get up and take a cold shower-bath; I did that also. Within an hour another friend told me it was policy to feed a cold and starve a fever. I had both, so I thought it best to fill up for the cold, and let the fever starve awhile. In a case of this kind I seldom do things by halves; I ate pretty heartily. I conferred my custom upon a stranger who had just opened a restaurant on Cortland Street that morning, paying him so much for a full meal. He waited near me in respectful silence until I had finished feeding my cold, when he in quired whether people about the town were much afflicted with colds. I told him they were. He then went out and took in his sign. I started up toward the office, and on the walk encountered another bosom friend, who told me that a quart of warm salt-water would come as near curing a cold as any thing in the world. I hardly thought I had room for it, but I tried it anyhow. The result was surprising. Now, as I give my experience only for the benefit of those who are troubled with this distemper, I feel that they will see the propriety of my cautioning them against following such portions of it as proved inefficient with me; and, acting upon this conviction, I warn them against warm salt-water. It may be a good enough remedy, but I think it is rather too severe. If I had another cold in the head, and there was no course left me but to take either an earthquake or a quart of warm salt-water, I would take my chances on the earthquake. After this, every body in the hotel became interested; and I took all sorts of remedies,-hot lemonade, cold lemonade, pepper-tea, boneset, stewed Quaker, hoarhound sirup, onions and loaf-sugar, lemons and brown sugar, vinegar and laudanum, five bottles of fir balsam, eight bottles of cherry pectoral, and ten bottles of Uncle Sam's remedy. One of the prescriptions given by an old lady was-well, it was dreadful. She mixed a decoction composed of molasses, catnip, peppermint, aquafortis, turpentine, kerosene, and various other drugs, and instructed me to take a wineglassful of it every fifteen minutes. I never took but one K. N. E.-40. |