Only a few weeks, a few tremendous weeks, since the commencement of her illness, had rolled on, when, kneeling in speechless agony by her bedside, I saw her breathe her last; she expired without a sigh, without ́a pang, and I was left to the extreme of wretchedness. A few moments gave me to reflection-I contemplated her form, beautiful even in death; she was now no more a sufferer either in body or mind, and, for a little while, I derived malignant satisfaction, from the consideration of what her brothers would endure, when they found, that, in this world, they should no more behold her. I was shocked at myself; it seemed as if the sainted spirit mildly reproved me; I clasped my hands in ago ny; I supplicated pardon of the deceased, and of her God. It appeared to me, I had been deficient in affection, and the idea spoke daggers to my soul. Memory cruelly summoned before me many instanin which she might have been obliged, but distraction was in this thought. I sat in speechless agony by her bedside; having locked the door, no one could obtain entrance. Almighty God, how unutturable were the sorrows of my soul !!!

ces,

I was aroused from this state, by the arrival of our brother William. He obtained entrance; he glanced upon the bed-gazed for a moment -averted his eyes-trembled, and became pale as the face of my lamented saint-and at length, in silent agony, quitted the apartment. The good lady of the house now made her appearance, and in a tone of sympathy supplicated me to retire. The necessary offices were performed, and all that remained of my wedded friend was prepared for the undertaker, who came by the order of her opulent brother: that brother, who had nefariously robbed her of her right of inheritance, who contributed so largely, while she lived, to her sufferings, and who now endured anguish more than equivalent, for all the riches of the world. A hearse and mourning coaches attended, and the dear remains, followed by her brothers and their families, were entombed in the family vault. The coachman was directed to convey me, after the interment, to the house of our younger brother. He was again a prey to contrition and to sorrow, and he urged me to cherish hope. I assured him, I had nothing to do with hope, at least in this world. He made great professions of affection, and liberal promises of future kindness; but it was too late; and though I believe he was at the time sincere, yet, when his strong feelings subsided, he was himself again.

Here I close another period of my eventful life! What a sad reverse ! A few short weeks since, I was in the mose enviable circumstances; my situation was charming, my dwelling neat and commodious, my wife,

the object of my soul's devout and sincere affection, her lovely offspring swelling the rapture of the scene, a male and female domestic attached to our persons, and faithful to our interest; and the pleasing hope, that I should enjoy a long succession of these delights. Now I was alone in the world; no wife, no child, no domestics, no home; nothing but the ghosts of my departed joys. In religion, and religion only, the last resort of the wretched, I found the semblance of repose; religion taught me to contemplate the state, to which I was hastening; my dreams presented my departed Eliza ; I saw her in a variety of views, but in every view celestial: sometimes she was still living, but in haste to be gone ; sometimes she descended upon my imagination, an heavenly visitant, commissioned to conduct me home; and so much of felicity did I derive from those dreams, that I longed for the hour of repose, that I might reiterate the visionary bliss.

But new embarrassments awaited me; doctors, apothecaries, grocers, &c. &c. advanced with their bills; yet I was not much affected, I was overwhelmed by far greater afflictions. My health had greatly suffered. My sight, by excess of sorrow,—so said my physician,--was almost gone. Often have I traversed George's-Fields, where many have met death on the point of the foot-pad's dagger, in the mournful hope of meeting a similar fate; forgetting, in the state to which I was reduced, that, in thus devoting myself to destruction, I indubitably ranked with the self-murderer. The eldest brother of my departed friend continued, from the period of his sister's demise, uniformly kind; through his instrumentality, many of my most pressing debts were discharged. My mind seemed subdued; it became a fit residence for sorrow, when I received a letter from Ireland, written by my brother James. Many of our family were numbered with the dead; of all her children, my mother had now only three surviving sons, and two daughters. My eldest sister was married; and my mother, leaving our common property in her care, was about to repair with her youngest daughter, and two sons, to England. She was not apprized of the death of my Eliza. I had written her, that I was blest with a most lovely, and exemplary companion; but from the death of my son, and the farther, and entire prostration of my terrestrial happiness, I had suspended my communications. I was now again necessitated to take a house; my mother and my brothers resided with me; and my sister with a lady, to whom she had been introduced in Ireland. She soon after married, and, as I believed imprudently, and I saw her no more. I now lived a mournful life; the world appeared to me in a very different

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point of view, from what it had formerly done; yet I derived ecstatic pleasure from my views of revelation. William Neale became convinced of the truth, as it is in Jesus; and, of course, an adherent of Mr. Relly. This soothed me, and the word of God was an abiding consolation. To a few individuals I was made a messenger of peace; but my mother, and my brother James, remained inveterate opposers of the doctrines I had embraced. I sometimes visited the tabernacle, and, conceiving an affection for all men, I had a kind of satisfaction in standing in the midst of my brethren. It was at the tabernacle I was informed, that a poor, unhappy, widowed woman, sister to a man whom I had loved, was in most deplorable circumstances; she had been deceived by a villain; her kindred had been made acquainted with her situation, but their indignation was kindled against her; they would not see her; and her religious connexions abandoned her, while she was suffering all the miseries of want, accompanied by her own agonizing reflections. I discovered her in a miserable room; no glass in the windows, no fire in the chimney; she was laying on something which had been a bed; a child, of a few days old, in her bosom, but no nourishment for it; another child dead by her side, and a third apparently dying. Upon my entrance she covered her face with her hands. "I know you, sir; you are come to upbraid me; yes, I deserve it all; but by and by my measure will be full." I burst into tears. I come to upbraid you? God forbid. No, poor sufferer, I am come a messenger from that God, who giveth liberally, and upbraideth not. Be of good cheer, you have still a Father, who loves you with an everlasting love, and he has sent me to comfort you; he has seen your affliction, and he has bid me relieve you.

This seemed too much for the poor, forlorn creature; she appeared in the moment of expiring. I ran out of the house, into a shop at the corner of the alley, the mistress of which was, to my knowledge, perfectly acquainted with the situation of the sufferer. I demanded, why she thus neglected a human being?"Ah, the wretched creature, she deserves this and more," was this good woman's reply. But although neither the love of God, nor of human nature, could move this hard-hearted woman, I had that in my pocket, which possessed, for her, an irresistible charm; and, at the hazard of my reputation, I bade her procure coal, a restorative cordial, and a blanket to cover the sufferer. I then proceeded to the dwelling of a lady, one of Mr. Relly's congregation, to whom I had recently been introduced; I represented the situation, in which, in the midst of an opulent city, I had discovered

a fellow creature. The lady was extremely affected, and her aid was instantaneous. The next day, Sunday, I again visited the poor penitent, whom I found relieved and comforted. She requested me, with many tears, to put up a note for her in the tabernacle. There happened, on that day, to preach in the tabernacle, a Mr. Edwards, whom I had formerly known, in connexion with Mr. Wesley. I presented a note in the following words: The prayers of this congregation are requested in behalf of a widow indeed, confined to a bed of sickness, without property, and encompassed by the dying and the dead. I attended again in the tabernacle in the evening, and when the sermon closed, Mr. Edwards said : "If the person be here, who put up the note this morning, in behalf of a widow indeed, I should be glad to speak with him in the vestry." Accordingly presenting myself, I was very cordially received by Mr. Edwards, who observed, he was happy I was the person; that his feelings had been greatly affected by the note; that he had read it to a lady, at whose house he had dined, who, putting two guineas into his hand, requested him, if possible, to find out the widow indeed, and bestow them upon her. I conveyed this little sum to the sorrowing woman, with feelings, which those who know how to sympathize with the unfortunate will easily understand; and I assured the poor mourner, that the God, who gives and forgives, had sent her another proof of his favour. Arise, said I, forlorn sufferer, and sin no more. I had the charge of the child's funeral; the other recovered. The mother was soon abroad, and continued, ever after, to conduct with exemplary propriety. This instance, among a thousand others, proves, that faith in the promises is the best stimulus to that pure, and undefiled religion, which consists in relieving the oppressed of every description: and with gratitude I confess, that this pure and undefiled religion was, to me, a neverfailing source of consolation. I was full of the gospel; gladly would I have sacrificed my life, if I might thus have brought all men acquainted with the riches of the grace of the gospel of God our Saviour; and my soul was often wrought up to a degree of ecstacy, by the views, exhibited to my understanding, in the pages of divine revelation. Yes, I have experienced, that a belief of the truth disposes the mind to love God, and to do good to man; and so greatly was my heart affected by the plan of redemption, that I have, in the midst of the streets of London, been so entranced in contemplating its glories, that I have only been awakened to recollection, by the jostling crowd, who wondered as they passed; yet, while in the fulness of my heart, I embraced every opportunity of expatiating upon the great salvation; every thing beside had lost the

power to charm, or even tranquillize, and the torturing sensations I experienced, from reflecting upon past times, were not to be expressed : Death had for me an angel's face, and I viewed this sometimes king of terrors, as my emancipating friend.

The forbearance of my creditors was at length exhausted. Debts crowded upon me. Demands, which I was utterly unable to answer, were continually made. Had the health of my lovely wife been continued, I was in a very fine way. Her sickness, her death, by dashing from me the cup of felicity, while expenses accumulated, debilitated my mind, and rendered me unequal to those efforts, which my exigencies required. In the midst of my supineness, I was taken by a writ, and borne to a spunging-house. My sensations were, on this occasion, very different from those, which I had formerly experienced, in a similar situation; and I derived, from the expected seclusion, a kind of melancholy pleasure. The officer was astonished at my apathy; I refused sustenance, I had no inclination for food. I would swallow nothing, but water. I would have no bed: a bed must be paid for, and I was penniless. I slept on the floor of a room, hung with cobwebs, the windows of which were secured by iron bars. I prayed most fervently to Him, with whom are the issues of life and death, that, as He had not allowed his creatures the privilege of departing out of time, when, and how they pleased, He would graciously vouchsafe to grant me my deliverance from a world, where I could serve neither my God, my neighbour, nor myself. But, alas! as I have often found, death comes not at call. The barred windows admitted just light enough to announce the return of day; soon after which, the keeper unlocked the door, and in a surly manner, asked me how I did? Indifferent, sir, I replied. "By G―,

if

I think so! but, sir, give me leave to tell you, I am not indifferent, and you do not very soon settle with your creditors, I shall take the liberty to lodge you in Newgate. I keep nobody in my house that does not spend any thing, damn-me. I cannot keep house, and pay rent, and taxes for nothing. When a gentleman behaves civil, I behave civil; but, damn-me, if they are sulky, why then, do ye see, I can be sulky too; so, sir, you had better tell me what you intend to do ?" Nothing. "Nothing? damn-me, that's a good one; then, by G—, you shall soon see I will do something, that you will not very well like.” He then turned upon his heel, drew the door with a vengeance, and doublelocked it. Soon after this, his helpmate presented herself, and began to apologize for her husband; said he was very quick; hoped I would not be offended, for he was a very good man in the main; that she believed