fully occupied during the greater part of the reading in writing orders, reading letters, or issuing directions to the servants of the theatre, which were often delivered in as loud a tone as if no business of importance, like the reading of my play, had been in progress.

When it was finished all really seemed very much pleased, and Mr Sinister declared himself quite delighted with "the gig of the thing," at the same time he candidly informed me that, though for two years he had been in correspondence with me on the subject, he had never seen it till within the last week. That it would answer, got up as it was sure to be there, he did not allow himself for a moment to doubt; at the same time the public were so stupid and capricious that it was quite impossible to say what would be the result. He, however, in a tone of the greatest kindness added that he thought it might yet be improved, if I would allow him to mention what had struck him on going over it, some day when we could sit down for half an hour alone. To this, with my usual urbanity, I assented. thought the day for acting on his suggestion was slow to arrive, but it did come. Sinister then, with what he termed "the freedom of a friend," pointed out the parts which might be made, not better, but fitter for the stage. These were not few, and I must own I was too dull to understand in what way most of them could operate for the benefit of the piece.

I

me;

I could not give your piece all the support I should wish by appearing in it myself, being only a farce in two acts. If it were a full play the case would be different, and both Grunt and myself could serve you without letting ourselves down." I mentioned to him that he had been in the habit of playing in two-act dramas, and even in one-act farces, and I mentioned a dozen at least which then occurred to me in which I had seen him.

"That is true," said he, "I have acted in the pieces you mention, and would do as much now to oblige you, but an author of your genius and ready wit could soon furnish another act, and then the whole would form a work which, like Hamlet,

Cato, and Jonathan Bradford, would not only delight the town for a season, but transmit the author's name with unfading glory down to the remotest posterity."

Mr Sinister was thought to be no fool, So it appeared to me then. That he should expect a man of my "genius and ready wit" could speedily write a third act to a play was but reasonable, and I determined to show him that this high opinion which he had formed of my capacity was well founded With this feeling I took my play home and went to work. In less than a week I had completed the third act, which was to transmit my name, crescam laude recens, to the remotest posterity, cheek-by-jowl with Shakspere, Addison, and Fitzball! I returned it to the theatre. Mr Sinister could not attend to it for the first week, but by the close of the second he had read it and approved of it vastly; though still there were passages in which it might be rendered even more perfect. What, however, would unquestionably make the fortune of my play was a few songs. It would be no trouble for me to supply them, and the public now, though possessed of no real taste in music, were all mad for sing-song. These furnished, it should be put in rehearsal and forthwith produced.

Though tired of alterations and impatient of delay, I hardly repined at this new requisition, as I had always a taste for poetry, and had some songs by me which would suit the piece exactly. I proceeded to furnish them up with great diligence.

It did not take me more than three or four days to produce an adequate supply of doves, loves, and dew, and violets blue, roses, lilies, streaks of orient day, and dancing moonbeams, and these, properly worked in, I certainly thought must do good. I and my family were now on the tiptoe of expectation, and nothing appeared in the way to prevent my admired production coming on the stage, and adding my name to the list of splendid men who had consecrated their talents to the service of the drama.

But that it might be thought trespassing too largely on the reader's patience, I should here dwell at some length on the delightful calm I enjoyed after the suspense, excitement, and irritation which I had known in the progress of the weighty affair which had thus happily terminated. Mr Grunt was sedately civil, which gave me a very high idea of the goodness of his heart, and if not quite so cordial and familiar as I might have wished, that was more than made up for by the captivating freedom with which Mr Sinister always called me by my Christian name Peter, or else "old chap," clapped me on the shoulder as often as he came near me, and generally responded to any lively sally of mine by

winking with one, if not with both of his eyes, or placing his thumb on his nose, which actions passed with me, as indeed they did generally behind the scenes, for something truly facetious.

Such were my first impressions after "my drama" had been accepted. They were not destined long to continue mine. I soon found that my new friends, Grunt and Sinister, were not very much better than the rest of the world, and though I might not go quite so far as Mr Bounce did, I certainly often recalled, with something like assenting approbation, the rather unfavourable sentence pronounced on managers by that gentleman-namely, that they were the greatest hypocrites, fools, and humbugs in the world.

Mr Grunt had the reputation of having written several successful plays, and from him I confidently expected to receive the friendly advice of a brother author. Proud, however, of applause which he had never deserved, for the dramas called his, I learned, had been almost wholly stolen from certain popular novels, and supplied with songs, and otherwise patched up, by a clever, witty, but mad ragamuffin, who was in the habit of doing such jobs for fifteen shillings per play, and a bottle of Booth's best Geneva,-proud, I say, of eminence thus gained, Mr Grunt, when I expected we should grow more friendly, looked down upon me with a sort of "whothe-devil-are-you" expression in his face, and a steady determination to worry me and destroy my piece.

"We shall only be bothered with this one night," was his frequent exclamation when my back was turned. Had this been all I should not have thought there was very much reason to complain, considering it merely as the expression of an opinion, but if I may judge from what he did, he was fixed to "make assurance doubly sure," and though content that great and liberal allowance for his indisputable stupidity should be conceded, I am constrained to believe that some of the absurd outrages offered to common sense on this occasion sprang purely from malice in the supercilious old brute.

The character given to him belonged to a class-that of dignified old fathers, in which, as an actor, he had been formerly successful. Sinister was to be the hero, and this arrangement, which I proposed, thinking it would meet with his entire concurrence, gave great annoyance to Mr Grunt, as to him it appeared little less than a personal insult to hint that at sixtyfive, he being properly padded and buttoned up in a braided coat, with a flaxen wig, and as much red paint on his face as would suffice to mark a flock of sheep, could not look the youthful lover. Sinister told me this, and laughed like a fiend while

he imparted the secret, that "the old fool's susque-pedality of form would certainly appear to greater advantage where youth, activity, and a good person were not only desirable but indispensably necessary."

Sinister was certainly better suited for the part which, but for his visage,—that of a starved monkey, he might have got through with great credit. The character of a low, blundering, mischievous steward, at which they both turned up their noses, was given to Snubby, a droll fellow of short stature, who from that circumstance, as well as from his being commonly confined to business which gave him only a few speeches to utter, was called a man of "small parts."

A rehearsal was called for the next morning at eleven, and as I was told punctuality was the order of the day, I was alarmed at finding, on my way to the theatre, that my watch was too slow, and that I should again be behind time. When I got there I found that I had been unnecessarily alarmed. It was half-past twelve before I saw any one connected with my piece, excepting Snubby, who whispered, that to name one hour for the next but one after it was the regular practice.

At the time I have mentioned Grunt came, but was obliged to go away that mo. ment, on business of the last importance, and Sinister was so ill that he could not leave his bed. It was therefore rehearsed without the two leading characters, which the lessee and manager were to sustain, by Snubby and a lisping slattern, who was to play the female part. I was alarmed at these symptoms of neglect, and expressed a fear that the piece would not go well if more attention was not given to it from behind the curtain. This brought upon me something like a rebuke from Captain Snuff, a very dignified officer of the establishment, who had served, as I learned from himself, in the army with great distinction, though he now officiated in the box office for thirty shillings a-week;this gentleman, I say, assured me that I need be under no apprehension, as both Mr Grunt and Mr Sinister were invariably "letter correct." The truth of the statement Dr Deathshead, Grunt's brother-inlaw, confirmed with an oath. I was disturbed at the substitution of the female I have mentioned for Miss Prattley, who had first been put down in the cast, nor was my mind much relieved when I found that the change would not be of much importance, as the character had been so vigorously cut down that little or nothing remained for her to say. As such curtailment was decidedly injurious to the piece I resolved to mention it to Mr Rattleton the next day. I did so. He treated me with his very best shrug on the occa sion, and said

"It is very foolish in him, I confess; but the fact is Grunt is getting so infernally old, that he ought to give up altogether. He has been cutting my part, too. Between ourselves, he finds his memory fail; and though he might ram some of the words into his stupid, thick head, he knows he could not keep them there, and he has in consequence knocked out several of the points of my part, that I may not take the shine out of him too much.'

66

This," said he turning over the leaves of my manuscript, "is still too long; so much dialogue will never do."

I pointed out to him that in the part to which he referred there was a banquet and several incidents, while the speeches, though they occupied a good deal of paper, were all short, and would take up little time in the delivery.

"Too much," said he; "I know what an audience is. A feast, too, that never tells on the stage. They won't stand it. We had better get rid of it altogether."

For a moment I looked aghast, but just caught a glance of the crew that surrounded us. They testified perfect approbation of the Solomon-like wisdom of the sentence just pronounced, while a grin, with difficulty restrained, seemed ready to burst forth in derision of my agony and confusion.

I disguised my intolerable sufferings under a forced smile of cheerful acknowledgement. Had I been in a condition to give vent to my real feelings I am afraid I should have sent a shot through my tormentor's head.

“Here, again,” said Mr Grunt, "we are too long,-fixing his dull malignant eye on one of the best scenes in the piece. It is not here as at the great houses, where the audience are accustomed to wait for effects.

Touch and go with us, and every word must tell for something. These speeches, you will see"

Here a porter or servant presented a note, which Mr Grunt opened. I saw it contained a notice of a bill lying for payment, and the bringer said the person who came. with it waited for an answer.

"Then tell him," said the great man, "that I have left the theatre, and he must call some other day. These speeches," Mr Grunt continued—

Another porter interrupted him, with "Lady Snagville's compliments, and her ladyship would feel obliged if he could favour her with a few orders for Monday."

"An unconscionable old cat," he exclaimed. "She and her snuffling, beggarly beast of a husband, are the most impudent order-beggars in the universe. My opinion is they pay their butcher's bills with them. I wish they were both below the bottom of the bottomless pit, with all my heart."

While breathing this aspiration he was occupied filling up an order, which done he handed to the messenger, at the same time desiring "his best compliments to Lady Snagville," with the addition, "that he was most happy to do himself the pleasure of complying with her request, and begged to send his kind regards to Sir Charles."

Notwithstanding this effort at politeness, the indignation of the manager was not appeased. I thought the glow of resentment not unnatural, interrupted as he had been when engaged on a work of such great interest to him as well as to me. He now resumed his labour, and without uttering a word drew, with a ferocious air, his pen from the top to the bottom of a page.

I shrunk back, and then started forward, at beholding this outrage. Scarcely could I believe my eyes. Not only was the scene which he was thus destroying most important in itself, but it contained points to which reference was repeatedly made in the sequel. This I mentioned.

"Then cut them all out," replied Mr Grunt; "depend upon it we must go by a stop watch; nothing like a stop watch for regulating the length of a piece."

While he spoke, the two succeeding pages shared the fate of the one for which I was interceding. I was petrified. Silence, they say, gives consent, but I will be hanged if it did on this occasion. Shame and grief, however, caused me to look on tongue bound, while he continued the same course of butchery to the end of the manuscript, not even reading as he proceeded the passages which he decided to omit.

I saw the actors turn their heads away repeatedly. This was to laugh, for to them my tribulation was quite as amusing as I had expected my play would be to an

active service, as you say, for ever-tell me, do you think the naval service is better or worse than when you first entered it?" Lord St Vincent" Very much worse, may it please your Majesty." The King, very quickly-"How so? how so?" Lord St Vincent" Sire, I have always thought that a sprinkling of nobility was very desirable, as it gives consequence to the service; but at present the navy is so overrun by the younger branches of the nobility, and the sons of members of parliament, and they so swallow up all the patronage, and so choke the channel to promotion, that the son of an old officer, however meritorious both their services may have been, has little or no chance of getting on." The King-" Pray, who was serving Captain of the Fleet under your Lordship?" Lord St Vincent-"Rear Admiral Os borne, Sire, the son of an old officer." The King-" Osborne, Osborne! I think there are more than one of that name admirals." Lord St Vincent "Yes, Sire, there are three brothers, all admirals. The King "That's pretty well for democracy, I think." Lord St Vincent-"Sire, the father of those officers served twenty years as first lieutenant with my dear friend Admiral Barrington, who had never sufficient interest to get him beyond the rank of commander. He was, of necessity, obliged to send all his sons to sea. and, to my own knowledge, they never had anything more than their pay to live on; nevertheless they always appeared as gentlemen; they were self educated, and they got on in the service upon the strength of their own merits alone; and, Sire, I hope your Majesty will pardon me for saying I would rather promote the son of an old deserving officer than of any noble in the land." The King mused for a minute or two, and then said, "I think you're right, Lord St Vincent, quite right."--Tucker.

EFFECT OF GOVERNMENTS ON DISEASE, -Political institutions, if they do not create the tendency to insanity, powerfully affect its development; sometimes by overwhelming the imagination with fear, sometimes by necessitating a perpetual excitement which totally overthrows the mind. Government operates also in many other ways upon the frame. Raymond, for example, observes in his 'History of Elephantiasis,' that that dreadful complaint is almost peculiar to despotic countries. And this seeming paradox is probably at bottom true, for by paralysing industry, more particularly that which is bestowed on agriculture, it prevents the proper cultivation of the soil, suffers the course of rivers to be obstructed, creates marshes and accumulations of fetid waters, and thus produces those miasmata which seem to be the proximate cause of elephantiasis. This disease attacks the inferior animals much

less frequently, I believe, than man; but I once observed, near the crocodile mining pits, an ox afflicted by it coming down to the Nile to drink; his foot and leg were enormously enlarged.

THEATRICALS IN NEW ZEALAND.-At the Ship hotel in the new town of Wellington, theatrical performances are given, and, according to the following notice of an entertainment on the 11th of May, with rather better success than some of our first rate playhouses have had in the mother country:

"The place was crowded to excess, and we observed that the boxes were filled with the principal merchants, and also several aldermen with their fair friends, whose beaming eyes eclipsed in brightness the chandelier, and threw its light far in the shade. From two to three hundred persons were obliged to walk back to their homes without catching a sight, as the door-keepers were compelled to refuse admittance. The performances consisted of 'A Ghost in spite of Himself,' some singing and recitations, and the 'Village Lawyer.' Though the actors did not equal the great stars of the other hemisphere, still for a place at the antipodes it was fair.”

COURT PRIVILEGES.-To the instances lately quoted of individuals being permitted to appear covered in the presence of the kings of England, the following may be added :-Francis Browne, of Tolethorpe, in the county of Rutland, Esquire, in reward of the good services of his father against Richard the Third, by his fair adherence to Henry the Seventh, the patent, excusing him from even bearing the office of sheriff or escheator, and from serving upon any jury at the assizes, &c., as well as the liberty of being covered in the presence of the king himself, or any of his nobility. The Ancestor of Lord Forrester, of Willey park, Shropshire, John Forrester, Esq., of Watling street, held from Henry the Eighth the privilege of wearing his hat in the presence of his majesty; the original grant remaining in his lordship's possession. And in a later reign, Henry Ratcliffe, Earl of Sussex, Queen Mary's general, also obtained this peculiar privilege of wearing his hat in the royal presence.

The Gatherer.

Death of Sir William Jones.—The dissolution of the great and virtuous present the finest morals for the edification of mankind. On the authority of Mr Maurice, in his 'Elegy on Sir William Jones,' it is stated, that "the last hour of the life of that good man was marked by a solemn act of devotion." Finding his dissolution rapidly approaching, he desired his attendants to carry him into an inner apartment, where, at his desire, they left him. Returning