they would be called trowsers any where, but in the polite world. His vest is a circingle, and his coat a jacket. His hair is tied at the bottom with two yards of Mrs. Milliquet's padusoy, and a splinter of ugly and gnarly wood, ' of the value of nine-pence,' is brandished in his hand. A FINE WOMAN. This phrase, when employed by nine tenths of the human race, means a female, with party coloured feathers waving on her head, and vanity fluttering at her heart. She, who with a few questions to her partner can play a game of Whist, go into her parlour when it rains very fast abroad, and place a timely patch over an intrusive pimple, is a Fine Woman. But if you seek one of Solomon's ladies, whose price is above rubies.' I advise you, my romantic friend, to embark in the first vessel bound to Jerusalem. You must cross the Red Sea, if you mean to adventure for such rich merchandize. Sociability. This high enjoyment is too often sought after in crowds. 'Let us go to such a tavern party', says an idler of my ac. quaintance, we shall be very sociable, for their will be more than twenty.' Now if a wise man did not fear growing sick. or drunk amidst such a crew, the number alone would deter him from entering the Inn doors. I have remarked that the conversation of a cluster of men and women generally degenerates into clamor, or melts away into awkward silence.Where only two or three are gathered together, topics are numerous and well reciprocated. He Was. I don't care a cent what he was, I wish to know what he is. People like the Americans, who affect to despise ancestry, ought not to use the past tense, concerning charac-' ter. What signifies it, if Miss was married to common sense, ten years ago, I know that now the poor girl is a widow. Pity. When I hear one say to his neighbour in adversity, 'Iam sorry for your misfortunes." it sounds very much, in my ear like, bring me my slippers,' The SPECULATOR. NUMBER V. SATURDAY, Nov. 24, 1810. Sunt bona, sunt quædam medicora, sunt mala plura Que legis. Mart. Epig. from a despairing swain, who has lost his mistress, apparently by his own folly, and as the case is by no means out of the course of human events, I shall only caution him against the commission of any thing rash. What hang or drown for the sake of a faithless mistress ?No, no, Mr. II. R. a little IT is my intention, at least cool reflection, will soon cononce in every month, to oblige vince you that your loss is not my Correspondents, as far as so great, as you at present imlies in my power, by the inser-agine, for an inconstant woman tion of their Epistles; and, as is not worth a thought or a different persons, naturally sigh; and as to the Gentleman, write upon different subjects, were I in your place, I should the Spéculator devoted to such purpose, will compose what the Spanish would call an olla podrida, or a dish formed with a variety of ingredients. cannot help, and (to keep up the eating simile) if they do. not like the bill of fare, upon examination, they must leave it, and turn to something more agreeable to their palates. The number of Epistles, Billets and jeau d'sprits, I have received since I took upon myself the Speculator, are considerably numerous; some I allow, do very little honor, either to the heads or hearts of the authors, yet out of the least exceptionable I have culled the following for this weeks Speculator. The first comes wish him no other misfortune than that of being honourably tied to the Lady for life. MR. SPECULATOR, I AM one of those beings whose lot it is to be always in perpetual trouble; scarcely do I find myself extricated from one difficulty,before I am plunged headlong into another, without even the most distant hope of being freed from my perplexity. Yet altho' I have heretofore borne my afflictions with patience, I cannot now help relating to you my present lamentable situation.You must know, Sir, that que of the fair of this city, captivated my affections early in life; to her, and her alone, I paid attention, and once had every reason to believe that my visits were not in vain. But alas! alas! how soon was Ihurl'd from my high estate.' Like the midnight frost an insidious rival nipt her affections in the bud : and she now eyes me with that indifference so indicative of contempt: she no more but enough.my heart is too full to proceedthe scene is too affecting to dwell upon. Yet, what heightens my despair is, that I have been the very means of ingratiating into the good graces of my beloved, that wretch, who has thus so unexpectedly been the cause of my misfortune. Friend Speculator, I like thy writings much, but cannot say, I admire thy mottos. A text in plain Engglish, suits my taste much better than any foreign jargon. I applied to my son, who has lately left College, for a translation, but he affirms that thy head pieces are neither in IIe Do, my Dear Sir, I conjure you, take my distressing situation into serious consideration, and inform me how I am to conduct myself, to avoid the most desperate attempt, that of dispatching myself, or of ridding the world of an ungen-brew, Latin or Greek, and that erous, unfaithful rival. In despair yours, P—g Hi̇. To Mr. Speculator, Sir, 'Since you have undertaken to write for the Town, I think it no more than fair, that you should inform your Corres he defies all the men since the If my friend Jesse's Son has solately left College' I can My Dear Spec. < You have no conception. how your Speculations delight me; not that I care a fig about the matter of them, but the mottos, the mottos it is that gives me all the pleasure.You must know that I set up for a smart polished natty beau; indeed I'm all the rage, largest cape in Town; smallest rim'd hat, and carry the ugliest cudgle; every Sunday afternoon visit a groupe of young Misses, carry your paper in my pocket and read the mottos, toshew my learning; Swear by Juno they are extatic, though by the bye don't understand a word of them, no matter, give my own translation: swell, look big, astonish the young ladies, who take me for a paragon of wit and wisdom.. Don't you think I write very jantee and weat; notwithstanding my want of latin ? Please to enlarge your moitos, and make them about twice as long. I would write you more, but have this moment to dress for M. San. Has ball. conceal my real name, and subscribe myself eternally Yours, Billy Frible. I beg to inform Mr. Frible, that I consider him an extremely accomplished young gentleman. His request shall be duly attended to; and, in order to oblige him further, I pledge myself, that the moment Mr. White procures a set of Greek types, for which he is now in contract, to write a whole Speculator in that language. If Mr. Frible should find any difficulty in reading the Greek character, a few lessons from a German master, will give him a smattering of High dutch, which will answer every purpose, he can also in that case, form the language, as well as give it in his own translation, and doubtless the Ladies,more than ever, will think him a vastly delectable fellow! Mr. Speculator, Hark'e, as I was bearing down Broadway the other morning, in the latitude of St. Paul's a young Lady hove in sight; her upper works all carried away, and otherwise. much damaged. Thinking as For fear of detection, I shall how she might be in distress, I made chase, fired a gun a head, and brought her too, and while I was lying yard and yard, with an intent to take her in tow; three land-lubbers came athwart my quarter, and laid me on my beam ends, and when I righted again found myself fast moored in the roads of Limbo, wind bound until Some next quarter sessions. of my ship-mates advised me to apply to you, and if it so be, that you can by any means, contrive to cut my fasts, set me adrift, I'll pipe and all hands, and drink a can to your everlasting prosperity. Thine, Bob Capstan.' Limbo Roads. Bob. If you can substantiate what you relate, I would advise you on your trial, to inform his Honor the Mayor, that the Lady in question, carried false coulours, and that you fired at her through mistake, and if he does not acquit you, he no longer deserves to be called the Father of our city. Dearest Spec. In case you should not have sufficient matter, for next Speculative number please to insert this. Yours, obediently, Peter. Peter, is certainly a very entertaining and valuable Correspondent, when he has leisure, I should be happy to hear from him again. **Three persons of considerable information, have alternately for the space of seven days, been endeavouring to decipher the Poem of Ossoles, but all in vain, Squire Ossolos, had better stick to his ' retreat.' The gentleman who fought six bouts in nine hours, certainly displayed considerable prowess, but I caution him to take care of his health. L. King James I. of England, went out of his way to hear a noted preacher. The clergyman, seeing the king enter,left bis text to declaim against swearing, for which the king When done, was notorious. James thanked him for his serbut asked him what connexion swearing had with the text. He answered, since your majesty came out of your way through curiosity, I could not, in compliance, do less than go out of mine to meet you.' mon; Love-without deceit ; is a scarce article. |