One of his old companions coming in, said, "How now, brother! why this? why this melancholy posture? what is the matter?" He replied, "It is you and your companions, who have instilled your principles into me, which now, when I have most need of them, leave me in confusion and despair. What advice or comfort have you now to fortify me with, against the fearful expectations of another life? Are you sure that the soul is material and mortal, and that it will dissolve with the body?" "So certain,” replied the other, "that I venture my whole upon it."

Here I interrupted them by coming into the room; and, applying myself to the sick person, told him, I was a stranger to him, but hearing he was ill, I thought it my duty to offer him what service I was capable of. "I thank you," says he; "I desire you to engage that gentleman that sits there, and prove to him that the soul is not matter, nor mortal." This I endeavoured to do by several arguments; to which the sick gentleman answered only with a sigh, whilst his friend made haste out of the room. I was surprised at such an effect, and desired to know the reason. "Alas! Sir," said he," you have undeceived me too late; I was afraid of nothing so much as the immortality of the soul: now you have assured me of that, you have ascertained me of a hell, and a portion among those, who have apostatized from their religion. You have now sealed my damnation, by giving me an earnest of it; I mean an awakened conscience, that brings my sins into remembrance, by reckoning up the numerous cat

alogue, for which I must go and give an account. O! apostate wretch, from what hopes art thou fallen? O that I had never known what religion was; then I had never denied my Saviour, nor been so black an heir of perdition!"

I stood speechless some time at the strange expressions; but, as soon as I could recollect myself, said, "Sir, I would have you take care how you violate the mercy of God, and think so lightly of the sufferings of Christ, as if they were not sufficient for the redemption of the greatest sinners. This may be a delusion of the devil: if you are convinced the soul is immortal, I hope it is to a good end; if you had died ignorant of it, you had been miserably undeceived in another world; now you have some time to prepare for your welfare."

To which he replied, "As to the mercies of God in Christ, I once knew and tasted what they were; which is now part of my curse, in that I am now sensible of my loss: they are, I grant you, sufficient for those that have any share in them; but what is that to me, who have denied Christ? I have daily crucified him afresh, and put him to an open shame. The devil has nothing to do with the torture I undergo; it is no delusion of his, but the just judgment of God; and it is also a part of my heavy judgment, that you have given me a sensible horror of my sin, by proving my soul is immortal. Had I gone strait to hell in my old opinion, I had endured but one hell, whereas I now feel two; I mean not only an inexpressible torture, which I

day and night think no labour too much to secure you from the wrath of God. O! who can stand before him when he is angry? What stubble can resist that consuming fire?" This, and more to the same purpose, he spoke with so deep a concern, the tears all the while trickling down his face, that no one in the room could forbear weeping. Which he perceiving, said, "If ye weep at the image and bare relation of the effects of God's wrath, what then do I suffer, who actually lie under the very weight of his fury? Refrain your tears, for it is in vain; pity is no debt to me; nothing is so proper for me as some curse to complete my misery, and free me from the torment of expectation." Here he paused a while; then looking towards the fire, he said, "Oh, that I was to lie and broil upon that fire a thousand years, to purchase the favour of God, and be reconciled to him again! But it is a fruitless wish; millions of millions of years will bring me no nearer the end of my torments than one poor hour. Oh, eternity, eternity; who can discover the abyss of eternity? Who can paraphrase upon these words, forever and ever!"

It began to grow late; so I took my leave of, him for that night, promising to come again the next day; when I found his mind in the same condition still, but his body much weakened : there were with him three or four divines, who had been at prayer which, they told me, had the same uneasy effect upon him as before.

One of them reminded him that Peter denied his Master

with oaths and curses, and was yet received again into his fa

your.

He replied, "It is true, Peter did deny his Master, as I have done, but what then? His Mas ter prayed for him, that his faith should not fail; accordingly he looked him into repentance, and assisted him by his Spirit to perfect it. Now, if he would assist me to repent, I should do so too; but he has justly withdrawn his intercession from me : I have grieved his Holy Spirit so often, that he has taken him from me, and in the room thereof has left me the spirit of impenitence and reprobation; and given me a certain earnest of a fearful inheritance in another life." He spoke little more that day; much company pressing towards night, orders were given to prevent it: at six of the clock, we all looked upon one another to know what course to take, no text being offered in his favour, but which he turned another way.

While we were thus musing, he cried out with the utmost vehemence, "How long, O Lord, shall thy wrath burn forever against me? Shall thy eternal justice exact upon a poor despicable worm? What is my value or worth, that thou shouldst pour out full vials of wrath upon me? Oh, that thou wouldst let go thy hand forever, forget, and let me fall into my first nothing! As my righteousness could have profited thee nothing, so my impieties can have done thee no hurt; therefore annihilate me, and let me perish. Be not angry that I thus expostulate with thee; it will be but a little while before thy wrath shall force the

me.

dreadfullest blasphemies from Oh, that thou wouldest take away my being or misery: neither can increase or diminish thy happiness; and therefore let them both cease, and let my name be known no more. But if I must be, and be immortal, and thou wilt punish me because I have despised thee: let a privation of thought suffice, and let me pass my eternity in a dream, without ever being awakened by the pangs of torment, or by the gnawing of the worm that never dies. But, oh, fruitless desires! I am expostulating with a God that forever hath shut out my prayers; and only protracts my breath a little longer, to make me an example to others. O! ye rocks and mountains, that ye would cover and hide me from the wrath of an incensed God: but I cannot flee from his presence: what he hath begun he will finish. He will extend his wrath against me forever and ever."

Here some one knocked at the door, and it proved to be the postman, with a letter for him : which being told him, "How," said he, "a letter for me! A little longer, and I expect another sort of message : I am very shortly to give an account of every secret action I have done; and I have a mind to make an experiment to see how I can bear it. Pray Sir," added he to me, "do me the favour to read me this letter. The contents I know not, but I suspect it comes from some of my old acquaintance." I desired to be excused,

alleging there might be something in it improper to be divulged. "Nothing," replied he, "can affect me

are

"Understanding you dangerously ill, and that it has had a melancholy effect upon you, I could not (considering our strict friendship) but endeavour to remove those evils your mind may be under; which perhaps is an office no less grateful, than making the body sound. Sickness and death are the common lot of mankind; and to repine and grieve at this lot, is to combat the laws of nature, and fight against impossibilities. What wise man repines at the heat in summer, or the cold in winter? A common evil ceases to be an evil. But perhaps your melancholy suggests to you, that it is a dismal thing to launch into an unknown abyss. I answer: Sometimes I dream of dreadful things, but when I awake, all vanishes. Thus if we examine death and its consequences by our reason, those formidable monsters grow tame and familiar to us. I would demand of him, who asks me what estate I shall be in after death, what estate he was in before life? Pain and pleasure will leave their impressions upon a human spirit. If I was either happy or miserable before I was born, I must still retain the impression: but I do not now, therefore I shall not hereafer: I came out of nothing, and shall return into it. As the flame of an extinguished candle dissolves and loses itself in the cir cumambient air, even so the taper

of life vanishes into ether, and is no more, when once the laws of the vital union are broken. Death itself is nothing, and after death is nothing; take courage, man: either die like yourself, master of your own fate and happiness, so long as it is to be kept; or else recover, and live worthy the character of a person who knows how either to live or die. So wish es," &c.

This letter was but fuel to the tormenting flame, before in the breast of the sick gentleman; who immediately dictated the following answer :

"Sir,

"Being not able to use my own, I have borrowed another hand, to answer yours. You say well, it is a more grateful office to endeavour to remove the disorders of the mind than of the body. What you urge of the common lot of mankind, as death and sickness, I could wish were my case; but my affliction is, that despair and hell are the common lot of Atheists. Now your argument cannot reach my case, unless you first prove that Atheism is as inevitable as death and sickness, and that therefore the effects of it are to be borne patiently, unless a man will combat necessity, and fight against the laws of fate. I have formerly used this way of arguing myself, but wonder now how I could ever think it conclusive. You say, that if we examine death and its supposed consequences by our reason, those formidable monsters grow tame and familiar: if, by our reason, you mean either that peculiar to Atheists, or the common reason of human nature, I am sure these monsters

will grow less tame and familiar, the more we think of them : since no reason shews what an unexperienced death is, or what the change consequent upon it, how can we judge of things we do not know? Reason on such things as long as you please, and you will be at last as far from the truth as when you began. Your argument is extremely weak about a pre-existent and a future state: I retain no impression of past happiness or misery, therefore there is none to come; how that is a consequence, I do not see. Next you would have me believe, upon your bare word, that death is nothing, and after death is nothing: pray, how do you know, having not yet tried? There are a great many that say the contrary. I have only concerned myself with the rationality of your letter, that you may believe I am not distracted; which I would desire you to believe, that what I am going to say may not have less weight with you. It is true, and whether you believe it or not, you will find it so at last; if I could force you to believe it I would all I can do is, to deal with you as a reasonable creature, by opening my breast to you, and then leaving you at your liberty to act as you please. While we are in health and business, we may act contrary to our intentions, and plead for the thing we believe not; but when we come to die, the vizard is taken off, and the man appears as he is. This is my condition, and therefore I can have no motive to impose upon my friends. Religion is no impostor, heaven and hell are real, and the immortality of the soul as certain as the existence of the body: for a time