that the should try all mixtures. So one day we had wheat and barley, and that gave us the dysentery. The next we had a mixture of oatmeal, and that put our blood into a fever:-On the third we had potatoe bread, and then we had indigestion. In short, without knowing, at first, the reason, we have all been unwell: have all had occasion for the apothecary.--And we are all beginning again, without venturing, however, to fay so, to wish for plain old household bread from the baker.

My neighbours have some how or another found this out, and I am truly to be pitied. They ask me jeeringly how many hundred weight of potatoes go to a quartern loaf, and the very Aour-factor that my wife called in said to my face at the coffee-house, that if this saving plan went on all the flour in the kingdom would be wasted, and to tell you the truth I begin to think so.-[Courier.]



R. JOHNSON invented a style of his own, as

the best vehicle for strong opinions, and oracular decisions. And though the framer of an artificial language is seldom exact at all times, yet Johnson scarcely ever stepped out of the full period, or betrayed himself by mixing familiar expressions with gigantick phraseology; and if at any time he fo far forgot himself, as to speak like any body else, he foon corrected the mistake by translating it into his own language; as in the following instance: In one company he had praised the Rehearsal vehemently; in another somebody ventured to do the same, leaning perhaps on his authority; upon which the Doctor called out, “ Hold, Sir! -The Rehearsal has not falt enough to keep ;" when instantly recollecting himself, he went on." I fay, Sir, the Re. hearsal has not faline particles enough interspersed in it to preserve it from putrefaction.” .


Mrs. B-_ desired Dr. Johnson to give his opinion on a new work of hers; adding, that if it would not do, ne begged him to tell her, for she had other irons in the fire, and, in case of its not being likely to succeed, she could bring out fomething else; upon which the Doctor, having turned over the work, faid, “ Then, Madam, I would advise you to put this where your irons are.

THILE taking my political whet at Batson's

yesterday morning, the waiter picked up a small MSS. book, and asked me if I had dropt it--« Let me look at it, William,” said I.---I found it contained a great many recipes in cookery and physic; and I am persuaded belongs to Dr. HUMDRUM, an eminent practitioner in diseases and politics. The following three recipes I have made free with for the benefit of the public at large; and I fatter myself that the Doctor will not take it amiss that I have sent them. to your paper.

Take of Ministers of State, a large handful;

Contractors, and

Penfioners, as many of each as can be found.
Place them in the front of the battle.

Take of Freeholders, and a

Merchants, a complete list;

A page or two of this may be taken at any time with perfect safety.


FOR BAD VERDICTS. Take of Fox's Bill quantum fuff.

Common Sense,

Impartiality---equal parts ;, Sprinkle the whole with a Juryman's Oath. . To be taken on going into Court. Probatum eft.

Of the efficacy of these remedies it is impossible for me to speak, because I never knew a case in which they were applied; but as the ingredients are simple, I should suppose that the experiment might be made with some probability of success. I am, Sir,

Your humble servant. [Chronicle.]



A WARRIOR so bold and a Virgin fo bright
6 Convers'd as they fat on the green;
They gaz'd on each other with tender delight!
Alonzo the Brave was the name of the knight-

The maid's was the Fair Imogine. « And, oh!” said the youth, “ since to--morrow I go

To fight in a far distant land,
Your tears for my absence foon leaving to flow,
Some other will court you, and you will bestow

On a wealthier suitor your hand!”
“ Oh, hush these suspicions,” Fair Imogine faid,

« Offensive to love and to me: For, if you be living, or if you be dead, I swear by the Virgin, that none, in your stead,

Shall husband of Imogine'be.

* This beautiful piece of Poetry is extracted from a Romance called the Monk, written by Mr. G. P. Lewis, M. P. As it passes to us through the medium of the newspapers, it appears to come properly enough within our plan.

If e'er I, by luft or by wealth led afide,

Forget my Alonzo the Brave,
God grant that, to punish my falsehood and pride,

Your ghost at the marriage may fit by my side;
May tax me with perjury, claim me as bride-

And bear me away to the grave!” To Palestine hastened the hero so bold;

His love she lamented him fore :---
But scarce had a twelvemonth elaps’d, when, behold,
A Baron, all cover'd with jewels and gold,

Arriv’d at fair Imogine’s door!
His treasure, his presents, his spacious domain

Soon made her untrue to her vows :
He dazzled her eyes, he bewilder'd her brain;
He caught her affections so light and so vain---

And carried her home as his spouse !
And now had the marriage been b’est by the priest;

The revelry now was begun;
The tables they groan'd with the weight of the feast;.
Nor yet had the laughter and merriment ceas'd,

When the bell at the castle toll'd-ONE!
Then first, with amazement, fair IMOGINE found,
; That a stranger was plac'd by her side :---
His air was terrific; he utter'd no found:
He spoke not, he mov'd not, he look'd not around

But earnestly gaz'd on the bride!
His vizor war clos’d, and gigantic his height;

His armour was fable to view :---
All pleasure and laughter were hush'd at his fight;
The dogs, as they ey'd him, drew back in affright;

The lights in the chamber burn'd blue!
His presence all bofoms appear’d to dismay;

The guests sat in silence and fear; At length spoke the Bride, while she trembled--« I pray, Sir Knight, that your helmet aside you would lay,

And deign to partake of our cheer !".


The lady is filent: the stranger complies;

His vizor he slowly unclos'd:--
Oh, God! what a fight met fair Imogine's eyes!
What words can express her dismay and surprize,

When a skeleton's head was expos’d!
All present then utter'd a terrified shout,

All turn’d with disgust from the scene; The worms they crept in, and the worms they creptout, And sported his eyes and his temple’s about,

While the spectre address’d Imogine:--« Behold me, thou false one: behold me!” he cried,

“Remember Alonzo the Brave!
God grants, that, to punish thy falsehood and pride,
My ghost at thy marriage should sit by thy side;
Should tax thee with perjury, claim thee as bride,

And bear thee away to the grave !"
Thus saying, his arms round the lady he wound,

While loudly she shriek'd in dismay;
Then sunk with his prey thro’the wide-yawning ground!
Nor ever again was fair Imogine found,

Or the spectre who bore her away. Not long liv'd the Baron; and none, since that time, • To inhabit the castle presume; For chronicles tell, that, by order sublime, There Imogine fuffers the pain of her crime,

And mourns her deplorable doom.
At midnight four times in each year does her spright,

When mortals in slumber are bound,
Array'd in her bridal apparel of white,
Appear in the hall with the Skeleton-Knight,

And shriek as he whirls her around!
While they drink out of skulls newly torn from the grave;

Dancing round them the spectres are seen: Their liquor is blood, and this horrible stave They howl---" To the health of Alonzo the Brave, And his confort, the fair Imogine !"


« 前へ次へ »