Minifter's influence, and be beftowed in turn for Parliamentary adherence: but this is eafily obviated by lodging the power of granting that contract with the Board of Agriculture, which no man can suppose will ever receive a bias from Minifterial intimations. Five farthings then being taken as the expence of the ca-, thartic, to that fum must be added as much more, for providing the gruel neceffary on the occafion; fo that two-pence-halfpenny will be the charge of every man's hebdomadary exertion. Multiply this by thirty-five, and it will appear that for three fhillings and fevenpence-halfpenny an acre of land will be manured with an efficacy, fuch as probably has never been experienced from the commencement of tillage to the prefent day. For it is not to be imagined that the operation of manure, fo applied, will confift merely in the inert qualities, howfoever excellent, of the fæces. I am perfuaded, that the energy of mind with which that boon will be bestowed to the earth, muft influence in furprizing degree the nature of the fubftance fo communicated. The charms of fociety in the function; the heroic impulfe of profeffional ardour; the cheering infpiration of the fife and drum; and, above all, the consciousness of patriotic effort, will infufe a foul into the tribute that is to mingle with the clay, and enable it to impregnate every clod with unexampled fecundity. Laughing Ceres fhall glitter over the land, yellow as the fource whence the fprang; and the teeming granaries of England fhall bear grateful teftimony to the liberal bowels of her regimented fons. The hufbandman shall be agreeably aftonifhed, to find that he has a common cause with the foldier; and the landed intereft, in Parliament, shall exult at the amount of army eftimates, moved by the Secretary at War.-Chronicle.

CACOTHRAUSTES.

THE TRAVELLER AND HIS GUIDE.

AN ASIATIC APOLOGUE.

GUL Alaked, a Perfian merchant, who was fetting off on a long journey, thought that it would be more fafe and eafy if he took a guide." I will take one," faid he, "of fufficient ftrength to carry my burthen, brave enough to affift me in defending myself against robbers, and subtle enough to fee that nobody take advantage of my good faith."

As Arbogad, his neighbour, had all thefe good qualities, he agreed to give him honourable pay, and put his pack upon his fhoulders. During the first three or four days, he kept his purse himself; but Arbogad affuring him that he could make better bargains, and was more on his guard against imposition, perfuaded him to give it into his care.

The next day, Arbogad, pretending that they were coming into a country infefted by robbers, afked permiffion to take fome money out of the purfe to buy a large fcimitar, his dexterity in the ufe of which he highly vaunted. They had not gone much further, before Ogul Alaked, on waking from a found fleep, found

that he was disarmed.

"How is this?" faid he. Arbogad answered, that he had taken his fword from him, out of a regard to his own welfare." It is a dangerous weapon," added he: << you might cut yourself with it; and, as you are fubject to mental abfences, you might even difable me; and then who would take care of you?" Ogul Alaked did not find this reafoning perfectly fatisfactory; but as he had the best opinion of Arbogad, he acquiefced, and they proceeded on their journey with great apparent friendship. But, fhortly after, the Perfian remonftrating with his guide on the profufion with which he difpofed of his money; Arbogad, by way of anfwer, fhewed him the fcimitar, that had been bought under the pretence of defending him; and, on his repeating his complaints, drew it out of the fcabbard, and waved it over

his head. Poor Ogul Alaked was obliged to fubmit; and Arbogad, perfifting in the use of the fame powerful argument, appropriated the money to his own ufe, and provided fumptuous fare for himself, while the other was scarcely allowed the fcraps that remained on the table.

At last he took the pack off his own fhoulders, put it upon that of Ogul Alaked; and, inftead of conducting him the way he wanted to go, drove the miserable merchant along the road that beft fuited himself.He that has ears to hear, let him hear !-Gazetteer.

PRETTY AMUSEMENTS FOR CROWNED HEADS, FOR A CENTURY TO COME *.

WH

HEN the combined forces have reinftated the monarchy of France, feen the Monk restored to his monaftery, and the Nun to her cloifter; brought back the feudal fyftem to the moft abfolute vaffalage, and introduced wooden fhoes and wretchedness to more than twenty millions of people, they may direct their attention to the Dey of Algiers, and infift upon introducing the Proteftant religion into every corner of his black dominions. That point once accomplished, they may fail to Conftantinople, and compel the Grand Turk to throw away his turban, and wear in the room a cocked hat and a pig-tailed periwig: this will be very eafily performed; and then they will have nothing to do, but to pay a visit to the Emperor of China, and advise him kindly, at the point of the bayonet, to embrace Judaism for the good of his immortal foul, and to oblige his fubjects to rife with their b-ks-des foremoft. After

*This whimfical plan of operations appeared very fhortly after we free Englishmen joined the grand confederacy, with a view of forcing the French to abandon the dreadful, though voluntary, flavery of a reprefentative and republican Government, and to return to the rational liberty they formerly enjoyed under their Grand Monarque. The rogues "dared kill a king," and were infolent enough to think they could live without one!

that,

that, they may ftep over the Chinese wall; force the Khan of Perfia to keep Lent; and then, turning their attention to the Great Mogul, infift upon qualifying all his fubjects for the Italian Opera, and that they ride with their heads to their horfes' tails. They will then have plenty of leifure upon their hands to pare the lips and pinch the nofes of the Tartars into a decent and becoming form. As to the Hottentots, it will take no trouble at all to make them wear ruffled fhirts and filk ftockings and nothing can be more pleasant to the blacks of Guinea, than compelling them to drefs in furr cloaks, with black filk bags to their hair. Afterwards they can force the Efquimaux Indians to ftudy the Newtonian fyftem, and oblige the Laplanders to have light all the year round.-Chronicle.

:

A

JEU D'ESPRIT*.

S late Dumourier terror fpread,
Mynheer and Frow retir'd to bed,
With the French army in their head;
Into a broken flumber falling,

Behold them toffing, tumbling, fprawling:
Surpriz'd, Mynheer began to feel
His back-bone turn'd into a keel;
To oak his ribs were changing faft,
And from his belly sprang a mast;
His limbs, miraculously fhrunk,
Retir'd into the parent trunk;

His brawny rump, grown harder, rounder,
Now carry'd a brafs eighteen-pounder.

But as for modefty I'm fam'd,

No port-hole fhall by me be nam'd:
In fhort, he found himfelf a-float,
Completely chang'd into a boat!

}

*This Jeu D'Efprit appeared immediately after the French had been driven from Williamftadt, by the joint means of fire and water.

The

The wind was fair, unfurl'd the fail,
Away he fcuds before the gale.
Scarce had he fail'd a league or two,
When Williamftadt appear'd in view.
Alas! the hungry flames devour
The humble roof, the lofty tow'r :
The favage French, 'midft fhow'rs of balls,
Advance to scale the shatter'd walls;
But bang Mynheer let fly among 'em,
And into fudden panic flung 'em;
Happy the Frenchman, who could 'scape
The eighteen-pounders, round and grape !
Hearing her husband's cannon rattle,
The lady dreams she is in battle!
And quick as thought the mattress floats-
The loyal Frow had op'd the fluices;
And thus Dumourier fhe reduces,
And thus fhe drowns the Sans-Culottes.

Chronicle.

TO THE NETTLE.

ILE Weed, irafcible! whene'er I view

VILE Thy horrent leaves in circling points arife,

And know, that underneath each fibre lies
The keen receptacle of venom'd dew;
And when I know, that if, with cautious fear,
I touch thy pow'r, it punishes my dread:
But if, with dauntless hand approaching near,
I grafp thee full and firm-that pow'r is dead-
Thus as, with 'fdainful thought, I view thy ftings,
Terrific to the coward wretch alone,

Much do I meditate on Grandeur's throne
The awe of Subjects, and the might of Kings!
Like thee, they punish those whom they appal;
Like thee, when firmly grafp'd, to native nothing
fall!

SEDITIOUS