Counsellor F-tz -ns, contracted a polypus in the heart, at the Jefuits college, in St. Omer's. This poor old man despairs of his recovery, as he is perfuaded, that nothing but holy water, confecrated by a bishop of his own family, will relieve him. His breath is fo tainted by the corrupt pus in his heart, that it would often prove mortal to his friends, if he was not forced out of the House, before the queftion is put.

Lord M-ra, unfortunately had the Cerebrum and Cerebellum totally difplaced, by getting a rock too much in the cradle, during his infancy. Therefore from a natural defect in his intellects, and not from any moral depravity, he falfifies and mifreprefents every circumftance and ftory he relates. Truth is refracted into falsehood, by passing through the medium of his brain, as an oar appears crooked in the water.

The Earl of Ch-mont, has been afflicted ever fance he was of age with a locked jaw, which seizes him periodically in the House of Lords. He firft contracted it, by liftening with his mouth open, to the public and private harangues of orator Flood, and the late Doctor Lucas. He is not deemed incurable, as he talks with great fpirit and vivacity at table, and is more audible and articulate, than moft Lords, when he comes into the Houfe of Com

mons.

NUM

NUMBER XXV.

Veris facilis datur exitus umbris.

VIRG.

SIR,

A

To JEOFFRY WAGSTAFFE, Efq.

N effay of exquifite humour in your paper of the 6th of February, the hint of which is taken from the scheme of a proprietor of Laputa, for curing the diseases of the fenate, made me turn to that part of Gulliver's Travels, where he gives an account of the grand academy of Lagado. The fame proprietor's propofal for reconciling opposite parties, is no lefs ingenious: the method is this. You take a hundred leaders of each party; you

difpofe them into couples of fuch whofe heads "are nearest of a fize; then let two nice operators "faw off the occiput (or hinder part of the head) of "each couple at the fame time, in fuch a manner, "that the brain may be equally divided; let the "occiputs, thus cut off, be interchanged, applying "each to the oppofite party-man, Thus, the

two half brains being left to debate the matter in "the space of one fkul!, it produces moderation, • good underflanding, and regularity of thinking."

This project made fuch an impreffion on me, that, when I fell asleep, it occafioned the following train of images, juft in the order I have put them down. If your paper is not engaged for any fubject of more importance,

importance, this VISION is at your fervice, for the entertainment of your readers.

I am, fir, your humble fervant,

QUEVEDO.

I thought I was feated in the House of Commons, fo as to hear and see distinctly every thing that passed; when fuddenly the mace, journals, pens ink, papers, &c. difappeared, and the table was covered with inftruments of furgery, fuch as knives, crooked fciffars, and a good many faws of different fizes. Two gentlemen, whom I found on enquiry to be the Surgeons Richardson and Cunningham, filled the chairs at one end of the table: they viewed their inftruments much in the fame manner as Mr. Sterling and his affiftants examine their pens, when they are preparing to take down the names of a committee, or to tranfcribe a refolution.

The great door of the houfe was then thrown open, and I faw many perfons walking as it were in proceffion, two by two, till they came oppofite the chairs where Meffieurs Richardson and Cunningham were feated.

The first couple, Lord Townshend, and the D-e of L-fter, then went off, one to the right, and the other to the left, and each fat down between the legs of his refpective furgeon. The occiput of Lord Townshend was foon taken off by Mr. Richardfon, who seemed to handle his faw with great dexterity; but whether from the extraordinary thickness of the bone, or from what other circum

ftance

ftance I know not, the operation on the D-ke's head lafted much longer; fo that I could hear Lord Townshend defire his Grace's furgeon to make more hafte, for as he had never before been without his occiput, he might catch cold; befides, he was weary of remaining fo long in the fame posture. This hint had the defired effect: the artift exerted his utmost ftrength, and the feparation was completely performed. The halffkulls were then interchanged; and the furgeons, paffing their left arms round the necks, and under the chins of their patients, applied the parts to their proper places in the back of the heads, and preffing them clofe with the palms of their right hands, they adhered immediately. The patients then rofe, and walked away; but not before they had made a civil bow to the furgeons, and paid them for their trouble.

The effect of this operation was almost inftantaneous. The D-ke of L-er's eyes began to acquire an unusual fpirit and brightness; he faid fomething lively, new, and entertaining to every one that came up to him; and I obferved that a gentleman, whom I afterwards found to be one of the members for Athy, feemed to take particular pleasure in his converfation. They both agreed that a late attempt to cenfure the commiffioners of excife, was no less abfurd than illiberal; and the D-ke faid, "he now found his opinion on that point fo diffe

rent from what it had been, he could not account "for his having entertained it. He was now," he faid, "refolved to make the beft amends in his pow"er, by taking the first opportunity of thanking his Majefty for the many honours and favours he had "graciously conferred upon him ; and that, as a further

4.6

"further mark of his reconciliation with govern“ment, he would ask for the next blue ribband, and "for fome honourable promotion in the law for the "friend he was talking to."I heard then both agree, in an under voice, that Sir William M-ne was of no fervice to any party, and hoped that he would never again return to Ireland, to perplex and delay the business of the nation.

Lord Townshend, in the mean time, with a countenance full of difcontent and stupidity, withdrew in the most ungracious manner from the company that furrounded him, and making to the chaplain's box, he there fhut himself up, drawing the curtains clofe about him his fecretary, Mr. Malone, the Prime Serjeant, the Provoft, and many other respectable perfons came to confult with him, but he flounced from one fide to the other of his box, and refused to hear them. To their advice he made no other anfwer than," that he had taken his refolution, and it "was in vain to argue with him, for he never "changed his opinion for any man."--On this they left him, with manifeft tokens of wonder. He then pulled out a memorandum book, and a pencil; I could fee he made feveral entries of a very frivolous nature, tho' with a face of much attention and importance: amongst the reft, I remember there was a new receipt for making Fuller's balls, to take ftains out of his footmen's liveries, and a hint towards improving an engine for dividing boiled beef into pounds, half pounds, and quarters, with many others of the fame nature; all very ill fpelt and in characters like thofe of a child who is learning to join his letters.

The