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126

THE CONVERSION, EXPERIENCE, AND

and opened it upon that beautiful and | answer them in their spiritual conversion well known hymnto God.

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66 Jesus, lover of my soul,
Let me to thy bosom fly."

I gave the book open to my friend, and said,
Now, John, if you can find anything in
this hymn that exactly describes what the
feelings of your soul are at this time, will
you point it out to me?' He took the book,
and with much feeling shewed me two
lines, viz.,

"Thou, O Christ, art all I want,

Thou of life the fountain art."

I immediately felt an union of soul to him as a child of God, and I loved him as a brother beloved of God, and taught by the Spirit of God.

It was early in the month of April, 1847, he signed to me, that his mind was much exercised about baptism by immersion; and signed, Will you baptise me?' I was surprised at his question, as I never had hinted the ordinance to him yet. When I questioned him upon the subject, I was astonished at his knowledge of it; he took the Word of God, turned to a great number of texts, and soon convinced me he understood the nature and spiritual signification of the ordinance of believers' baptism. Some kind friends suggested to him,' Would it be prudent in your delicate state of health to be immersed in cold water?' His reply was, 'The honour of Jesus in obeying his plain command, is more important to me than either health or life.' The church received his testimony of a work of grace upon his soul; and I baptised him on the first Lord's-day in May, 1847; and the Lord gave him a precious visit at the ordinance, he had such a glorious manifestation of Christ that he was brought into the liberty of the gospel; his soul was filled with joy and peace, and 'he went on his way rejoicing.'

To witness this dear devoted young friend in a very poor state of health, standing at the water, a monument of mercy, and although deaf and dumb, rejoicing in hope of the glory of God; made hard hearts to melt; and it was a time of love long to be remembered by many of the Lord's people.

After this, our friend was much better in health-happy in the Lord-very zealous for the truth-manifesting much love to the Lord's children, especially to the poor of the flock; and was truly beloved by all that knew him; when his health would permit, he was very punctual in attending the means; his sister gave him the hymns and the text, and would sign to him a great part of the sermon. If he was confined at home, he would have the same signed to him when his dear friends returned from the house of God; he was deeply concerned for the spiritual interest of his brothers, and sisters, and I am a living witness to many earnest petitions put up to the Lord on their behalf. May it please the Lord to

He continued in the feeling of his first love for about nine months. But there is a day of adversity for all the living family of God; and so our late brother found it: clouds and darkness came over his soul: the corruptions of his nature began to break forth, and his evidence of interest in Jesus was hid; many doubts and fears, and temptations tried him. I remember asking him about this time, What is the state of your mind? He took the Bible and shewed me the twelfth verse of the fortieth Psalm. The Lord helped him wonderfully at times; the Holy Spirit applied some precious portions of the word to his soul, and he was comforted. I well remember him shewing me the sixteenth and seventeenth verses of the seventh chapter of the Revelations; he signed, the Lord applied these words to me last night when I was in bed, and then I was happy.' Yet many sore conflicts with self, sin, and satan, made him 'groan in his tabernacle, being burdened.' He had great sympathy for the deaf and dumb, and would sign, 'if it was the will of God, I should like to be made useful to them."

His health appeared so much improved last autumn, that the physician hoped the cavity in the lung was dried, and he would continue with us. But early in the present year, the old symptoms of consumption appeared, and he was very unwell; he was evidently sinking in February; and in March I did not believe he would live to see May. He was very anxious for me to spend as much time with him as I could; and I often called to see him; and how have I looked at him with wonder and astonishment at the divine power manifested in him ;-he, would take the word of God; this precious book was (as he signed) the best of all books to him.' He always slept with it under his pillow at night; he would turn over the sacred pages-point out the glorious doctrines of the gospel; shew me the harmony of truth in the salvation of sinners; and would sign to me, 'blessed free-grace; it is suited to my wretched case; it saves me, and supplies my wants; and will (glory be to God) take me to heaven.'

I never met with a person more decidedly separated in heart from dead, formal, fashionable, professors of religion; he once wrote, in reference to this sort of profession, upon a piece of paper, 'All this vanity may be compared to a large snow ball thrown into a copper of boiling water.'

I commenced a journal on the 20th of March; this will show the dreadful con flict, and glorious triumph, of our dear friend and much esteemed brother.

March 20.-Visited J. P., found him very comfortable in his mind; asked him, if he thought he should get better? He signed, 'I hope not, I would rather see Jesus."

March 24.-He was dark and uncomfortable. Signed, 'last night I could not pray,

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DEATH OF A VESSEL OF MERCY.

127

I could not feel; but the Lord knows I am | piercing a tender father's heart. I felt

but dust.'

March 27.-He was still under a cloud. Signed, 'I cannot believe, nor love.' I then signed many suitable texts; but all useless. He signed, 'I want the Holy Spirit's power.' March 31.-He was very gloomy, and full of suspicions about his state. He signed, how is it I cannot pray?' I told him groans, sighs, and spiritual desires felt was prayer; quoted some scriptures to confirm it but no light. I then referred him to the prayer of the thief, and the Saviour's answer; he burst into tears, and was overwhelmed for a long time; light broke in upon his mind, and he was much revived. I was with him an hour, signing the truth of the gospel; after I left, he was raised up into a glorious state of mind: he stood upclapped his hands above his head, and signed many times, O, how I love Jesus! O, how I love Jesus !' Weeping aloud for sometime, he then fell prostrate on the floor, repeating by signs, more than twenty times, 'O precious Christ! precious Christ!' When he arose from the floor, he signed, you see what a gracious God I have, he always proves faithful to his people.'

solemnly assured he would not die in this dark state, and said to his afflicted father, Weep not, my dear friends, he will not die in this state; he will give us another glorious testimony of God's free-grace and mercy before he dies. He roused up from his fainting fit, and I reminded him of one of the Lord's former visits to his soul: he signed, 'give me the Bible.' He found the words, seventh chapter of Revelations, fifteenth and sixteenth verses; and was comforted. Who among us that witnessed this dear young friend, in this awful conflict, and then with the word of God in his trembling hands, combatting the powers of hell, sin and unbelief, can forget it? Truly this was a night to be remembered.

April 10. In the morning, found him in much conflict-told me satan was troubling him very much; he wanted the Holy Spirit's power, and more faith to trust in the Lord.'

April 10.-In the evening, found him very dark and tempted. He signed, 'I am the greatest sinner living: do professors repent?-what are the true signs of being born of God?' I replied, Professors, destitute of the fear of God, never hate sin, because the Lord hates it as an unholy

April 3.-Found him satisfied about his interest in Jesus-told me of the gracious visits he had on Saturday night. He sign-principle: they never mourn for sin with ed, 'did you come on purpose to see me, or had you some other business?' Told him my object was to visit him. The Lord had greatly blessed his soul: he saw his gracious hand; and we united in giving Jehovah the praise.

godly sorrow; nor do they ever pray in the spirit to have the blood of Christ applied to their conscience to purge them from sin and give them peace; but the children of God do, and these are some of the marks of being born of God. I endeavoured to April 4. He was very weak, not so happy direct him to Jesus as the poor ruined as on the 3rd. Being my lecture evening, sinner's all; and signed to him, God does I stayed but a short time, and left him, but not say in his word, I expect you polluted his dear sister took him the hymns and sinners will make yourselves comely: but text after service. The text, Daniel x. 18; the Lord said to his beloved people, " Thou as his sister was signing much of the sub-art comely through the comeliness I have ject he enjoyed it very much; and signed, put upon thee." This text, through the what a mercy to have an experience of power of God the Spirit, took hold and put divine things like Daniel, and other saints new life into him. He wept a long time in the Bible. Oh, I love the word of God—his doubts and fears all fled, and he had more and more. O, blessed Jesus-he is my best Friend.'

April 5.-Appeared very low, wept much, and signed, 'I am afraid I shall not be saved at last.' He was reminded of the Lord's immutability. He signed, 'I know it, but want more feeling,'

April 9.-Was sent for late at night; found him very ill; he had fainted when I went in; he opened his eyes, saw me sitting by him, and signed, 'I am lost;' closed his eyes again, and in ten minutes looked at me, and signed, 'I am lost.' I had time before he closed his eyes the second time to sign to him, You will never be lost while Jesus lives. In a few minutes he looked at me again, and the third time signed, 'I am lost: I have no interest in God's grace: you are come to see my death, and you will see.' He then closed his eyes, and appeared dying for a quarter of an-hour: and, oh! what a solemn, affecting scene-his dear friends weeping round him; and the last few signs he had made, I am lost-I am lost

sweet joy and peace in believing; and joined me in signing upon the glorious truths of the great salvation for an hour. A sweet time to us both. How feeble is man, and how ineffectual are means until the Lord appears; then life is felt-light springs up -darkness is dispersed-satan repulsedand a comfortable view of Jesus by faith, brings a sweet calm to the soul.

April 13.-Found him a little better in health: had been harrased all day lest his friends should think him hypocritical in his affliction. He signed, 'My heart trembles and my conscience condemns me for sins.' In reply, I quoted, 'If our hearts condemn us God is greater,' &c., and the words of Paul, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.' He signed, 'goodgood-that is what I wanted: how suitable are the words of God for his afflicted people.' His soul appeared full of comfort, and after some communion upon the best things, he sunk back in his chair, and was absorbed in meditation.

128

DEATH OF A VESSEL OF MERCY.

until

Lord's-day evening, April 15.-Called on | home, I did not see my afflicted brother my dear young friend and son in the faith; he was very low in his mind; he had been April 26.-And then saw he was altered reading about Bunyan's man in the iron very much, and could not be far from the cage; was very fearful he should prove last enemy. He was exercised in his like him; he had also been thinking much mind about an unpleasant dream of the of Esau, and feared he should be nothing preceding night; he dreamed that his dear after all but a reprobate. He signed, 'did sister, and father, were in heaven, and that Esau repent? I endeavoured to explain he was sinking into hell, this brought on to him the twelfth chapter of Hebrews, six-more conflict; satan told him hell was the teenth and seventeenth verses; that God place he would go to, and not to heaven. I never gave Esau a spiritual blessing, there- signed many portions of God's word to him. fore he never possessed one; and that Esau The Holy Spirit was pleased to apply some never did, in the fear of God, desire a of them, and my dear friend was wonderspiritual blessing. He shewed great inte- fully raised up to praise and bless our rest in the exposition, and signed, I under- faithful covenant God and Father; I left stand-I understand; but I often fear I him with the impression he would not live am not honest.' After some interesting forty-eight hours. communion, I left him with much hectic fever and very high pulse.

April 16.-Found my dear friend reading God's word, and very comfortable in his mind; be shewed me the first and second Psalm, and very much enjoyed the second chapter of Titus, twelfth and thirteenth verses, fixed his finger upon the word 'purify,' and signed, Ah, that is what I want. This was a very pleasant visit, and I left my friend satisfied of his interest in Jesus, and his faith fixed upon the Rock of Ages.

April 18.-My dear friend very weak in body and rather low in mind-lamented he had not more love to Jesus: he signed, I feel all poverty and nothing but sin; I trust Jesus is my blessed Saviour, and I know God is faithful, and that truth is everlasting; but I want more power, more faith and love, and more spiritual feeling. April 20.-Found my friend and brother very calm and comfortable-solemn and earnest in divine things: he signed of the bliss of the glorified spirits of the just in heaven; and was delighted at the prospect of meeting them. He signed, but above all to see blessed Jesus. O, how I love Jesus-dear precious Lamb of God! Had a very spiritual and encouraging season

with him for an hour.

the

April 23.-Found him very weak in body, but with his faith firmly fixed upon Rock of Ages. Asked him if was satisfied of his interest in Jesus? He signed, 'Yes Yes! I again signed, Have you no doubts and fears about this important matter now? He replied, 'none at all: I can commit all to Jesus, he will take good care of me in life and death, and I will

"Crown him Lord of all."'

We wept and rejoiced together at the Lord's manifested power and glory, in supporting him, and bringing him through the fiery trial, and enabling him to say

"Satan may vent his sharpest spite, And all his legions roar; Almighty mercy guards my life,

And bounds his raging power." Having business that called me from

April 27.-Called at eleven in the morning, found my beloved brother in bed, this was the first time I had seen him in bed; as soon as I entered his room, he held up both his thumbs (which mean) good-good; I saw by his countenance he was happy in the Lord, and as he was evidently near his end, it rejoiced my heart to see him, and I prayed the dear Lord to give him the triumphs of faith in death. He was too weak to hold the bible to read, he begged his dear sister would hold it, while he read his morning portions; he then signed for the hymn book, and read the 16th, Watts' first

book

"Go worship at Immanuel's feet," &c. And with much feeling, and a sweet smile, pointed to the 8th and 9th verses.

He was anxious to be brought down into the sitting-room, and I assisted in bringing my afflicted friend down for the last time; I left him with the assurance, I would go early in the evening.

he held out his hand, and very soon signed; April 27.-Went in at six in the evening, I am going home; I signed; do you long to go? He replied, yes-yes; I long to see precious-precious Jesus.

I signed 'The Lord shall be thine everlasting light, and thy God thy glory.' He tenance beaming with delight, and glory: spread out his arms, and his whole counready to fly to the precious bosom of his dear exalted Jesus. the fulness of Mr. Kent's anticipation; He evidently enjoyed

66

My soul anticipates the day,
Would stretch her wings and soar away,
To aid the song, a palm to bear,

And bow the chief of sinners there."

A little before seven, he was carried up to bed in a dying state, and then commenced such a solemn, interesting, glorious, and triumphant scene I never witnessed before; deaf and dumb as our beloved brother was, and almost past signing, yet, he lay with his soul full of glory, I signed is Jesus precious now? yesyes, 'He is very-very precious.' He fixed his eyes upon his dear sister, who had been his kind, faithful, and affectionate nurse; she signed-Jesus is all.' He made an

THE VESSEL OF MERCY.

effort, raised up his hands, and signedMY BELOVED.' This was the last sentence he was able to sign with his fingers, and he took hold of his dear father's thumb, with both hands, moving it up and down for about a quarter of an hour, meaning good, good; I am safe father, I am happy, He then caught sight of me, and took hold of my thumb, to assure me he was safe and happy; then in triumph raised his arms, and clapped his hands above his head, while his countenance appeared illuminated with the rays of the Sun of righteousness; after many gestures, that we understood to signify, the transport of his soul, the dear, dying youth, in a very solemn manner put out his arm, in the form to mean-Truth, truth;' while his look at me and his dear friends, was to signify-Hold it fast; contend for it; truth will support you as it does me.' After laying quiet for some time, his last effort to signify to us the glorious prospect before him, was, by taking hold of the bedclothes making them into a banner, waving it over his head as an emblem of Victory! Victory! Victory! Oh, my dear reader, I must leave you to form some opinion of the feelings of his God-fearing friends, who witnessed this wonderful triumph of free grace. He took a very affectionate farewell of his dear father about twelve o'clock, and soon after five in the morning of the 28th of April, 1849, his ransomed spirit entered heaven, to behold his precious Jesus, and to possess the fulness of immortal glory,which the Lord had given him the earnest of, when the Holy Spirit applied these words to his soul,

"They shall hunger no more, neither shall the sun light on them, nor any heat,' &c. Our dear brother had a very favorite hymn, it was greatly blest to him, and he would sign it; it is the best I ever met with, and is one of Mr. Gadsby's. As my readers may not all possess Mr. G.'s book, I will transcribe it.

Free grace is the joy of my heart;
Its glories with wonder I trace;
To me it doth freely impart

Rich blessings, just suiting my case:
No monster more wretched could be,
Nor less of God's favour deserve;
Yet such is free grace unto me,

I never, no never can starve.
Grace takes all my ruin and woe,

Nor murmurs my burdens to bear;
And grace in return makes me know
In Jesus I'm comely and fair;
In self I'm polluted and vile :

But grace sweetly speaks unto me,
It tells me, and that with a smile,
In Jesus I'm perfect and free.
Its blessings though rich and divine,
Are all without money and price;
A soul though as wretched as mine,
May venture to hope and rejoice!
Its highest delight is to give

True riches to sinners undone;
Nor can it, nor will it deceive,

The soul that with Jesus is one."

129

Should this plain narrative meet the eyes of the scoffing sceptic and gay sensualist; poor, haughty sinner blush for shame, while you read this account of a young man, of very respectable family, denied by an all-wise providence, the gifts of speech and hearing; yet, by divine power and all-sufficient grace, made a believer in Christ: a christian, consistent in life; supported in affliction; triumphant in death, and now in heaven: while you, possessing those precious organs, denied my departed friend, daily use them to sneer at the bible; pour contempt upon godliness, for the amusement of your deluded companions, and the ruin of your immortal soul.

The good Lord open your eyes, to see and feel your awful situation, and the tremendous consequences of having to meet death in your present state of mind.

R. DE FRAINE.

Lutterworth, May 17th, 1849.

The Vessel of Mercy.

THERE is a vessel built by God,

And launch'd by his divine decrees; And every part is wash'd with blood, With sails compact to catch the breeze. Her Pilot is the Lord of host;

He guides her safe through every storm; Nor can his vessel e'er be lost,

For grace shall every part perform. Afflictions will her course pursue,

Yet thro' the waves she still must rise;
She's bound for Canaan, and must go
To that blest world above the skies.

She's often tossed to and fro
While crossing through this boistrous sea:
Her Captain saith, Here thou must go;
No shipwreck shall be found in thee.
What pirate dare this bark condemn ?
For death and hell in vain may roar,
It is Jehovah guides the helm,

And he will bring her to the shore.
Her course is mark'd with lines of blood,
Predestinated here to steer,

She sails with courage, staid on God, Though often fill'd with doubt and fear.

Her compass is the Word of God,

And God's eterna! truth the way;
And on the road she sings of blood,
While sailing to eternal day.

To Canaan's blissful shore she's bound.
Her sail is faith well fill'd by grace;
Infinite wisdom wheels her round
To gaze on Calvary's wondrous place.
She sails along to Zion's hill

Midst rocks of error in her way;
She pass'd the mount of man's free will.
Where thousands rest, and thereon stay.
On muddy shoals of duty faith

This favour'd vessel cannot rideBut on the main of Christ's free grace,

Which her great Captain did provide. And when she lands on heaven's high hill. She will look back on all the seas, Ascribing glory to that will

That ordered all things as he please, Her Captain then will have the praise, Which did protect her on the main; The royal crown on him she'll raise, Nor sin afflict her heart again. Marylebone,

J. STEPHENS

130

GLORYING IN THE CROSS OF CHRIST.

Glorying in the Cross of Christ :

BEING THE OUTLINE OF A SERMON BY MR. JOSEPH RUDMAN..

MY BELOVED BROTHER-Grace and peace be your's, from God our Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ.

The following is a brief outline of my sermon on Sunday Morning, May 6th; when, according to announcement on the wrapper of the Vessel, I entered upon my stated labours at Bethel Chapel, Trowbridge: and I can assure you, my brother, that it was a solemn, weighty time. The text was

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Gal. vi. 14. But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world.'

These words, my dear friends, I would notice under the two following heads,

1. Paul's fervent desire:-' But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.'

2. The two-fold crucfixion :-' -'By whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world.'

We proceed to notice then, in the first place, Paul's fervent desire :-But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of of our Lord Jesus Christ. And do we say a word too much, or put a word too strong, when we say, it was the Apostle's fervent desire ? Nay. It is evidently the language of a man in earnest and this desire is grounded upon the broad bottom of all spiritual declarations relative to glorying, He that glorieth let him glory in the Lord:' in that, which belongeth unto the Lord and to him alone.

'God forbid,' is a term made use of in the word of the Lord, to set forth a solemn protest against certain propositions; as may be seen at large in various parts of God's word: but is used more frequently by the Apostle in his epistle to the Romans and other places, against base insinuations against the gospel of the grace of God, and its precious and immortal truths but in THIS PARTICULAR 'God forbid,' let us notice,

1. That it doth evidently set forth, that the Apostle considered it to be a matter of the greatest possible importance, that he should glory in nothing else, save in the cross of Christ.

2. The high interest which he felt in it. His whole soul appeared to be wrapped up in it as in a swaddling band. It called forth all the powers of his soul, let whatever else may be presented to him to glory in, he saith, 'God forbid that I should do it.

3. A great assurance in his own soul that none but God would forbid him doing it. It is not man's work to forbid men effectually, to do that which is so congenial to man's nature. Man could not have forbid

den him with success, but God could, yea,
and did.
'God forbid !'

4. To use it as a prayer.
Forbid it God! Lord, let it never be that I
should glory in anything else, (however it
may be esteemed among men,) save in the
cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ah, my
dear hearers, satisfied am I, that, none but
those who are conscious of their own weakness
will cry to the strong for strength; and in
this day, entering upon ministerial labours
among you as an under shepherd, no words
appeared more suitable unto me, or more
congenial to my feelings, than these which
fastened with power upon my mind; 'God
forbid,' forbid it, gracious God; Lord, let it
never be that I should be left so to act, or so
to walk, as to despise thy cross, to become an
enemy of the cross, or to glory, save in the
cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.

'For

But that is to glory in that which, 1. No profane worldly,.or self-sufficient pharisaic professor can glory in. the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness.' "We preach Christ crucified, (no crucifixion without the cross,) unto the Jews a stumbling block, and unto the Greeks foolishness,' 1 Cor. i. 18, 23. while this was the case with some, unto others it was power, and that in which they could glory. Here mark the change by grace

But

divine. This it is that maketh thee to differ; therefore, what hast thou which thou hast not received? Canst thou glory in the cross? See here then, good ground hast thou for hope, that thou art saved with an everlasting salvation, and called with an holy calling, 1 Cor. i. 18.

2. It is also, my beloved, to glory in an offensive thing; yea, a thing which staineth the abominable pride of the human heart: cutting up flesh and blood-root and branch. To preach the cross of Christ, and how salvation was finished on it, and how Christ hath reconciled the sinner and the Father, and made peace by the blood of the cross, without the help, or aid, or assistance of the creature; yea, to preach salvation in no other way than through Christ and him crucified, to the cutting up of all the works, and the utter exclusion of all the performances of the creature therein, is an offence. It is lowering, say some, the dignity of the man, and setting him far too low down in the scale; whereas, God hath concluded all to be ‘in unbelief,' and under sin,' Gal. iii. 22; nay, 'dead in trespasses and sins,' Eph. ii. 1; and who can bring forth clean things from an unclean, or living acts from a dead carcase? Not one. Yet it is an offensive thing to preach salvation by the cross without anything of our own therein. It is, in very deed, a stumbling block to some, to others foolishness; yet, God forbid that I should glory in anything else. No, no: destroy the cross of Christ, and then all cause for glory is done away

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