What Did I Just Say!?!: How New Insights Into Childhood Thinking Can Help You Communicate More Effectively with Your Child

Just as Deborah Tannen's You Just Don't Understand bridged the communication gap between men and women, What Did I Just Say!?! will help parents communicate more effectively with their young children.

"CAN'T YOU BEHAVE?"

"IT'S NOT NICE TO HIT DADDY!"

"YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!"

These and similar expressions are part of the verbal arsenal of the legions of parents who have ever felt exasperated by their children's behavior. Yet, as every parent knows, such expressions are notoriously ineffective, often leading children to continue behaving in a way that's the opposite of what is being asked. Why this is so -- and how parents can become aware of what they're actually saying when they speak to their kids -- is the subject of this insightful and very practical book.

Drawing on years of clinical experience and innovative child development research, the authors of What Did I Just Say!?! show how conventional communication styles actually prevent parents from saying what they mean and cause children to hear something entirely different than was intended. For example, when you say, "How many times have I told you not to . . . ?" a child thinks you're actually changing the subject rather than reiterating a question. When you say, "Are you going to stop it?" you are in fact admitting your own powerlessness to control your child's actions.

Denis Donovan and Deborah McIntyre demonstrate how a simple understanding of the logic of language and of childhood thinking can dramatically improve parent-child communication. Every parent will learn a great deal about how to
-- understand the complex experiential world of young children
-- put structure, rules, and boundaries into children'slives while still fostering individuality
-- encourage healthy emotional responsiveness and sensitivity while decreasing anger and aggression
-- focus a child's attention and foil behaviors such as tuning out and forgetting

By helping parents understand the very different linguistic and experiential world of children, What Did I Just Say!?! offers a foundation for parent-child communication that will last a lifetime.