THE

BATCHELOR.

NUMBER I.

Mr. John Wynn Baker, F. R. S. having practised, with "the greatest fuccefs, a method of preventing the "fatal effects attending cattle when fwelled with eat"ing clover, does, at the defire of the Dublin Society, "invite any number of gentlemen of the different "counties, to attend at his houfe at Laughlintown,

near Celbridge, early on Tuesday the 12th of this "inft. June, 1771, when he will, for the fatisfaction "and information of the public, fhew them the cer"tain good confequences arifing from the above me. thod, by turning a beat or two in perfect health into clover, in order to fwell them, and he will "then inftantaneoufly relieve them according to his "method, in the prefence of fuch gentlemen as may "be upon the fpot.-Any farmer or poor man who "has cattle, fhall be welcome to attend the opera From the feveral Dublin Papers.

tion.

To the right hon. WILLIAM BECKFORD, Efq. Lord Mayor of London.

My Lord,

M

Y character in the literary world must be my apology to your lordship for

the freedom of this addrefs.-Let me therefore recommend to your serious attention, the ingenious Mr. Baker's method of curing cows which have been furfeited by feeding on clover. As the gradation between the horned

VOL. I.

B

fpecies

fpecies and ALDERMEN is fcarce perceptible, I fancy that gentleman might be of infinite fervice at the London Tavern.

I am fo well acquainted with your patriotism and public fpirit, that I depend, with confidence, on your lordship's patronage in favour of Mr. Baker; by your animating encouragement, the arts and fciences flourish in all parts of the British empire. Let it be your boaft, my lord, to call forth merit from obfcurity. Mr. Baker is now folely employed in preferving the lives of a few IRISH cows, (that deferve to fuffer for their gluttony) when I fincerely think, without any compliment, that preferving half a dozen patriotic aldermen, is of more confequence to the community.

Your lordship is wife from experience; you have feen much of the world, and therefore must know, that the feafon for green peafe, and other flatulent vegetables, is fatal to many of your brethren, and caufes many vacancies at your council board. At this critical period, my lord, the fudden deaths of men of genius may be attended with pernicious effects: the pillars of our conftitution may be fnatched away by a dish of artichokes, and a plate of beans may occafion the fall of our stocks.

I.there

I therefore humbly intreat your lordship to call a meeting of the Livery of London, to draw up an addrefs and petition to the Dublin Society, that they may inftantly order Mr. Baker to attend you: it will fignalife the æra of your lordship's mayoralty to latest posterity, if you exert your influence to procure that gentleman an adequate penfion out of the city

revenues.

Mr. Baker's method of curing cows is by introducing the point of a knife between their ribs. Do not be alarmed, my lord, it is no more than the prick of a lancet I affure you. -Call him then from this fordid employment, and let him exert his skill for the prefervation of his own fpecies. Let it be his conftant business to attend at every turtle feast with his chirurgical knife, and when any of the guests fhew the leaft fymptoms of indigeftion, let him proceed to bufinefs. The wind confined by repletion, which often occafions apoplexies, vertigoes, and other aldermanic complaints, will inftantly evaporate, and leave the patient in perfect health.-A familiar inftance, will brighten your lordship's perception, and give you a clearer idea of this operation, than a tedious phyfical difcuffion. In the courfe of your

lordship's obfervations, you must often have

feen a vent-peg applied to a cask of porter to prevent its bursting; the case is exactly similar, and, indeed, I heard a great natural philofopher (L-d M-a, F. R. S.) fay that Mr. Baker took the hint from this trival circumftance, like Sir Ifaac Newton, who founded his noble fyftem of attraction on obferving an apple fall to the ground.

It is Doctor Swift's opinion, "that whoever could make two ears of corn, or two blades "of grafs to grow upon a spot of ground

where only one grew before, would deserve "better of mankind that the whole race of

"politicians." This Mr. Baker can effect, my lord; but what infinitely is more interrefting to your lordfhip, and the whole livery, he can also enable every citizen to eat two custards inftead of one, without any danger of bursting. Surely then he deserves to be amply rewarded!

Time, my lord, has introduced a strange revolution in the manners of the citizens. In a fanatic age, grievances and apprehensions produced fafting and mortification; but your patriots fupport their fpirits by fafting, and eat in proportion to their zeal.-An additional motive, my lord, to encourage Mr. Baker. Mrs. Macaulay could ako inform your lordship,

that

that the man who had faved the life of a Roman citizen, was rewarded with a Civic crown. Revive this cuftom, my lord, in honour of Mr. Baker, for I dare fay, he will. preferve the lives of many, illuftrious citizens . this feason.

However your lordship. may be prejudiced. against the IRISH, I affure you there are many ingenious men in this country, who gain a comfortable livelihood by cutting open the fkins of sheep, and stealing their tallow. The. operation is not very dangerous, for thofe gentle. animals feed immediately after, with an excel-lent appetite, and your lordship knows, that is the fureft teft of a patient's recovery. Now, by reasoning from analogy, we may fafely conclude, that the fame experiment will equally. fucceed on fheep, aldermen, and all lethargic citizens: I therefore think you fhould engage fome of those Heaven-taught surgeons to accompany Mr. Baker. By this means, a large supply of tallow may be eafily obtained, and the price of candles speedily reduced; and thus your lordship will enjoy the heart-felt fatisfaction of redreffing one of the national grievances, without hazarding a revolution. It is my boast, my lord, and I glory in the invention, that I am the firft projector, who ever pointed out a