coat with gold buttons, and very voluminous sleeves, his head adorned by a large major wig, with curls as white and as stiff as if they had been cast in plaster of Paris; but the females, and heir of the family, were dressed in the very height of the mode. Bearskin introduced the old gentleman to his cousin, Mr. Umphraville: Mr. Blubber, sir, a very particular friend of mine, and' (turning to me with a whisper) 'worth fourscore thousand pounds, if he's worth a farthing.' Blubber said he feared they had kept us waiting; but that his wife and daughters had got under the hands of the hair-dresser, and he verily thought would never have done with him. The ladies were too busy to reply to this accusation; they had got into a committee of inquiry on Mr. Edward Blubber's waistcoat, which had been tamboured, it seems, by his sisters, and was universally declared to be monstrous handsome. The young man himself seemed to be highly delighted with the reflection of it in a mirror that stood opposite to him. Isn't it vastly pretty, sir?' said one of the young ladies to Umphraville. Ma'am' said he, starting from a reverie, in which I saw, by his countenance, he was meditating on the young gentleman and his waistcoat in no very favourable manner. -I read her countenance too; she thought Umphraville just the fool he did her brother.

Dinner was now announced, and the company, after some ceremonial, got into their places at table, in the centre of which stood a sumptuous épargne, filled, as Bearskin informed us, with the produce of his farm. This joke, which, I suppose, was as regular as the grace before dinner, was explained to the ignorant to mean, that the sweetmeats came from a plantation in one of the West-India islands, in which he had a concern. The épargne itself now produced another dissertation from the ladies, and,

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like the waistcoat, was also pronounced monstrous handsome. Blubber, taking his eye half off a plate of salmon, to which he had just been helped, observed, that it would come to a handsome price too ;-Sixty ounces, I'll warrant it,' said he; but as the plate tax is now repealed, it will cost but the interest a-keeping.'' La, papa,' said Miss Blubber, you are always thinking of the money things cost!''Yes,' added her brother, Tables of interest are an excellent accompaniment for a dessert?- -At this speech all the ladies laughed very loud. Blubber said he was an impudent dog; but seemed to relish his son's wit notwithstanding. Umphraville looked sternly at him; and, had not a glance at his waistcoat set him down as something beneath a man's anger, I do not know what consequences might have followed. During the rest of the entertainment, I could see the fumet of fool and coxcomb on every morsel that Umphraville swallowed, though Mrs. Bearskin, next to whom he sat, was at great pains to help him to the nice bits of every thing within her reach.

When dinner was over, Mr. Blubber mentioned his design of making a tour through the Highlands, to visit Stirling, Taymouth, and Dunkeld; and applying to our landlord for some description of these places, was by him referred to Mr. Umphraville and me. Mr. Umphraville was not in a communicative mood; so I was obliged to assure Mr. Blubber, who talked with much uncertainty and apprehension of these matters, that he would find beds and bed-clothes, meat for himself, and corn for his horses, at the several places above mentioned; that he had no dangerous seas to cross in getting at them, and that there were no highwaymen upon the road.

After this there was a considerable interval of silence, and we were in danger of getting once more upon Mr. Edward's fine waistcoat, when Mr. Bear

skin, informing the company that his cousin was a great lover of music, called on his daughter, Miss Polly, for a song, with which, after some of the usual apologies, she complied; and in compliment to Mr. Umphraville's taste, who she was sure must like Italian music, she sung, or rather squalled, a song of Sacchini's, in which there was scarcely one bar in tune from beginning to end. Miss Blubber said, in her usual phraseology, that it was a monstrous sweet air. Her brother swore it was divinely sung.

-Umphraville gulped down a falsehood with a very bad grace, and said, miss would be a good singer with a little more practice: a compliment which was not more distant from truth on one side than from miss's expectations on the other, and I could plainly perceive did not set him forward in the favour of the family.

My father is a judge of singing too,' said Mr. Edward Blubber; what is your opinion of the song, sir?' My opinion is,' said he, that your Italianos always set me asleep; English ears should have En-glish songs, I think. Then, suppose one of the ladies should give us an English song,' said I. "Tis a good motion,' said Mr. Bearskin, I second it; Miss Betsy Blubber sings an excellent English song.'Miss Betsy denied stoutly that she ever sung at all; but evidence being produced against her, she at last said she would try if she could make out The Maid's Choice.' 'Ay, ay, Betsy,' said her father, a very good song; I have heard it before.

If I could but find,

I care not for fortune-Umh!-a man to my mind.'

Miss Betsy began the song accordingly, and to make up for her want of voice, accompanied it with a great deal of action. Either from the accident of his being placed opposite to her, or from a sly application to

his state as an old bachelor, she chose to personify the maid's choice in the figure of Umphraville, and pointed the description of the song particularly at him. Umphraville, with all his dignity, his abilities, and his knowledge, felt himself uneasy and ridiculous under the silly allusion of a ballad; he blushed, attempted to laugh, blushed again, and still looked with that awkward importance which only the more attracted the ridicule of the fools around him. Not long after the ladies retired; and no persuasion of his cousin could induce him to stay the evening, or even to enter the drawing-room where they were assembled at tea.

"Thank Heaven!' said Umphraville, when the door was shut, and we had got fairly into the street; Amen!" I replied, smiling, for our good dinner and excellent wine!'- How the devil, Charles,' said he, do you contrive to bear all this nonsense with the composure you do?'- Why, I have often told you, my friend, that our earth is not a planet fitted up only for the reception of wise men.-Your Blubbers and Bearskins are necessary parts of the system; they deserve the enjoyments they are capable of feeling -and I am not sure if he who suffers from his own superiority does not deserve his sufferings.'

No. 35. TUESDAY, MAY 25, 1779.

SIR,

TO THE AUTHOR OF THE MIRROR.

TILL I arrived at the age of twenty, my time was divided between my books, and the society of a few friends, whom a similarity of pursuits and dispositions recommended to me. About that period, finding that the habits of reserve and retirement had acquired a power over me which my situation, as heir to a considerable fortune, would render inconvenient, I was prevailed upon, partly by a sense of this, partly by the importunity of my relations, to make an effort for acquiring a more general acquaintance, and fashionable deportment. As I was conscious of an inclination to oblige, and a quick sense of propriety, two qualities which I esteemed the ground of good-breeding; as my wit was tolerably ready, and my figure not disadvantageous, I own to you that I entertained some hopes of success.

I was, however, unsuccessful. The novelty of the scenes in which I found myself engaged, the multiplicity of observances and attention requisite upon points which I had always regarded as below my notice, embarrassed and confounded me. The feelings to which I had trusted for my direction served only to make me awkward and fearful of offending. My obsequious services in the drawingroom passed unrewarded; and my observations, when I ventured to mingle, either in the chat of the women, or the politics of the men, being de