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She brought him wherewithal to be call'd chaste; In Greek they flatter, all their fears they speak, His tongue is ty'd in golden fetters fast:
Tell all their secrets ; nay, they scold in Greek : He sighs, adores, and courts her every hour; Ev'n in the feat of love, they ase that tongue. Who would not do as much for such a dower? Such affectations may become the young; She writes love-letters to the youth in grace ; But thou, old hag, of threescore years and three, Nay, tips the wink before the cuckold's face; Is showing of thy parts in Greek for thee? And might do more; her portion makes it good; Zwræà Yuxt! All those tender words Wealth has the privilege of widowhood.
The momentary trembling bliss affords, These truths with his example you disprove, The kind soft inurmurs of the private sheets Who with his wife is monstrously in love :
Are bawdy, while thou speak'st in public streets. But know hiin better; for I heard him swear, Those words have fingers; and their force is such, 'Tis not that she's his wife, but that she's fair. They raise the dead, and mount him with a touchs Let her but have three wrinkles in her face, But all provocatives from thee are vain : Let her eyes lessen, and her skin unbrace, No blandishment the slacken'd nerve can strain. Soon you will hear the saucy steward say,
If then thy lawful spouse thou canst not love, “ Pack up with all your trinkets, and away;
What reason should thy mind, to marriage move? You grow offensive both at bed and board : Why all the charges of thy nuptial feast, Your betters must be had to please my lord.” Wine and desserts, and sweet-meats to digest?
Meantime she's absolute upon the throne: Th’endowing gold that buys the dear delight, And, knowing time is precious, loses none : Giv'n for their first and only happy night? She must have flocks of sheep, with wool more fine if thou art thus uxoriously inclin'd, Than silk, and vineyards of the noblest wine: To bear thy bondage with a willing mind, Whole droves of pages for her train she craves : Prepare thy neck, and put it in the yoke: And sweeps the prisons for attending slaves. But for no mercy from thy woman look. In short, whatever in her eyes can come,
For though, perbaps, she loves with equal fires, Or others have abroad, she wants at home. To absolute dominion she aspires; When winter shuts the seas, and fleecy snows Joys in the spoils, and triumphs o'er thy purse; Make houses white, she to the merchant goes ;
The better husband makes the wife the worse. Rich crystals of the rocks she takes up there, Nothing is thine to give, or sell, or buy, Huge agate vases, and old china-ware.
All offices of ancient friendship die ;
Nor hast thou leave to make a legacy.
“Gu drag that slave to death :" your reason, why Suppose all these, and take a poet's word,
Should the poor innocent be doom'd to die? A black swan is not half so rare a bird.
What proofs ? For, when man's life is in debate, A wife, so hung with virtues, such a freight, The judge can ne'er too long deliberate. What mortal shoulders could support the weight! • Callist thou that slave a man,” the wife reSome country-girl, scarce to a curtsey bred,
plies: Would I much rather than Cornelia wed :
“ Prov'd, or unprov'd, the crime, the villain dies, If, supercilious, haughty, proud, and vain, I have the sovereign power to save or kill; She bronight her father's triumphs in her train. And give no other reason but my will.” [change, Away with all your Carthaginian state,
Thus the she-tyrant reigns, till, pleas'd with let vanquish'd Hannibal without doors wait, Her wild affections to new empires range : Too burly and too big to pass my narrow gate. Another subject husband she desires,
“ O Pæan,” cries Amphion, “ bend thy bow Divorc'd from himn, she to the first retires, Against my wife, and let my children go :" While the last wedding-feast is scarcely o'er, But sullen Pæan shoots at sons and mothers too. And garlands hang yet green upon the door, His Niobe and all his boys he lost;
So still the reckoning rises ; and appears, Ev'n her, who did her numerous offspring boast, In total sum, eight husbands in fire years. As fair and fruitful as the sow that carry'd
The title for a tomb-stone might be fit; 'The thirty pigs, at one large litter farrow'd. But that it would too commonly be writ. What beauty or what chastity can bear
Her mother living, hope no quiet day; So great a price? If stately and severe,
She sharpens her, instructs her how to flea She still insults, and you must still adore; Her husband bare, and then divides the prey, Grant that the honey's much, the gall is more. She takes love-letters, with a crafty smile, Upbraided with the virtues she displays,
And, in her daughter's answer, mends the style. Seven hours in twelve, you loath the wife you In vain the husband sets bis watchful spies; praise :
She cheats their cunning, or she bribes their eyes Some faults, though small, intolerable grow; The doctor's calld; the daughter, taught the trick, For what so nauseous and affected too,
Pretends to faint; and in full health is sick. As those that think they due perfection want, The panting stallion, at the closet-door, Who have not learnt to lisp the Grecian cant? Years the consult, and wishes it were o'er. In Greece their whole accomplishments they seek : Canst thou, in reason, hope, a bawd so known, Their fashion, breeding, language, must be Greek: Should teach her other manners than her own 2' But, raw in all that does to Rome belong,
Her interest is in all th' advice she gives : They scorn to cultivate their mother-tongue. 'Tis on the daughter's rents the mother lives.
No cause is try'd at the litigions bar,
Pridle, laziness, and all luxurious arts,
Pour like a deluge in from foreign parts :
Strange fashions with strange bullion to convey,
What care our drunken dames to whom they
Full brimmers to their fuddled noses thrust;
Brimmers, the last provocatives of lust.
And double tapers on the tables dance.
What Tullia talks to her confiding slave,
At Modesty's old statue; when by night
They make a stand, and from their litters light;
The good man early to the levee goes,
And treads the nasty puddle of his spouse.
The secrets of the goddess nam'd the good,
With music rais'd, they spread abroad their hair;
And toss their beads like an enamour'd mare :
"T'is downright lust, and acted to the life.
I wish, at least, our sacred rites were free
Into the fair, with women mixt, he went,
Arm’d with a huge two-handed instrument;
A grateful present to those holy choirs,
Yet no profaneness on that age prevail'd;
No scoffers at religious rites are found ;
But, who shall keep those keepers? Women, purst
The poor Ogulnia, on the poet's day,
She, wbo betore had niortgag'd her estate,
Some men, instructed by the labouring ant,
Provide against th' extremities of want;
And think no pleasure can be bought too dear.
If songs they love, the singer's voice they force Hammers, and beating anvils, you would swear, Beyond his compass, till his quail-pipe's hoarse ; And Vulcan with his whole militia there. His lute and lyre with their embrace is worn; Tabors and trumpets cease ; for she alone With knots they trim it, and with gems adorn : Is able to redeem the labouring Moon. Run over all the strings, and kiss the case ;
Ev'n wit's a burthen, when it talks too long : And make love to it, in the master's place.
But she, who has no continence of tongue, A certain lariy once, of high degree,
Should walk in breeches, and should wear a beard; To Janus vow'd, and Vesta's deity,
And mix among the philosopbic herd.
Is pester'd with a mood and figure bride!
For breaking Priscian's, breaks her husband's head. This is not all, for actors they implore: The gaudy gossip, when she's set agog, An impndence not known to Heaven before. In jewels drest, and at each ear a bob, Th’ Aruspex, tir'd with this religious rout, Goes flaunting out, and, in her trim of pride, Is forc'd to stand so long, he gets the gout Thinks all she says or does is justify'd. But suffer not thy wife abroad to roam,
she's scarce a tolerable evil; If she loves singing, let her sing at home;
But rich, and fine, a wife's a very desil. Not strut in streets, with Amazonian pace;
She duly, once a month, renews her face; For that's to cuckold thee before thy face.
Meantime, it lies in dawb, and hid in grease ; Their endless itch of news comes next in play; Those are the husband's nights ; she crares her due, They vent their own, and hear what others say. He takes fat kisses, and is stuck with glue. Know what in Thrace, or what in France, is done; But to the lov'd adulterer when she steers, Th'intrignes betwixt the stepdame and the son Fresh from the bath, in brightness she appears : Tell who loves who, what favours some partake: For him the rich A abia sweats her gum ; And who is jilted for another's sake.
And precious oils from distant Indies come; What pregnant widow in w bat month was made, How haggardly soe'er she looks at home. How oft she did, and doing, what she said. Th' eclipse then vanishes; and all her face
She, first, beholds the raging comet rise : Is open'd, and restor'd to every grace,
Are polish'd with a wash of asses' milk;
This is a grievance ; but the next is worse; 'Twas so unlike a face, it seemd a sore.
They do, and how they pass their time away; Ne prayer can bind her, no excuse appease. For, if o'er-night the busband has been slack, Th' unmanner'd malefactor is arraign'd;
Or counterfeited sleep, and turn'd his back, But first the master, who the cur maintain'd, Next day, be sure, the servants go to wrack. Must feel the scourge: by night she leaves her bed, The chamber-maid and dresser are call'd whores ; By night ber bathing equipage is led,
The page is stript, and beaten out of doors. That marching armies a less noise create;
The whole house suffers for the master's crime: She move's in tumult, and she sweats in state. And he himself is warn’d, to wake another time. Meanwhile, her guests their appetites must keep ; She bires tormentors by the year, she treats Some gape for hunger and some gasp for sleep. Her visitors, and talks; but still she beats. 'At length she comes, all Aush'd ; but ere she sup, Beats while she paints her face, surveys her gown, Swallows a swinging preparation-cup;
Casts up the day's account, and still beats on : And then, to clear her stomach, spews it up. Tir'd out, at length, with an outragcous tone, The deluge-vomit all the floor o'erflows,
She bids them in the devil's name be gone. And the sour savour nanseates every nose.
Compar'd with such a proud, insulting dame, She drinks again : again she spews a lake;
Sicilian tyrants may renounce their name. Her wretched husband sees, and dares not speak : For, if she hastes abroad to take the air, But mutters many a curse against his wife; Or goes to Isis' church (the bawdy-house of prayer) And damos himself for choosing such a life. She hurries all her handmaids to the task;
But of all the plagnes, the greatest is nintoll; Her head, alone, will twenty dressers ask. The hook-learo'd wife in Greek and Latin bold. Psecas, the chief, with breast and shoulders bare, The critic dame, who at her table sits :
Trembling, considers every sacred hair; Homer and Virgil quot s, and weighs their wits; If any straggler from bis rank be found, An: pitjes Dido's agonizing fits.
A pinch must, for the mortal sin, compound, She has so far th' ascendant of the board,
Psecas is not in fault : buit, in the glass, The prating podant puts not in one word :
The dame's offended at her own ill face. The man of law is non plust in his suit ;
The maid is banish'd ; and another girl, Nay, every other female tongue is mute.
More dextrous, manages the comb and curl ;
The rest are summond on a point so nice;
In dogs, a victim more obscene, he rakes ; Ant first, the grave old woman gives advice. And murder'd infants for inspection takes : The next is cail'd, and so the turn goes round, For gain, his impious practice he pursues ; As each for age, or wisdom, is renown'd:
For gain, will bis accomplices accuse. Such counsel, such deliberate care, they take, More credit, yet, is to Chaldeans given ; As if her life and honour lay at stake :
What they foretel, is deem'd the voice of Heaven With curls on curls, they build her head before, Their answers, as from Hammon's altar, come ; And mount it with a formidable tower.
Since now the Delphian oracles are dumb, A giantess she seems; but look behind,
And mankind, ignorant of future fate,
Believes what fond astrologers relate.
Beyond seas, is return'd from banishment,
For his esteem is in his exile placid ;
No astrologic wizard honour gains,
Who bas not oft been banish'd, or in chains. Bellona's pri sts, an eunuch at their head, He gets renown, who, to the halter near, About the streets a mal procession lead;
But narrowly escapes, and buys it dear. The vep rable g Iding, large and high,
From him your wife inqnires the planets' will, O'erlooks the herd of his inferior fry.
When the black jaundice shall her mother kill: His awkward clergymen about him prance;
Her sister's and her uncle's end, would know : And beat the timbrels to their mystic dance : But, first, consults his art, when you shall go. Meanwhile, his cheeks the mitred prophet swells, And, what's the greatest gift that Heaven can give, And dire presages of the year foretels.
If, after her, th' adulterer shall live. Uoless with eggs (his priestly hire) they haste She neither knows, nor cares to know, the rest; To expiate, and avert th' autumnal blast.
If Mars and Saturn shall the world infest; And add beside a murrey-colourd vest,
Or Jove and Venus, with their friendly rays, Which, in their places, may receive the pest: Will interpose, and bring us better days. And, thrown into the flood, their crimes may bear, Beware the woman too, and shun her sight, To purge th’unlucky onens of the year.
Who in these studies does herself delight, Th' astonish'd matrons pay, before the rest; By whom a greasy almanac is borne, That sex is still obnoxious to the priest.
With often handling, like chafd amber worn : Thro' you they beat, and plunge into the stream, Not now consulting, but consulted, she If so the god has warn'd them in a dream.. Of the twelve houses, and their lords, is frees Weak in their limbs, but in devotion strong, She, if the scheme a fatal journcy show, On their bare hands and feet they crawl along Stays safe at home, but lets her husband go A whole field's length, the laughter of the throng. If but a mile she travel out of town, Should to (lo's priest I mean) command
The planetary hour must first be known,
And lucky moment; if her eye but akes
No nourishment receives in her disease,
Who clap the pretty palm, to make the lines more The bald-pate tribe runs madding thro' the street,
fair. And smile to see with how much ease they cheat. But rich the matron, who has more to give, The ghostly sire forgives the wife's delights, Her answers from the Brachman will receive: Who sins, through frailty. on forbidden nights, Skill'd in the globe and sphere, he gravely stands, And tempts her husban i in tho holy time,
And, with his compass, measures seas and lands When carnal pleasure is a mortal crime.
"The poorest of the sex have still an itch The sweating image shakes his head, but he, To know their fortunes, equal to the rich. With mumbled prayers, atones the deity.
The dairy-maid inquires, if she shall take The pious priesthood the fat goose receive,
The trusty taylor, and the cook forsake. And they once brib'd, the godhead must forgive. Yet these, tho'poor, the pain of childbirth bear jo
No sooner these remove, but, full of fear, And, without nurses, their own infants rear: A gypsy Jewess whispers in your ear,
You seldom hear of the rich mantle, spread And begs an alms: an high priest's daughter she, for the babe, born in the great lady's bed. Vers'd in their Talmud, and divinity,
Such is the power of herbs; such arts they use And proph: sies beneath a shady tree.
To make them barren. or their fruit to lose. Her gooss a basket. od old hay her bed,
But thoni, whatever slops she will have bought, She strolls, and telling fortunes gains her bread : Be thankful, and supply the deadly draught: Parthings, and some small inonies, are her fees; Help her to make man-slaughter; let her breed, Yet she interprets all your dreams for these. And never want for savin at her nceri. Foretels th'estate, when the rich incle dies, For, if she holds till her nine months be run, And sees a sweet-heart in the sacrifice.
Thon may'st be father to an Ethiop's son. Such toys, a pigon's entrails can disclose; A boy, who, rea:iv votten to thy hauds, Which yet th' Armeniau augur far outgoes: By law is to inherit all thy lands:
One of that hue, that, should he cross the way, They read thi example of a pious wife,
Redeeming, with her own, her husband's life;-
Where'er you walk, the Belides you meet; A nameless issue, the blind work of chance. And Clytemnestras grow in every street: Indulgent Fortune does her care employ,
But here's the difference: Agamemnon's wife
Rather than fail, tbe dagger does the deede
THE TENTH SATIRE OP
The poet's design, in this divine satire, is to repreWho, plucking from the forehead of the fole
sent the various wishes and desires of mankind; His mother's love, infas'd it in the bowl:
and to set out the folly of them. He runs through The boiling blood ran hissing in his veins,
all the several heads of riches, honours, eloTill the mad vapour mounted to his brains.
quence, fame for martial atohievements, long The thunderer was not half so much on fire,
life, and beauty; and gives instances, in each, When Juno's girdle kindled his desire.
how frequently they have proved the ruin of What woman will not use the poisoning trade, those that owned them. He concludes, thereWhen Cæsar's wife the precedent has made ? fore, that since we generally choose so ill for Let Agrippina's mushroom be forgot,
ourselves, we should do better to leave it to the Giv'n to a slavering, old, unuseful sot ;
gods, to make the choice for us. All we can That only clos'd the driveling dotard's eyes,
safely ask of Heaven, lies within a very small And sent his godhead downward to the skies.
compass. It is but healtb of body and mind. But this fierce potion calls for fire and sword ; And if we have these, it is not much matter Nor spares the cominon, when it strikes the lord.
what we want besides ; for we have already So many mischiefs were in one combin'd;
enough to make us happy. So much one single poisoner cost mankind.
If stepdames seek their sons-in-law to kill, 'Tis venial trespass ; let them have their will : But let the child, entrasted to the care
Look round the habitable world, how few Of his own mother, of her bread beware : Know their own good; or, knowing it, pursve. Beware the food she reaches with her hand ; How void of reason are our hopes and fears ! The morsel intended for thy land.
What in the conduct of our life appears The tutor be thy taster, ere thou eat;
So well design'd, so luckily begun, There's poison in thy drink, and in thy meat. But, when we have our wish, we wish undone? You think this feign'd; the Satire in a rage
Whole houses, of their whole desires possest, Struts in the buskips of the tragic stage,
Are often ruin'd, at their own request. Forgets his business is to laugh and bite :
In wars, and peace, things hurtful we require, And will of deaths and dire revenges write.
When made obnoxious to our own desire. Would it were all a fable, that you read ;
With laurels some have fatally been crown'd; But Drymon's wife pleads guilty to the deed. Some, who the depths of eloquence have found, “1," she confesses, " in the fact was caught, In that unnavigable stream were drown'd. Two sons dispatching at one deadly draught.” The brawny fool, who did his vigour boast; " What two! two sons, thou viper, in one day!” In that presuming confidence was lost: “ Yes, seven," she cries,
“ if seven were in my But more have been by avarice opprest, Medea's legend is no more a lye; [way!" | And heaps of money crowded in the chest : One age adds credit to antiquity.
Unwieldy sums of wealth, which higher mount Great ills, we grant, in former tiines did reign, Than files of marshall'd figures can account. And murders then were done ; but not fur gain. To which the stores of Croesus, in the scale, Less admiration to great crishes is due,
Would look like little dolphins, when they sail Which they thro' wrath, or thro' revenge, pursue. In the vast shadow of the British whale. For, weak of reason, impotent of will,
For this, in Nero's arbitrary time, The sex is hurry'd headlong into ill :
When virtue was a guilt, and wealth a crime, And, like a cliff from its foundation torn,
A troop of cut-throat guards were sent to seize By raging earthquakes, into seas is borne. The rich mens' goods, and gut their palaces : But those are fiends, who crimes from thought The mob, commission'd by the government, Aud, cool in mischief, meditate the sin. (begin : 1 Are seldom to an empty garret sent.