"This ruby ring of crimson grain If thou wilt bear me through the main "Except thou quit thy former love, "Then bear me swift along the main An oozy film her limbs o'erspread, He grasps the Mermaid's scaly sides Proud swells her heart! she deems at Jast In softer, sweeter strains she sung, O sad the Mermaid's gay notes full, And ever as the year returns, The charm-bound sailors know the day: THE THE EIGHTH LECTURE ON CONDUCTING A SUIT AT LAW. (From the Second Edition of the PLEADER'S GUIDE, attributed to Mr. ANSTEY, Jun.) Examination of Witnesses for the Plaintiff. Mr. Simon Trout, Dissenting Preacher, Schoolmaster, examined by Mr. Bother'um—cross-examined by Mr. Bore'um. Evidence of Dr. Tench, Surgeon and Apothecary. Att. Bother'um whispers his Attorney. RAY, are our witnessess all here, PRAY Our scaly friends, from Toadland Meer? Bother. Call Simon Trout-we'll first begin With Mr. Trout; come, swear him in. Crier. Here, Simon, you shall (Silence there) Bother. The truth, and all the truth declare, And nothing but the truth be willing To speak, so help you G-d,—(a shilling)-(aside.) Pray, sir, did you attend Th' election feast at Toadland's End? Trout. Yes, sir, I tarried there the whole day. To feast with publicans and sinners, I own, sir, I for once transgress'd it, But touching the affair in hand, I've but a feeble recollection Bore. (Your inward light must fail you greatly, (aside.) If you've forgot what pass'd so lately.-) Trout. There was a squabble and some oaths, And liquor spilt on plaintiff's clothes; 'Squire Bore. Don't tell us, sir, what Tench told you. Would almost make a parson swear- Trout. Bore. No, sir, no, I did behold, in wrath, 'squire Gull, Do stop, my friend, Cannot I make you comprehend? Bother. Come, sir, we won't detain you.-Gull, Trout. He did. Bore. (Cross examined by Mr. Bore'um.) Stay, Mr. What-d'ye-call him, You say, you saw Gull bruise and maul him. Trout. Yes. Bore. And you never go to dinners To feast with publicans and sinners ? Stay, sir, I think that you're a teacher, Trout. Why, verily, much strife arose, I was not there at first to see it : A song was humm'd which caus'd dissension, Which, though it lack'd both wit and keenness, VOL. XLIV. 3 I Ande And, sung with loud vociferation, Did cause him to blasphenie and swear, Bother. Swear Dr. Tench. Crier. Bother. Doctor, look, Take off your glove, and kiss the book. Good doctor Tench, Tench. Sir, I know nothing of the fray; Betwixt the nares no partition! But both so forc'd into conjunction Th' olfactories declin'd their function ; Some teeth were broke and some were lost, Much mischief done to the molares, And, what a very strange affair is, Not the least symptom could I see In all my pugilistic cases, At feasts, elections, fairs, and races, Nor ever saw an instance yet, In all that branch of my profession, Where blows have made so much impression: One large contusion on the belly, Bother. You took some blood, sir, from him? Tench. Phlebotomiz'd him ounces twenty, Plenty, Order'd, in lieu, one ounce, good weight, Subinde gave, when faint or sick, sir, Then clapp'd my patent plaster on, My genuine icthupharmacon. Bother. Sir, of your practice we've no doubt,— |