ページの画像
PDF
ePub

thy God will there say to thee once for all, that he is well pleased with thee for his Son's sake. Thou wilt have no need to fear backsliding as thou often didst here; no, he that hath brought thee through many changes, will keep thee there above and without a change; he that is himself immutable will make thee so too. Thy case will be far better than Adam's in paradise, whose white robe of innocence was soon changed to a dismal garb of depravity. God gave him a power to stand only if he would, but he will give thee both the will and the power of keeping thy firm station. He that gives thee change of raiment will never change thy raiment; he that clotheth thee with linen clean and white, which is the righteousness of saints, will never divest thee of thy garments, which have been washed and made white in the blood of the Lamb. O my soul, when thou hast been washed in the water of sanctification, that issued from the blessed side of Christ when hanging on the cross, how often, alas! hast thou returned to thy swinish wallowing in the mire, and then again the Lord hath pitied and purified thee. How often hast thou resolved against corruptions, and then broken thy bonds, and made new work for thy soul again to renew its repentance! Thus thou dost spend thy days as in a circle, sometimes in offending thy God, and then getting reconciled, sinning again and then being reconciled again; it may be so here, but shall not be so hereafter. If thou dost but once enter eternity, thou mayest there bathe thy soul in sweet delights that shall never end, and account it the perfection of thy happiness, that there will be no end of thy perfection, happiness, and glory. Thou shalt meet no more with stagnant pools of waters that might contaminate thy soul, but drink abundantly of those rivers of pleasures that are at God's right hand, and flow for evermore. These things will thy God do for thee and not forsake thee.

XV.

Methinks, I hear the sad complaint of ancient prophets revived and pathetically uttered, by the servants of God in the ministry at this day: "Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed ?" This, alas! is the current language of the most sensible and conscientious ministers, though I could desire it were my case alone. I should be freely content, yea, very glad if the work were done by any, though I had no share in the praise thereof; so far am I from envying such as are successful in the good work. But alas! this is the common lot of many beside myself. Ah, sad is the case and much to be lamented! for by it God loseth his glory, 2 D

VOL. I.

people lose their souls, and ministers their pains. God I know can get much glory to his justice by the destruction of souls; but this is not so much for preachers' consolation, nor the advancement of free grace. And must poor ministers expend their property and weary out their bodies, must they pray and preach, read and study, night and day, with many apprehensions and tears, and the result of all be nothing else but the damnation of souls? Shall we exert ourselves to the utmost in accommodating truths to our people's ears, seek to find out acceptable words, waste our lungs, injure our health, and exhaust our spirits in spreading before our people the richly furnished table of the gospel, together with a view of their forlorn state, and with seriousness in the name of Christ invite and urge them to partake freely or else they will perish; and yet for all this people be no better? This damps our courage, and sinks our spirits, to see our hopes disappointed, our ends thwarted, and our designs frustrated, so that we are almost ashamed to own our work. I have sometimes scrupled whether I could with a clear conscience receive any wages from my people, seeing I benefit them so little. It is a heavy case; if we look about us on one side, there is a set of boon companions who spend their days in mirth, and out of compliment once a month, it may be, attend on the public ordinance; these are far out of the reach of the word, except we could speak so loudly that they could hear us at their alehouse bench. Others come ordinarily, but they either sleep their time away or stare it out, and with the adder stop their ears and will not hear the charmer's melodious tune that might rouse them out of their security. Others either audaciously outface the clearest truths of God, or loathe the heavenly manna. Some smother any convictions of heart by profane practices. Others with whom we have taken much pains, of whom we have conceived good hopes, from whom we expected much fruit to God's glory; these alas! that were so forward in religion, turn out of the way and embrace novel things, dote upon vanities, and follow after lies; and if any wind of doctrine come they are quickly carried over deck into a sea of error. It is a sad thing to see our people seduced before our eyes, and we know not how to help it. It is a painful spectacle to witness our dearest, natural, civil, and as we hoped, our christian friends that professed much love to us, as the Galatians to Paul, now railing upon us with the most opprobrious and reviling nicknames, and saying, they are now set at liberty from those insulting priests and Babylonish enchanters. All this aggravates our grief. Should not all the ministers in the nation expostulate with God, and earnestly desire him to

show the cause of his contending with them? It is the bitterest cup a poor minister can taste, except it be hell itself, when he must study, preach, pray, and be very conscientious in the discharge of ministerial duties, and all to sink men deeper in misery, to make them more inexcusable, and their condemnation more intolerable. Our doctrine is generally a savour of life, but may prove a savour of death through men's corruptions. God departs by degrees. The effectual power of God may be removed from his ordinances, first, in refusing a converting power to them; then he may remove some candlesticks and leave us in twilight, and at last quite vanish out of sight: or else he may extinguish all the lights and so leave the poor nation involved in darkness. This is sad; but if we discharge our duties as ministers, be diligent in watching over our people's souls, our labour will return to our own bosom to our eternal advantage; though we may be disappointed, and Israel be not gathered, yet if we be found in Christ, we shall be glorified, and that will be compensation for our sorrows.

XVI.

Return again, my soul, into thine own bosom, and search the secret conclaves of thy heart. How happy wast thou in the sweet enjoyment of thy God! How joyful wast thou when the whispers of God's comforting Spirit told thee of thy interest in Christ, the pardon of thy sins, and saving of thy soul! But how sad shouldst thou now be when all these things are hid from thine eyes! Thy fellowship with the Father and the Son, through the Spirit, did rejoice thy heart; but now, alas! my soul is like a moaning turtle-dove deprived of her mate. Once I can remember, upon good and solid grounds I could call Christ my dear and much loved friend, my elder brother, and he did take it well at my unworthy hands; but now, methinks, I dare not speak unto him, because I have spoken so much against him. He may justly speak against me in his fury, and vex me in his sore displeasure. I dare not now call him my God, lest I should miscall him, and he be angry with me for using such a title. I dare not call him to me for my help, lest instead of a friend he show himself an enemy, and tear my soul in pieces like a lion. He hath already withdrawn himself, he hides his face and writes bitter things against me, and makes me to possess the sins of my life and heart. Methinks I could well take up those sad and bitter complaints of those holy men of God in scripture, Job and David; but alas! how short am I of them in sorrow for the Lord's displeasure. Methinks I could mourn my Lord's departure in the words,

but cannot with the heart of Christ, when in the sorest agony that ever the sun perceived, he said, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" But there is this great difference, he spoke with a confident persuasion of his relation to God the Father (being his eternal Son in whom he was even then well pleased,) but I dare not affirm my interest in the Lord. To the latter part of the sentence I have reason to subscribe, but the former I cannot fully appropriate; I have lost my evidence, yet may the Lord help me to keep near to him by a close adherence. I will not quite despond in mind, renounce my hopes, and give up my all as lost; for suppose the work never was right, and grace was never wrought, yet there is hope if I do now begin the work anew. I dare not call in question God's truth and faithfulness, nor must I deny what God hath done for my poor soul; I will not say, "Is his mercy clean gone for ever, and will he be favourable no more?" I hope I shall acknowledge the Lord's infinite mercy though he condemn me, and affirm against all atheistical thoughts and diabolical insinuations, that God is true to his part of the covenant, but I have been most false and perfidious in mine; I alone am the cause of this my sorrow. Should God not only hide his face for awhile, but make all my days in the flesh dark and dismal, and at last exclude me from his presence for ever, I could find no fault with him, I must necessarily justify the Lord; for he is "holy in all his ways, and righteous in all his works" of justice as well as mercy. But, O my soul, be of good cheer, raise thy hopes and consider whom thou hast to deal with an infinite God, and not a mortal man, and therefore one who hath the best design in bestowing his spiritual mercies. Suppose the Lord frown now, he may smile hereafter; though he be angry he may be pacified, his wrath endureth for a moment, but his loving-kindness is everlasting. This is but a storm raised by the vapours of thy sins, it will quickly be blown over, and God will return. He withdraws but for thy good, to make thee prize the means of grace more. Perhaps he doth it to convince thee of thy sloth and sensuality, to animate thee to future diligence, to deter thee from future backsliding, or to try thy truth and sincerity. Wait awhile and thou wilt see he will shine upon thy poor, forlorn, and sad condition, and restore comforts to thee notwithstanding all this mourning. In the mean time, my soul, be silent, shut thy mouth, accuse not God, repine not at his dispensations, submit to his will, and drink the bitter cup which God hath prepared for thee; perhaps he may mingle some honey with the gall. But if the Lord should draw thee all the way through fire, darkness, and death, yet if he lead thee to

peace, light, and life at last, he will be a perfect Saviour and thou an infinite gainer; heaven will make amends for all. The sharper thy way the sweeter will be thy home, and the length of the road in the wilderness will give a better relish to Canaan's milk and honey.

XVII.

;

Stir up thyself, O my forsaken soul, and run to God. Shame upon this indolent humour! It will slay my soul and strengthen my corruptions, it will revive my sins and crucify my graces. Go to God, my soul, the guilt of many consciencewasting sins are upon thee, both of omission and commission and is it not dangerous to sleep in such a state? Can it be safe to be in rebellion against the King of heaven, who can crush thee to nothing in a moment by a word or a touch? Is there not unspeakable hazard in resting without a reconciled God? How knowest thou but he may send thee out of the world before the day dawn; and is it not a matter of some moment to go into eternity especially in this thy great uncertainty? Dost thou not fear this great and mighty Jehovah, who, after he hath killed the body, can cast both body and soul to hell? If a strong man armed should stand at thy bedside vowing thy death, couldst thou sleep quietly? Yet he could not do thee a thousandth part of the evil the Lord can do: there is no greater happiness than to have God thy friend, and no greater misery than to have him thy enemy. Give him then no rest day or night until he hear, and hearing, help, and helping, bring a suitable remedy to thy restless state. Tell him, O my soul, what he himself hath said, what Christ hath suffered, and urge him with all the golden, gracious, precious promises in his sacred book. Tell God, thou hast deserved the flames of his justice for ever; but ask him if he delighteth not to show mercy ? Tell him thou art not worthy to be called a son; but ask him if he will not admit thee once again into his family, to be amongst his lowest servants? Tell God all the odious circumstances of thy sins, that thou mayest be vile in thy own eyes; but ask him if he delights not in pardoning iniquity, transgression, and sin? Expostulate the case thus with God, and spread thy cause before him. Let God perceive by thy groans that though thou art a sinner, yet thou art a repenting sinner; though a prodigal, yet a returning prodigal. As thy offences have been against light and strong convictions; so let thy repentance be full of light and strong resolutions. As thou hast used means to draw thyself to sin, so now use arguments to drive thyself to God. As thou hast met temptations, and courteously shaken hands with Satan's suggestions;

« 前へ次へ »